Development guides - Ovia Health https://www.oviahealth.com/blog/parenting/development-guides/ Digital health personalized for every family journey Wed, 11 Jun 2025 16:20:18 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.8.3 Your guide to age seventeen https://www.oviahealth.com/guide/281879/your-guide-to-age-seventeen/ Fri, 07 Apr 2023 19:14:50 +0000 https://www.oviahealth.com/?post_type=article&p=281879 This guide is intended to provide some context into what you might expect for neuro-typical seventeen-year-old development. Milestones and development are different for everyone.

Believe it or not, your child is now on the cusp of becoming an adult, legally and physically. Many parents and caregivers wonder, how ready is my 17-year-old for the real world? As they move towards milestones like graduating from high school or starting college, this may be the last year they live with you.

You know that the choices your teen makes now can impact much of their adult lives. So remember that you do affect the choices your 17-year-old makes, even if it doesn’t always seem that way. Parenting your 17-year-old can be a tricky balance of guiding them towards autonomy while also keeping them safe and supported.

During this year, stress is one of the biggest challenges your child will face in their peer relationships, school, home, and work. The good news is that developmentally, 17-year-olds tend to be more comfortable seeking advice from older people and their parents again.  Your parenting challenge for this year is to continue what you have already been doing for them – connecting with them and supporting their ongoing emotional learning.

The major developmental milestones for 17-year-olds

Age 17 language and cognitive skills development

This highly-stimulating, exciting time of life for your late adolescent results in rapid cognitive growth. We now know that the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for something called executive functioning) continues to grow and develop for another eight years – at least until your child is 25 years old.

By Age 17, your child may:

  • Be more skilled at making complex decisions.
  • Have established and more realistic plans for their future after high school (work, college, military, travel).
  • May still struggle to consider “the big picture” when in the moment or under stress.
  • Adapt their language and behavior depending on where they are – school, home, or work.
  • Have better organizational skills so that they can juggle multiple responsibilities (homework, friends, jobs, and relationships).
  • Engage in more thinking about thinking (called metacognition)
  • Be able to make their own schedule and plans.
  • Set limits and compromises when appropriate.

Age 17 social and emotional learning milestones

17-year-olds will seem more emotionally mature as they:

  • Move toward a more adult sense of themselves and their purpose.
  • Cope better with new problems and different situations than they did at younger ages (called fluid intelligence and emotional regulation).
  • Focus on relationships and dating and likely become sexually active.
  • Seek adult leadership roles.
  • Continue to be focused on their appearance.
  • Become better able to resist peer pressure.
  • Have fewer mood swings as their sense of identity and control both feel more secure.

They may still have moments when they remind you they are not ready to be an adult, especially when they:

  • Continue to feel the need to challenge you and your authority.
  • Feel nervous or hesitant about becoming an adult with increased responsibilities.
  • Are paralyzed by both a fear of the future and a fear of failure when trying to make bigger decisions.

Age 17 physical development and motor skills

By age 17, physical and sexual development is nearly complete. Your adolescent will:

  • Have fully-developed male genitals (penis and scrotum) in size and shape.
  • Have adult patterns of armpit, leg, chest, pubic and facial hair by age 18.
  • Notice a slowing in growth (height) in males by age 18.
  • Have completed breast development, usually by 17-18 years old.
  • Notice the appearance of the third molars (wisdom teeth), usually between 17 and 21. Talk with your dentist about whether or not your teen will need to have their wisdom teeth removed.
  • Continue to gain weight even if they are not growing taller. In males, increasing muscle mass may be the cause of weight gain.
  • Be able to take care of their grooming and hygiene.
  • Most teens have had sex by age 17. Continue small chats about sex, birth control and pregnancy to keep lines of communication open and support available as they navigate these topics. Make sure your teen is aware of their reproductive rights/restrictions where you live.

Vaccines for 17-year-olds

Your healthcare provider can help you ensure that your 17-year-old is up to date with their recommended vaccines. They should receive vaccines, boosters, or catch-up vaccines if they are off schedule to protect them from the following diseases:

  • Influenza (Flu) (one dose of vaccine every year)
  • COVID-19 (per current CDC recommendations)

Before your child enters college, a technical school, or a university, check that their vaccinations are up to date. If your child has missed any vaccines or is off schedule, they can “catch up” to get back on track. In addition, many states recommend and require that some college students receive the meningococcal conjugate vaccine.

Healthy eating and activity for 17-year-olds

If plans are in motion for your 17 year old to live independently in the coming year, you’ll want to solidify some of the teaching you’ve already done! Can they make their favorite meals? Do they know about how much to buy for a week’s worth of snacks and breakfasts? There is still plenty of time to get your teen ready, and their roommates and friends will appreciate it too. Take the next year to enjoy bonding over physical activity, and reinforce how much better everyone feels when they get outside and move together. This is something that can carry over to their new friendships in adulthood and benefit them physically, socially and emotionally.

