Dear Ovia, How do I get my husband involved more with the baby if he’s not a “baby person”?

I hear you on this! I definitely had a partner who was terrified of the newborn stage. Too small! Too delicate! That soft spot! Ah! Not all stages are our favorites, and some general acceptance of that being normal may be helpful. If he’s excited about older ages and stages and doesn’t prefer where you are now, try not to judge the excitement factor. 

That said — it doesn’t excuse him from equal parenting, division of labor and (as you said) involvement. He can be less into a certain stage (it’s possible that you may not love a future stage when he’s all in), but he still has to be your partner and be loving and helpful. If dropping hints like, “The baby loves when you sing!” or “Can you read to the baby?” hasn’t worked, it’s time to up the ante. 

Consider asking that he be fully responsible for certain things. This means he’s the breakfast guru or the bathtime expert while you disappear. Having a sense of independence, bonding and responsibility will hopefully show him the joy of this stage, but at the very least it will allow him to relieve some of the pressure on you. Plus, sometimes it helps when a parent discovers their own way of doing things.

He should also have tasks like diaper ordering, meal planning, or washing pump parts — not just bonding activities. The mental load of caring for a baby is immense, and sharing these logistical tasks also counts as involvement.

Lastly, when you do things together as a family, try asking him to step into the role of wearing the baby, pushing the stroller or swing, etc. Often you may feel natural in those roles, but asking him to fill those shoes involves him and changes the overall dynamic. 

Read more from this series

• I’m just not in the mood
• Responsible for all the infant care

Understanding gender and orientation

The first step to being a good teacher to your child when it comes to explaining gender and orientation is making sure you are a star student. That means reading up on the latest terminology and trends, challenges and celebrations of people in the full range of diversity. Visiting LGBTQ+ organizations’ websites is a great way to start, as is joining some LGBTQ+ or ally parenting groups on social media and reading the conversation threads. Taking time to digest the relevant news and background is an important way to prepare to then impart that knowledge to your child.

Keep it casual

Conversations about gender or orientation with your child do not need to be serious or warrant standalone formal family meetings. Incorporate those learning moments into everyday life in real-time. This will both help contextualize the discussion and embed the topic into mundane moments – because gender and orientation are very much a normal part of our everyday lives!

For instance, if your toddler says, “You can’t do that! That’s for boys!” This is the perfect teaching moment to let them know that there is no such thing as activities, toys, clothes, behaviors that are inherently for girls or boys. You can give some examples of people you know who buck those stereotypes. Or else seek out media, TV shows, movies, books, or games that offer a different perspective. Watch or read with them and take time to discuss. 

It comes down to using plain language to describe what are really some basic concepts. Gender is who we know ourselves to be. It exists on a spectrum and can even change. Orientation is who we love, whether romantically or sexually or not, and it’s based on our gender. It’s that simple. Kids get it.

Teach affirmatively 

Rather than pointing out what your child is saying or doing incorrectly, or talking about the hardships that people face when they don’t fit into the status quo, lean into more affirmative postures when you talk about gender or orientation. 

Actively communicate with them about how there are different types of people in the world, people who represent all the colors and shades of the rainbow and everyone in between. Explain across a broad spectrum when it comes to how people act or look or dress, as well as who they love. Listen to their questions and observations and affirm them, while adding to what they say to deepen their understanding of identity, and of gender and orientation.

Give them room to explore

Kids like to explore and they like to pretend. It’s how they begin to make sense of this chaotic and confusing world, and importantly, it’s how they begin to discover who they are and understand what their place in this world might be. 

Give your child the freedom, space, and support to explore. They might want to wear a tutu one day and a construction hat the next. Or both at the same time! They might say they are a girl one day and a boy the next. They might say they want to marry a girl or a boy. There is no need to attribute any of your own biases onto their innocent reflections and feelings. Simply let them be and love them fully.  

Some of these conversations may feel uncomfortable for us, but kids are actually well-equipped, maybe even better equipped, than adults, to comprehend the world’s natural diversity and to embrace different types of people. Perhaps the most important thing we can do is let them teach us!

