{"id":111447,"date":"2020-06-04T06:21:43","date_gmt":"2020-06-04T10:21:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp.oviahealth.com\/guide\/111447\/how-to-talk-to-your-child-about-race-and-racism\/"},"modified":"2022-06-17T15:12:01","modified_gmt":"2022-06-17T19:12:01","slug":"how-to-talk-to-your-child-about-race-and-racism","status":"publish","type":"article","link":"https:\/\/www.oviahealth.com\/guide\/111447\/how-to-talk-to-your-child-about-race-and-racism\/","title":{"rendered":"How to talk to your child about race and racism"},"content":{"rendered":"

Many families are wondering how to speak with their children about racism. But you can\u2019t start to talk about racism without also talking about race. And if you haven\u2019t explicitly talked to your child about race or racism before, it may be because you feel that you haven\u2019t <\/span>had<\/span><\/em> to. Black families and families of color don’t get to avoid these conversations \u2014 Black children and children of color learn about racism early as parents prepare their children to live in a world that discriminates against them. <\/span><\/p>\n

Talking about race and racism \u2014 and learning how to be actively anti-racist \u2014 is important for all families to do. It\u2019s also a process, so you need to start wherever you are. If actively being anti-racist is new to you, you may make mistakes as you go, but it\u2019s okay to acknowledge that you, like your child, are still learning. Admit that you\u2019re wrong, and commit to continuing to learn how to do better. This isn\u2019t easy, but the stakes are too high to not do the work.<\/span><\/p>\n

This is a resource for families looking for guidance on how to engage in what should be an ongoing conversation about race and racism that will evolve as your child grows. But this is just a start. At the end, we also provide further resources that can help you continue on with this work.<\/span><\/p>\n

Start early<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Children note racial differences even as infants \u2014 as early as 6 months old. Kids are astute and observant, and as they grow and develop they learn to notice so much \u2014 different colors, body parts, and also how their body compares to other people\u2019s bodies \u2014 so it makes sense that they, like you, are not blind to race. For example, it\u2019s not wrong for them to note differences between themselves and their classmates, and you shouldn\u2019t pretend that physical differences don\u2019t exist. If your toddler or preschool age child notes that their classmate has a different skin color, it\u2019s okay to say something like, \u201cYes, your skin is different than hers. You both have beautiful skin.\u201d If you want to foster inclusion and the acceptance of all races, start talking about race when a child is very young. <\/span><\/p>\n

Talk often<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Talking about race should be part of an ongoing conversation that will inevitably become more nuanced as your child gets older. And you\u2019ll need to revisit the topic again and again, in the same way that you\u2019ll continually revisit other important issues as a child grows. Having frequent conversations in response to what\u2019s happening in your child\u2019s immediate world and the larger world is usually something a child responds to better than just having a single, loaded <\/span>very important conversation <\/span><\/em>that you engage in once and then move on from.<\/span><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t shy away from curious questions or uncomfortable conversations<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Every parent knows that children are extremely curious. But if you shut down a child\u2019s curiosity about race or differences, they\u2019ll quickly get the sense that it\u2019s something they shouldn\u2019t talk about. Silence on these issues is a signal to children to avoid these topics. Instead, use moments when they ask questions about race or when you encounter racism as an opportunity to discuss the topic with them. Meet these moments head on. <\/span><\/p>\n