  • Continue to make eating together as a family a priority.
  • Teens make more of their own food choices. Try a night when they cook for you!
  • Talk about the health risks of energy drinks and drinking too much caffeine. Help them learn about alternatives to caffeine to stay energized. 
  • Stock their favorite fruits and vegetables for snacks.
  • Your teen should brush their teeth twice daily, floss once daily, and see a dentist every six months. Their dentist can help you determine if wisdom teeth have enough room to grow or if you need a referral to an oral surgeon.
  • 17-year-olds should be getting at least 60 minutes of physical activity every day. 
  • Talk with your healthcare provider if your teen athlete is feeling pressured to lose weight or gain muscle by overdoing training or using dangerous substances like steroids or supplements. 
  • Focus on health, not weight. Teach your teen not to use food as a reward or coping strategy for difficult feelings. These behaviors can lead to disordered eating.
  • Your 17-year-old should get between 8-10 hours of sleep every night. Watch for signs of sleep deprivation which can lead to serious problems for your teen’s health and well-being.
  • 17-year-olds can struggle to find a healthy relationship with their food, body image, and well-being. Talk with your healthcare provider or mental health specialist specializing in eating disorders, adolescent obesity, or adolescent athletes if you are worried about your teen.    

Keeping your 17-year-old safe

It might seem like you are constantly nagging, but teens (even older ones) still need reminders to keep them safe. Plus, your communication shows them that you care about their well-being. So keep talking about substance abuse, safe driving, sexual activity, and mental health self-care, even if it feels like a conversation you’ve had a million times.

  • Discourage vaping. Using E-cigarettes or vaping in adolescence can cause lifelong problems for your teen’s mental health by harming the parts of their brain controlling attention, learning, mood, and impulse regulation.
  • Reinforce the importance of always wearing seatbelts with your 17-year-old. They are much more likely to always buckle up if you do too.
  • Give your teen tips for getting out of riding with a driver impaired by alcohol or drugs. Talk about the risks of driving while texting, sleep-deprived, or impaired by alcohol, marijuana, or drugs.
  • Even though substance abuse is common among teens, remind them that not all of their peers drink or use substances.
  • Know where your teen is going and who they’ll be with. If your teen is hosting friends or a party, you should be there to make sure there aren’t drugs or alcohol. If your teen is going elsewhere, you should text the hosting teen’s parents to ensure there will be adult supervision.
  • Ensure your 17-year-old wears a helmet when on a bike, scooter, skateboard, ATV, motorbike or snowmobiling, skiing, snowboarding, and when playing contact sports to avoid concussion-related brain injuries. Repeated concussions, with or without a helmet on, can have lifelong consequences. 
  • Talk with your teen about gun safety and school violence. Having a gun in your home increases the risk of murder and suicide in your home. 
  • Some teens cope by cutting or self-injuring. Don’t miss the signs of self-harm in your teen.
  • Be alert for any changes in your teen’s behavior – they could be signs that your teen is struggling with depression or anxiety. Contact your health care provider, mental health counselor, or the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (988) if you have any concerns that they might attempt suicide.
  • Gender-diverse teens and/or teens in larger-sized bodies are more likely to experience bullying, depression, and anxiety and be at risk for attempting suicide.
  • Your teen should continue to have annual check-up appointments with their pediatrician or healthcare provider.
  • Continue conversations and open communication with your teen about consent, teen dating violence, and protecting themselves against sexually transmitted infections and unplanned pregnancy.

Reinforcing healthy screentime habits

Like tobacco, alcohol, or drugs, screen time or video games can become an addiction that damages your teen’s health and relationships. Talk with your teen, their health care provider, and even their school if their daily screen time dose far exceeds the recommended 2 hours per day. Other helpful reminders to give your 17-year-old are:

  • Co-view and discuss. According to Common Sense Media, teens whose parents participate in their media lives make better choices and spend less time with media.
  • Limit multitasking. Multitasking makes it harder to focus on one thing and can prevent face-to-face conversations.
  • Safeguard privacy online. Discuss limiting information in online profiles, never posting personal details like phone numbers and addresses, and using strong passwords.
  • Social media posts are permanent – they don’t disappear even when deleted, and could impact their future college and job opportunities.
  • Report any messages from people they don’t know to you or another trusted adult.
  • Cyberbullying can cause lasting emotional harm and even be fatal. Encourage your 17-year-old to speak up and out against harmful online behavior by being a digital upstander.
  • Set timers and reminders to help keep track of the amount of time spent video gaming.
  • Avoid sexting and sharing any regular pictures without first asking others’ permission. Your 17 year old may start to understand the legal consequences of some non-consensual behavior. 
  • Encourage media mindfulness. Teach them to notice when being online makes them uncomfortable, worried, sad, or anxious, and strategize ways to make themselves feel better.

Conversation starters and parenting hacks for your 17-year-old

They may be almost ready to fly the nest, but take advantage of their greater sense of identity and capacity for complete thinking by asking some of these thought-provoking questions:

  • How would you define racism?
  • What’s the biggest lesson you learned from your last relationship? (if they have been in a relationship)
  • What’s your favorite way to de-stress?
  • What are the best and worst things about having a smartphone (or social media)?
  • How would you describe your personality?
  • Are you looking forward to being an adult?
  • If we had more money, how would you use it?
  • What are the big things kids are talking about at school?
  • Why do you think kids use drugs or alcohol?
  • What do you think about marijuana being legal for adults in some states?
  • Do you believe in God?