Read more

• Birth certifications and second parent adoption
• Celebrate Pride all year long with these inclusive LGBTQ children’s books 

My daughter used to be involved in quite a lot of extracurricular activities. At one time, she was doing dance, gymnastics, running, and playing tee-ball – and it seemed like all her school-age peers were doing the same. Extracurriculars do provide a ton of benefits for children, so it’s no wonder that many parents want to make sure their kids get involved. But too much is, well, too much.

All children have different strengths, varying levels of comfort and anxiety, and it’s important to listen to them when deciding what’s right for them. When my daughter was busy with all of those activities, she was exhausted and often complained of not wanting to even attend her extracurriculars. We couldn’t even determine which activities she actually enjoyed because she seemingly hated all of them. Really, she was just overwhelmed.

I soon realized that she just didn’t have much downtime and that I had been undervaluing the importance of unstructured time for her. It turned out that she only disliked all of those extracurriculars because what she really wanted was time to read with me, or play dolls in her room, or just relax at home.

All families need to navigate this in a way that’s best for them, but our solution was that she should limit herself to one exercise-based activity per season and, if she wanted to, she could also choose a hands-on activity, like pottery class. But that would be our limit. You have to figure out what’s best for your own child, but the following are some tips that I’ve found beneficial when navigating extracurriculars with own daughter. Finding some sort of balance is key, and here is what works for us:

Start the conversation

Talk to your children. What do they want to play or attend? What do they know about that activity? Why do they want to be involved? Show them videos of sports or activities that they might not be familiar with. Take them to watch a soccer game or try out a pottery class. I personally found that my daughter’s dad and I were suggesting a lot of activities that we had experience with. But my daughter had ideas of her own, and by listening to her, she opened up our eyes to opportunities that we hadn’t even considered.

Buddy up!

Many children are anxious about trying a new activity with a group of kids that they’re unfamiliar with. So if they’re able to check out a new activity with a friend, it can make them feel that much more confident. One familiar face can be a game changer when it comes to taking risks or being comfortable asking questions. I found that my daughter felt a lot more comfortable and a lot less in the spotlight when she signed up for basketball with a friend. She also always had a partner for court drills – no pressure there!

Check in

Ask your children how things are going. What specifically do they like about their activity? What things aren’t going well and why? Frequent check-ins will ensure that everyone is on the same page and that your kids are in activities that they want to be in, not activities where they just go through the motions in order to please. How might you know if the activity isn’t working out? You might notice that your child seems distracted during their activity. You might also observe – or your child might tell you – that they are having a lot of trouble keeping up. Often times, kids will even just come out and tell you that they’re not enjoying themselves anymore. But it’s not the end of the world! From lacrosse to coding, there are so many other fun options out there! Observe your child’s strengths. Start a conversation about new desires, then choose something new to try as a team.

Read your child

Have they been sleeping well? Is their homework being completed on time? Check in with teachers. How is your son or daughter doing? There is often a fine line between involved and exhausted. Where does your child fall on this spectrum? If your child seems to be doing too much, you may need to limit or adjust the number of activities that they’re involved with. As a parent, I am always on the run! I definitely need to remind myself that my child is only nine and that her needs and limits are much different than mine.

Lead by example

What are you passionate about? What are you doing to exercise these passions? It’s easier to encourage your children to be involved if they can look to you as an example of someone who is pursuing their own passions. And is there a passion that you and your child share? Maybe you can join a book club together or train for your first race as a team.  My daughter and I run together, and it’s something extremely special that we share.

Find balance

Spoiler alert – this is not a competition! You are not more or less amazing because of the number of activities that your child is involved in. They will not be more or less successful as adults based on the activities they choose at age eight. Sports and other extracurricular activities undoubtedly teach important lessons: teamwork, creativity, compassion, drive. But it’s our job as parents to educate the whole child. So be your child’s number one cheerleader. Be their best coach. Never lose sight of what is important, and always lend an ear to your child’s needs. Our goal as parents is to raise caring, responsible children. How exactly our kids get there – and the extracurriculars they participate in along the way – is trivial.

