Preteens and teens - Ovia Health https://www.oviahealth.com/blog/parenting/preteens-and-teens/ Digital health personalized for every family journey Wed, 11 Jun 2025 16:22:29 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.8.3 RSV: What you need to know https://www.oviahealth.com/guide/289312/rsv-what-you-need-to-know/ Tue, 03 Oct 2023 17:49:38 +0000 https://www.oviahealth.com/?post_type=article&p=289312 Respiratory Syncytial Virus, commonly known as RSV, is a seasonal respiratory illness. While it usually causes mild illness, it can sometimes be serious and lead to emergency room visits and hospitalization. As a parent or parent-to-be, it helps to know what to look for, how to prevent it, and who is most likely to get sick. 

The basics of RSV

RSV is most common during October to April, which coincides with flu season. This can make it tough to tell which illness your child has, and your pediatric provider can order a nasal swab to test for both. Commonly, kids will have:

  • Runny nose
  • Decreased appetite
  • Cough
  • Wheezing
  • Fever
  • Fast breathing
  • Tiredness or fatigue

The biggest worry with RSV is that it can make it hard for people to breathe. This video shows what to look for when it comes to RSV and breathing. Call your pediatric provider or seek emergent care if you notice any of these symptoms – even one. Babies under age one, children born prematurely, and any child with a high-risk condition are at greatest risk for complications. Older people are also at higher risk of hospitalization and complications from RSV. Encourage the grandparents and other older adults in your life to get vaccinated to protect the whole family.

What now?

If your child has been diagnosed with RSV, or it’s strongly suspected, try not to panic. Most children recover well and only need rest, hydration and maybe medication for fever. Keep a close eye out for severe symptoms and breathing difficulties, and alert your pediatric provider if your child is high-risk or having trouble eating or drinking. 

For young children and babies, it can be hard to eat and drink while sick with RSV. Signs of dehydration can be found here, but try to offer lots of fluids or water-rich foods, like fruit or popsicles, often throughout the day. Babies under age one don’t need additional water, just breastmilk and/or formula. Breastfed babies may want to breastfeed all day or find it tough to stay latched – both are common experiences. On the other end, it can be helpful to track wet diapers again in the Ovia Parenting app – even if it’s been a while! 

Because RSV spreads so easily, your child should not go back to daycare or preschool until their symptoms have resolved. Your family may also want to consider limiting contact with other high-risk family members, like grandparents.

Preventing RSV

Preventing RSV is similar to preventing other respiratory illnesses like the flu or Covid-19. Hand washing, masking and avoiding large indoor groups during RSV season can all help. Preventative treatment is approved for babies entering their first RSV season or high-risk children entering their second RSV season. 

In addition, there are currently two ways to protect your baby from the risk of getting RSV that you may want to consider. 

Nirsevimab (Beyfortus) for infants

  • The RSV antibody is available for babies and some young children to protect against severe RSV.
  • Recommended for infants under eight months of age born during RSV season or about to enter RSV season, especially those who are at an increased risk, such as infants:
    • Children born prematurely
    • Those with a severely compromised immune system
    • Children with cystic fibrosis
    • American Indian and Alaska Native children
  • If the birthing parent gives birth 14 or more days after being vaccinated against RSV, except in rare circumstances, most infants younger than 8 months of age do not need to receive the Nirsevimab vaccine.

RSV Vaccine (Pfizer ABRYSVO) for those who are pregnant and people over 60

  • An RSV maternal vaccine for the pregnant parent to pass on protection to their babies. 
  • Individuals in their third trimester, from September through January, should receive the vaccine, specifically during weeks 32-36 of pregnancy. 
  • Taking the vaccine will pass on valuable antibodies to your newborn baby. 
  • RSV Vaccine is also approved for people over 60. If you have close family members who may live with you or care for your children, discussing vaccination may be a good idea to help protect both the baby and family members.

It’s important to explore these options with your OB provider and family to determine what’s best for your baby. It’s a big step forward in protecting those most vulnerable to severe RSV infection and hospitalization.

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team

Sources:

]]> How to talk about periods https://www.oviahealth.com/guide/282211/periods-how-to-talk-about-them/ Tue, 18 Apr 2023 19:01:25 +0000 https://www.oviahealth.com/?post_type=article&p=282211 While all conversations about puberty and bodies are important, talking about periods and what to expect is unique. Periods are the subject of a fair amount of cultural fear, stigma and shame, but as parents what we teach all of our children can have a positive impact overall. Most of these talking points are geared towards all children and tweens, not only those who will have a period. 

It’s normal to fumble a little when talking about puberty. You don’t have to get every chat perfectly scripted or started. What matters is that you give your child plenty of opportunities to learn and ask questions. Being honest and direct and respecting what feels sensitive or embarrassing to them is key. Any caregiver can have these conversations. Your child’s openness may surprise you!

Bra shopping

Periods don’t have a clear start time. They can start as early as age 8 and as late as 16. We know that periods are going to happen, and talking about them early and often increases comfort and decreases shame. Being aware of the physical changes that happen before periods start can help. Periods usually start about 2 years after the first signs of breast development. You can’t circle an exact date on your calendar, but if you haven’t started talking about periods when breast development starts, it’s definitely a great window to get chatting!

Avoid surprises

Periods can be scary when kids aren’t prepared. And because a period can start anytime and anywhere, the first one can leave your child feeling very overwhelmed in a public place. As soon as you are aware of breast development, you can start small with some of these intros:

  • I was wondering what you’d heard about periods from your friends or books.
  • Is there anything you’re worried about later in puberty?
  • Does anyone at school get their period yet? I thought we could talk about what that’s like. 
  • I bought you some period supplies. Is now an okay time to talk about how they work?
  • If someone were upset about their period, how could you help?

If you’re having these conversations with a child who won’t get a period, way to go! Half of the population gets a period, so there shouldn’t be any shame or embarrassment about it. But if people don’t understand how cycles work, they might be more likely to tease others or ignore what’s happening.

Learning about periods and cycles

Depending on when your child gets their period, they may be ready to start cycle tracking independently or need some support. You can also teach them in advance how things work by showing how you or a partner/friend track their cycle. Periods can be very irregular for the first two years, but it never hurts to try to be prepared for the next one. 

Let your child know that they won’t come like clockwork, and that things like stress, travel, and illness can throw off anyone’s cycle. This can help manage their expectations. It’s a great idea to teach them about the other phases of their cycle too as they might start to notice physical and emotional symptoms.

The Ovia app is a great place to start, set to cycle tracking mode (as opposed to trying to conceive mode). Again, helping them to be prepared for what to expect — how many days of bleeding they might have and how their body and mind will feel — can make all the difference for their confidence.

How to prepare for periods

Ideally you can keep a stock of period supplies at home, and a few key items in a school or activities bag. Once your child knows their preferences, you can bulk order what they like. 

  • Pads in various absorbencies. These will be the easiest to start with in many cases. Most brands now make slimmer versions that fit a tween’s body better and are less noticeable under clothes and in their school bag. 
  • Tampons in various absorbencies. Although they may take some time to get the hang of, active tweens may need to use a tampon to participate in certain activities, or some just may feel more comfortable without a pad on.
  • Period underwear. A few pairs of period underwear can be a game changer for comfort. It means less risk of a leak through at school, and can be great on the days leading up to an expected period. Modibody and Tomboy have been shown to be PFAS-free. 
  • Regular full coverage underwear in darker colors. Staining is inevitable, and pads are easier to adhere to full coverage, brief style underwear. (It’s also a great idea to have an extra pair in a school bag just in case.)
  • Pain relief, like Ibuprofen and heating pads for cramps or headaches.

Menstrual cups are also an excellent period option, but often better to try once they’ve got the initial hang of things! If they’re interested from the start in using a cup, it’s safe to try and many come in slightly smaller sizes for tweens.

Preparing your child (and yourself) for the start of their period can mean the difference between a scary transition and one that happens with ease. The more you bring it up and normalize the conversation, the more your whole family will feel increased comfort when the time comes.

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team

]]> Your guide to age seventeen https://www.oviahealth.com/guide/281879/your-guide-to-age-seventeen/ Fri, 07 Apr 2023 19:14:50 +0000 https://www.oviahealth.com/?post_type=article&p=281879 This guide is intended to provide some context into what you might expect for neuro-typical seventeen-year-old development. Milestones and development are different for everyone.

Believe it or not, your child is now on the cusp of becoming an adult, legally and physically. Many parents and caregivers wonder, how ready is my 17-year-old for the real world? As they move towards milestones like graduating from high school or starting college, this may be the last year they live with you.

You know that the choices your teen makes now can impact much of their adult lives. So remember that you do affect the choices your 17-year-old makes, even if it doesn’t always seem that way. Parenting your 17-year-old can be a tricky balance of guiding them towards autonomy while also keeping them safe and supported.

During this year, stress is one of the biggest challenges your child will face in their peer relationships, school, home, and work. The good news is that developmentally, 17-year-olds tend to be more comfortable seeking advice from older people and their parents again.  Your parenting challenge for this year is to continue what you have already been doing for them – connecting with them and supporting their ongoing emotional learning.

The major developmental milestones for 17-year-olds

Age 17 language and cognitive skills development

This highly-stimulating, exciting time of life for your late adolescent results in rapid cognitive growth. We now know that the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for something called executive functioning) continues to grow and develop for another eight years – at least until your child is 25 years old.

By Age 17, your child may:

  • Be more skilled at making complex decisions.
  • Have established and more realistic plans for their future after high school (work, college, military, travel).
  • May still struggle to consider “the big picture” when in the moment or under stress.
  • Adapt their language and behavior depending on where they are – school, home, or work.
  • Have better organizational skills so that they can juggle multiple responsibilities (homework, friends, jobs, and relationships).
  • Engage in more thinking about thinking (called metacognition)
  • Be able to make their own schedule and plans.
  • Set limits and compromises when appropriate.

Age 17 social and emotional learning milestones

17-year-olds will seem more emotionally mature as they:

  • Move toward a more adult sense of themselves and their purpose.
  • Cope better with new problems and different situations than they did at younger ages (called fluid intelligence and emotional regulation).
  • Focus on relationships and dating and likely become sexually active.
  • Seek adult leadership roles.
  • Continue to be focused on their appearance.
  • Become better able to resist peer pressure.
  • Have fewer mood swings as their sense of identity and control both feel more secure.

They may still have moments when they remind you they are not ready to be an adult, especially when they:

  • Continue to feel the need to challenge you and your authority.
  • Feel nervous or hesitant about becoming an adult with increased responsibilities.
  • Are paralyzed by both a fear of the future and a fear of failure when trying to make bigger decisions.

Age 17 physical development and motor skills

By age 17, physical and sexual development is nearly complete. Your adolescent will:

  • Have fully-developed male genitals (penis and scrotum) in size and shape.
  • Have adult patterns of armpit, leg, chest, pubic and facial hair by age 18.
  • Notice a slowing in growth (height) in males by age 18.
  • Have completed breast development, usually by 17-18 years old.
  • Notice the appearance of the third molars (wisdom teeth), usually between 17 and 21. Talk with your dentist about whether or not your teen will need to have their wisdom teeth removed.
  • Continue to gain weight even if they are not growing taller. In males, increasing muscle mass may be the cause of weight gain.
  • Be able to take care of their grooming and hygiene.
  • Most teens have had sex by age 17. Continue small chats about sex, birth control and pregnancy to keep lines of communication open and support available as they navigate these topics. Make sure your teen is aware of their reproductive rights/restrictions where you live.

