{"id":110279,"date":"2020-07-10T11:13:16","date_gmt":"2020-07-10T15:13:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp.oviahealth.com\/guide\/110279\/consent-what-is-it-and-why-is-it-so-important\/"},"modified":"2025-06-11T12:22:27","modified_gmt":"2025-06-11T16:22:27","slug":"consent-what-is-it-and-why-is-it-so-important","status":"publish","type":"article","link":"https:\/\/www.oviahealth.com\/guide\/110279\/consent-what-is-it-and-why-is-it-so-important\/","title":{"rendered":"Consent: What is it and why is it so important?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.oviahealth.com\/guide\/110282\/how-to-communicate-better-in-the-bedroom-and-really-connect-with-your-partner\/\">The best sex<\/a>, and the safest sex, is sex where everyone is communicating clearly, telling each other what they want and need. One of the most basic examples of what this can mean &#8211; and the start of any healthy sexual activity &#8211; is consent.<\/p>\n<h2>The importance of consent<\/h2>\n<p>Consent, in its simplest form, is freely, voluntarily, and actively agreeing to engage in sexual activity with another person. It lets the person you\u2019re with know that you want and are agreeing to sexual activity with them &#8211; and it lets you know if they want the same.<\/p>\n<p>From there, active consent then means continuing to be honest with someone about what you want and don\u2019t want. This might change over the course of your time with someone &#8211; either over the course of one night or throughout a sexual relationship &#8211; and what you think you want or what you think you\u2019re comfortable with can change &#8211; and the same goes for your partner. This is totally normal. Everyone has their own boundaries and comfort levels and wants different things, and everyone is entitled to have those desires respected. If someone\u2019s desires aren\u2019t clear, you should always ask questions and talk things through.<\/p>\n<p>Whether you\u2019ve just met someone or have been with your partner for a long time, consent should happen every time you have sex. If someone changes their mind in the middle of hooking up, that\u2019s totally okay and totally normal, which is why it\u2019s important to keep checking in about what you want and what your partner wants. Everyone is allowed to say \u201cno\u201d or \u201cstop\u201d whenever they like, and anyone they\u2019re having sex with needs to respect that. It\u2019s also important to know that consent for sexual activity includes genital touching, oral sex, vaginal penetration, and anal penetration.<\/p>\n<h3>What consent really looks like<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Consent is something that is enthusiastically given.<\/strong> You should only ever be doing what you really <em>want <\/em>to do in bed.<\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Consent includes clear communication<\/strong>, especially when the level of sexual activity changes. This means saying \u201cyes\u201d to specific sexual activity that you want to engage in &#8211; everything from going to the bedroom to taking off someone\u2019s shirt to penetrative sex &#8211; and saying things like, \u201cThis is what I want,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019d like to try that.\u201d It also means asking questions like, \u201cCan I do this?\u201d \u201cAre you comfortable with this?\u201d and \u201cDo you like this?\u201d<\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Consent takes into account verbal cues and what someone <em>doesn\u2019t s<\/em>ay<\/strong>. An enthusiastic \u201cyes,\u201d is great, but what about if someone says \u201cmaybe\u201d or is silent and doesn&#8217;t say anything at all? A \u201cmaybe\u201d or silence is definitely not a \u201cyes,\u201d and may mean that someone is uncomfortable, so it\u2019s a good time to ask questions to make sure everyone is on the same page about what they want and are comfortable with. In moments like this, questions like \u201cDo you want me to slow down?\u201d or \u201cDo you want me to stop doing this?\u201d and \u201cWhat do <em>you<\/em> want?\u201d can be really important. Body language is important too &#8211; it can speak volumes in communicating what someone wants. When someone\u2019s body is enthusiastic and giving you a clear \u201cyes\u201d &#8211; kissing you back, smiling, having fun &#8211; you usually know it. If someone is not kissing back, pulling away, pushing the other person away, or seems at all uncomfortable, the other person should ask them how they\u2019re feeling and what they want &#8211; a body can communicate \u201cno\u201d loud and clear. And if anything is ever unclear? Ask.<\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Consent is specific.<\/strong> This means that if someone says they\u2019re consenting to one thing, they\u2019re not necessarily consenting to another thing. Examples of this include consenting to oral sex but not vaginal penetration, consenting to vaginal sex on one occasion, and saying no on another occasion.<\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Consent recognizes and respects that people can change their minds<\/strong>\u2014even in the middle of hooking up, even when naked, even if they\u2019ve hooked up or done certain things before. That\u2019s why it\u2019s so important to keep checking in about what you want and what your partner wants.<\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Consent is something that is freely given and happens without pressure or manipulation.<\/strong> You should never be expected to do anything you don\u2019t want to do, and the same goes for your sexual partner.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3>What consent doesn\u2019t look like<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Consent never happens with pressure or manipulation.