About the author 

Kristen Havey has been a special education teacher for the past decade and her daughter’s biggest fan for just as long. Kristen runs mountains, trails, and roads in her spare time. She also loves hiking and the ocean. She is a master of multitasking and always hungry for her next adventure.

“What are you having?” “Boy or a girl?” “Do you know the gender?” As soon as a parent reveals that they’re expecting — whether physically via a bump or by sharing the news — they are flooded with questions about their child’s gender. Friends and family will use their answer to determine what color onesies they should buy (blue or pink), the toys they’ll gift (trucks or Barbies), and the color dye they’ll use for the gender reveal party cake. And that’s all before the child is even born! After birth, children quickly internalize gender expectations around what girls and boys look like and wear, as well as how they should act. 

Some parents, in an attempt to avoid limiting their children’s growth and interests, are leaning into gender creative parenting. Read on to learn what gender creative parenting is, exactly, and how it can benefit kids. 

What is gender creative parenting? 

 Also known as gender neutral parenting, gender creative parenting is the broad term used for parents who are actively working to avoid imposing gender-expectations on their children. The leading thesis behind gender-neutral parenting is that a child’s genitals do not dictate what activities they do, how they act or what they wear.

Some parents practice gender creative parenting by buying a variety of clothing and toys for their kids, allowing the child to decide what they wear and what they gravitate toward. 

Other parents do their best to remove gender stereotypes from their home altogether. The parents in this latter group might name their children gender-ambiguous names like Sky or Jordan, use they/them pronouns for their child, and choose to label their child’s gender as “X” on the birth certificate, something currently allowed in six states. These parents wait for their child to tell them what gender, if any, they identify with. 

What’s the point of gender creative parenting?  

Despite what nay-sayers and gender-essentialists may believe, parents do not raise their kids gender-neutrally as a political statement. They do it to give their children the opportunity to become as expansive as possible, without the limitations of gender-bias. 

After the publication of a 2017 study published in the Journal of Adolescent Health, which suggests a relationship between rigidly enforced gender stereotypes and physical and mental health risks in young adults, some parents have chosen a gender-neutral parenting route to promise the overall wellbeing and health of their child. 

How to implement gender creative parenting

As a parent, your work on gender creative parenting begins before your children are born, and continues as they grow up. 

1. Do your research. 

Gender creative parenting requires that the parents understand what gender is, as well as the ways in which gender-based biases can negatively impact the growth of all children. A good place to learn this information is with classic Gender 101 studies texts like Gender Trouble by Judith Butler and Gender: Your Guide by Lee Airton. A must-read account of gender creative parenting is Raising Them by Dr. Kyl Myers.

2. Explore your own gender and gender biases. 

If you’re interested in gender creative parenting because you’ve already explored your own gender and unpacked your internalized gender biases, skip this step! Otherwise, prior to becoming a parent, it can be helpful to question your own gender as well as consider the ways in which gender-based assumptions have impacted you. 

To do that you might: 

• Follow people from across the gender spectrum on social media. 
• Listen to podcasts on gender and sexuality like Gender Reveal, En(ba)by, Bad in Bed. 
• Read gender memoirs like Sissy by Jacob Tobia, Redefining Realness by Janet Mock, and Amateur by Thomas Page McBee.

3. Outline your parenting approach

Again, there is no single way to raise a gender creative child. Whether you’re parenting alone, with another individual, or with a community of co-parents, it’s important to agree on what raising a gender-neutral child will mean to you and your family. 

Before the child is born, you want to be able to answer questions like: 

• Do we want to find out the sex of the child before they are born? Who, if anyone, will have access to that information? 
• What are we going to name our child? Will we choose a name that is not traditionally used for one gender category? 
• What pronouns will we be using for the child? 
• Will we explain gender stereotypes and expectations to our child? How? At what age? 
• How will we push-back against the gendered messages they receive outside of the home? 
• How will we respond to other people who try to impose gender stereotypes on our child?
• How will we combat the rigid gender expectations of society? Of school? Of extracurricular activities?