Vaccines for 17-year-olds

Your healthcare provider can help you ensure that your 17-year-old is up to date with their recommended vaccines. They should receive vaccines, boosters, or catch-up vaccines if they are off schedule to protect them from the following diseases:

  • Influenza (Flu) (one dose of vaccine every year)
  • COVID-19 (per current CDC recommendations)

Before your child enters college, a technical school, or a university, check that their vaccinations are up to date. If your child has missed any vaccines or is off schedule, they can “catch up” to get back on track. In addition, many states recommend and require that some college students receive the meningococcal conjugate vaccine.

Healthy eating and activity for 17-year-olds

If plans are in motion for your 17 year old to live independently in the coming year, you’ll want to solidify some of the teaching you’ve already done! Can they make their favorite meals? Do they know about how much to buy for a week’s worth of snacks and breakfasts? There is still plenty of time to get your teen ready, and their roommates and friends will appreciate it too. Take the next year to enjoy bonding over physical activity, and reinforce how much better everyone feels when they get outside and move together. This is something that can carry over to their new friendships in adulthood and benefit them physically, socially and emotionally.

  • Continue to make eating together as a family a priority.
  • Teens make more of their own food choices. Try a night when they cook for you!
  • Talk about the health risks of energy drinks and drinking too much caffeine. Help them learn about alternatives to caffeine to stay energized. 
  • Stock their favorite fruits and vegetables for snacks.
  • Your teen should brush their teeth twice daily, floss once daily, and see a dentist every six months. Their dentist can help you determine if wisdom teeth have enough room to grow or if you need a referral to an oral surgeon.
  • 17-year-olds should be getting at least 60 minutes of physical activity every day. 
  • Talk with your healthcare provider if your teen athlete is feeling pressured to lose weight or gain muscle by overdoing training or using dangerous substances like steroids or supplements. 
  • Focus on health, not weight. Teach your teen not to use food as a reward or coping strategy for difficult feelings. These behaviors can lead to disordered eating.
  • Your 17-year-old should get between 8-10 hours of sleep every night. Watch for signs of sleep deprivation which can lead to serious problems for your teen’s health and well-being.
  • 17-year-olds can struggle to find a healthy relationship with their food, body image, and well-being. Talk with your healthcare provider or mental health specialist specializing in eating disorders, adolescent obesity, or adolescent athletes if you are worried about your teen.    

Keeping your 17-year-old safe

It might seem like you are constantly nagging, but teens (even older ones) still need reminders to keep them safe. Plus, your communication shows them that you care about their well-being. So keep talking about substance abuse, safe driving, sexual activity, and mental health self-care, even if it feels like a conversation you’ve had a million times.

  • Discourage vaping. Using E-cigarettes or vaping in adolescence can cause lifelong problems for your teen’s mental health by harming the parts of their brain controlling attention, learning, mood, and impulse regulation.
  • Reinforce the importance of always wearing seatbelts with your 17-year-old. They are much more likely to always buckle up if you do too.
  • Give your teen tips for getting out of riding with a driver impaired by alcohol or drugs. Talk about the risks of driving while texting, sleep-deprived, or impaired by alcohol, marijuana, or drugs.
  • Even though substance abuse is common among teens, remind them that not all of their peers drink or use substances.
  • Know where your teen is going and who they’ll be with. If your teen is hosting friends or a party, you should be there to make sure there aren’t drugs or alcohol. If your teen is going elsewhere, you should text the hosting teen’s parents to ensure there will be adult supervision.
  • Ensure your 17-year-old wears a helmet when on a bike, scooter, skateboard, ATV, motorbike or snowmobiling, skiing, snowboarding, and when playing contact sports to avoid concussion-related brain injuries. Repeated concussions, with or without a helmet on, can have lifelong consequences. 
  • Talk with your teen about gun safety and school violence. Having a gun in your home increases the risk of murder and suicide in your home. 
  • Some teens cope by cutting or self-injuring. Don’t miss the signs of self-harm in your teen.
  • Be alert for any changes in your teen’s behavior – they could be signs that your teen is struggling with depression or anxiety. Contact your health care provider, mental health counselor, or the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (988) if you have any concerns that they might attempt suicide.
  • Gender-diverse teens and/or teens in larger-sized bodies are more likely to experience bullying, depression, and anxiety and be at risk for attempting suicide.
  • Your teen should continue to have annual check-up appointments with their pediatrician or healthcare provider.
  • Continue conversations and open communication with your teen about consent, teen dating violence, and protecting themselves against sexually transmitted infections and unplanned pregnancy.

Reinforcing healthy screentime habits

Like tobacco, alcohol, or drugs, screen time or video games can become an addiction that damages your teen’s health and relationships. Talk with your teen, their health care provider, and even their school if their daily screen time dose far exceeds the recommended 2 hours per day. Other helpful reminders to give your 17-year-old are:

  • Co-view and discuss. According to Common Sense Media, teens whose parents participate in their media lives make better choices and spend less time with media.
  • Limit multitasking. Multitasking makes it harder to focus on one thing and can prevent face-to-face conversations.
  • Safeguard privacy online. Discuss limiting information in online profiles, never posting personal details like phone numbers and addresses, and using strong passwords.
  • Social media posts are permanent – they don’t disappear even when deleted, and could impact their future college and job opportunities.
  • Report any messages from people they don’t know to you or another trusted adult.
  • Cyberbullying can cause lasting emotional harm and even be fatal. Encourage your 17-year-old to speak up and out against harmful online behavior by being a digital upstander.
  • Set timers and reminders to help keep track of the amount of time spent video gaming.
  • Avoid sexting and sharing any regular pictures without first asking others’ permission. Your 17 year old may start to understand the legal consequences of some non-consensual behavior. 
  • Encourage media mindfulness. Teach them to notice when being online makes them uncomfortable, worried, sad, or anxious, and strategize ways to make themselves feel better.

Conversation starters and parenting hacks for your 17-year-old

They may be almost ready to fly the nest, but take advantage of their greater sense of identity and capacity for complete thinking by asking some of these thought-provoking questions:

  • How would you define racism?
  • What’s the biggest lesson you learned from your last relationship? (if they have been in a relationship)
  • What’s your favorite way to de-stress?
  • What are the best and worst things about having a smartphone (or social media)?
  • How would you describe your personality?
  • Are you looking forward to being an adult?
  • If we had more money, how would you use it?
  • What are the big things kids are talking about at school?
  • Why do you think kids use drugs or alcohol?
  • What do you think about marijuana being legal for adults in some states?
  • Do you believe in God?

Ways to help them grow and develop:

  • Stay involved in your 17-year-old’s life even if they act like they don’t want you to. You can better see the world from your teen’s perspective when you are familiar with it. 
  • Get to know your kid’s friends, their parents, and especially the parents of anyone your kid may be dating.
  • Find ways to help your teen talk to people in certain jobs or get experience by working or volunteering.
  • Encourage your adolescent to talk to a trusted adult about problems or concerns, even if it is not you who they choose to speak with.
  • Decide rules and consequences of mistakes in advance.  If you have a two-parent or a blended family, parents should have their own discussion beforehand for consistency. Mistakes are a normal part of life – even for adults. If your 17-year-old makes a mistake, ask them what they learned from their mistake or poor choice.
  • Stick to your boundaries and established limits. 
  • If your teen is stuck in analysis paralysis, support their critical thinking and planning skills by brainstorming different options and listing the pros and cons. Let them take over more of the day-to-day problem-solving and life choices.

Habits are hard to break – that’s why your job as a parent of a 17-year-old is to help them learn the healthy habits now that will keep them safe as adults. Being a 17-year-old can be stressful and overwhelming as they contemplate launching from the nest, worrying about college, part-time jobs, and more serious relationships. They are also trying to figure out where they will fit into the adult world. So be there to offer support, connect them with resources, and provide love and acceptance when you see them struggling.

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team

Sources

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Your guide to age fifteen

Your guide to age sixteen

]]> Your guide to age sixteen https://www.oviahealth.com/guide/281859/your-guide-to-age-sixteen/ Fri, 07 Apr 2023 18:52:18 +0000 https://www.oviahealth.com/?post_type=article&p=281859 This guide is intended to provide some context into what you might expect for neuro-typical sixteen-year-old development. Milestones and development are different for everyone.

The best-known milestone of reaching age 16 is getting a driver’s license, depending on where you live. While being able to drive adds new layers of independence, conflict, and potential danger into your teen’s life, your 16-year-old will reach many less-obvious developmental milestones this year.

Your job as a parent or trusted adult is to give them chances to practice new skills in low-stakes versions of real life. Parents and caregivers sometimes have to adjust to a more hands-off approach to parenting during the later teenage years. Your teen may want you to be more of a “potted plant parent,” according to adolescent parenting expert Dr. Lisa Damour. Yes, this may be an adjustment for you. But, as you modify how and when you connect, remember that your calm and steady presence in their lives still helps them meet checkpoints in their emotional, physical, and intellectual development along their path toward adulthood.

The major developmental milestones for 16-year-olds

Age 16 language and cognitive skills development

Your teen’s cognitive development prepares them for managing complexity, making judgments, and planning for the future – what adults do daily. Brain imaging with magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) of teenage brains shows that your teen’s brain structures and the connections between them are still under construction (up until age 25). The more your teen experiences, the more their brain re-organizes these information highways – finding newer, more efficient traffic patterns for your teen to process their ever-expanding world. Because your teen’s brain is a work-in-progress, toxic substances such as marijuana, nicotine, and alcohol can easily cause lifelong damage.

By Age 16, your child may:

  • Think less concretely and more abstractly.
  • Use abstract thinking to form new ideas and questions.
  • Be intrigued by philosophy and other intellectual pursuits.
  • Begin to appreciate symbolism.
  • Organize their thoughts and can use mnemonic devices (like HOMES to remember the names of the Great Lakes) and other strategies to think and recall information more efficiently.
  • Earn and spend money wisely (signs of financial literacy).
  • Plan for “what if” situations.
  • Communicate like an adult.
  • Fully understand punctuation and grammatical rules, and write and read sentences with complex structures.

Watch for signs of potential learning disabilities if your teen struggles in school. Talk with their teachers, healthcare provider, and a mental health counselor to determine if bullying, depression, or learning or attention problems are to blame.

Age 16 social and emotional learning milestones

Your teen’s biggest social and emotional milestone at this age is their search for self-knowledge and identity. They will want to be more independent and in control as part of this process. Your 16-year-old may:

  • Be spending less and less time with you and more time with friends.
  • Understand that others’ actions may not represent their true thoughts or intentions.
  • Be overly focused on their perceptions (especially their behaviors and appearance).
  • Be developing and fine-tuning their unique personality and opinions.
  • Focus on their peer group and their need for belonging, reinforced in cliques, gangs, or clubs who may try to act alike, dress alike, have secret codes or rituals, and participate in the same activities.
  • Be learning emotional regulation skills such as accepting or managing negative feelings to balance their emotions.

