{"id":108395,"date":"2020-12-30T20:10:56","date_gmt":"2020-12-31T01:10:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp.oviahealth.com\/guide\/108395\/dad-does-the-cooking-one-father-on-the-benefits-of-giving-up-stereotypical-gender-roles\/"},"modified":"2021-10-05T18:39:38","modified_gmt":"2021-10-05T22:39:38","slug":"dad-does-the-cooking-one-father-on-the-benefits-of-giving-up-stereotypical-gender-roles","status":"publish","type":"article","link":"https:\/\/www.oviahealth.com\/guide\/108395\/dad-does-the-cooking-one-father-on-the-benefits-of-giving-up-stereotypical-gender-roles\/","title":{"rendered":"Dad does the cooking: One father on the benefits of giving up stereotypical gender roles"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\"Matt<\/p>\n

Matt OsgoodContributing writer<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n


\nMy daughter loves to role play. She wants to be the mom or the daughter or the ballerina. She loves dolls, princesses, and the color pink. While not unusual for a little girl, it\u2019s the opposite of her mother, who prefers sports bras and sneakers to dresses and high heels. She\u2019s also daring like her father. Before she turned three, she abandoned her pool floats; She\u2019ll jump off anything. If there\u2019s an household candidate to break a bone, she\u2019s the odds-on favorite.<\/span><\/p>\n

My son loves anything with an engine. Cars, trucks, construction vehicles, and planes fascinate him endlessly. This despite his father being confused by how helicopters fly. He\u2019s much more cautious than his older sister. Like his mother, he\u2019s content to watch her leap from afar, all the while wincing in fear.<\/p>\n

In short, there are behavioral traits that cannot be taught. They\u2019re innate. We tend to assign stereotypical gender markers to interests, and in some cases they align (her playing with dolls, him trucks), but in others (her fearlessness, his caution) they do not. And while these traits manifested themselves naturally in my kids, there\u2019s so much that parents can imbue upon their children, often indirectly.<\/span><\/p>\n

My wife makes more money than I do, and many of the household chores that have traditionally been performed by women – cooking, cleaning, shopping – are the tasks that I now perform. Our kids are familiar with mom leaving for work, amd they\u2019re equally familiar with dinner time consisting of dad at the grill or over the stove.<\/span><\/p>\n

And while we both work, like most things, it\u2019s about optics. My daughter goes to school with my wife, who drops her off on the way to work. She joins my wife, who is wearing work clothes, to her job. It\u2019s a part of her day-to-day reality. But my kids have never seen me work outside of the house. Their experience with dad has always been at home. Before they began school, mom went to work and dad stayed home, playing with them and taking them places amongst the other (mostly) moms. Even now, when everyone is home and I\u2019m working, that work takes place in an upstairs office. I\u2019m not dressed any different than I would be if I were reading a book or walking the dog. (Basically, I\u2019m a slob). In their eyes, there\u2019s no distinction between home and work for me, the way there is for my wife, so I can see how that can be confusing.<\/span><\/p>\n

Being candid, before jumping into these roles, there wasn\u2019t much discussion. Attempting life as a freelance writer was what I was doing for work before kids, so when they arrived, our plan now just included figuring this whole parenting thing out. And while I do believe that moms are superhuman and preternaturally so much better at this parenting thing, I didn\u2019t view having a primary role as a caregiver when they were little as a nuisance because they were my children. Don\u2019t all dads do this?<\/span><\/p>\n

(Side note: I have to give a shout out to the moms who have told me repeatedly what a \u201cgood dad\u201d I am. Though, I must admit, it\u2019s a misguided compliment because the bar for good parenting from dads is incredibly low. I just show up with my kid in mismatched clothes and with peanut butter on his face and get complimented; My wife – and most moms, I assume – don\u2019t get nearly enough credit for all the parenting they do.)<\/span><\/p>\n

We\u2019re careful to point out the small non-traditional stuff (\u201cNo, pink isn\u2019t a \u2018girls color,\u2019 he can like pink too\u201d or \u201cSee? Dad\u2019s can fold laundry\u201d) to our children so that it doesn\u2019t seem unnatural. Daddy cooking and mom being so much more athletic than dad is just a normal part of their lives. We\u2019re also quick to correct them when our daughter scolds our son about reaching for a pink toy. And because our situation – while more normal now than in times past – is still less traditional than most, so too should we think that our children should be aware of other “non-traditional” (whatever that means) families: single-parent households, same-sex households, kids with foster parents.<\/span><\/p>\n

These are good lessons for our children to learn. For our daughter, it shows her that – contrary to what society has communicated to women over the years – her brain is valuable and women are the most important cog in our society. It also teaches her than men can perform tasks beyond being the detached breadwinner. For our son, it shows him that a woman\u2019s perspective and insight are vital in the workplace. It also teaches him that dads can be nurturing, sensitive, and whip up a killer eggplant parmesan, but also be able to birdie the par 3 11th hole at the local country club (okay, let\u2019s be honest, more like bogey).<\/span><\/p>\n

And aside from subverting gender norms, there\u2019s also another lesson in the non-traditional nature of our lifestyle. Their father has eschewed the normative path for what he sees to be a more fulfilling one. Pursuit of a writing career isn\u2019t an easy one. It\u2019s filled with failures and rejections. As someone who is gregarious and extroverted, the loneliness of writing can be crippling. With that difficulty, though, comes a greater reward when there\u2019s a job well done, whether it\u2019s monetary or intrinsic. This is also a good lesson for our kids to learn, as is the idea that following their own dreams is as important as anything they\u2019ll ever decide to do.<\/span><\/p>\n

Break eggs, break bones, whatever. Just make sure you\u2019re leading with your heart.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

\n


\nAbout the author
\n<\/strong>
\nMatt Osgood is a freelance journalist based out of Haverhill, MA, where he lives with his wife, their two kids, and dog. While life as a dad certainly provides him with the best material, he writes mostly about sports and booze, both of which provide much needed therapy.
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