If you’re unable to come to a conclusion on your own, consider hiring a therapist who specializes in working with non-traditional families or the LGBTQ+ community. 

4. Think about the language you want to use 

Often in parenting we use gendered language, especially when praising or cheering on your child. In traditional parenting, praising and punishing your child are two of the main times gendered language comes up. For example: “You’re such a strong girl!” and , or “What a smart little boy you are!”. 

Especially if you were raised in an environment that used gendered language, it’s easy to fall back into these gendered phrases, unless you have an alternative top-of-mind. Making a list with the qualities you want to help nurture in your child can be helpful. 

5. Form a community

As the saying goes, it takes a village, and that stands for parents using all kinds of parenting philosophies. So, if possible, try to find a group of other gender creative parents to be in community with, either online or in person. 

To find an in-person group, try Googling “gender-neutral parents near me” or “gender creative l playgroups near me”. Another option is to hit up MeetUp.com or to ask the leader of your local parenting groups. To find an online support group, put out a call on social media, or to introduce yourself in the comments of social platforms run by other gender creative parents like @RaisingZoomer. 

This content series was created in partnership with Family Equality, an organization advancing legal and lived equality for LGBTQ+ families and for those who wish to form them. Learn more at https://www.familyequality.org/. 

Being a good parent can take many forms. It means wiping away the tears and applying the band-aids after the slips and falls. It also means supporting your child on their journey to self-discovery. For some, this will include supporting them as they explore their gender or sexual identity or expression. 

Whether you have a child that identifies as LGBTQ+ or you want to be prepared for the possibility that they may identify as LGBTQ+ when they’re older, there are steps you can take so that they can feel free to be themselves and confident that you have their back. We know that just one accepting adult in an LGBTQ+ child’s life can reduce the likelihood of suicide by 40%, according to a study from the Trevor Project, an LGBTQ+ anti-bullying organization. 

It’s important to address this issue even if your child hasn’t said they are LGBTQ+. They may not feel safe coming out unless you first create an affirming environment and invite them in.

According to PFLAG, the first and largest organization for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ+) people, their parents and families, and allies, parents can create an LGBTQ+ affirming atmosphere for their, or any, kids, in a few, easy ways. 

Familiarize yourself with the issues

The road to supporting your child no matter who they are or might become starts with you. Like the airline safety instructions to secure your own mask before helping your child with theirs, you should first learn about the LGBTQ+ community to ensure you are approaching any conversations with them from a place of knowledge. Take the time to learn the correct terminology and the issues that LGBTQ+ communities face. The PFLAG glossary is a great place to start.

Start conversations and listen

Johns Hopkins Medicine recommends approaching your child with a “healthy curiosity” to foster dialogue and a two-way information flow. Kids may not always be forthcoming with information about their personal lives, and maintaining a good connection with them from the time they are little will help make them feel comfortable sharing more sensitive details when they’re older.

Parents should aim to approach their children with love as the guiding force, leaving preconceived notions at the door. PFLAG says parents should “listen with intent,” which means giving your child, “ample opportunity to open up and share their thoughts and feelings.” Pose open-ended and gentle questions that aim to help them communicate without any judgement attached.

Avoid making assumptions

Lambda Legal, an LGBTQ+ advocacy organization that does a lot of work with families and children, suggests that being a strong ally and supportive adult to your child starts by not making assumptions. Don’t assume someone identifies a certain way because of how they look or act or even things they may have said. Your child, or any child who might be LGBTQ+, should tell you who they are and how they identify. That should be your guiding light and not anything else. 