Age 16 physical development and motor skills

Your adolescent may grow several inches in several months, followed by a period of slow growth, then have another growth spurt. Changes with puberty can happen gradually, or several signs may appear seemingly overnight. 

By age 16:

  • Most teens assigned female at birth (AFAB) will have completed puberty by this point and will be physically mature.
  • Girls’ growth spurt peaks around age 11.5 and slows around age 16.
  • Males will have a growth spurt, and puberty-related changes continue with voices cracking as their voices lower.
  • Your teen will be exploring sex and sexuality through self-stimulation (masturbation).
  • Some teens develop acne. Your pediatrician may recommend prescription treatments if you have a family history of acne or if your child has severe acne that could cause scarring. 

Vaccines for 16-year-olds

Staying on track with recommended vaccines and booster shots will help keep your teen healthy. They will most likely receive the following vaccines this year:

  • Influenza (Flu) (one dose of vaccine every year)
  • COVID-19 (per current CDC recommendations)
  • Meningococcal disease
    • Meningococcal conjugate (MenACWY)  given at 16 years old (2nd dose)
    • Serogroup B meningococcal (MenB) may be given, preferably at 16 through 18 years (2 doses)

Preteens and teens are at increased risk for meningococcal disease, an uncommon illness. Infections of the brain, blood, spinal fluid, and spinal cord with this bacteria can cause lifetime disabilities and even death. All 11 and 12-year-olds should have received a meningococcal conjugate (MenACWY) vaccine. The CDC recommends a booster dose at age 16.

Healthy eating and activity for 16-year-olds

Looking forward, what do you hope your teen knows or remembers about eating and their bodies? With a few more years under your roof, it may help to focus on what you can control around these topics with a teen. Moving your bodies as a family, whether that’s walks around the block or yoga at home, can provide the activity they need as well as powerful memories. Shopping, cooking and eating together gives your teen valuable skills in adulthood and traditions to last a lifetime. You’ve laid the groundwork showing them what kinds of foods can give them the nutrition and energy they need, now it’s time to let that teaching shine as they display much more independence.

  • Adolescents with heavy periods (especially those not eating red meat) are at risk for low iron levels (anemia). Talk with your child’s healthcare provider if you have concerns.
  • Limit 100% juice, sports drinks, and other sugary beverages to no more than 4–6 ounces (120–180 ml) daily. Talk about the health risks of energy drinks and drinking too much caffeine.
  • Your teen should brush their teeth twice daily, floss once daily, and see a dentist every 6 months.
  • Getting at least 60 minutes of physical activity daily will help your teen sleep better, maintain a healthy weight, build strong muscles and bones, and even have an easier time focusing in school.
  • Are you worried about your 16-year-old’s eating habits, body image, or mental health? Additional support can give your teen the tools to feel good about their body.
  • If your teen is an athlete, limit practicing to 5 days a week to prevent overuse injuries and burn-out.
  • If your teenager is interested in weight training, make sure a qualified adult supervises them.
  • Your 16-year-old should get between 8-10 hours of sleep every night. Watch for signs of sleep deprivation and keep screens out of their bedroom to protect their sleep.

Cultivating healthy screentime habits

According to recent estimates, teens ages 13-18 spend, on average, more than 7.5 hours in front of a screen for entertainment, 4.5 of which are spent watching TV. Teens spend nearly four times the recommended 2 hours per day on screens. Here are some tips to help your family find a healthy screentime balance:

  • Common Sense Media offers resources to help you teach digital citizenship and offers reviews of movies, books, TV shows, apps, games, and YouTube for you to learn more about what your teen is watching.
  • Review the basics of online etiquette, such as using privacy settings and remembering that anything posted on social media can be made public.
  • Remind your teen not to post their location or share personal information with anyone they don’t know well from in-person interactions.
  • Create media-free zones and times, such as meal times, before bed, or in the car. This will create opportunities for meaningful conversations to happen (see conversation starters below)
  • Ask your teen about cyberbullying and what they would do if they needed help.
  • Boys tend to spend more time on screens than girls, possibly because of their love for video gaming. Keep games in common areas if possible.
  • A shame-free talk with your 16-year-old about sexting can protect them from legal and reputational harm.
  • Introduce the concept of mindful screentime – intentionally focusing their attention on how they feel and changes in their thoughts when online.

Keeping your 16-year-old safe

Your most significant safety concern at this age most likely is your child driving (or being a passenger of a teen driver). Unfortunately, you can never remind them enough times to wear a seatbelt and not to text while driving. Agree on safety measures like texting when they arrive at a destination, or how much gas to keep in the tank. Other ways to keep your teen safe are to:

  • Let them know you are a judgment freetext away if they want to leave a party or other gathering; if they feel uncomfortable, they are not obligated to stay.
  • Offer strategies to avoid tobacco, marijuana, drugs, and alcohol. Discuss the health risks of abusing prescription drugs, supplements, and steroids. Around 15% of all high school students say they have used street drugs such as cannabis, cocaine, inhalants, heroin, meth, hallucinogens, or MDMA (also called ecstasy or molly). 
  • Discourage vaping and using e-cigarettes and talk with them about their health risks to their developing brains.
  • Talk with your teen about gun safety and school violence. Guns are one of the leading causes of death in children ages 1 to 17 in the U.S. in 2020. Be aware of the homes your teen visits that have guns, and what the safety measures are used by the parents.
  • If you are concerned about your child’s suicide risk or self-harming behaviors, do not leave them alone. Call or text the national suicide and crisis lifeline (988). Turn to your healthcare provider or a mental health provider for professional support.
  • Ensure your 16-year-old always wears a helmet when on a bike, scooter, skateboard, ATV, motorbike or snowmobiling, skiing, snowboarding, and playing contact sports.
  • Continue conversations and open communication with your teen about healthy and safe relationships, including how to prevent sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy.
  • Your teen should continue to have annual check-up appointments with their pediatrician or healthcare provider.

Conversation Starters and Parenting Hacks for Your 16-Year-Old

Not all potted plants speak, so your teen may become annoyed when asked about their lives. Try a variety of questions that go way beyond the standard “How was your day?” Here are some conversation starters to show you are genuinely interested in how they are doing.

Questions to ask your 16-year-old:

  • Do you think of yourself as an optimist or a pessimist?
  • Which celebrity would play you in a movie?
  • Has anyone ever assumed something about you because of your skin color or appearance? 
  • Have you ever assumed something about someone else because of the color of their skin? Tell me more!
  • What is something you can do when you start to feel stressed?
  • What keeps you up at night?
  • What do you think some of the benefits are of being sexually active as a teenager? What are some of the risks? Do those risks or benefits change when you are an adult?
  • Which shows are you watching right now? Would you recommend any of them to me?
  • How would you describe your personality?
  • Is bullying a problem at your school?
  • Do you agree with the current legal age for drinking, smoking, and voting?

Ways to help them grow and develop:

  • Make time each day to hear about your teen’s activities; ensure they know you are actively interested and listening carefully.
  • Respond positively to your child’s efforts and interests. Set firm, fair, and consistent limits for your teen.
  • Encourage your 16-year-old to be part of family decision-making (i.e., family trips, family media plans, or meal planning).
  • At this age, many teens struggle with being over-scheduled. Discuss ways to manage busy schedules and handle their stress. We’re conditioned to think quitting is always a negative, but some teens (or parents) may need something taken off their plate to thrive.
  • If your teen wants to participate in activism, find shared ways to contribute to a movement, like joining a protest, volunteering, or learning together.
  • Talk about their future college or work plans with them. Validate that every subject may not be their #1 interest, and help them to find ways to get through that coursework if they have college aspirations.
  • Don’t be afraid to give your teen more responsibilities. Steadily increase privileges and responsibilities as appropriate. 
  • Build your teen’s financial literacy by helping them open their own bank account. Talk about whether a debit or credit card is right for them to teach them about building credit and avoiding debt.

As a parent of a 16-year-old, you may notice shifts in your relationship with your child. While being a houseplant is not something you might aspire to, use the metaphor of potted plant parenting to guide you through this relationship transition. You are still more important than your teen will ever admit to you – just “being there” and knowing that you are there if they need you helps your 16-year-old grow, learn, and, most importantly, stay safe. 

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team

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Your guide to age fifteen

Your guide to age seventeen

]]> Your guide to age fifteen https://www.oviahealth.com/guide/281845/your-guide-to-age-fifteen/ Fri, 07 Apr 2023 15:06:53 +0000 https://www.oviahealth.com/?post_type=article&p=281845 This guide is intended to provide some context into what you might expect for neuro-typical fifteen-year-old development. Milestones and development are different for everyone.

Technically still an “early-adolescent,” your teen’s more mature adult physical appearance may mask their still-developing brain. Their ability to cope and process the rapid changes happening around them may depend on how they feel at that moment. Fifteen-year-olds can seem moody, unpredictable, confusing, and even challenging for adults, parents, and caregivers. You’ll notice your teen testing limits, spending less time with you and more with friends, and wanting more privacy.

Your job as a parent or trusted adult is to stick by them, even through ups and downs. Establishing connection and clear expectations for your teen can help keep them safe, healthy and limit risk-taking behaviors. In addition, learning more about some of the normal developmental milestones you may see your 15-year-old reach during this year will help you stay the course on their journey from adolescence to adulthood. 

The major developmental milestones for 15-year-olds

Age 15 language and cognitive skills development

Cognitive development is the changes that happen in the brain to allow your teen to think and learn. You can think of developmental milestones as checkpoints along their path to developing an adult-thinking brain. 

By Age 15, your child may:

  • Use abstract thinking to form new ideas and questions.
  • Solve complex, higher-order math problems.
  • Have improved memory (both long-term and working memory).
  • Exhibit selective attention (i.e., the ability to answer your questions while scrolling through social media).
  • Formulate goals for the future.
  • May still act impulsively and not think about the consequences of their actions “in the moment.”
  • Earn and spend money wisely.
  • Able to think more quickly (called processing speed).
  • Know the meaning of more than 30,000 words.

Age 15 social and emotional learning milestones

You may notice your 15-year-old starting to:

  • Explore different identities to help them find where they fit in. This can include gender questioning and gender fluidity. 
  • Have sexual feelings. This may lead to dating, relationships, and exploring their sexuality through masturbation.
  • Want to explore boundaries and engage in risky behaviors. But, developmentally, they still have the invincible “it will never happen to me” mind-set.
  • Argue more as they attempt to assert their independence and growing need for control.
  • Pull away from you and other caregivers more and more.
  • Turn to friends as their primary social support.
  • Seek out and value their privacy.

Age 15 physical development and motor skills

The physical changes of adolescence can make teens increasingly self-conscious. Your child may go through an awkward stage in their physical appearance, muscular coordination, and social interactions at this age. 

By age 15:

  • Breast development,pubic hair growth, full adult height, and first menstrual periods are all likely in the rear view mirror. Talk with a healthcare provider if your teen has not started menstruating or is experiencing heavy, irregular, or painful periods.
  • Puberty will have caused penises to grow longer, the testicles to get bigger, and the growth of facial, armpit, and pubic hair.
  • Your teen may have started having wet dreams (nocturnal emissions). 
  • They may seem clumsy or uncoordinated as their brain struggles to catch up with rapid height and muscle mass changes.
  • Increases in body size, hormones, and muscle strength can improve athletic performance.

