{"id":260955,"date":"2022-02-09T18:01:01","date_gmt":"2022-02-09T23:01:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.oviahealth.com\/?post_type=article&p=260955"},"modified":"2022-05-20T10:48:01","modified_gmt":"2022-05-20T14:48:01","slug":"dear-ovia-im-just-not-in-the-mood","status":"publish","type":"article","link":"https:\/\/www.oviahealth.com\/guide\/260955\/dear-ovia-im-just-not-in-the-mood\/","title":{"rendered":"Dear Ovia, I\u2019m just not in the mood"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Dear Ovia is an ongoing series where we answer your love and relationship questions. To submit a question, send us a message on\u00a0Instagram<\/a>.\u00a0We answer all questions anonymously.<\/em><\/em><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dear Ovia, I just got cleared for sex at my 6 week check up, but I\u2019m just SO not in the mood\u2026not sure what to tell my husband.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations on the birth of your baby! Fourth trimester<\/a> is a whirlwind, and I\u2019m so sorry the expectation of the big 6 week appointment has you in this position. There is really a shift happening to offer more healthcare support before and after this timeframe. Most people have questions about their recovery before 6 weeks, and ongoing needs for support afterwards.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s be clear. It is 100% normal to feel like you are not recovered from birth at this point. It is 100% normal not to want to have sex. Your body is still undergoing hormonal and physical changes from birthing a human. If you are breastfeeding<\/a>, this is even more pronounced. The majority of people experience low-sex drive and other symptoms (like vaginal dryness) because of milk-making hormones. Clearing people for sex at 6 weeks is \u2014 at best \u2014 a physical safety check. It\u2019s outdated and almost never takes into account real healing and mental health (I hope your provider wouldn\u2019t have \u201ccleared\u201d you if they\u2019d known you felt this way). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I can\u2019t make assumptions about your husband\u2019s knowledge about the postpartum period experience, but I am going to assume he\u2019s a loving partner (if not or if you\u2019re intimidated, tell him your doctor said it\u2019s a NO GO at this point for safety reasons).<\/strong> In a low-key setting with your baby around, I\u2019d tell him in simple terms that you are healing well, but aren\u2019t ready physically or hormonally for sex yet. Straight and to the point. You love him and are happy, but don\u2019t feel like your body is capable of that yet in an enjoyable way. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If he responds to health information well, share the details about what happens to most people! Reassure him that many people aren\u2019t having sex at 6 weeks, and even at 6 months. He might feel some feelings, and hopefully he will spare you any guilt. When you are ready to try, it\u2019s helpful to explain that postpartum sex is different, and that you may need to pause or even stop mid-deed if things don\u2019t feel okay to you. Be ready to talk about new positions, lube or intimacy that doesn\u2019t involve penetrative sex. When you\u2019re ready, this new stage can be an opportunity to explore new ways to be intimate together. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Read more from this series<\/h3>\n\n\n\n