Speak up against discrimination  

You can also set a good example for your child regardless of how they identify and be a strong ally by speaking up and out if or when you witness anti-LGBTQ+ discrimination or harassment. Don’t just let someone get bullied without intervening in some way, while ensuring your own safety. Not only are you helping someone in need, you are also showing your own child that you are willing to stand up for LGBTQ+ people. Showing rather than telling is a powerful way to convey that you are inclusive and that your child can be their true self. You are also helping to raise a child who will follow in your stead and not be afraid to stand up for others who might be targets for discrimination. All of that work starts with showing up for your child as your authentic self. 

Engage with LGBTQ+ communities 

You can learn more about LGBTQ+ identities and experiences and jumpstart your allyship for your child by immersing yourself in an LGBTQ+ group or event. Attend a Pride March, whether in-person or virtual. Pop into a PFLAG meeting for parents or allies. Join a group at a local LGBTQ+ center or university to learn more from people who are living out and proud. Even if this option feels out of your comfort zone, know that you can always attend to listen and learn. 

Supporting your child, whether they identify as LGBTQ+ or may one day, doesn’t have to be difficult. In fact, creating an affirming home for your child, no matter who they are, can bring you both many moments of joy and open opportunities for closer connection.

This content series was created in partnership with Family Equality, an organization advancing legal and lived equality for LGBTQ+ families and for those who wish to form them. Learn more at https://www.familyequality.org/. 

Does your kid refuse any food that veers off their optimal color pallet? Fill up by just looking at broccoli while mysteriously leaving plenty of room for dessert? (We all need to admit there truly is another compartment when it comes to ice cream.) Do they seem to always get more food on themselves than in their mouth? Refuse to eat if any of the food is touching? Twirl their food into their hair? We’ve heard it all.

We’ve consulted with some Ovia Moms and reflected on our own childhoods. Here are some tried and true mom mealtime hacks for your inspiration (or entertainment).

Play restaurant

Many of us haven’t been going to restaurants much this year, so Ovia moms are bringing the restaurant into their own kitchens. Depending on the number of little ones you have at home and their ages, there are a whole bunch of roles that need to be filled at the “restaurant:” host, server, patron, dishwasher, the list goes on. “Restaurant” can even be a full day affair (those menus don’t write themselves kids)! Assign your little ones parts, maybe even multiple parts for those smaller families (or overachievers); and you’re open for business!

And, as every restaurant-goer knows, there is always one quiet lady sitting in the corner who does not appreciate being bothered. An Ovia mom was recently overheard reminding the waitstaff at her “restaurant” that the quiet lady in the corner should not be consulted on optimal dishwashing technique.

Cover your tracks

Many kids have a special talent for sensing and rejecting the most nutritious foods (we see those picked over greens left on your plate). Mom’s favorite hack? Wrap it up or put it on a stick. Something about those veggies being invisible or in a more fun format really does make them more delicious.

Dinner dancing

Ovia moms report that turning on some music can do wonders to help their little ones get those before-dinner zoomies out. When your infant, toddler, or adult partner is feeling a bit moody, nothing changes the mood more successfully than some happy music. This hack can be used any time. An Ovia Mom recently reported using the dance and music routine to combat her baby’s fear of the blender.

For warmer months and tired moms

When you’re just not feeling like making a complicated meal, take a blanket outside and have yourself a family picnic. There are so many reasons Ovia moms love this hack. Messy hands are no match for grass. And (perhaps most importantly), an extravagant meal would be very strange to bring to a picnic. PB&Js for everyone, limited kitchen time for Mom!

Little helpers

Getting your kiddos in on the cooking can be more trouble than it’s worth — one Ovia mom suspects this is the reason you’ve never once seen an Instagram Live of a family meal. But some foods are easier (and more time-consuming) for little hands. Have your older kids help shuck corn or break off asparagus ends. Not your thing? Ok, onto the next…

Themes

We’ve seen more than a few eyes roll at the idea of themed dinners, but themes can get your kids excited to dress up, decorate the table, even create drawings based on the theme — all of which offer you some extra time to place that order or, if you’re feeling inspired by the theme yourself, cook up something delicious.