Ways to help them grow and develop:

  • Stay involved in your 17-year-old’s life even if they act like they don’t want you to. You can better see the world from your teen’s perspective when you are familiar with it. 
  • Get to know your kid’s friends, their parents, and especially the parents of anyone your kid may be dating.
  • Find ways to help your teen talk to people in certain jobs or get experience by working or volunteering.
  • Encourage your adolescent to talk to a trusted adult about problems or concerns, even if it is not you who they choose to speak with.
  • Decide rules and consequences of mistakes in advance.  If you have a two-parent or a blended family, parents should have their own discussion beforehand for consistency. Mistakes are a normal part of life – even for adults. If your 17-year-old makes a mistake, ask them what they learned from their mistake or poor choice.
  • Stick to your boundaries and established limits. 
  • If your teen is stuck in analysis paralysis, support their critical thinking and planning skills by brainstorming different options and listing the pros and cons. Let them take over more of the day-to-day problem-solving and life choices.

Habits are hard to break – that’s why your job as a parent of a 17-year-old is to help them learn the healthy habits now that will keep them safe as adults. Being a 17-year-old can be stressful and overwhelming as they contemplate launching from the nest, worrying about college, part-time jobs, and more serious relationships. They are also trying to figure out where they will fit into the adult world. So be there to offer support, connect them with resources, and provide love and acceptance when you see them struggling.

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team

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Your guide to age fifteen

Your guide to age sixteen

]]> Your guide to age sixteen https://www.oviahealth.com/guide/281859/your-guide-to-age-sixteen/ Fri, 07 Apr 2023 18:52:18 +0000 https://www.oviahealth.com/?post_type=article&p=281859 This guide is intended to provide some context into what you might expect for neuro-typical sixteen-year-old development. Milestones and development are different for everyone.

The best-known milestone of reaching age 16 is getting a driver’s license, depending on where you live. While being able to drive adds new layers of independence, conflict, and potential danger into your teen’s life, your 16-year-old will reach many less-obvious developmental milestones this year.

Your job as a parent or trusted adult is to give them chances to practice new skills in low-stakes versions of real life. Parents and caregivers sometimes have to adjust to a more hands-off approach to parenting during the later teenage years. Your teen may want you to be more of a “potted plant parent,” according to adolescent parenting expert Dr. Lisa Damour. Yes, this may be an adjustment for you. But, as you modify how and when you connect, remember that your calm and steady presence in their lives still helps them meet checkpoints in their emotional, physical, and intellectual development along their path toward adulthood.

The major developmental milestones for 16-year-olds

Age 16 language and cognitive skills development

Your teen’s cognitive development prepares them for managing complexity, making judgments, and planning for the future – what adults do daily. Brain imaging with magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) of teenage brains shows that your teen’s brain structures and the connections between them are still under construction (up until age 25). The more your teen experiences, the more their brain re-organizes these information highways – finding newer, more efficient traffic patterns for your teen to process their ever-expanding world. Because your teen’s brain is a work-in-progress, toxic substances such as marijuana, nicotine, and alcohol can easily cause lifelong damage.

By Age 16, your child may:

  • Think less concretely and more abstractly.
  • Use abstract thinking to form new ideas and questions.
  • Be intrigued by philosophy and other intellectual pursuits.
  • Begin to appreciate symbolism.
  • Organize their thoughts and can use mnemonic devices (like HOMES to remember the names of the Great Lakes) and other strategies to think and recall information more efficiently.
  • Earn and spend money wisely (signs of financial literacy).
  • Plan for “what if” situations.
  • Communicate like an adult.
  • Fully understand punctuation and grammatical rules, and write and read sentences with complex structures.

Watch for signs of potential learning disabilities if your teen struggles in school. Talk with their teachers, healthcare provider, and a mental health counselor to determine if bullying, depression, or learning or attention problems are to blame.

Age 16 social and emotional learning milestones

Your teen’s biggest social and emotional milestone at this age is their search for self-knowledge and identity. They will want to be more independent and in control as part of this process. Your 16-year-old may:

  • Be spending less and less time with you and more time with friends.
  • Understand that others’ actions may not represent their true thoughts or intentions.
  • Be overly focused on their perceptions (especially their behaviors and appearance).
  • Be developing and fine-tuning their unique personality and opinions.
  • Focus on their peer group and their need for belonging, reinforced in cliques, gangs, or clubs who may try to act alike, dress alike, have secret codes or rituals, and participate in the same activities.
  • Be learning emotional regulation skills such as accepting or managing negative feelings to balance their emotions.

Age 16 physical development and motor skills

Your adolescent may grow several inches in several months, followed by a period of slow growth, then have another growth spurt. Changes with puberty can happen gradually, or several signs may appear seemingly overnight. 

By age 16:

  • Most teens assigned female at birth (AFAB) will have completed puberty by this point and will be physically mature.
  • Girls’ growth spurt peaks around age 11.5 and slows around age 16.
  • Males will have a growth spurt, and puberty-related changes continue with voices cracking as their voices lower.
  • Your teen will be exploring sex and sexuality through self-stimulation (masturbation).
  • Some teens develop acne. Your pediatrician may recommend prescription treatments if you have a family history of acne or if your child has severe acne that could cause scarring. 

