{"id":103450,"date":"2019-12-05T11:49:33","date_gmt":"2019-12-05T16:49:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp.oviahealth.com\/guide\/103450\/parenting-toddlers-boundaries-relatives\/"},"modified":"2021-11-03T13:18:36","modified_gmt":"2021-11-03T17:18:36","slug":"parenting-toddlers-boundaries-relatives","status":"publish","type":"article","link":"https:\/\/www.oviahealth.com\/guide\/103450\/parenting-toddlers-boundaries-relatives\/","title":{"rendered":"Communicating your toddler’s boundaries to relatives"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\"Sara<\/p>\n

Sara Lindberg Freelance writer focused on health & wellness<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Teaching your toddler about their<\/span> body is one of the most important parenting jobs you have. From naming body parts to talking about appropriate touch, they begins<\/span> to learn about consent and body autonomy at a very young age. So when a relative asks Baby<\/span> for a hug\u2014and they says<\/span> \u201cno\u201d\u2014 what should you do?<\/span><\/p>\n

Does your child have to hug relatives?<\/strong><\/h4>\n

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, parents should not force children to give hugs or kisses to people they do not want to, even grandparents. The AAP encourages parents to constantly reinforce the idea that a toddler\u2019s body is their<\/span> own, and they can<\/span> protect it. If you ask Baby<\/span> to hug their<\/span> grandparents goodbye and they says<\/span> no (either with words or body language), it\u2019s important to honor their<\/span> wishes. <\/span> <\/p>\n

Establishing your rules<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Parents need to ask themselves, \u201cDo I expect my child to hug or kiss a relative just because I say so?\u201d If the answer is \u201cno,\u201d it\u2019s important to then talk with Baby<\/span> about what may happen during greetings and goodbyes beforehand, so you have the opportunity to explain to them<\/span> (without doing so while standing in front of the relative), why it\u2019s their<\/span> choice to pick how they wants<\/span> to show affection.<\/span><\/p>\n

Ways to communicate your preferences to family<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Explaining your wishes to friends and family is crucial if you want them to respect your decision to not force your child to give hugs. Being confident and kind in your approach with relatives, increases the chance they will hear you and honor your rules.<\/span><\/p>\n

And while some people may not understand your policy at first, most will agree that respect should not be equated with consenting to unwanted physical contact. A relative who understands this way of thinking will be more than happy with a verbal \u201cgoodbye,\u201d followed by a wave or high-five.<\/span><\/p>\n

Alternatives to hugs<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Ask Baby<\/span> to wave goodbye and say \u201csee you next time.\u201d They can<\/span> also give a high-five, handshake, or fist bump, if you still want them<\/span> to respond with more than a verbal goodbye. Drawing a picture ahead of time for a relative you are visiting is another way for your child to show they cares<\/span>. And when you\u2019re with family, you can simply ask them<\/span>, \u201cWould you like to give grandma a hug, handshake, or a high-five?\u201d All of the choices show respect to the adult and allows your child to express their<\/span> feelings. <\/span> <\/p>\n

Refusing physical affection should not be equated with bad manners. Children can (and should) be polite and respectful while still maintaining their own personal boundaries. If we force children to show physical affection when they\u2019re uncomfortable, we take the chance they will begin to ignore their own intuition. <\/span><\/p>\n

And if you are still in need of guidance about what to do, it\u2019s always best to consult with your child\u2019s pediatrician on how to proceed.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

\n

About the author:
\n<\/strong>Sara<\/span> <\/strong>Lindberg is a freelance writer focusing on parenting, health, and wellness. She is passionate about all things fitness and health and loves spending time with her husband, daughter, and son. <\/p>\n

\n
Sources<\/span><\/h5>\n
    \n
  • Kendra Moyses. \u201cShould you force your child to show affection to relatives?\u201d <\/span>Michigan State University Extension<\/span><\/em>. Michigan State University, January 12 2017. Retrieved July 11 2017. http:\/\/msue.anr.msu.edu\/news\/should_you_force_your_child_to_show_affection_to_relatives.<\/span><\/li>\n
  • \u201cSexual Behaviors in Young Children: What\u2019s Normal, What\u2019s Not.\u201d Healthy Children<\/span><\/em>. American Academy of Pediatrics, June 19 2016. Retrieved July 11 2017. https:\/\/www.healthychildren.org\/English\/ages-stages\/preschool\/Pages\/Sexual-Behaviors-Young-Children.aspx. <\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    To hug, or not to hug? That’s a question adults get to decide the answer to themselves, but toddlers aren’t always given the same courtesy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":236365,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ovia_author_name":"Sara Lindberg","ovia_author_prefix":"","ovia_author_image":"https:\/\/ovia-assets.s3.amazonaws.com\/content_platform\/25380\/article_103450_AuthorIMG-01.jpg","ovia_content_type_id":"177","ovia_product_mode":"13","ovia_days_from_signup":"","ovia_days_from_lmp":"","ovia_days_from_baby_birth":"935","ovia_days_from_enroll":"","ovia_health_module_days_from":"","ovia_article_for_email_days_from":"935","ovia_health_module":"","ovia_legacy_id2":"","ovia_ttc":"","ovia_article_subtype":"","ovia_health_symptom":"","ovia_partner_id":"","ovia_partner_custom_group":"","ovia_legacy_category":"15","ovia_legacy_category2":"260","ovia_content_url_id":"103450","ovia_include_share_buttons":"","ovia_fertility_goal":"","ovia_secondary_module":"","ovia_trimester":"","ovia_child_age":"","ovia_share_image":"","ovia_more_menu_image":"","ovia_button1_url":"","ovia_days_from_postpartum":"","footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"fert-category":[],"preg-category":[],"parent-category":[112,115,116],"fert-tag":[],"preg-tag":[],"parent-tag":[],"class_list":["post-103450","article","type-article","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","parent-category-babys-development-and-growth","parent-category-language-and-communication-development","parent-category-social-and-emotional-development"],"yoast_head":"\nCommunicating your toddler's boundaries to relatives - Ovia Health<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"To hug, or not to hug? 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