One Ovia family throws a regular Jammies & Jewels themed dinner. Cozy, fabulous, and already dressed for bed (admittedly only so long as the mess is minimal). Mom brilliance at its finest (and most efficient).

Need some post dinner inspiration? We love a good pillow fort, but we’re noticing that a lot of forts these days are missing a main character: a sleeping mama bear who can’t be woken up. We know just the right person for the part.

Read more:

• 6 hilarious mom beauty hacks
• 5 moms on what they really want for Mother’s Day 

Toting your tot has many benefits, and may be something you and Baby have done since they was brand new. Wearing your toddler means easier navigation through crowded areas than with a stroller, and offers the added benefit of leaving your hands free – pretty nice when you feel like you always have your hands full!

As with most baby contraptions, the type of carrier you use to carry Baby will need to change as they grows. Here’s a rundown on which carriers are still safe, and which should be retired by Baby’s age.

• Slings: These carriers are great for smaller babies, and offer the flexibility of varied positions, while still keeping your little one close. Though slings are a great choice for wearing young children around the house, or for minimal travel, slings tend to max out around 20 pounds. After that, Baby will start to feel confined and cramped, which means it’ll probably be time to try something new.
• Front carriers: These snug-fitting carriers offer both shoulder and waist or hip straps, and are a secure choice for infants and toddlers. In a front carrier, Baby can face inward or outward, and you can adjust the straps to distribute the weight in a comfortable way. While most carriers hold little ones up to 30 pounds, as Baby grows, you may find you’re becoming a bit less comfortable hauling around that extra weight. If your front carrier becomes a challenge, or painful, it may be time to consider a backpack.
• Baby backpack: Backpacks make great carriers for toddlers, offering the security of babywearing, with the benefit of extra comfort. Choose a lightweight model to avoid carrying extra weight, with an adjustable seat and harness for Baby. For heavier toddlers, you can also seek out a model with a waist belt, allowing their weight to transfer from your shoulders to your hips. Backpack bonus? Many models come with pockets for storing the essentials!

Baby is growing, but that doesn’t mean your babywearing days have to come to an end – just be sure they is secure in the carrier, and fits the size limits outlined by the manufacturer. When babywearing, remember the following safety tips:

• Never cook with your child in a carrier.
• Avoid climbing ladders and onto stools.
• Avoid risky activities like bike riding or skating.
• Do not reach for items overhead, as they can fall and hit your child.

Why toddlers cling

Toddlers cling to parents or other caregivers when they’re seeking reassurance, but that’s not a sign of a problem with the attachment between parent or caregiver and child. In fact, children with less secure attachments can feel less willing to reach out to parents or caregivers when they’re scared or upset. Insecurity and nervousness are part of life – when toddlers cling in response to those feelings, they’re showing they trust their parents or caregivers to make them feel better.

Still, clinginess isn’t always easy to live with. There’s no real way to cut clinginess off, but there are a few strategies for dealing with it that can be reassuring to toddlers’ insecurities.