<\/strong> No one should ever be expected to do anything they don\u2019t want to do, be guilted into sexual activity, or feel intimidated or afraid to say \u201cno.\u201d No one ever owes another person sex.<\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Consent is not assuming<\/strong> that what someone is wearing or how someone is flirting or what sort of sexual activity they\u2019ve engaged in in the past means that a sexual partner wants or doesn\u2019t want any kind of sexual activity &#8211; it\u2019s still important to ask.<\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Consent doesn\u2019t involve lying.<\/strong> For example, it is not a consensual sexual experience if someone says they\u2019ll use a condom but then doesn\u2019t use one.<\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Consent can\u2019t happen if someone isn\u2019t totally aware of what\u2019s going on.<\/strong> If someone is under the influence or incapacitated, they can\u2019t consent. If someone is drunk, high, or passed out, they can\u2019t consent to sexual activity.<\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Consent has to happen between grown individuals<\/strong>, and people need to be of a certain age to be legally capable of consenting to sex. (In the U.S., the age of consent varies by state, and you can learn more about those laws<a href=\"https:\/\/apps.rainn.org\/policy\/\"> here<\/a>.)<\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And just to be totally clear, <strong>sexual activity without consent is sexual assault or rape.<\/strong> (You can learn more about that\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/apps.rainn.org\/policy\/\">here<\/a>. And if you think you\u2019re a victim of assault or rape, you can find help by calling the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE [4673] or chatting online at <a href=\"http:\/\/online.rainn.org\/\">online.rainn.org<\/a>.)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Consent is immensely important, and it doesn\u2019t have to be awkward or ruin the mood. Respect, communication, and honesty are key in any relationship &#8211; and definitely key in sexual relationships. Consent will allow you and anyone you\u2019re with to have great and, yes, enthusiastic sex &#8211; but always and only when both of you want it.<\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<h5>Read more<\/h5>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-59.oviahealth.com\/guide\/110282\/how-to-communicate-better-in-the-bedroom-and-really-connect-with-your-partner\">How to communicate better in the bedroom and really connect with your partner<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-59.oviahealth.com\/guide\/110283\/have-better-sex-by-connecting-with-yourself-and-your-partner\">Have better sex by connecting with yourself and your partner<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h5>Sources<\/h5>\n<ul>\n<li>\u201cSexual Consent.\u201d <em>Planned Parenthood. <\/em>Planned Parenthood Federation of America Inc. Retrieved June 6, 2024 https:\/\/www.plannedparenthood.org\/learn\/sex-and-relationships\/sexual-consent.<\/li>\n<li>\u201cWhat Consent Looks Like.\u201d <em>RAINN. <\/em>Rape, Abuse &amp; Incest National Network. Retrieved June 6, 2024. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.rainn.org\/articles\/what-is-consent\">https:\/\/www.rainn.org\/articles\/what-is-consent<\/a><\/li>\n<li>\u201cWhat is Consent?\u201d <em>Sex And U. <\/em>The Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists of Canada. Retrieved June 6, 2024. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.sexandu.ca\/consent\/what-is-consent\/\">https:\/\/www.sexandu.ca\/consent\/what-is-consent\/<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The best sex, and the safest sex, is sex where everyone is communicating clearly about what they want and need. And consent is what helps make this magic happen. Read on to learn more about what consent does and doesn&#8217;t look like. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":229804,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ovia_author_name":"","ovia_author_prefix":"","ovia_author_image":"","ovia_content_type_id":"176","ovia_product_mode":"2","ovia_days_from_signup":"16","ovia_days_from_lmp":"","ovia_days_from_baby_birth":"","ovia_days_from_enroll":"","ovia_health_module_days_from":"","ovia_article_for_email_days_from":"","ovia_health_module":"","ovia_legacy_id2":"","ovia_ttc":"","ovia_article_subtype":"","ovia_health_symptom":"","ovia_partner_id":"","ovia_partner_custom_group":"","ovia_legacy_category":"","ovia_legacy_category2":"","ovia_content_url_id":"110279","ovia_include_share_buttons":"","ovia_fertility_goal":"3,1,2","ovia_secondary_module":"","ovia_trimester":"","ovia_child_age":"","ovia_share_image":"","ovia_more_menu_image":"","ovia_button1_url":"","ovia_days_from_postpartum":"","footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"fert-category":[41,37,33,35,15],"preg-category":[],"parent-category":[],"fert-tag":[185,187,186,191,184,213,203],"preg-tag":[],"parent-tag":[],"class_list":["post-110279","article","type-article","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","fert-category-friendship-community","fert-category-general-health","fert-category-health-and-wellness","fert-category-mental-health","fert-category-sex-and-intimacy","fert-tag-communication-with-partner","fert-tag-consent","fert-tag-intimate-partner-violence","fert-tag-patient-self-advocacy","fert-tag-sex","fert-tag-sex-after-miscarriage","fert-tag-timing-sex"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>The importance of consent from your partner in the bedroom<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The importance of consent in the bedroom isn\u2019t always abundantly clear to both parties. 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