Vaccines for 15-year-olds

Keeping your 15-year-old up-to-date with their recommended vaccines will protect them from serious illnesses. They should receive catch-up vaccines if they are off schedule. Ask about getting catch-up vaccines at your teen’s camp and sports physical appointments. The vaccines your 15-year-old might receive this year include the following:

  • Influenza (Flu) (one dose of vaccine every year)
  • COVID-19 (per current CDC recommendations)

Healthy eating and activity for 15-year-olds

Healthy eating can be more challenging as adolescents become more independent and make more food decisions without your involvement. It’s not just about providing meals anymore! Many adolescents experience a growth spurt and an increased appetite and need more food to fuel their growth. Talk with your healthcare provider if it is hard for you to provide enough for your growing teen to eat.

  • Encourage your teen to help you meal plan and make grocery lists. Throw in some ideas about budget for bonus points!
  • Some adolescents can have low calcium, iron, zinc, or vitamin D. Talk with your child’s healthcare provider if you have concerns or questions about dietary supplements.
  • Limit 100% juice, sports drinks, and other sugary beverages to no more than 4–6 ounces (120–180 ml) daily. Teach them about the health risks of energy drinks and drinking too much caffeine.
  • Stock up on their favorite  fruits and vegetables for snacks (5 servings per day are recommended).
  • Your teen should brush their teeth twice daily, floss once daily, and see a dentist every 6 months.
  • Your teen should be getting physical activity each day for about 60 minutes.
  • If your teen is overweight or inactive, they might need to start physical activity slowly. If your teen has a chronic health condition or disability, there are likely ways to introduce enjoyable movement.Talk with their healthcare provider about safe physical activity and which activities can be adapted or changed.
  • If your teen is an athlete, avoid specializing in one sport before late adolescence to prevent overuse injuries.
  • Watch for the signs of disordered eating that can emerge during the teenage years in all genders.
  • Your 15-year-old should get between 8-10 hours of sleep every night. Chronic sleep deprivation can lead to serious problems for your teen’s health and well-being.

Keeping your 15-year-old safe

  • Ensure your 15-year-old always wears a helmet for activities with a risk of hitting their head. Repeat concussions during adolescence with or without helmet use can have severe and lifelong health consequences.
  • Don’t even try it. Adolescence is the time when most people start smoking.
  • Discourage vaping. Using E-cigarettes or vaping in adolescence can cause lifelong problems for your teen’s mental health by harming the parts of their brain controlling attention, learning, mood, and impulse regulation.
  • Continue talking with your teens about drugs and alcohol. Nearly 30 percent of high schoolers say they’ve tried alcohol, and 14 percent admit to binge drinking. It’s never too late to start having these conversations if you haven’t already. These talks will open the door for support, and they will not encourage drug and alcohol use.
  • Reinforce the importance of always wearing seatbelts with your teen, and model their use every single drive.
  • Impaired drivers are a threat to your teen’s safety. Give your teen tips for getting out of riding with a driver impaired by alcohol or drugs. Give them a free pass to text you for a safe ride at any time.
  • Talk with your teen about gun safety and school violence. If you own a gun, re-evaluate safety measures to make sure it will stay out of your teen’s hands.
  • A child who expresses suicidal thoughts or is engaging in self-harm needs your help. Talk with your healthcare provider or a mental health professional about how to support your teen.
  • Your 15-year-old should continue to have annual check-up appointments with their pediatrician or healthcare provider. Respect their need for medical privacy if desired. Encourage your teen to ask questions about mental health, birth control or other sensitive topics if they are struggling to talk about it with you.
  • Gender-diverse teens are more likely to experience bullying, depression, and suicide. Make your home a safe space for your gender-diverse or gender-questioning teen with these resources for parents.
  • Are you worried about your 15-year-old’s eating habits, body image, or mental health? Contact your healthcare provider or a mental health professional specializing in eating disorders or adolescent obesity for additional support.

Safe and healthy screentime

Sleep disorders, behavior problems, loss of social skills, violence, and trouble with work and school can all result in teens spending too much time on screens. Talk with your 15-year-old about these health hazards and encourage healthy media behaviors such as:

  • Limiting the use of phones, devices, and social media to less than 2 hours of screen time daily. Talk about what happens if they break the rules ahead of time,  when you draft (or update) your family media agreement, like this one from Common Sense Media.
  • Set family ground rules for privacy. This will vary depending on your values and any history of misuse of social media. It is possible to respect your teen’s privacy while making them aware you will do some checking in. Safety check-ins and occasional monitoring will feel less like a violation if the ground rules are set as a team.
  • Most experts agree that passwords should be shared with parents so that in the event of an emergency or tech failure, someone else can help.
  • Monitor which games and apps your teen downloads and plays.
  • Talk about the mental and sexual health risk factors of sexting before you think you need to. Sexting is the sending or receiving of sexually explicit images, videos, or text messages using a smartphone, computer, tablet, video game, or digital camera. 
  • Ask your teen how their online activities make them feel. What teens think about their bodies affects their feelings of self-worth. Help your teen recognize that the media’s unrealistic images and use of filters distort our ideas about real beauty.
  • Encourage your teen’s healthy sexuality – teens who have discussed pornography with a trusted adult say that “the porn talk” made them feel better about sex and themselves.
  • Set a good example by being mindful of your own tech use. Why not try inviting your teen to do something together that doesn’t involve screens? Why not make some family rules about screens in the car or during meals?
  • Review the principles of digital citizenship and using the THINK model (asking if each message is True, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary, and Kind before sending).  

Conversation starters and parenting hacks for your 15-year-old

Taking an interest in your teen’s life shows you care and builds trust. If they trust you (and your judgment), your teen will feel safe talking with you about sensitive subjects. 

Questions to ask your 15-year-old:

  • How have you experienced racism towards yourself or others? How did it make you feel?
  • What does stress feel like to you?
  • Have you ever tried to help someone who is being bullied? What happened? What would you do if it happened again?
  • Do all these school shootings in the news make you feel unsafe at school?
  • How male or female do you feel inside as you get older?
  • Are drug and alcohol use a big thing at your school?
  • What do you think your best quality is?
  • Do you think money can buy happiness?
  • How do you cheer yourself up?
  • What percentage of your classmates would you guess regularly watch pornography?
  • What do you think are some good reasons and bad reasons to become sexually active?

Not every talk with your teen needs to be about a serious subject, and you’d both be pretty exhausted if that were the case! You’ll also learn a lot about your teen from day to day “normal” conversations when you dig in and try to get a picture of their life. Ask about who they sat with at lunch. Ask about the clothes people were wearing. Help them paint a picture of a regular part of their day, so that you can “be there” for the memory. 

Ways to help them grow and develop:

  • Show your 15-year-old how to set goals. For example, talk about and write down a goal for the week, month, and year. Next, help your teen think about the steps needed to reach the goal. Work with them to make a schedule for each step. Talk about and praise their efforts, successes and even failures!
  • Help motivate your teenager to get off the couch and stay physically active by setting a good example.  Talk with your child about the physical benefits of exercise, such as improving mood or energy level. Many teens become less active in high school as organized sports activities become more competitive.
  • If someone tells a joke or you hear a song on the radio about something sexual, ask your 15-year-old if they know what it means. If they say yes, ask them to tell you “what kids think that means these days” – the meaning might differ from what you think. 
  • Talk about dating and sex earlier than you may think you need to. Focus on what makes a relationship healthy to help prevent teen dating violence. It is natural and normal for your adolescent to be interested in sexual topics – it does not mean your child is sexually active yet.
  • Involve your teen in setting household rules and schedules to encourage mature thinking.
  • Even if your teen doesn’t initiate conversations about issues of difference, ask them what they think about current topics from the news, such as the immigration debate or teaching about race in schools.
  • Notice changes in your teen’s sleeping and eating habits, any angry outbursts, mood swings, or a loss of interest in activities they used to love. These can all be subtle signs that your teen might be struggling. Check in with their teachers, coaches, health care providers, therapists, or counselors.
  • Encourage community service or volunteering to give them a chance to explore new skills, learn how to connect with others, and have the confidence to try new things.

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team

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Your guide to age fourteen

Your guide to age sixteen

]]> Your guide to age fourteen https://www.oviahealth.com/guide/281840/your-guide-to-age-fourteen/ Fri, 07 Apr 2023 14:21:56 +0000 https://www.oviahealth.com/?post_type=article&p=281840 This guide is intended to provide some context into what you might expect for neuro-typical fourteen-year-old development. Milestones and development are different for everyone.

Starting high school is this age’s most significant developmental milestone for most parents, caregivers, and adolescents. The transition to high school is generally considered a stressful turning point in adolescent development, but many teens also bloom during this time as they settle into their newly-formed identity.

Letting your 14-year-old figure out more and more of life without your hands-on presence can be anxiety-provoking. Keep reading to learn how to support your 14-year-old’s growth and development as they move into middle adolescence.

The major developmental milestones for 14-year-olds

Age 14 language and cognitive skills development

Your teen’s progress towards the cognitive milestones of adolescent development may come in fits and starts. High school’s more demanding academic load introduces new pressures of deadlines, homework, and grades. 

By Age 14, your child may:

  • Use abstract thinking to form new ideas and questions (formulate hypotheses).
  • Use complex thinking to focus on less self-centered concepts and personal decision-making.
  • Think more about global concepts, such as justice, history and politics.
  • Complete tasks efficiently and correctly at home, school, and work.
  • Earn and spend money.
  • Be developing moral philosophies, including ideas around rights and privileges.
  • Solve problems with more than one variable.

Age 14 social and emotional learning milestones

Brain imaging studies now show us that the part of your 14-year-old’s brain involved in decision-making and managing emotions is still under construction and will be until their mid-20s! So, while their emotional intelligence may still be a work in progress, you may notice them:

  • Becoming increasingly socially responsible in their day-to-day lives and online.
  • Showing a greater interest in advocacy or volunteering for a cause important to them (like social justice or climate change, for example).
  • Beginning to think about romantic relationships.
  • Questioning old values without losing their sense of their identity.
  • Rejecting ready-made solutions from adults in favor of their own.
  • Spending more time with their friends to work on goal-oriented projects or in school activities.
  • Arguing with you more as they try to assert their independence.

Age 14 physical development and motor skills

The different timing of puberty’s physical changes from one 14-year-old to the next can cause significant adolescent angst. It is common for teens at the front of the puberty pack or falling behind on the development spectrum to feel bad about themselves or be overly concerned with their weight, body size, or appearance. Your job as a parent or caregiver is to provide reassurance and promote a healthy body image.

By age 14:

  • Puberty-induced changes cause increases in body size, hormones, and muscle strength which can improve athletic performance.
  • Adolescents may have some voice cracking as their voices lower and may start having nocturnal emissions (wet dreams). The start of nocturnal emissions generally happens at the same time as the peak in their growth spurt in height.
  • They may have acne and will be growing armpit and pubic hair.
  • Physical changes may be nearly complete for females; by 14, most girls will have regular periods.