Push back against all forms of racism<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Don\u2019t shy away from pushing back against racism when you encounter it. This includes more subtle forms of racism, like negative stereotypes, racist tropes, or cultural appropriation. If you encounter a negative stereotype while watching a movie, you should note it and talk about it. If someone makes a racist joke, you should call them out on it. Children are like little sponges and absorb everything in the world around them, so don\u2019t let these moments go by without saying something. And if your child does or says something themselves that is biased or prejudiced in any way, you also can\u2019t let that go ignored. Try to find out why they did what they did and then talk with them about why it\u2019s not okay. Considering that these conversations will look different for kids at different ages, keep in mind that instances of racism and racial bias don\u2019t exist in a vacuum; work through these issues with your family when they come up and help your child understand that they\u2019re symptoms of larger structural inequalities in our society that we all must work to understand and dismantle.<\/span><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t ignore differences<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Helping your child note the ways in which people of different races are similar to them can certainly help them connect with people with different experiences. But focusing only on the idea that \u201cwe\u2019re all the same on the inside\u201d can do more harm than good. \u201cColorblindness\u201d \u2014 when differences are glossed over, when individuals\u2019 memberships in racial groups are ignored, and when there\u2019s an overemphasis on common humanity \u2014 denies the fact that race does make a difference in people’s lives and, again, suggests to children that they shouldn\u2019t talk about race. Instead, teach your child how to interact and get along with people who are different from them and to respect and appreciate differences. <\/span><\/p>\n

Be honest in an age-appropriate way<\/strong><\/h4>\n

The way you speak about race or racism \u2014 or related issues like discrimination, racial profiling, or slavery \u2014 with your four-year-old will inevitably be different than the way you speak with your fourteen-year-old. Talk with your child in a way that makes sense for their age and level of understanding. In the same way that it\u2019s possible to talk with a young child about other challenging topics (like death, sex, or love), you can find a way to talk with your child about race and racism too \u2014 it\u2019s never too early. Regardless of age, lead with honesty. And keep in mind that children can understand complex ideas better than we often give them credit for. If you have ongoing conversations with your child, they\u2019ll always have a chance to revisit the topic with you soon and they\u2019ll feel more comfortable coming to you with questions.<\/span><\/p>\n

Read diverse books and explore other diverse media together<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Reading books with your child is always a great way to explore complex ideas and start conversations. Books are also a wonderful way for children to both see themselves represented in stories and to form positive associations with people who are different from them. It\u2019s important for all children to read engaging books featuring diverse characters \u2014 books that show the accomplishments of people of color, books that address our nation\u2019s racist history, and books that show children of color just being kids. Make an effort to seek out books by authors and illustrators of color too. For all children, and especially children of color, representation is important. When children can see themselves represented and take pride in their culture and heritage, it can help build self-esteem and foster a positive sense of self and identity. So make a point to choose books thoughtfully. The same goes for other media like movies, TV shows, and video games.<\/span><\/p>\n

Acknowledge any privilege or biases<\/strong><\/h4>\n

We\u2019ve all been raised and live in a racist society. So it\u2019s important to investigate how you were raised, how you live now, and how your everyday life, actions, and behaviors might reproduce racist ideas and inequalities. Asking questions such as <\/span>Am I encouraging my child to have a diverse group of friends?<\/span><\/em> Am I exposing my child to diverse communities?<\/span><\/em> can reveal a lot. If you experience some discomfort when exploring these ideas, it may reveal privilege or biases that should also be investigated. Even if this work is uncomfortable, it has to be done.<\/span><\/p>\n

Go beyond talking and take action<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Because our children learn so much from us, it\u2019s important to go beyond just talking, but to also take active steps to model anti-racist behavior. The National Museum of African American History and Culture shares, \u201cBeing racist or antiracist is not about who you <\/span>are<\/span><\/em>; it is about what you<\/span> do<\/span><\/em>\u2026 When we choose to be antiracist, we become actively conscious about race and racism and take actions to end racial inequities in our daily lives. Being antiracist is believing that racism is everyone\u2019s problem, and we all have a role to play in stopping it.\u201d You are your child\u2019s best teacher. If you live in an anti-racist way every day, your child will follow your lead. <\/span><\/p>\n

Start here, but go further<\/strong><\/h4>\n

We hope this list helps you better understand how to talk to your child about race and racism, but, again, it\u2019s just a start. To learn more, you should explore the following resources:<\/span><\/p>\n