The obvious

Baby is more likely to say words that they has heard before, right? Chances are, they isn’t going to come up with “antidisestablishmentarianism” on their own. Words that they hears a lot have an even better chance of making the cut – words like ‘mama,’ ‘dada,’ and the family dog’s name might come up a lot, so they’re going to be in their head more often. Other words they hears a lot, like names of their favorite foods or toys, or colors or animals that are identified in a favorite picture book have a pretty good shot as well.

One of the other more obvious factors is that Baby has never spoken before, so they is more likely to start with smaller words, before graduating up into the multisyllabic ones. And remember, this isn’t a task-oriented process for Baby – they isn’t just going for a word they can say, it’s got to be a word they wants to say, so the things they loves have a good shot, too, whether that’s balls, bubbles, green beans, or garbage trucks.

The not-so-obvious

Babies like repeating sounds. It’s probably no coincidence that ‘kiddie’ words include a lot of repeating consonants, so not just ‘mama,’ and ‘dada,’ but also things like ‘kitty-cat,’ and ‘puppy’ are options on Baby’s menu of words Baby could choose from.

Some babies prefer to start with hard, definitive consonants, so Baby might get to ‘dada’ a bit sooner than ‘mama.’ On the other hand though, some babies use their fixation on faces to learn sounds that are really visible when watching you talk, like ‘m’ and ‘p,’ so Baby could pop out with one of those, as well!

Baby is a wild-card, so there’s no way to know what they will say first, and when, but now you’re armed to take a pretty educated guess. Baby’s biggest influence is you, even if what that influence will be is also unpredictable, so go forth and have a conversation with your pre-verbal infant! You never know what they is taking in just to store up and say back to you later.

Amy Menzel Contributing writer

“Congratulations! You’re a stepmom!” said no one ever.

And I don’t blame them. I mean, I like being a stepmom, but it’s not something anyone really aspires to the way people aspire to become parents otherwise. And the term “stepmom” doesn’t have the same warm, fuzzy connotation as “mom” does. In fact, outside of the stepparenting community, it drags around a fairly negative connotation for various (many of them fairytale, all of them unfortunate) reasons. To be honest, I didn’t know the etymology of the word until I recently Googled it, and I definitely don’t suggest you do that, because reading about the real origins of the term kinda got things off to a rather sad start. (Again, imagine all those unfortunate fairytale beginnings.) Save yourself going down that rabbit hole, and instead, consider the origins I developed in my naivety …

My first thought was that the “step” indicated a step off the original family tree. It made sense to me, plus it gave me a visual in my head, even if I wasn’t quite sure what, exactly, that visual looked like. Maybe a green shoot, a tiny bud — some lovely new growth, something extra. It was a theory, and it was wrong. 

My second theory was developed when I started to experience some of the real work of stepparenting. For various reasons, I started to think that the “step” meant “step aside” or “step back,” as if it was more directive than descriptive. A very real part of stepparenting — an intricate dance I had to learn. It was another theory, and it was also wrong.

Then came the birthday card my stepson made me last year. He wrote, “Thank you for steping into my life and always being there for me,” and I thought, “The kid’s a genius!” (Aside from the spelling.) “That must be where the term stepmom comes from!” Then a couple weeks ago, he asked, “Where does the word stepmom even come from?” and I was like, “I thought you knew. Like how you wrote in that card last year about ‘stepping” in?” and he was like, “Oh, no. I have no idea. What did I write?” And I realized neither of us had any real clue.

But it’s all just the same, isn’t it? I mean, I wracked my brain to come up with a different term for my new role before I officially took it on, but I came up with nothing. And it really wouldn’t have mattered anyway, because anything I might have come up with would require an explanation, and it would all just end up coming back to defining myself as a stepmom.

Stepmom isn’t the worst term, even if it isn’t the best. My stepson never uses the word with disdain (at least, not in my presence — he is a genius after all). And it is a defining term. I’m not just my stepson’s dad’s wife, I’m my stepson’s stepmom. There’s a familial feeling to that. 

But I’ve also heard the term “bonus mom” thrown around, and I really like that. A fellow bonus mom calls me that, and I smile every time. There’s no negative connotation in that! I can only hope this catches on because (as an English teacher and just an all-around nerd), I think words matter. 

“Congratulations! You’re a stepmom!” said no one ever.

I won’t go so far as to request being called this myself by my family; I just can’t get over thinking it would be a little like Amy Poehler in Mean Girls – “I’m not a stepmom, I’m a bonus mom.” But maybe my guys will come around to this realization on their own? (Hint, hint. Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge.) 

And the word is spreading. Last spring I did see Mother’s Day cards addressed “to my bonus mom.” Granted, they were strewn across the floor in the clearance aisle, but still, there’s hope.