Vaccines for 14-year-olds

Your healthcare provider can help you ensure that your 14-year-old is up to date with their recommended vaccines. They should receive vaccines, boosters, or catch-up vaccines if they are off schedule to protect them from the following diseases:

  • Influenza (Flu) (one dose of vaccine every year)
  • COVID-19 (per current CDC recommendations)

If your child has missed any vaccines or is off schedule, they can “catch up” to get back on track. Ask about getting catch-up vaccines at your teen’s camp and sports physical appointments.

Healthy eating and activity for 14-year-olds

Teenage years are a key time to focus on family meals, ways to make eating joyful, and the value of understanding necessary concepts around food – like how to read a recipe, grocery shop and make basic meals. Here are some ideas to get started! 

  • Help your teen understand daily or weekly goals for things like fruit, vegetables and protein. Learn about food labels, and how to spot allergens if they have an allergy.
  • Does your teen eat enough foods with calcium, iron, zinc, or vitamin D? Adolescents with heavy periods (especially those not eating red meat) are at risk for low iron levels (called anemia). Talk with your child’s healthcare provider if you have concerns or questions about dietary supplements.
  • Limit 100% juice, sports drinks, and other sugary beverages to no more than 4–6 ounces (120–180 ml) daily. Talk about the health risks of energy drinks and drinking too much caffeine.
  • Teens who are active for more than 60 minutes per day may have increased energy or protein needs. Talk to them about how they’re feeling while playing, and if a pre or post game snack with more carbs and protein would be helpful. 
  • If your teen is an athlete, avoid specializing in one sport before late adolescence to prevent overuse injuries.
  • Your 14-year-old should get between 8-10 hours of sleep every night. Watch for signs of sleep deprivation which can lead to serious problems for your teen’s health and well-being.

Keeping your 14-year-old safe

  • Ensure your 14-year-old always wears a helmet when on a bike, scooter, skateboard, ATV, motorbike or snowmobiling, skiing, snowboarding, and playing contact sports. 
  • Protect your child from secondhand smoke.
  • Discourage vaping. Using E-cigarettes or vaping in adolescence can cause lifelong problems for your teen’s mental health by harming the parts of their brain controlling attention, learning, mood, and impulse regulation.
  • Reinforce the importance of always wearing seatbelts with your tweens. According to the CDC, motor vehicle crashes are one of the leading causes of death among 12- to 14-year-olds. Model this behavior by always buckling up.
  • Impaired drivers are a threat to your teen’s safety. Give your teen example scripts for getting out of riding with a driver impaired by alcohol or drugs. Talk about the risks of driving while texting or sleep-deprived. Reinforce that they can always call you for help in these situations without fear of punishment. 
  • Guns became one of the leading causes of death in children ages 1 to 17 in the U.S. in 2020. Talk with your teen about gun safety and school violence. If you own a gun, consider all available safety measures, including keeping it in a secure location outside of the home. 
  • Look for the seven signs of self-harm and turn to your pediatrician or a mental health provider to support your teen who may be cutting.
  • Your teen should continue to have annual check-up appointments with their pediatrician or healthcare provider. They may want privacy for all or part of their exam. Let them know their provider is a resource for more information about mental health, sex, and birth control.
  • Continue conversations and open communication with your teen about healthy relationships, sex, sexuality, consent, and safety (such as how to prevent sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy).
  • Worried about your 14-year-old’s eating habits, body image, or mental health? Contact your healthcare provider or a mental health professional specializing in eating disorders or adolescent obesity. Additional support can give your teen the tools to begin a more positive lifelong relationship with their body.

Screentime

For most 14-year-olds these days, their social life is social media. It can be exhausting and frustrating to be the “screen police,” but your young teen’s brain has not developed enough to resist the addictive nature of screens. So set limits on video, television watching, and computer use to less than 2 hours daily.

  • Safely monitor your teen’s safety and wellbeing (i.e., if you are concerned about cyberbullying).
  • Set family ground rules for privacy. This will vary depending on your values and any history of misuse of social media. It is possible to respect your teen’s privacy while making them aware you will do some checking in. Safety check-ins and occasional monitoring will feel less like a violation if the ground rules are set as a team.
  • Most experts agree that passwords should be shared with parents so that in the event of an emergency or tech failure, someone else can help. Watch for signs that your teen’s video gaming threatens their sleep, social life, or activity level. Research shows that video gaming, like gambling, may activate the reward system in the brain and can become addictive, like gambling, for about ten percent of adolescents who game.
  • Warn your teen against sexting. Although it’s tough for them to understand the long-term consequences of this kind of digital footprint, it is important to start that conversation.
  • Help your teen recognize how their online activities make them feel. Talk through what they can try when they notice themselves feeling uncomfortable, worried, sad, or anxious when they’re online. Remind them they can always come to you (or another trusted adult) if they need help.

Conversation starters and parenting hacks for your 14-Year-Old

One hallmark of adolescence is spending more time away from home with peers – leaving you struggling to connect with your teen, especially when competing with their screens too. The result can be awkward conversations you both want to run from.

Don’t give up. If you feel disconnected, try asking these questions to get them to open up. Many parents say car rides can be a great time to catch up with busy teens — they don’t have to make eye contact with you, and they can’t get up and walk away if they become uncomfortable. Consider having a no-screen or limited-screen policy for passengers to keep your teen from turning to their phone to escape.

Questions to ask your 14-year-old:

  • Do kids at school talk about guns? 
  • Is there anything you would like to learn how to do?
  • Do you know anyone you would say has an ideal marriage or relationship?
  • What are the best and worst things about having a smartphone?
  • What do you like to watch on YouTube or TikTok?
  • Are there ways to connect with your friends in person more often to take the pressure off being online all the time?
  • Are you looking forward to being an adult?
  • Have you ever had to experience bullies at school or online? How do you usually respond?
  • What do you think it means to be a good person?

Ways to help them grow and develop:

  • Show an interest in your 14-year-old’s school life. Asking some of the questions listed above, even if they get annoyed with you, shows them that you care.
  • The physical changes of adolescence can be confusing and embarrassing, especially if your teen is gender diverse or gender questioning. Whether their puberty is early, late, or just feels wrong, a healthcare provider and counselors can guide you and your family.
  • Reassure your 14-year-old that it is normal for all genders to explore sex and sexuality through self-stimulation, also called masturbation. Some researchers advocate for teaching those with clitorises about pleasure (through self-stimulation) because if they can advocate for their own pleasure, they may be more likely to stand up for their safety in teen dating relationships.
  • Decide rules and consequences for certain behaviors in advance. If you have a two-parent or a blended family, parents should have their own discussion ahead of time to be on the same page.
  • Many teens get part-time jobs or volunteer as a way to gain independence and freedom, and even learn about financial responsibility (saving and spending money). If you can’t decide whether it is a good idea for your teen to get a job, encourage them to start with a summer job as a trial run.
  • Try taking the National Financial Educators Council (NFEC)’s Financial Capability Test (online, free, 30 questions) with your 14-year-old to see who scores higher on this measure of financial literacy.
  • Some clues your child may benefit from a doctor’s visit or check-in with their teachers include struggling in school, socially isolating themselves, or drastic behavior changes.
  • Choose your battles. Don’t be afraid to hear your teen’s perspective and change course. It’s okay to say you were wrong, and apologies can definitely go both ways!
  • Keep conversations with your teen positive by complimenting and praising your teen for well-thought-out decisions. Celebrate successes and point out their strengths and effort.

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team

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Your guide to age thirteen

Your guide to age fifteen

]]> Your guide to age thirteen https://www.oviahealth.com/guide/281836/your-guide-to-age-thirteen/ Fri, 07 Apr 2023 14:05:23 +0000 https://www.oviahealth.com/?post_type=article&p=281836 This guide is intended to provide some context into what you might expect for neuro-typical thirteen-year-old development. Milestones and development are different for everyone.

Age 13 gets a bad rap. The groans and moans you hear from parents of post-adolescents when you have a 13-year-old are enough to scare even the most confident parent or caregiver. Yet, while this age is far from easy, it is also one of the most rewarding times in adolescence. Read on for your guide to age thirteen.

It can be a difficult phase because 13-year-olds frequently act like your guidance isn’t welcome or needed. Seemingly overnight, everything you do embarrasses them. Your 13-year-old will request more space and privacy and even push you away. As the adult in the room, your job is to take a deep breath, stay calm, and not take this “teenager treatment” personally. Instead, use your adult social-emotional learning skills to empathize with your 13-year-old.

Your child is working on shifting their self-identity to one of an independent teenager. Piled on to deep soul searching is the multitude of physical, hormonal and emotional changes 13-year-olds live through daily. It is hard as a parent of a teen to see them struggle or suffer with problems and challenges. So, take another breath, stay calm, and push pause on the urge to jump to their rescue. Part of parenting a teenager is learning how to support them through challenges without fixing things for them. You can give them guard rails to keep them safe, but they will only learn about failure and success through occasional scrapes and bumps up against your guard rails. Use this guide for your 13-year-old to help you teach your child how to make healthy and safe decisions independently.

The major developmental milestones for 13-year-olds

Age 13 language and communication milestones

Adolescents become skilled at code-switching or adapting their communication styles for various audiences. For example, most understand the importance of using more formal speech and polite manners in front of teachers, older relatives, or people with authority. In addition, in adolescence, non-verbal responses (aka the shoulder shrug) become important as the preferred language for peer-to-peer communication and belonging to friend groups.

By age 13, your adolescent will:

  • Be able to tell a personal narrative.
  • Use appropriate stress patterns and often “over the top” emotional language to communicate with peers (hello drama).
  • Use and even produce new slang terms frequently.
  • Use more descriptive language, including adverbs of magnitude (slightly, rather, unusually) and adverbs that describe likelihood (probably, certainly, definitely).
  • Most likely do a lot of their peer communication via text.

Age 13 social and emotional learning milestones

Thirteen-year-olds’ top priority is to belong with and fit in with their peers. As a result, they are more likely to only think of themselves. This developmental focus makes them more vulnerable to peer pressure. Social awareness and empathy are learned behaviors, so middle adolescence is when your teen cultivates these emotional survival skills.

You may observe them:

  • Demonstrating adolescent egocentrism — “everyone is looking at me” and “my experiences are supremely unique”.
  • Feeling concerned about their appearance and physical changes.
  • Seeking independence and adult approval simultaneously.
  • Forming and maintaining healthy, intimate (but not necessarily sexual) relationships.
  • Choosing their peer group as their safe haven in tough times, not their parents or caregivers.
  • Feeling the need to establish their sexual identity (middle adolescence 11-13 years old).

Age 13 cognitive skills

Every adolescent develops their cognitive skills at a different rate. Sometimes parents, teachers, and teens themselves wonder whether a learning disability could be the cause of academic struggles. Learning disabilities vary in how they impact your teen’s cognitive skills. Asking for help can be even more challenging for teens who are already struggling with issues of identity and self-worth.

Teens not diagnosed with a learning disability until adolescence have found other ways to cope or mask their difficulties.Unfortunately, this can make recognizing and diagnosing alearning disability that much harder.. Approximately two in five boys and girls with ADHD aren’t diagnosed until they reach junior high or high school. The National Center for Learning Disabilities offers a checklist for parents that might help you (and your teen) talk about their challenges in school.