Vaccines for 16-year-olds

Staying on track with recommended vaccines and booster shots will help keep your teen healthy. They will most likely receive the following vaccines this year:

  • Influenza (Flu) (one dose of vaccine every year)
  • COVID-19 (per current CDC recommendations)
  • Meningococcal disease
    • Meningococcal conjugate (MenACWY)  given at 16 years old (2nd dose)
    • Serogroup B meningococcal (MenB) may be given, preferably at 16 through 18 years (2 doses)

Preteens and teens are at increased risk for meningococcal disease, an uncommon illness. Infections of the brain, blood, spinal fluid, and spinal cord with this bacteria can cause lifetime disabilities and even death. All 11 and 12-year-olds should have received a meningococcal conjugate (MenACWY) vaccine. The CDC recommends a booster dose at age 16.

Healthy eating and activity for 16-year-olds

Looking forward, what do you hope your teen knows or remembers about eating and their bodies? With a few more years under your roof, it may help to focus on what you can control around these topics with a teen. Moving your bodies as a family, whether that’s walks around the block or yoga at home, can provide the activity they need as well as powerful memories. Shopping, cooking and eating together gives your teen valuable skills in adulthood and traditions to last a lifetime. You’ve laid the groundwork showing them what kinds of foods can give them the nutrition and energy they need, now it’s time to let that teaching shine as they display much more independence.

  • Adolescents with heavy periods (especially those not eating red meat) are at risk for low iron levels (anemia). Talk with your child’s healthcare provider if you have concerns.
  • Limit 100% juice, sports drinks, and other sugary beverages to no more than 4–6 ounces (120–180 ml) daily. Talk about the health risks of energy drinks and drinking too much caffeine.
  • Your teen should brush their teeth twice daily, floss once daily, and see a dentist every 6 months.
  • Getting at least 60 minutes of physical activity daily will help your teen sleep better, maintain a healthy weight, build strong muscles and bones, and even have an easier time focusing in school.
  • Are you worried about your 16-year-old’s eating habits, body image, or mental health? Additional support can give your teen the tools to feel good about their body.
  • If your teen is an athlete, limit practicing to 5 days a week to prevent overuse injuries and burn-out.
  • If your teenager is interested in weight training, make sure a qualified adult supervises them.
  • Your 16-year-old should get between 8-10 hours of sleep every night. Watch for signs of sleep deprivation and keep screens out of their bedroom to protect their sleep.

Cultivating healthy screentime habits

According to recent estimates, teens ages 13-18 spend, on average, more than 7.5 hours in front of a screen for entertainment, 4.5 of which are spent watching TV. Teens spend nearly four times the recommended 2 hours per day on screens. Here are some tips to help your family find a healthy screentime balance:

  • Common Sense Media offers resources to help you teach digital citizenship and offers reviews of movies, books, TV shows, apps, games, and YouTube for you to learn more about what your teen is watching.
  • Review the basics of online etiquette, such as using privacy settings and remembering that anything posted on social media can be made public.
  • Remind your teen not to post their location or share personal information with anyone they don’t know well from in-person interactions.
  • Create media-free zones and times, such as meal times, before bed, or in the car. This will create opportunities for meaningful conversations to happen (see conversation starters below)
  • Ask your teen about cyberbullying and what they would do if they needed help.
  • Boys tend to spend more time on screens than girls, possibly because of their love for video gaming. Keep games in common areas if possible.
  • A shame-free talk with your 16-year-old about sexting can protect them from legal and reputational harm.
  • Introduce the concept of mindful screentime – intentionally focusing their attention on how they feel and changes in their thoughts when online.

Keeping your 16-year-old safe

Your most significant safety concern at this age most likely is your child driving (or being a passenger of a teen driver). Unfortunately, you can never remind them enough times to wear a seatbelt and not to text while driving. Agree on safety measures like texting when they arrive at a destination, or how much gas to keep in the tank. Other ways to keep your teen safe are to:

  • Let them know you are a judgment freetext away if they want to leave a party or other gathering; if they feel uncomfortable, they are not obligated to stay.
  • Offer strategies to avoid tobacco, marijuana, drugs, and alcohol. Discuss the health risks of abusing prescription drugs, supplements, and steroids. Around 15% of all high school students say they have used street drugs such as cannabis, cocaine, inhalants, heroin, meth, hallucinogens, or MDMA (also called ecstasy or molly). 
  • Discourage vaping and using e-cigarettes and talk with them about their health risks to their developing brains.
  • Talk with your teen about gun safety and school violence. Guns are one of the leading causes of death in children ages 1 to 17 in the U.S. in 2020. Be aware of the homes your teen visits that have guns, and what the safety measures are used by the parents.
  • If you are concerned about your child’s suicide risk or self-harming behaviors, do not leave them alone. Call or text the national suicide and crisis lifeline (988). Turn to your healthcare provider or a mental health provider for professional support.
  • Ensure your 16-year-old always wears a helmet when on a bike, scooter, skateboard, ATV, motorbike or snowmobiling, skiing, snowboarding, and playing contact sports.
  • Continue conversations and open communication with your teen about healthy and safe relationships, including how to prevent sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy.
  • Your teen should continue to have annual check-up appointments with their pediatrician or healthcare provider.

Conversation Starters and Parenting Hacks for Your 16-Year-Old

Not all potted plants speak, so your teen may become annoyed when asked about their lives. Try a variety of questions that go way beyond the standard “How was your day?” Here are some conversation starters to show you are genuinely interested in how they are doing.