About the author

Amy Menzel is a wife, stepmom, teacher, and writer happily living life in Wisconsin. She appreciates the opportunity to learn through writing. Her writing has appeared in the Wisconsin English Journal, at the Three Teachers Talk blog, and in Stepparent Magazine.

What does “too early for potty training” mean?

In most cases, “too early” for potty training mostly means that a toddler doesn’t have all the skills they needs to succeed as they learns how to master potty chair use. It’s definitely possible for toddlers to be potty trained before they’ve checked off every box in the “potty training readiness” checklist, but the more signs of readiness a tot is showing, the better their chances of a quick, easy, successful transition from potty-training to potty-trained they has.

Some doctors argue that not all young toddlers who can be potty trained should be, because children who can hold in their pee and poop might do just that, and resist going to find a toilet for as long as possible, which can lead to problems like urinary tract infections and constipation. This mostly refers to toddlers under two years old, but with all young children, it’s important to make sure that once they’re controlling their own bladders well enough to be potty training, they’re using the toilet regularly, instead of holding it in for as long as possible first to maximize play time.

What can I do if think I started potty training too early?

When you’ve started potty training, the Mayo Clinic recommends keeping an eye on your toddler’s progress and if they is having trouble getting the hang of potty training, or it isn’t starting to click after a few months, they recommend being willing to stop for a few weeks, or a few months, and try again when they might be a little bit more ready. If Baby doesn’t seem to be making any progress with potty training, or seems to be resisting it, taking a step back and letting them go back to diapers for a little while can help take some of the pressure off, which can make training run more smoothly the next time around.

If you have an external deadline for potty training, like starting preschool, and there isn’t a way for your family to avoid that deadline, or push it back, try working with Baby to figure out what it is about potty training that they may not like, or may be having trouble with. If they is bored by sitting on the potty, confused about why they needs to make this big change in their life, or afraid of the toilet, there may be a way that you can restructure how you’re doing potty training to fix the problem.

Sources

• Steve J. Hodges, Kyle A. Richards, Ilya Gorbachinsky, L. Spencer Crane. “The association of age of toilet training and dysfunctional voiding.” Research and Reports in Urology. 6:127-130. 2014. Retrieved July 19 2017. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4199658/.
• Mayo Clinic Staff. “Potty training: How to get the job done.” Mayo Clinic. Mayo Clinic, November 15 2014. Retrieved July 19 2017. http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/infant-and-toddler-health/in-depth/potty-training/art-20045230.
• “Are you potty training too soon?” Cleveland Clinic. Cleveland Clinic, May 18 2015. Retrieved July 19 2017. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/2015/05/are-you-potty-training-too-soon/.
• “How to tell when your child is ready.” Healthy Children. American Academy of Pediatrics, November 21 2015. Retrieved July 19 2017. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/toddler/toilet-training/Pages/How-to-Tell-When-Your-Child-is-Ready.aspx. 

Reasons to use a nipple shield

Reasons to use nipple shields can come from the needs of the baby or the mother, depending on what complication they’re facing. For example, breastfeeding mothers with flat or inverted nipples are often recommended to use a nipple shield in order to shape their nipples into a position to better allow their babies to latch on. On the other hand, though, nipple shields may be used to help very small or premature babies latch on to larger breasts. These reasons usually come into play early in the breastfeeding relationship, although the La Leche League, an international non-profit dedicated to helping women breastfeed, does not recommend using nipple shields in the first week of breastfeeding because of concerns about nipple-confusion.

Common reasons to introduce nipple shields later on in the breastfeeding process include nipple soreness, chapping, cracking, and even bleeding. Nipple shields can give these symptoms time to heal. The symptoms that need to heal may be a sign of a problem with Baby‘s latch. If a few days of nursing lead to nipple chapping or cracking serious enough to require nipple shields, it could be a sign that it’s time to consult either your healthcare provider or a lactation consultant, to see if they can help Baby latch more easily and comfortably.

Concerns when using nipple shields

There are a few concerns around using nipple shields, including the worry that a lack of nipple stimulation could cause a decrease in milk supply, or the worry that they’re inefficient enough to lead to babies getting less milk. These concerns were brought to medical attention at a time when nipple shields were commonly made of thick latex. The thin, silicone version that is commonly used now, was designed to address those concerns. Still, if Baby is not gaining weight at a healthy rate after introducing the nipple shield, it could be a sign that the nipple shield isn’t a good fit for you and them.

Another common concern with nipple shields is that, once they’re introduced, Baby may have a hard time going back to latching on without them. But though there may be a transition period in weaning them away from nipple shields, it’s very rare for babies not to eventually make the switch back.