By Age 13, your child may be:

  • Expanding their ability to think more philosophically about the future (i.e., how will climate change impact my ability to get a job in 20 years)
  • Questioning and analyzing more extensively.
  • Thinking systematically about all logical relationships within a problem.
  • Using more complex thinking for individualized decision-making.
  • Guessing about an outcome (making a hypothesis) before testing it out.

Age 13 physical development and motor skill milestones

Reassure your child about normal puberty changes without making them self-conscious. Small and frequent chats about puberty with or even just around them can help normalize this topic. Many 13-year-olds notice increasing strength during puberty, especially if they are involved in sports. On the other hand, some adolescents become less interested in sports or less active as they enter middle and high school and organized sports become more competitive. If your child falls into this camp, think about some fun ways you can encourage movement as a family.

Your child at age 13:

  • May be showing some of the later signs of puberty, such as penis growth, darkening of the scrotum, larger muscles, voice changes, oilier hair and skin, and the beginning of underarm, facial, and pubic hair.
  • Breast development, hair growth, and the start of periods (menarche) are common by this age.
  • May experience a growth spurt.
  • Will become increasingly skilled at sports, playing a musical instrument, or other hobbies requiring coordinated movement of big and small muscles.
  • May temporarily seem to lose some balance and coordination during growth spurts.

Vaccines for 13-year-olds

At 13, your child should receive vaccines to protect them from the following diseases:

  • Influenza (Flu) (every year)
  • COVID-19 vaccine and booster according to current CDC guidelines.

If your child has missed any vaccines thus far, now is a good time for them to catch up. Your healthcare provider can help review the schedule for catch-up vaccinations.

Healthy eating and activity for 13-year-olds

Your 13-year-old may be busier with school and activities but strive for shared meals together as much as possible. Eating together helps teens become more intentional with their eating and gives your family time to talk with each other.

  • Serve your child a well-balanced diet with protein, whole grains, fruits, and vegetables.
  • Limit 100% juice, sports drinks, and other sugary beverages to no more than 4–6 ounces (120–180 ml) a day.
  • If there are foods that you do not want your teens to eat, avoid bringing them into the home. That said, making certain things “off-limits” can have the opposite of the intended effect. Consider that all foods have value, and labels like “good,” “bad,” or “junk” can lead to unintended pressure around food.
  • Take their suggestions, when possible, regarding foods to prepare at home. Let them in on meal planning, shopping and meal prep!
  • Your 13-year-old should get at least 1 hour of physical activity every day. Not every child has to join a team or play a sport to be fit. Support your teen in finding the right physical activity that keeps them feeling happy and healthy.
  • Your child should get between 9-12 hours of sleep every night. Biological changes make teens want to stay up later, but early school start times can cut sleep short. Keep TVs and electronic devices out of your teen’s bedroom to safeguard their sleep.
  • Make sure your 13-year-old brushes their teeth twice daily, flosses once daily, and sees a dentist every six months for a cleaning and check-up.
  • Eating disorders are common in teens, regardless of their gender. Body changes caused by puberty, social media, bullying, and sports involvement are all reasons your teen could be at risk.

Keeping your 13-year-old safe

These safety suggestions are guardrails to keep your teen safe and healthy. Sometimes it comes down to not sweating the small stuff when parenting a teen. Instead, talk with your 13-year-old (and co-parent or other caregivers) about certain non-negotiable behaviors to ensure their (and others’) safety. That way, your teen’s less than ideal decisions or missteps are near-misses and not crash collisions.

  • Set a good example for your 13-year-old by always wearing a helmet when riding a bike, motorcycle, skiing, snowboarding, and in contact sports. Wear your seatbelt in motor vehicles. Talk to them about how wearing a helmet lowers their chances of a concussion. 
  • Protect your child from secondhand smoke. Talk to them about the dangers of smoking and vaping nicotine and marijuana. 
  • If you have a gun, keep it unloaded and lock the weapon and ammunition away separately. Regularly check the security of both. Guns are a leading cause of death for teens.
  • Stay alert for symptoms of depression, which can include irritability, sadness, loss of interest in activities, poor grades, and talk of suicide.
  • Look for signs of self-harm (cutting) – 15 to 20 percent of teens self-harm, and young people who self-harm are 3.4 times more likely to attempt suicide in the future.
  • Peer pressure can lead your teen to make risky decisions. Know who your child spends time with (see questions below).
  • Know where your teen is and whether an adult is present. Make plans with them for when they will call you, where you can find them, and what time you expect them home. Get creative for confirmation. “Text me a pic of you and Sara’s mom doing a high-five!”
  • Create a rule that your teen needs to be involved in at least one activity. Teens who have a part-time job, belong to a club, or volunteer are less likely to get in trouble, spend less time on the screen, and develop lifelong skills for success.
  • Review the facts about teen dating violence with your child. Approximately 1 in 3 teens in the U.S. is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal abuse from a dating partner.

Healthy screentime for 13-year-olds

As kids age, they’re more likely to have (and increasingly use) their own tablets, laptops, or phones. It is not a fun job, but it is essential. Your 13-year-old needs your help making sure that screen time does not sacrifice sleep, physical activity, face to face interactions or other healthy behaviors. Easier said than done, but here are some starting points:

  • Model healthy behavior, such as designated screen free time at meals and before bed. Put down your phone (out of sight) when you engage in conversations with each other.
  • Have ongoing communication about digital citizenship and safety.
  • Research video and computer games before letting your teen get them. Common Sense Media is a great resource.
  • Teach your teen about safe internet and social media use.
  • Talk about the unintended and potentially lifelong consequences of sexting.
  • Review that pornography does not reflect safe, healthy, consensual sexual relationships but that it is normal for teens to be curious about sexual imagery.
  • Have your teen do their video gaming in common areas so you can keep an eye on what and how much they are playing. Again, keep screens out of bedrooms. Talk to your pediatric provider if you feel like your 13-year-old’s gaming is starting to get in the way of the other parts of life.
  • Provide a quiet place to do homework. Minimize distractions, such as TV and electronic devices

Conversation starters and parenting hacks for your 13-year-old

Even though your 13-year-old might not like it, parents or caregivers should be asking their kids about their lives every day. Pick some of these questions to help you figure out if they are experiencing anxiety, depression, or bullying. Be prepared for short conversations, especially when you bring up awkward or uncomfortable topics. Just remember, some conversation is better than none. What matters is that your 13-year-old knows that you are interested and want to connect.

Questions to ask your 13-year-old:

  • What are some of the first things that you remember from your childhood?
  • What’s the one thing adults don’t get about teenagers?
  • Is bullying a problem at your school?
  • Are drug and alcohol use a big thing at your school?
  • When you feel upset or stressed, how do you help yourself calm down?
  • What do you wish you were more motivated to do?
  • What are the big things everyone is talking about at school?
  • Who are your friends now? What kinds of things do you like doing with them?
  • Do you ever wish you weren’t alive at all?
  • I want you to be safe and feel safe during sex, always. What have you learned about consent in school?

When bringing up the bigger topics doesn’t seem to work, there are so many other ways to connect. You can try being physically present around them while they make a snack or on a walk. Dropping some small comments or questions while they are partially distracted can make it easier for them to open up, as it feels less pressured. Teens love to talk about their experiences and their friends, and no detail is too small. 

Ways to help them grow and develop:

  • Children who feel badly about themselves are more susceptible to peer pressure and make risky choices to try to fit in or impress their friends. Praise your teen’s accomplishments and provide support in areas where they struggle.
  • Building confidence may look different than you think. Confidence grows when teens can trust their emotions and how they feel to make decisions. Supporting their feelings and decisions now goes a long way to being resilient to pressure later on. 
  • Cultivate a family attitude of body positivity. Never make teasing comments about their weight or the appearance of theirs or others’ bodies. Instead, focus on health and wellness.
  • Explore some interactive games and learning tools with your 13-year-old to help build their financial literacy – life skills necessary to save, avoid debt, and even invest their money.
  • Hold firm in your expectations for behavior, household responsibilities, , sleep, and screen time.
  • Talk through your teen’s  decision-making, helping them learn from mistakes. Avoid judgment or shame, and get curious about how and why they made the choices they did.
  • Don’t be afraid to keep the conversation going when your child brings up a race-related topic. Ask them what they noticed and discuss it.
  • Keep close communication with teachers, other school employees, and parents of your child’s friends, even if they say they’d rather you didn’t. Showing you want to stay connected can take a lot of different forms!

Sources

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Your guide to age twelve

Your guide to age fourteen

]]> Your guide to age twelve https://www.oviahealth.com/guide/279838/your-guide-to-age-twelve/ Mon, 03 Apr 2023 16:43:32 +0000 https://www.oviahealth.com/?post_type=article&p=279838 This guide is intended to provide some context into what you might expect for neuro-typical twelve-year-old development. Milestones and development are different for everyone.

You officially have an adolescent, whether you believe it or not. Adolescence is defined as the ages 12-18 years. During this year of rapid brain development and emerging self-identity, your 12-year-old can be particularly vulnerable, especially to peer pressure. Remember that, as the intensity of school work ramps up, your adolescent may be able to use logical operations in schoolwork long before they can use them for their personal problems.

As they become increasingly focused on their social world and who they are as adults, they need you, parents and caregivers, to help them find their way. Even though they might not admit it to you, many adolescents may have mixed feelings about growing up. Moodiness and hot-and-cold, “I love you,” no, “I hate you” behavior is the norm for 12-year-olds and their parents or caregivers. Resist the urge to get swept up in their emotional mood swings. Instead, try to be a steady, consistent presence — there when they need you.

The major developmental milestones for 12-year-olds

1. Age 12 language and communication milestones

You might think that your middle schooler has all of the language and communication skills they need by now – especially given how much they may text, talk on the phone, and communicate with their friends these days. In fact, brain imaging studies show that adolescent brains continue developing in ways that help with language acquisition and communication skills all the way into the early 20s. The building of more complex brain “wiring” during early adolescence allows your 12-year-old to:

  • Discuss, read, and write about abstract ideas.
  • Justify viewpoints and engage in negotiation and persuasion.
  • Develop cohesive, well-thought-out arguments in speech and writing.
  • Use complex and compound sentence structures.
  • Understand sarcasm through intonation and context cues.
  • Select and interpret appropriate non-verbal communication cues (body language), most often with their peers.
  • Use humor for communication with peers 

2. Age 12 social and emotional learning milestones

At this age, the pressure of wanting to fit in and the importance of friends can be all-consuming for your child. Remember that when emotional issues arise, it may be harder for your child to think clearly about some of the more challenging school work middle school serves up. You may observe your 12-year-old:

  • Questioning authority.
  • Testing limits and boundaries.
  • Engaging in risk-taking behaviors.
  • Becoming more introspective, seeking privacy (wanting to spend more time alone in their room with their door closed).
  • Focusing more on themselves — going back and forth between high expectations and a lack of confidence.
  • Having frequent ups and downs in mood, even experiencing anxiety, depression, or eating disorders.