Questions to ask your 16-year-old:

  • Do you think of yourself as an optimist or a pessimist?
  • Which celebrity would play you in a movie?
  • Has anyone ever assumed something about you because of your skin color or appearance? 
  • Have you ever assumed something about someone else because of the color of their skin? Tell me more!
  • What is something you can do when you start to feel stressed?
  • What keeps you up at night?
  • What do you think some of the benefits are of being sexually active as a teenager? What are some of the risks? Do those risks or benefits change when you are an adult?
  • Which shows are you watching right now? Would you recommend any of them to me?
  • How would you describe your personality?
  • Is bullying a problem at your school?
  • Do you agree with the current legal age for drinking, smoking, and voting?

Ways to help them grow and develop:

  • Make time each day to hear about your teen’s activities; ensure they know you are actively interested and listening carefully.
  • Respond positively to your child’s efforts and interests. Set firm, fair, and consistent limits for your teen.
  • Encourage your 16-year-old to be part of family decision-making (i.e., family trips, family media plans, or meal planning).
  • At this age, many teens struggle with being over-scheduled. Discuss ways to manage busy schedules and handle their stress. We’re conditioned to think quitting is always a negative, but some teens (or parents) may need something taken off their plate to thrive.
  • If your teen wants to participate in activism, find shared ways to contribute to a movement, like joining a protest, volunteering, or learning together.
  • Talk about their future college or work plans with them. Validate that every subject may not be their #1 interest, and help them to find ways to get through that coursework if they have college aspirations.
  • Don’t be afraid to give your teen more responsibilities. Steadily increase privileges and responsibilities as appropriate. 
  • Build your teen’s financial literacy by helping them open their own bank account. Talk about whether a debit or credit card is right for them to teach them about building credit and avoiding debt.

As a parent of a 16-year-old, you may notice shifts in your relationship with your child. While being a houseplant is not something you might aspire to, use the metaphor of potted plant parenting to guide you through this relationship transition. You are still more important than your teen will ever admit to you – just “being there” and knowing that you are there if they need you helps your 16-year-old grow, learn, and, most importantly, stay safe. 

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team

Sources

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Your guide to age fifteen

Your guide to age seventeen

]]> Your guide to age fifteen https://www.oviahealth.com/guide/281845/your-guide-to-age-fifteen/ Fri, 07 Apr 2023 15:06:53 +0000 https://www.oviahealth.com/?post_type=article&p=281845 This guide is intended to provide some context into what you might expect for neuro-typical fifteen-year-old development. Milestones and development are different for everyone.

Technically still an “early-adolescent,” your teen’s more mature adult physical appearance may mask their still-developing brain. Their ability to cope and process the rapid changes happening around them may depend on how they feel at that moment. Fifteen-year-olds can seem moody, unpredictable, confusing, and even challenging for adults, parents, and caregivers. You’ll notice your teen testing limits, spending less time with you and more with friends, and wanting more privacy.

Your job as a parent or trusted adult is to stick by them, even through ups and downs. Establishing connection and clear expectations for your teen can help keep them safe, healthy and limit risk-taking behaviors. In addition, learning more about some of the normal developmental milestones you may see your 15-year-old reach during this year will help you stay the course on their journey from adolescence to adulthood. 

The major developmental milestones for 15-year-olds

Age 15 language and cognitive skills development

Cognitive development is the changes that happen in the brain to allow your teen to think and learn. You can think of developmental milestones as checkpoints along their path to developing an adult-thinking brain. 

By Age 15, your child may:

  • Use abstract thinking to form new ideas and questions.
  • Solve complex, higher-order math problems.
  • Have improved memory (both long-term and working memory).
  • Exhibit selective attention (i.e., the ability to answer your questions while scrolling through social media).
  • Formulate goals for the future.
  • May still act impulsively and not think about the consequences of their actions “in the moment.”
  • Earn and spend money wisely.
  • Able to think more quickly (called processing speed).
  • Know the meaning of more than 30,000 words.

Age 15 social and emotional learning milestones

You may notice your 15-year-old starting to:

  • Explore different identities to help them find where they fit in. This can include gender questioning and gender fluidity. 
  • Have sexual feelings. This may lead to dating, relationships, and exploring their sexuality through masturbation.
  • Want to explore boundaries and engage in risky behaviors. But, developmentally, they still have the invincible “it will never happen to me” mind-set.
  • Argue more as they attempt to assert their independence and growing need for control.
  • Pull away from you and other caregivers more and more.
  • Turn to friends as their primary social support.
  • Seek out and value their privacy.

Age 15 physical development and motor skills

The physical changes of adolescence can make teens increasingly self-conscious. Your child may go through an awkward stage in their physical appearance, muscular coordination, and social interactions at this age. 

By age 15:

  • Breast development,pubic hair growth, full adult height, and first menstrual periods are all likely in the rear view mirror. Talk with a healthcare provider if your teen has not started menstruating or is experiencing heavy, irregular, or painful periods.
  • Puberty will have caused penises to grow longer, the testicles to get bigger, and the growth of facial, armpit, and pubic hair.
  • Your teen may have started having wet dreams (nocturnal emissions). 
  • They may seem clumsy or uncoordinated as their brain struggles to catch up with rapid height and muscle mass changes.
  • Increases in body size, hormones, and muscle strength can improve athletic performance.

