{"id":105057,"date":"2019-11-21T05:56:00","date_gmt":"2019-11-21T10:56:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp.oviahealth.com\/guide\/105057\/parenting-toddler-eye-to-eye\/"},"modified":"2021-12-01T18:05:49","modified_gmt":"2021-12-01T23:05:49","slug":"parenting-toddler-eye-to-eye","status":"publish","type":"article","link":"https:\/\/www.oviahealth.com\/guide\/105057\/parenting-toddler-eye-to-eye\/","title":{"rendered":"When you and your toddler don&#8217;t see eye-to-eye"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cI hate you, mommy!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For parents, the very idea that their tiny tots are capable of such a negatively intense feeling is surprising, even heartbreaking.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cHow can my baby whom I love so dearly be so furious at me?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<h4><strong>Know the reason why<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Why does this happen? First of all, toddlers at this age are intensely focused on being independent. They want to do things on their own as much as possible, even when this means doing more than they\u2019re capable of. For many toddlers, the most common sentence becomes, \u201cNo, I do it!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It makes them feel proud and important knowing that they are capable of doing things, especially the ones that they see grown-ups do, or are used to having grown-ups do for them.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Secondly, exploration is another big toddler priority at this stage, and they want to explore their worlds without any interference from you! That\u2019s not always possible, of course, but letting your toddler experiment with <span class=\"pronoun-their\" data-pronoun=\"their\">their<\/span> environment whenever it\u2019s safe for <span class=\"pronoun-them\" data-pronoun=\"them\">them<\/span> to do so can help <span class=\"pronoun-them\" data-pronoun=\"them\">them<\/span> feel confident and independent. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">On the other hand, it isn\u2019t always safe or possible to let a toddler have <span class=\"pronoun-their\" data-pronoun=\"their\">their<\/span> way, and eventually, most parents end up having to set some limits on exploration, or needing to step in on a task an independent tot would prefer to complete alone. Uh oh! This is where the trouble comes in. When parents assert their authority, toddlers tend to want to challenge them. Luckily, there are ways to respond to the challenge that can help keep the anger to a minimum.<\/span><\/p>\n<h4><strong>Choose your battles<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Not everything should be controlled. Toddlers should be given the wiggle room to make their own decisions in situations where they won\u2019t be in any danger, like wandering around a specific area of the mall when you\u2019re there, for example. Close supervision is important, but in order to let your child feel a sense of independence, you can let <span class=\"pronoun-them\" data-pronoun=\"them\">them<\/span> start to explore without holding <span class=\"pronoun-their\" data-pronoun=\"their\">their<\/span> hand \u2013 as long as they have the physical strength and coordination to do explore, and <span class=\"pronoun-they\" data-pronoun=\"they\">they has<\/span> plenty to investigate within your line of sight. Just make sure that you\u2019re a step away from <span class=\"pronoun-them\" data-pronoun=\"them\">them<\/span> at all times. <\/span><\/p>\n<h4><strong>Rule breaker<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Setting limits is important at this age, and staying consistent about those limits is even more so. Any reprimands or reminders of limits should happen right away, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics, so that the child will make the connection between what <span class=\"pronoun-they\" data-pronoun=\"they\">they did<\/span> and what you\u2019re saying to <span class=\"pronoun-them\" data-pronoun=\"them\">them<\/span>.<\/span><\/p>\n<h4><strong>Limit your questions<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is better to tell the toddler what you want her to do than to ask her to do it. If you ask, there is a 99% chance that the answer would be a resounding no, just because she&#8217;s in the stage where negativism is the norm. Insisting will just lead to resisting. Instead of saying, \u201cdo you want to go to the grocery store with me?\u201d you\u2019ll get better results by just saying, \u201cWe\u2019re going to the grocery store in a while.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It\u2019s always hard when you and your toddler don\u2019t see eye-to-eye, but as a parent, dealing with differences of opinion in a calm and positive way (Even when your toddler gets mad. Even when <span class=\"pronoun-they\" data-pronoun=\"they\">they gets<\/span> <\/span><em><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">really really mad<\/span><\/em><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.) will help the two of you get through it together.<\/span><\/p>\n<hr>\n<h5><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sources<\/span><\/h5>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Nancy L. McElwain, et al. \u201cChild-Child Similarity of Attachment and Temperament as Predictors of Positive Interaction During Acquaintanceship at Age 3.\u201d <\/span><em><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Developmental Psychology<\/span><\/em><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. 52(9): 1394-1408. 2106. Retrieved November 3 2017. http:\/\/www.apa.org\/pubs\/journals\/features\/dev-dev0000190.pdf. <\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cAggressive Behavior.\u201d <\/span><em><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">HealthyChildren<\/span><\/em><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. American Academy of Pediatrics, November 21 2015. Retrieved November 3 2017. https:\/\/www.healthychildren.org\/English\/ages-stages\/toddler\/Pages\/Aggressive-Behavior.aspx.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cThe Active Toddler.\u201d <em><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">HealthyChildren<\/span><\/em><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. American Academy of Pediatrics, November 21 2015. Retrieved November 3 2017. https:\/\/www.healthychildren.org\/English\/ages-stages\/toddler\/fitness\/Pages\/The-Active-Toddler.aspx.&nbsp;<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It hurts to have {{ PRONOUN_BABY }} mad at you, but there are developmental reasons {{ PRONOUN_HE_SHE_LOWER }} might be getting angry a little more often lately.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":236716,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ovia_author_name":"","ovia_author_prefix":"","ovia_author_image":"","ovia_content_type_id":"177","ovia_product_mode":"13","ovia_days_from_signup":"","ovia_days_from_lmp":"","ovia_days_from_baby_birth":"1048","ovia_days_from_enroll":"","ovia_health_module_days_from":"","ovia_article_for_email_days_from":"1048","ovia_health_module":"","ovia_legacy_id2":"","ovia_ttc":"","ovia_article_subtype":"","ovia_health_symptom":"","ovia_partner_id":"","ovia_partner_custom_group":"","ovia_legacy_category":"11","ovia_legacy_category2":"260","ovia_content_url_id":"105057","ovia_include_share_buttons":"","ovia_fertility_goal":"","ovia_secondary_module":"","ovia_trimester":"","ovia_child_age":"","ovia_share_image":"","ovia_more_menu_image":"","ovia_button1_url":"","ovia_days_from_postpartum":"","footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"fert-category":[],"preg-category":[],"parent-category":[112,115,119,116],"fert-tag":[],"preg-tag":[],"parent-tag":[],"class_list":["post-105057","article","type-article","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","parent-category-babys-development-and-growth","parent-category-language-and-communication-development","parent-category-raising-baby","parent-category-social-and-emotional-development"],"yoast_head":"<!-- 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