3. Age 12 cognitive skills

Each child moves ahead at their own rate in their ability to think more complexly. Bad grades or school struggles may be a sign of a learning disability, attention disorder, or even depression. If you have concerns about your child’s cognitive development, talk with their healthcare provider and teachers. By age 12, your child may be:

  • Using more complex thinking processes (questioning and analyzing with “deep thoughts”).
  • Beginning to question authority and society’s standards.
  • Thinking about and beginning to form their own code of ethics (“What do I think is right?”)
  • Getting a sense of their own identity (“Who am I? “)
  • Thinking about possible future goals (“What do I want?”)
  • Thinking about and beginning to make their own plans.
  • Able to think long-term but still struggle to connect their actions with future consequences.

4. Age 12 physical development and motor skills

It might seem like your 12-year-old is shape-shifting, seemingly growing and changing right before your eyes. Remember the rapid change can be as confusing for them as it is for parents and caregivers. Changing bodies can be even more complicated for nonbinary or transgender adolescents. Check in with your gender-questioning tween and connect with them supportive doctors, nurses, counselors, and teachers with their permission. Your child at age 12:

  • Will be starting puberty or it will be well underway. Puberty can start as early as age 9, so it’s never too early to start talking about this experience. 
  • The first signs of puberty are larger testicles or breast buds.
  • First periods (called menarche) typically occur somewhere between 12 and 13, but again can happen years earlier for some children. 
  • Will experience growth spurts once puberty begins.
  • May need glasses, so make sure to have their vision checked at least once a year.
  • May look very different from their peers – kids go through puberty at different ages and rates, so there will be a broad range of sexual maturity and growth patterns among your 12-year-old’s classmates.

Vaccines for 12-year-olds

Vaccines protect your adolescent from serious illnesses, so it’s important that your child get them on time. Between ages 11 and 2, your child should receive vaccines to protect them from the following diseases:

  • Meningococcal disease (one dose of MenACWY vaccine)
  • Human Papilloma Virus, HPV (two doses of vaccine, prevents cancer and genital warts)
  • Tetanus, diphtheria, and whooping cough (pertussis) (one dose of Tdap vaccine)
  • Influenza (Flu) (one dose of vaccine every year)
  • COVID-19 (according to current CDC recommendations)

If your child has missed any vaccines or is off schedule, they can “catch up” to get back on track. You can discuss the recommended vaccine schedule with your healthcare provider.

Healthy eating and activity for 12-year-olds

Your 12-year-old may be eating more meals away from home than when they were younger, so eating on the go may become the new norm for your family. Their peers (and advertising via social media) also drive their food choices. Some guidelines for healthy eating and activities for 12-year-olds are:

  • Eat together as a family as much as possible to support positive eating behaviors and more face-to-face conversations with your tween.
  • Serve your tween a well-balanced diet with protein, whole grains, fruits, and vegetables. Keep language around food neutral, labels like “good,” “bad,” “junk,” or even “super healthy” can put pressure on tweens to eat a certain way.
  • If your child’s BMI is outside a designated range, healthcare providers may use terms like overweight or obese. Here is how to find a provider who meets their needs or have conversations about how you’d like the discussion of weight handled. 
  • The rapid body changes during puberty can trigger feelings of insecurity or even disordered eating. 
  • Encourage your tween to drink water regularly during physical activity or sports, especially in hot or humid weather.
  • Try to offer your family 5 servings of fruits and vegetables daily.
  • Limit 100% juice to no more than 4–6 ounces (120–180 ml) a day.
  • Remind your tween to brush twice daily, floss once daily, and visit the dentist at least once a year for check-ups. Their dentist will refer them to an orthodontist if they need braces.
  • Help your teen find a sport or activity they love, encourage a variety of activities to expand their choices and social situations.
  • Your teen should get between 9-12 hours of sleep every night. 

Keeping your 12-year-old safe

Adolescents are often faced with situations for which they may not be prepared. The less prepared they are, the more likely it is they will take risks, such as trying alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs or engaging in unprotected sex. Talk with your pre-teens ahead of time about how to avoid risky situations and how to stay safe if they find themselves outside of their comfort zone.

  • Seatbelts save lives. Remind your teen that motor vehicle crashes are the leading cause of death among 12- to 14-year-olds.
  • Teach your teen to always wear a helmet and mouthguard when appropriate for the sport or activity. Talk with them about the dangers of a concussion and encourage them to report their concussion symptoms to you and their coach immediately.
  • Protect your child from secondhand smoke.
  • Teach them about the dangers of vaping nicotine or marijuana.
  • If you have a gun, keep it unloaded and locked away. Talk to your 12-year-old about never playing with any firearms and the danger of accidental injury.
  • Self-harm (or cutting) is on the rise in teens. If you suspect that your teen is self-harming, or if they tell you they are, seek help and support from a trained mental health provider and your pediatrician.
  • Watch for signs of depression or anxiety. Talk with your teen about how they are coping with difficult feelings or emotions. Try to get a sense of how overwhelmed or hopeless they might be feeling (see questions below).
  • Keep in close communication with teachers, other school employees, and parents of your child’s friends so you are aware of possible problems. Even if they say they don’t want your presence, be there!
  • Talk about sex and healthy sexual relationships. Social media and their peers may not be giving them accurate or helpful information about sexually transmitted infections (STIs), birth control, or dating.
  • Your child should apply sunscreen of SPF 30 or higher at least 15 minutes before going outside and reapply about every 2 hours.

Healthy screentime

Tweens spend about an average of an hour and a half on social media every day. They spend even more time watching online videos on platforms like YouTube or TikTok. Your tween’s overall health partially depends on you helping them spend an appropriate amount of time on screens. Too much media use can interfere with getting enough exercise, doing homework, being with friends, and spending time with family. It also can contribute to obesity, attention and learning problems, and sleep problems. 

Alternatively, for some tweens, social media can be a powerful place of community. So the “right” amount of screen time will vary.

  • Have ongoing communication about digital citizenship and safety. Set some basic rules of social media use for your middle schooler.
  • Parental controls can help you monitor and decide which content your 12-year-old watches.
  • Know your child’s friends, both online and off.
  • Common Sense Media has age-based reviews of the content appropriateness of video games and other media that can help you choose what to media your 12-year-old watches.
  • While it may be tough to keep all screens out of your teen’s bedroom, start by not putting a television in their room and creating a “media curfew” at mealtime and bedtime (all devices need to be out of sight with notifications turned off or put away).
  • Develop a family media plan with your 12-year-old to help them feel like they have a say in regulating their own screentime healthy behaviors.
  •  Try to model healthy electronics use yourself.
  • Talk to your teen about pornography – teens report feeling better about themselves and sex if they are able to talk with a trusted adult before being exposed to pornography.

Conversation starters and parenting hacks for your 12-year-old

There isn’t a right or wrong way to approach conversations with your 12 year old. The important thing is just that you try! Leading with curiosity and avoiding judgment are some starting points for any chat. Don’t know what to say to something they bring up? You can always say you need to find out more for them or just say “Wow!” and let them keep on going. Questions to ask your 12-year-old:

  • Do you ever feel uncomfortable, worried, sad, or anxious when you are online? If they answer yes, then ask: What makes you feel that way?
  • Have you ever had to experience bullies at school (or online)? What happened, and how did it make you feel? Did you talk to anyone about it?
  • Do you think any of your friends have ever carried a gun? How does practicing active shooter or school-lockdown drills at school make you feel?
  • How old do you think you have to be to learn to drink safely?
  • What do you think has been the hardest thing you have ever done?
  • If two people like each other romantically, do you think you still should ask for their consent before trying to kiss?
  • What kind of a parent do you think you will be?
  • What were the most memorable family trips we’ve taken so far? Which specific memories stand out from them?

Ways to help them grow and develop:

  • Encourage and support your 12-year-old’s interest in cooking, or nutrition so they can practice their skills and find joy in the kitchen.
  • Teach your child how to track their periods (and period-related symptoms) on a calendar, planner, or app. Tracking periods helps your teen learn what’s normal — and what’s not — for their period. Periods tend to be more irregular in terms of cycle length and flow for the first 1-2 years after starting menstruating. The Ovia Cycles app has an option for cycle tracking. 
  • Have fair and predictable consequences for rule-breaking. Having family meetings to brainstorm and agree upon a list of family norms and expectations can help keep everyone accountable and on the same page. 
  • Celebrate the times and situations when your 12-year-old makes good decisions or really tough ones.
  • Look for teachable moments in TV shows, ads, or videos as opportunities to talk about sexuality, drugs and alcohol, race, gender identity, or other sensitive subjects with your 12-year-old.
  • Be open to questions about gender identity and sexuality. Encourage your child to bring questions or concerns to you.
  • Give your 12-year-old a doable chore or job you know they can complete to build their self-esteem. For example, teaching them how to mow the lawn or bake cookies gives them a chance to succeed, feel more independent, and adult-like.
  • Building confidence may look different than you think. Confidence grows when tweens can trust their emotions and how they feel to make decisions. Supporting their feelings and decisions now goes a long way to being resilient to pressure later on. 
  • Make family traditions of celebrating milestones or holidays to reinforce family bonds.
  • Ask your teen what they know and think about drug use, drinking alcohol, smoking, and sexual behavior. Listen to what they say and answer their questions honestly and directly. Avoid judgements or punishments for worries or tough situations they bring to you. Remember, it is always ok to say, “I don’t know. Let’s learn more about that together. I’m on your team.”

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team

Sources

]]> Your guide to age eleven https://www.oviahealth.com/guide/279818/your-guide-to-age-eleven/ Mon, 03 Apr 2023 16:26:58 +0000 https://www.oviahealth.com/?post_type=article&p=279818 This guide is intended to provide some context into what you might expect for neuro-typical eleven-year-old development. Milestones and development are different for everyone.

Eleven brings on a bunch of new labels: tween, early teen, and early adolescent, to name a few. Even though your 11-year-old may still seem like a child to you, this is commonly a year of growth spurts, growing pains (physically and emotionally), the start of puberty, and changing relationships.

At this age, your 11-year-old will want to make more choices about friends, sports, studying, and school on their own. Although they may not always give you a reason to think so, remember that you — their parent or primary caregiver — are still very important to them. They need to know that you “have their back” so they have the courage and confidence to try new things and push outside of their comfort zone. 

In addition, your behind-the-scenes support and cheerleading can help them reach their developmental milestones. So don’t worry; even though they’re getting older, they still need plenty of parenting and caregiving from you.

The major developmental milestones for 11-year-olds

1. Age 11 language and cognitive skills development

Cognitive development means the growth of your child’s ability to think and reason. Adolescence marks the beginning development of more complex thinking processes for your 11-year-old, including abstract thinking and the ability to form their own new ideas or questions. By age 11, your child may:

  • Recognize that their actions now could have consequences later on (11-year-olds live less “in the present moment” than younger children).
  • Be able to think and plan for the future.
  • Be more tolerant of gray areas vs. black and white, right or wrong, or concrete thinking.
  • Empathize and understand the perspectives of other people.
  • Be able to focus for longer on a singular goal and stay on-task.
  • Experience a greater sense of responsibility for their words, actions, and behaviors.
  • Expand their vocabulary.
  • Learn and appreciate the nuances of language, such as colorful expressions, slang, and inside jokes, especially with friends.