Vaccines for 15-year-olds

Keeping your 15-year-old up-to-date with their recommended vaccines will protect them from serious illnesses. They should receive catch-up vaccines if they are off schedule. Ask about getting catch-up vaccines at your teen’s camp and sports physical appointments. The vaccines your 15-year-old might receive this year include the following:

  • Influenza (Flu) (one dose of vaccine every year)
  • COVID-19 (per current CDC recommendations)

Healthy eating and activity for 15-year-olds

Healthy eating can be more challenging as adolescents become more independent and make more food decisions without your involvement. It’s not just about providing meals anymore! Many adolescents experience a growth spurt and an increased appetite and need more food to fuel their growth. Talk with your healthcare provider if it is hard for you to provide enough for your growing teen to eat.

  • Encourage your teen to help you meal plan and make grocery lists. Throw in some ideas about budget for bonus points!
  • Some adolescents can have low calcium, iron, zinc, or vitamin D. Talk with your child’s healthcare provider if you have concerns or questions about dietary supplements.
  • Limit 100% juice, sports drinks, and other sugary beverages to no more than 4–6 ounces (120–180 ml) daily. Teach them about the health risks of energy drinks and drinking too much caffeine.
  • Stock up on their favorite  fruits and vegetables for snacks (5 servings per day are recommended).
  • Your teen should brush their teeth twice daily, floss once daily, and see a dentist every 6 months.
  • Your teen should be getting physical activity each day for about 60 minutes.
  • If your teen is overweight or inactive, they might need to start physical activity slowly. If your teen has a chronic health condition or disability, there are likely ways to introduce enjoyable movement.Talk with their healthcare provider about safe physical activity and which activities can be adapted or changed.
  • If your teen is an athlete, avoid specializing in one sport before late adolescence to prevent overuse injuries.
  • Watch for the signs of disordered eating that can emerge during the teenage years in all genders.
  • Your 15-year-old should get between 8-10 hours of sleep every night. Chronic sleep deprivation can lead to serious problems for your teen’s health and well-being.

Keeping your 15-year-old safe

  • Ensure your 15-year-old always wears a helmet for activities with a risk of hitting their head. Repeat concussions during adolescence with or without helmet use can have severe and lifelong health consequences.
  • Don’t even try it. Adolescence is the time when most people start smoking.
  • Discourage vaping. Using E-cigarettes or vaping in adolescence can cause lifelong problems for your teen’s mental health by harming the parts of their brain controlling attention, learning, mood, and impulse regulation.
  • Continue talking with your teens about drugs and alcohol. Nearly 30 percent of high schoolers say they’ve tried alcohol, and 14 percent admit to binge drinking. It’s never too late to start having these conversations if you haven’t already. These talks will open the door for support, and they will not encourage drug and alcohol use.
  • Reinforce the importance of always wearing seatbelts with your teen, and model their use every single drive.
  • Impaired drivers are a threat to your teen’s safety. Give your teen tips for getting out of riding with a driver impaired by alcohol or drugs. Give them a free pass to text you for a safe ride at any time.
  • Talk with your teen about gun safety and school violence. If you own a gun, re-evaluate safety measures to make sure it will stay out of your teen’s hands.
  • A child who expresses suicidal thoughts or is engaging in self-harm needs your help. Talk with your healthcare provider or a mental health professional about how to support your teen.
  • Your 15-year-old should continue to have annual check-up appointments with their pediatrician or healthcare provider. Respect their need for medical privacy if desired. Encourage your teen to ask questions about mental health, birth control or other sensitive topics if they are struggling to talk about it with you.
  • Gender-diverse teens are more likely to experience bullying, depression, and suicide. Make your home a safe space for your gender-diverse or gender-questioning teen with these resources for parents.
  • Are you worried about your 15-year-old’s eating habits, body image, or mental health? Contact your healthcare provider or a mental health professional specializing in eating disorders or adolescent obesity for additional support.

Safe and healthy screentime

Sleep disorders, behavior problems, loss of social skills, violence, and trouble with work and school can all result in teens spending too much time on screens. Talk with your 15-year-old about these health hazards and encourage healthy media behaviors such as:

  • Limiting the use of phones, devices, and social media to less than 2 hours of screen time daily. Talk about what happens if they break the rules ahead of time,  when you draft (or update) your family media agreement, like this one from Common Sense Media.
  • Set family ground rules for privacy. This will vary depending on your values and any history of misuse of social media. It is possible to respect your teen’s privacy while making them aware you will do some checking in. Safety check-ins and occasional monitoring will feel less like a violation if the ground rules are set as a team.
  • Most experts agree that passwords should be shared with parents so that in the event of an emergency or tech failure, someone else can help.
  • Monitor which games and apps your teen downloads and plays.
  • Talk about the mental and sexual health risk factors of sexting before you think you need to. Sexting is the sending or receiving of sexually explicit images, videos, or text messages using a smartphone, computer, tablet, video game, or digital camera. 
  • Ask your teen how their online activities make them feel. What teens think about their bodies affects their feelings of self-worth. Help your teen recognize that the media’s unrealistic images and use of filters distort our ideas about real beauty.
  • Encourage your teen’s healthy sexuality – teens who have discussed pornography with a trusted adult say that “the porn talk” made them feel better about sex and themselves.
  • Set a good example by being mindful of your own tech use. Why not try inviting your teen to do something together that doesn’t involve screens? Why not make some family rules about screens in the car or during meals?
  • Review the principles of digital citizenship and using the THINK model (asking if each message is True, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary, and Kind before sending).  