Weaning off the nipple shield

A popular earlier method for weaning Baby off of using a nipple shield was to snip away a bit more of the shield before every feeding, until Baby was feeding straight from the bare breast again. However, this method was popular in weaning away from the earlier, and currently less common latex version of the nipple shield. The more currently popular design, made of thin silicone, should not be weaned from this way, since cutting the silicone can leave jagged edges that could hurt or irritate both Baby’s mouth and your breast.

Instead, one common weaning method is to begin feeding with the nipple shield, removing it part way through, when Baby is already mid-feed, and then beginning to remove the shield earlier and earlier in feedings until they can do without it. Another method is just to start trying to feed Baby without a nipple shield when they is already sleepy.

Sources

• I.R. Chertok. “Reexamination of ultra-thin nipple-shield use, infant growth, and maternal satisfaction.” Journal of Clinical Nursing. 18(21): 2949-55. Web. September 2009.
• Anne Chevalier McKechnie, Anne Eglash. “Nipple Shields: A Review of the Literature.” Breastfeeding Medicine. 5(6): 309-314. Web. December 2010.
• Kathy Parkes. “Nipple Shields … Friend or Foe?” La Leche League International. La Leche League International, July 17 2016. Web.

• Gap teeth: Baby teeth with gaps between them may worry some parents, but they can actually be a good sign! Gaps between teeth create fewer cavity concerns because saliva has a greater chance to clean between teeth. Baby teeth with gaps are also a good sign that there will be enough room in Baby’s mouth for all of their adult teeth.
• Crookedness: Crooked baby teeth aren’t related to whether or not adult teeth will be crooked, and often resolve themselves on their own.
• Overcrowding: Overcrowded baby teeth can actually be a sign that Baby’s adult teeth might be overcrowded as well. Overcrowding is often genetic, and is a good reason to be extra careful in brushing, because tightly packed teeth are at a higher risk for cavities.

To give Baby the best shot at straight teeth as they grows, you may want to make sure thumb-sucking or pacifier use ends before their adult teeth start coming in. It’s also a good idea to help protect their baby teeth, so that they don’t come out before their mouth is ready.

“Give wahbbah ducky. Now. Now. Wah-wahbah ducky.”

A sentence – or series of fragments – like that might sound like a sign of a speech problem, but this type of unclear sentence is very common among toddlers, and will usually get better over time just from hearing and absorbing more full sentences over time. It is called “broken fluency.”

Broken fluency happens when a child is having difficulty speaking words in a correct manner, or if they is struggling to put words together in clear sentences. Toddlers who are experiencing this will elongate words or repeat certain letters and syllables, making it difficult for them to compose a sentence.

It’s common for parents to compare the way their child speaks with the speech patterns of other children of the same age in order to determine how their little one is doing verbally, but other children’s progress isn’t always a useful way to look at your little one’s verbal skills. Language development is different for every child. Some can easily construct a logical five-word sentence before they turn two, while others are still figuring out how to do it into the third year.

Helping your child speak in sentences

When a child is learning to speak in sentences, hearing and being exposed to language is the most important and effective way for them to learn. Having conversations with them is a great way to encourage this development, and reading to them gives them the chance to get engaged in something they’s listening to even when they isn’t participating in a verbal exercise out loud.

Whether you’re reading or speaking, you’ll be able to help Baby’s language development best by bringing life to the words that you’re using. It’s more helpful to show Baby a concrete example of the words that you’re saying, rather than just saying them. For example, show your child how to put their toys in the toy box, instead of just giving an instruction. Even if they has already heard the words you’re using, or has some understanding of them, the specific example will help them stick in their head.

Beyond normal development

However, there are language danger signs that might start to reveal themselves around a child’s second birthday.

• A two-year-old who cannot compose a simple noun-verb sentence using two words
• Repeating one-syllable words (“My-my-my pillow”)
• The child has developed secondary behaviors when speaking, like blinking, tapping the leg, or jerking of the head
• Does not speak much or avoids speaking
• Has trouble learning new words
• Pauses in speech
• Facial tension when the child is trying to speak

If you notice these signs, and are concerned about your child’s pace of language development, their pediatrician will be able to talk you through whether they needs a little extra help getting their communication skills up to speed.

Sources

• “Childhood fluency disorders.” American Speech-Language-Hearing Association. American Speech-Language-Hearing Association. Retrieved December 13 2017. https://www.asha.org/PRPSpecificTopic.aspx?folderid=8589935336&section=Signs_and_Symptoms.
• “Language delays in toddlers.” HealthyChildren. American Academy of Pediatrics, November 18 2011. Retrieved December 13 2017. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/toddler/Pages/Language-Delay.aspx.
• “Spoken language disorders.” American Speech-Language-Hearing Association. American Speech-Language-Hearing Association. Retrieved December 13 2017. https://www.asha.org/PRPSpecificTopic.aspx?folderid=8589935327&section=Treatment.