• Accept the cling: Encouraging toddlers to let go, play independently, or play with someone else, often just prompts them to cling harder. Accepting that your toddler is just going to be sticking close for a while, and not making that big of a deal out of it, can help to keep their clinginess from turning into a power struggle.
• Preemptive strike: Baby wants your attention and your time, so give them what they wants – before they thinks to ask for it. If Baby is in a clingy stage, try showering them with attention and affection from the moment they wakes up in the morning. Who knows? They might be the one who needs a little space before too long.
• Look for patterns: There may be a certain time of day when Baby feels clingiest or fussiest, and it can make life much easier to plan around these times for a little while. The clingy stage will pass on its own eventually, and it’s not spoiling Baby to take their moods and feelings into account as you figure out the shape of your family’s day.
• Find the work-around: Often, one of the big problems with toddler clinginess is just the practical issue that it’s hard to get things done with a toddler attached to your leg. There are a few different ways to handle this, from breaking out a sling or larger baby carrier (if you’re feeling especially brawny) to setting them up in a playpen nearby, and talking to them through the whole process, so that they is constantly reassured that you’re nearby. In the case of many around-the-house chores, getting Baby involved can be a great way to handle getting them done while letting them cling. Accepting that they’s clinging doesn’t mean letting the world revolve around them. The dishes still have to get done, but maybe you can find a stool for them to stand on next to you by the sink, and a cloth they can use to dry the silverware. They might end up dropping most of it, but it’ll get them used to participating in the things that need to get done around the house.
• Practice your goodbyes: Goodbyes, whether you’re leaving Baby at daycare for the day, or just in the living room while you take a quick shower, can be especially hard if Baby is feeling clingy. It can be tempting to either drag out goodbyes (it’s so hard to leave ripping-off-a-bandage-fast when Baby is turning those tragic eyes on you) or sneak out while they’s distracted, but both of these can make toddlers feel more insecure. Consistency in leaving is reassuring, even if Baby isn’t in the mood to thank you for it. Tell them that you’re leaving, and how long you’ll be gone, and then do what you said. Giving them a specific timeframe (like “I’ll be back by the time you wake up from your nap.”) helps to build trust and make Baby feel more secure about your comings and goings.
• Act as a bridge: If Baby wants to stick close to you during social situations, that’s fine – it gives you the opportunity to act as a bridge between them and other people. If you’re hanging out with other toddlers, then, by extension Baby is, too. If you’re having a nice conversation with another adult, Baby is getting used to that adult’s presence, and maybe starting to relax around them. If you’re playing in the sandbox with Baby and other kids, you’re there to help them navigate sticky situations like sharing and playing together versus playing near each other.

It can be worrying to parents when normally outgoing toddlers start sticking closer to them, but generally, clinginess is a normal phase that passes on its own with parents’ support and encouragement.

Sources

• Meghan Leahy. “Mom of clingy toddler asks: Is it okay to take a break?” The Washington Post. The Washington Post, August 24 2016. Web.
• Laura Markham. “Is Responsive Parenting Causing Clinginess in 13 month old?” Aha! Parenting. Dr. Laura Markham. Web.
• Laura Markham. “Playing with Your Child: Games for Connection and Emotional Intelligence.” Aha! Parenting. Dr. Laura Markham. Web.
• Melinda Wenner Moyer. “‘Caaaarrrryyyyy Meeeeeeeee!’ How to handle a clingy kid.” Slate. The Slate Group, January 10 2014. Web.

Bonding

Engaging with Baby is the best way to help them get excited about the world, and because so many milestones have to do with their drive to explore, excitement about the world is important.

Empower, encourage, entice

Sometimes Baby just needs a little incentive to get moving. If they isn’t reaching out for or grasping things, it could just be that they isn’t seeing anything worth reaching for or grasping. If you place some objects they might be interested in just out of their reach, they might be more willing to reach out to try to get it. Having them reach for different objects with different shapes gives them the chance to work with different muscles and build dexterity. Similarly, you can encourage motion by giving them more of a reason to want to be, say, a few steps away by sitting nearby and calling them over to you.

Verbal milestones can follow a similar trajectory – the more you talk to them, the more incentive you give them to want to communicate right back. When you talk to them, waiting for them to respond helps to teach them about the rhythms and give-and-take of conversation, even if they isn’t quite ready to talk back yet. Making eye contact when you talk to them can also help them with their growing social skills.

Be consistent

When it comes to communication milestones like words or gestures, you can help Baby out a lot just by being consistent with your vocabulary. If you’re calling the family dog “the dog,” one day, “doggy,” the next, “puppy,” the day after that, with the occasional “Fluffy” thrown in, Baby is definitely going to have a harder time deciding what to shout out when their fuzzy friend comes running into the room.

The same goes for gestures – Baby is more likely to start waving goodbye if that’s the gesture they sees every time somebody leaves for the day.

Make way!