Conversation starters and parenting hacks for your 15-year-old

Taking an interest in your teen’s life shows you care and builds trust. If they trust you (and your judgment), your teen will feel safe talking with you about sensitive subjects. 

Questions to ask your 15-year-old:

  • How have you experienced racism towards yourself or others? How did it make you feel?
  • What does stress feel like to you?
  • Have you ever tried to help someone who is being bullied? What happened? What would you do if it happened again?
  • Do all these school shootings in the news make you feel unsafe at school?
  • How male or female do you feel inside as you get older?
  • Are drug and alcohol use a big thing at your school?
  • What do you think your best quality is?
  • Do you think money can buy happiness?
  • How do you cheer yourself up?
  • What percentage of your classmates would you guess regularly watch pornography?
  • What do you think are some good reasons and bad reasons to become sexually active?

Not every talk with your teen needs to be about a serious subject, and you’d both be pretty exhausted if that were the case! You’ll also learn a lot about your teen from day to day “normal” conversations when you dig in and try to get a picture of their life. Ask about who they sat with at lunch. Ask about the clothes people were wearing. Help them paint a picture of a regular part of their day, so that you can “be there” for the memory. 

Ways to help them grow and develop:

  • Show your 15-year-old how to set goals. For example, talk about and write down a goal for the week, month, and year. Next, help your teen think about the steps needed to reach the goal. Work with them to make a schedule for each step. Talk about and praise their efforts, successes and even failures!
  • Help motivate your teenager to get off the couch and stay physically active by setting a good example.  Talk with your child about the physical benefits of exercise, such as improving mood or energy level. Many teens become less active in high school as organized sports activities become more competitive.
  • If someone tells a joke or you hear a song on the radio about something sexual, ask your 15-year-old if they know what it means. If they say yes, ask them to tell you “what kids think that means these days” – the meaning might differ from what you think. 
  • Talk about dating and sex earlier than you may think you need to. Focus on what makes a relationship healthy to help prevent teen dating violence. It is natural and normal for your adolescent to be interested in sexual topics – it does not mean your child is sexually active yet.
  • Involve your teen in setting household rules and schedules to encourage mature thinking.
  • Even if your teen doesn’t initiate conversations about issues of difference, ask them what they think about current topics from the news, such as the immigration debate or teaching about race in schools.
  • Notice changes in your teen’s sleeping and eating habits, any angry outbursts, mood swings, or a loss of interest in activities they used to love. These can all be subtle signs that your teen might be struggling. Check in with their teachers, coaches, health care providers, therapists, or counselors.
  • Encourage community service or volunteering to give them a chance to explore new skills, learn how to connect with others, and have the confidence to try new things.

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team

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Your guide to age fourteen

Your guide to age sixteen

]]> Your guide to age fourteen https://www.oviahealth.com/guide/281840/your-guide-to-age-fourteen/ Fri, 07 Apr 2023 14:21:56 +0000 https://www.oviahealth.com/?post_type=article&p=281840 This guide is intended to provide some context into what you might expect for neuro-typical fourteen-year-old development. Milestones and development are different for everyone.

Starting high school is this age’s most significant developmental milestone for most parents, caregivers, and adolescents. The transition to high school is generally considered a stressful turning point in adolescent development, but many teens also bloom during this time as they settle into their newly-formed identity.

Letting your 14-year-old figure out more and more of life without your hands-on presence can be anxiety-provoking. Keep reading to learn how to support your 14-year-old’s growth and development as they move into middle adolescence.

The major developmental milestones for 14-year-olds

Age 14 language and cognitive skills development

Your teen’s progress towards the cognitive milestones of adolescent development may come in fits and starts. High school’s more demanding academic load introduces new pressures of deadlines, homework, and grades. 

By Age 14, your child may:

  • Use abstract thinking to form new ideas and questions (formulate hypotheses).
  • Use complex thinking to focus on less self-centered concepts and personal decision-making.
  • Think more about global concepts, such as justice, history and politics.
  • Complete tasks efficiently and correctly at home, school, and work.
  • Earn and spend money.
  • Be developing moral philosophies, including ideas around rights and privileges.
  • Solve problems with more than one variable.

Age 14 social and emotional learning milestones

Brain imaging studies now show us that the part of your 14-year-old’s brain involved in decision-making and managing emotions is still under construction and will be until their mid-20s! So, while their emotional intelligence may still be a work in progress, you may notice them:

  • Becoming increasingly socially responsible in their day-to-day lives and online.
  • Showing a greater interest in advocacy or volunteering for a cause important to them (like social justice or climate change, for example).
  • Beginning to think about romantic relationships.
  • Questioning old values without losing their sense of their identity.
  • Rejecting ready-made solutions from adults in favor of their own.
  • Spending more time with their friends to work on goal-oriented projects or in school activities.
  • Arguing with you more as they try to assert their independence.