Some common signs of speech disorders at this age are: leaving out keywords when talking, taking over conversations, or not understanding riddles or jokes. If you have concerns about your 11-year-old’s speech, speak to their healthcare provider.

2. Age 11 social and emotional learning milestones

Becoming a middle schooler may introduce more complex social dynamics to your 11-year-old’s day-to-day life. Changing friendships, cliques, and surging hormones can make you and your tween feel like you are riding an emotional rollercoaster. As a result, they may:

  • Experience low self-esteem, depression, and aggression.
  • Feel very self-conscious (preoccupied with others’ perceptions of them).
  • Have to cope with academic stress and more challenging school work.
  • Express less affection towards you (don’t take it personally, this is normal!).
  • Develop self-regulation skills (managing their thoughts and feelings to enable goal-directed actions).
  • Better understand social dynamics.
  • Use more effective communication skills in social and academic interactions.

3. Age 11 physical development and motor skills

Your tween may seem awkward or clumsy during this year of rapid growth — don’t worry, their brain just needs time to adjust to their longer limbs and growing body. Motor skills are the skills that help us with the movements and tasks we do every day. Your 11-year-old will fine-tune their motor skills, balance, coordination, reaction time, and physical strength as they grow older, bigger, and stronger. Your child at age 11:

  • May start showing signs of puberty including breast development, armpit, and pubic hair growth or enlargement of the testicles and body hair. 
  • Typically periods start two years after breast development begins, which can be a great time to start talking about periods (and making sure supplies are on hand) if you haven’t already. The average age of the start of menstruation is twelve and a half.
  • May develop body odor, acne, or experience growth spurts. Remind your kid about the importance of regular bathing and stock the bathroom with body wash and other products like deodorant. Teasing or making them self-conscious will likely backfire, considerate support is what they need.
  • May have painful, aching growing pains in their legs at night. Although not caused by growth spurts, growing pains are normal.
  • Will have neater handwriting and show improved fine motor skills when using tools, playing instruments, or in stick and racquet-based sports.

Vaccines for 11-year-olds

When your child is 11, the CDC, American Academy of Family Physicians, and American Academy of Pediatrics strongly recommend that they receive all vaccines according to the recommended vaccine schedule. They should receive vaccines, boosters, or catch-up vaccines to protect them from the following diseases:

  • Meningococcal disease (one dose of MenACWY vaccine)
  • HPV (two doses of vaccine)
  • Tetanus, diphtheria, and whooping cough (pertussis) (one dose of Tdap vaccine)
  • Influenza (Flu) (one dose of vaccine every year)
  • COVID-19 (per CDC recommendations).

Preteens and teens are at increased risk for meningococcal disease, an uncommon illness. All 11 and 12-year-olds should receive a meningococcal conjugate (MenACWY) vaccine. CDC recommends a booster dose at age 16.

Healthy eating and activity for 11-year-olds

This is a great age for your child to continue learning about food choices as they become more independent. Remember you can always talk with your tween’s healthcare provider about any nutrition concerns, particularly if they are engaged in lots of sports or are interested in a change like going vegetarian. They’re also old enough to help plan some meals, and even get active in the kitchen. Here are some other tips:

  • Serve your child a well-balanced diet with protein, whole grains, fruits, vegetables, and overall variety.
  • Growing tweens may have different nutritional needs than adults. For example, they may feel hungry for a lot of carbohydrate energy! Continue to foster eating habits that respect what they’re hungry for and how much they need to eat (avoid extremes like clean plate clubs or not allowing seconds).
  • Limit 100% juice, sports drinks, or other sugary beverages to no more than 4–6 ounces (120–180 ml) daily.
  • Try to offer your family five servings of fruits and vegetables per day.
  • Regular dental check-ups will help prevent cavities and find the right time for braces if your child needs them. Children most commonly get braces between ages 11-13.
  • Your 11-year-old should get at least 1 hour of moderate to vigorous physical activity daily.
  • Sports are an excellent way for children and teens to stay active and can even help with overall concentration.
  • Your child should get between 9-12 hours of sleep every night. Keeping all electronics and screens out of their bedroom is a great way to prioritize getting enough sleep.

Keeping your 11-year-old safe

As your 11-year-old flexes their independence muscles, it can be a nerve-wracking time for parents and caregivers. Give yourself peace of mind by establishing clear, non-negotiable expectations for safety, such as:

  • Wearing a helmet when on a bike, scooter, skateboard, ATV, or motorbike and when snowmobiling, skiing, snowboarding, or playing contact sports. 
  • Avoiding secondhand smoke, which increases their risk for heart and lung disease. Talk with your tween about how vaping nicotine and marijuana can cause lasting harm to their still-developing brains. 
  • Wearing seatbelts.
  • Never playing with guns. It is still your role to verify if guns are present in any home where they spend time. 
  • Not trying drugs or alcohol. Research shows that giving your children the clear message that you disapprove of underage drinking and drug use will influence their decision in the face of peer pressure. Check out this article on keeping lines of communication open. 
  • Learning the skills of consent can help reduce sexual coercion, harassment, and assault. They are never too young to understand how to ask for and give consent in friend and dating relationships.

Screentime

Many tweens believe that their social life would not exist without social media. It can be exhausting and frustrating to be the “screen police,” but your young teen’s brain has not developed enough to resist the addictive nature of screens. They need your help in setting boundaries to limit video, television watching, and computer use to less than 2 hours daily. You can help make sure that screen time does not replace your 11-year-old’s sleep, physical activity, or face-to-face socializing with peers and adults. You can do this by:

  • Setting and sticking to screen time limits.
  • Using parental controls to limit the content your 11-year-old watches.
  • Actively monitoring the types of media, apps, shows, movies, or games your tween is watching. Common Sense Media provides reviews of media and advice for parents on healthy media use. 
  • Talk about what cyberbullying looks like.
  • Gaming time does not have to be alone time for your tween. Instead, try playing a video game with your kids. It’s a great way to demonstrate good sportsmanship and gaming etiquette without lecturing them.
  • Most likely, your 11-year-old will be asking for their own smartphone around this age. Draft a phone contract and engage in a healthy family conversation with your 11-year-old about the right age to get a phone. Remember that your family doesn’t have to look like your neighbor’s, and different timelines will work for every kid.

Conversation starters and parenting hacks for your 11-year-old

Staying connected as kids near their teen years and become more independent may be increasingly challenging for you. However, asking various questions that go beyond “How was your day?” can help you learn more about the kind of grown-up your tween is becoming.

Questions to ask your 11-year-old:

  • What is the one thing you did today that you are most proud of?
  • Tell me about a time someone hurt your feelings. Why do you think that hurt so much?
  • Is there something in the future that you are worried about right now? Why?
  • Is there anyone who has ever been a bad friend to you? How did you respond? 
  • If you could travel anywhere, where would you like to go more than anywhere else? 
  • When watching a movie, TV show, or the news with your child, ask them, “Why do you think that person was treated that way? Was it because of their gender or skin color?”
  • Don’t be afraid of yes/no or simple questions. If your tween isn’t feeling chatty, a few more direct questions can set the scene and get them talking. What was for lunch today? Oh yeah? Who was there? Oh cool, what were they wearing?
  • Some kids will also open up more readily if you walk and talk, or talk while they are slightly distracted with helping you cook, etc. Every conversation doesn’t have to be a teaching moment or full of eye contact to help them feel connected.

Ways to help them grow and develop:

  • Show an interest in your tween’s developing identity, thoughts, and beliefs. Asking some of the questions above and giving them your full attention to their answers (get off your phone!) is a great way to start.
  • The physical changes of puberty can be confusing and embarrassing for tweens. Check out You-ology, a new all-inclusive puberty guide from the American Academy of Pediatrics, if you are having difficulty talking comfortably about puberty with your 11-year-old.
  • Talk positively about gender identity and read up on gender and sexual identity terms.
  • Give your tween chores or jobs around the house, such as unloading the dishwasher. This way, you can teach them how to perform everyday tasks and activities they will do independently in the not-so-distant future.
  • Consider giving them an allowance and hiring them to help you with other jobs around the house to teach them about managing (and saving) money.
  • Stay involved with your child’s school, team, or other activities, even if they don’t want you to. Get to know the other important people (adults and peers) in their life.

This is going to be an exciting year for your family!  

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team

Sources

]]> Different parenting styles? Start here https://www.oviahealth.com/guide/279812/different-parenting-styles-start-here/ Mon, 03 Apr 2023 15:58:01 +0000 https://www.oviahealth.com/?post_type=article&p=279812 It’s quite common to have contrasting approaches to parenting. After all, you and your partner have each been influenced by your own upbringings, as well as various cultural and community norms. But when your parenting styles clash, it can cause problems, both for your relationship and your child. And if you’re co-parenting with an ex partner, many of these tips will apply as well. 

Here’s a quick primer on four things you can do to reduce conflict and provide consistent messages to your child — even when you have varying points of view.  

Identify your parenting styles

There are many popular parenting styles and approaches. Recently, some of the most popular are:

  • Responsive Parenting (also called gentle parenting) focuses on tuning into a child’s needs and emotions. The focus is on creating a positive relationship between parent and child and helping your child learn to navigate their emotions.
  • Attachment Parenting focuses on responsiveness as well, and promotes the idea that early brain development is fostered by consistently offering your child ways to connect to you.
  • Authoritative focuses on teaching concepts like scaffolding, and high expectations for behavior.

Of course, there are many more styles out there, including some that involve harsh punishments or neglect. Where do you and your partner each fall? By understanding each person’s style, it can help you start a productive conversation about where each of you is coming from and how you might be able to meet in the middle. Because finding harmony, like most things, involves compromise.  

Collaborate on the approach

Regardless of which parenting style works for you, your children will blossom with consistency. Your partner (and/or family members involved in your child’s care) and you can collaborate on various strategies for common concerns like what to do for tantrums, bedtime battles, and big feelings. It’s tough for children to manage any hard situation when the response from each parent is wildly different. Children thrive on consistency, as it helps prevent them from feeling confused or insecure — or from trying to “divide and conquer” the two of you by using parental differences to their advantage. 

Maintain a unified front

It’s important to back up your partner, as long as they’re being safe. If they do something you disagree with, talk to them in private later instead of arguing in front of your child. The latter can undermine their authority and can cause anxiety and misunderstanding for your child. We all get thrown into parenting situations that we fumble over, and it’s okay to go back to your child and apologize for a hurtful or inappropriate response. While we can’t have a do-over, we can spend time repairing and learning. 

Schedule weekly check-ins

New parenting decisions will always be surfacing, so it might be a good idea to have a regular time each week for re-evaluating the approach or coming up with new ones. As your child grows older, for example, you’ll need to hash out where you stand on things like smartphones, social media, or dating.  

Also, your child’s evolving personality may bring about new parenting conflicts. To avoid letting your differences stress your relationship, try to always see your partner as your ally. Even when they make parenting mistakes, you can choose to extend your forgiveness and support. After all, wouldn’t you like them to do the same? How you parent together is something visible to your child as they get older, and they benefit from knowing you value and spend time on the process.

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team

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