{"id":109435,"date":"2019-06-13T08:46:56","date_gmt":"2019-06-13T12:46:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp.oviahealth.com\/guide\/109435\/how-to-ask-for-what-you-want-in-bed\/"},"modified":"2022-12-01T00:12:22","modified_gmt":"2022-12-01T05:12:22","slug":"how-to-ask-for-what-you-want-in-bed","status":"publish","type":"article","link":"https:\/\/www.oviahealth.com\/guide\/109435\/how-to-ask-for-what-you-want-in-bed\/","title":{"rendered":"How to ask for what you want in bed: It&#8217;s sexier (and less awkward) than you might think"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>We all hope that our sexual partners will be in tune with us &#8211; that they\u2019ll know exactly what we want without us even having to ask. We want them to know when we\u2019re in the mood, what we like, what we don\u2019t like, and what we want to try. And while it\u2019s great to explore fantasies with your partner, this is one that will probably always stay in the realm of fantasy &#8211; our partners can\u2019t read our minds, so we need to tell them exactly what we want. Or rather, we need to <em>ask<\/em> for what we want &#8211; because the name of the game is mutual satisfaction, and you want to make sure that you\u2019re both really clear about what you want to do together.<\/p>\n<h2>Easy ways to practice effective communication about sex<\/h2>\n<p>You might think asking for what you want in bed could feel too forward, but <a href=\"https:\/\/www.oviahealth.com\/guide\/112766\/the-early-days-reconnecting-with-your-partner\/\">communicating clearly<\/a> with your partner can really help you get on the same page about your desires and boundaries. It takes away the guesswork and ensures that your partner knows what you want and you know what they want. So here are a few easy ways to ask for what you want in bed. None of these tips are necessarily awkward, and all of them are potentially very sexy.<\/p>\n<h3>Start talking beforehand<\/h3>\n<p>Talk about what you\u2019ve liked in the past before you even start fooling around. This is a great way to establish clear communication, and it makes for great foreplay. Tell them where you\u2019ve liked being touched, where you\u2019ve liked touching a partner, what really gets you hot, what you want to do together today &#8211; and talk about all of this in terms of specifics. A lot of people find this can get them really excited for what\u2019s next and makes it very clear about where things are going.<\/p>\n<h3>Be straightforward about your wants<\/h3>\n<p>Once you start fooling around, be clear about what you like and don\u2019t like. Tell your partner what feels good and what you\u2019d like them to do differently. Tell them where and how you\u2019d like to touch them, and ask them if you can. And tell them what you want to do together. Again, be really specific throughout.<\/p>\n<h3>Emphasize what they&#8217;re doing right<\/h3>\n<p>Point out all the really good stuff as it\u2019s happening. An affirming \u201cyes\u201d or \u201cthat feels great\u201d or \u201cI really like that\u201d lets your partner know that you\u2019re enjoying yourself. And if you don\u2019t like what they\u2019re doing, tell them so with a \u201cno\u201d or a \u201cstop\u201d or \u201cI\u2019d like you to do this differently.\u201d If you\u2019re not keen on what they\u2019re doing, redirect them to something that you do enjoy.<\/p>\n<h3>Ask the right questions<\/h3>\n<p>Ask questions and answer honestly. You may already know what you want in bed, and you can use questions to see if your partner is down for that and if they\u2019re enjoying what you want to be doing &#8211; because they need to be enjoying themselves, too. Say, \u201cI\u2019d love if you would [do this] to me. Would you do that for me?\u201d or \u201cI\u2019d like to [do this] together. Are you comfortable with that?\u201d or \u201cCan I touch you [here and in this way]?\u201d<\/p>\n<h3>Don&#8217;t forget to check in<\/h3>\n<p>As you do all of these things, check in as you go. Are you both enjoying yourselves? Do your words and your bodies make clear that you\u2019re both still comfortable. Again, use clear language, ask questions, and listen to answers &#8211; but also stay attuned to what your partner\u2019s body is communicating. Does it seem like they\u2019re having a pleasurable experience? If you\u2019re ever unsure, stop what you\u2019re doing and ask.<\/p>\n<h3>Talk about it after<\/h3>\n<p>Reflect on things afterward. Once you\u2019re done, talk about the experience. What you really enjoyed, what maybe wasn\u2019t so hot, and what you\u2019d like to do again or do differently next time. This can be a really amazing way to bond with your partner, and to make sure that your next sexual experience with them is great for you both.<\/p>\n<h3>Encourage them to talk about their wants too<\/h3>\n<p>And as <em>you<\/em> ask for what you want, encourage your partner to do the same. Efficient sex related communication goes both ways. Ask them what they like and what they don\u2019t, check in as you go, and ask them questions throughout your time together. The name of the game is mutual satisfaction. This might not be quite the magical mind reading solution you might have hoped for, but all of this communication actually <em>will <\/em><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">help you both be more in tune in bed &#8211; so maybe it is pretty magical after all. <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Your partner can&#8217;t read your mind, so here&#8217;s how to tell them exactly what you want.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":227593,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ovia_author_name":"","ovia_author_prefix":"","ovia_author_image":"","ovia_content_type_id":"176","ovia_product_mode":"2","ovia_days_from_signup":"16","ovia_days_from_lmp":"","ovia_days_from_baby_birth":"","ovia_days_from_enroll":"","ovia_health_module_days_from":"","ovia_article_for_email_days_from":"","ovia_health_module":"","ovia_legacy_id2":"","ovia_ttc":"","ovia_article_subtype":"","ovia_health_symptom":"","ovia_partner_id":"","ovia_partner_custom_group":"","ovia_legacy_category":"","ovia_legacy_category2":"","ovia_content_url_id":"109435","ovia_include_share_buttons":"","ovia_fertility_goal":"3,1,2","ovia_secondary_module":"","ovia_trimester":"","ovia_child_age":"","ovia_share_image":"","ovia_more_menu_image":"","ovia_button1_url":"","ovia_days_from_postpartum":"","footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"fert-category":[10,15,22],"preg-category":[],"parent-category":[],"fert-tag":[185,244,184,203],"preg-tag":[],"parent-tag":[],"class_list":["post-109435","article","type-article","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","fert-category-reproductive-health","fert-category-sex-and-intimacy","fert-category-sex-for-pregnancy","fert-tag-communication-with-partner","fert-tag-managing-stress","fert-tag-sex","fert-tag-timing-sex"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Ask for what you want in bed | Sex communication tips<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Effective communication when it comes to sex can sometimes be difficult. 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