Sometimes literally, what Baby needs in order to reach a lot of their big milestones is the room to practice. If they has a safe space to roll, then scoot, then crawl around in, and enough time to spend there, they should start to experiment with what they can do. If they has something stable and the right height to pull up on, they is a lot more likely to move on to that stage of pre-walking than they would otherwise. And if they has a fair amount unsupervised and unscheduled time to explore, they is more likely to try new things than if they has less time to play around and experiment.

Don’t panic

It’s good advice if you’re hitchhiking across the galaxy, and it’s a good idea if you’re raising an infant too. Baby may be focusing on learning one set of skills now, and have to play a little bit of catch-up later, but they has their own pace and their own set of priorities. Not following the established pattern for milestones may just mean that they is going to be a little bit of a maverick, and venture off the beaten path a bit – every family needs a maverick. If you have any concerns about Baby‘s development, don’t hesitate to talk to your healthcare provider about it.

Plenty of times, parents are okay with not attending parties if they can’t get someone to babysit for a couple of hours – but there are a handful of invites you just can’t say no to, right? After all, you do need a breather from time to time. And sometimes, the only thing to do is to bring your little one to the party.

Bringing a toddler to an adult-only party, however, can pose a couple of problems for the child, the host, and for you. But you can help set yourself up with a win-win situation for all three by following a few guidelines.

Always ask permission

Surprising the host by bringing a toddler to the party is never a good thing. This is true even if the host is your closest friend, family member, or someone who has always been extra kind to you. The second part of the rule about asking beforehand is to be prepared for the answer to be “no.”

Getting a refusal might not have anything to do with how the host thinks your child will behave, or how they feel about them. Instead, it might be because they’re afraid of making the rest of the party guests who are going to attend the party without their kids uncomfortable, or changing the atmosphere of the gathering.

Pack a toddler kit

If Baby has the go-ahead to be your plus-one, they’s going to need supplies for their evening in the unknown territory of an adult party. This might include Baby’s favorite toys, a couple of pieces of clothing (like a warm sweater, a clean top in case of spills, or play clothes if they is starting out the night dressed to impress), extra pull-ups, snacks, or anything that your child might need.

Of course, food is especially important to think about ahead of time if your little one has food allergies or sensitivities, but it’s pretty important even if they’s just a little bit picky. Toddlers in unfamiliar environments can be more ready than ever to be not entirely happy, and having a familiar favorite snack on-hand may help you swerve around the possibility of a hunger-pang meltdown.

Brush up on manners

Even if the Baby is easygoing, doesn’t like to cause trouble, or has always gotten along well at adult gatherings in the past, it is always good to refresh their memory about good manners when attending an adult party – whether that means using an inside voice, not jumping on the furniture, or any other house rules your friend might have.

When talking about manners, consistency and giving specific examples can be helpful. You can help Baby prepare for the big event by offering them chances to practice their good manners by role-playing.

Set a limit

This goes for both you and Baby – you want to be able to go to this party, but it’s important to know your own limits ahead of time. If your little one starts to get really cranky, or isn’t able to get fall asleep on your friend’s guest bed, it’s important to be prepared to head out earlier than you might have been planning on. If the number of people at the party is overwhelming them, that might be your cue, too. If you’re spending the entire night chasing after Baby instead of getting the chance to catch up with your friends at all, you might decide that that’s your limit, and head out, even if Baby seems perfectly happy.

Watch the clock

Time does fly when you’re having fun. Before you know it, it’s already three hours past your toddler’s bedtime. Some parents find it can be helpful to set an alarm to let them know when it’s time to head home. Having some flexibility is fine, and if your host offers Baby a place to get some rest, and they can manage to drop off in an unfamiliar space, you may be able to stay a while later than Baby’s bedtime – you know their sleep habits and needs best, so you’re the best person to decide whether that’s a good solution for your family. In general, though, no matter how much fun a party is, if it goes too late for Baby, they may make you regret it in the morning.

It’s definitely possible to attend an adult party with little kids – the key is to be just as mindful of Baby’s needs as the host’s.