Age 14 physical development and motor skills

The different timing of puberty’s physical changes from one 14-year-old to the next can cause significant adolescent angst. It is common for teens at the front of the puberty pack or falling behind on the development spectrum to feel bad about themselves or be overly concerned with their weight, body size, or appearance. Your job as a parent or caregiver is to provide reassurance and promote a healthy body image.

By age 14:

  • Puberty-induced changes cause increases in body size, hormones, and muscle strength which can improve athletic performance.
  • Adolescents may have some voice cracking as their voices lower and may start having nocturnal emissions (wet dreams). The start of nocturnal emissions generally happens at the same time as the peak in their growth spurt in height.
  • They may have acne and will be growing armpit and pubic hair.
  • Physical changes may be nearly complete for females; by 14, most girls will have regular periods.

Vaccines for 14-year-olds

Your healthcare provider can help you ensure that your 14-year-old is up to date with their recommended vaccines. They should receive vaccines, boosters, or catch-up vaccines if they are off schedule to protect them from the following diseases:

  • Influenza (Flu) (one dose of vaccine every year)
  • COVID-19 (per current CDC recommendations)

If your child has missed any vaccines or is off schedule, they can “catch up” to get back on track. Ask about getting catch-up vaccines at your teen’s camp and sports physical appointments.

Healthy eating and activity for 14-year-olds

Teenage years are a key time to focus on family meals, ways to make eating joyful, and the value of understanding necessary concepts around food – like how to read a recipe, grocery shop and make basic meals. Here are some ideas to get started! 

  • Help your teen understand daily or weekly goals for things like fruit, vegetables and protein. Learn about food labels, and how to spot allergens if they have an allergy.
  • Does your teen eat enough foods with calcium, iron, zinc, or vitamin D? Adolescents with heavy periods (especially those not eating red meat) are at risk for low iron levels (called anemia). Talk with your child’s healthcare provider if you have concerns or questions about dietary supplements.
  • Limit 100% juice, sports drinks, and other sugary beverages to no more than 4–6 ounces (120–180 ml) daily. Talk about the health risks of energy drinks and drinking too much caffeine.
  • Teens who are active for more than 60 minutes per day may have increased energy or protein needs. Talk to them about how they’re feeling while playing, and if a pre or post game snack with more carbs and protein would be helpful. 
  • If your teen is an athlete, avoid specializing in one sport before late adolescence to prevent overuse injuries.
  • Your 14-year-old should get between 8-10 hours of sleep every night. Watch for signs of sleep deprivation which can lead to serious problems for your teen’s health and well-being.

Keeping your 14-year-old safe

  • Ensure your 14-year-old always wears a helmet when on a bike, scooter, skateboard, ATV, motorbike or snowmobiling, skiing, snowboarding, and playing contact sports. 
  • Protect your child from secondhand smoke.
  • Discourage vaping. Using E-cigarettes or vaping in adolescence can cause lifelong problems for your teen’s mental health by harming the parts of their brain controlling attention, learning, mood, and impulse regulation.
  • Reinforce the importance of always wearing seatbelts with your tweens. According to the CDC, motor vehicle crashes are one of the leading causes of death among 12- to 14-year-olds. Model this behavior by always buckling up.
  • Impaired drivers are a threat to your teen’s safety. Give your teen example scripts for getting out of riding with a driver impaired by alcohol or drugs. Talk about the risks of driving while texting or sleep-deprived. Reinforce that they can always call you for help in these situations without fear of punishment. 
  • Guns became one of the leading causes of death in children ages 1 to 17 in the U.S. in 2020. Talk with your teen about gun safety and school violence. If you own a gun, consider all available safety measures, including keeping it in a secure location outside of the home. 
  • Look for the seven signs of self-harm and turn to your pediatrician or a mental health provider to support your teen who may be cutting.
  • Your teen should continue to have annual check-up appointments with their pediatrician or healthcare provider. They may want privacy for all or part of their exam. Let them know their provider is a resource for more information about mental health, sex, and birth control.
  • Continue conversations and open communication with your teen about healthy relationships, sex, sexuality, consent, and safety (such as how to prevent sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy).
  • Worried about your 14-year-old’s eating habits, body image, or mental health? Contact your healthcare provider or a mental health professional specializing in eating disorders or adolescent obesity. Additional support can give your teen the tools to begin a more positive lifelong relationship with their body.

Screentime

For most 14-year-olds these days, their social life is social media. It can be exhausting and frustrating to be the “screen police,” but your young teen’s brain has not developed enough to resist the addictive nature of screens. So set limits on video, television watching, and computer use to less than 2 hours daily.

  • Safely monitor your teen’s safety and wellbeing (i.e., if you are concerned about cyberbullying).
  • Set family ground rules for privacy. This will vary depending on your values and any history of misuse of social media. It is possible to respect your teen’s privacy while making them aware you will do some checking in. Safety check-ins and occasional monitoring will feel less like a violation if the ground rules are set as a team.
  • Most experts agree that passwords should be shared with parents so that in the event of an emergency or tech failure, someone else can help. Watch for signs that your teen’s video gaming threatens their sleep, social life, or activity level. Research shows that video gaming, like gambling, may activate the reward system in the brain and can become addictive, like gambling, for about ten percent of adolescents who game.
  • Warn your teen against sexting. Although it’s tough for them to understand the long-term consequences of this kind of digital footprint, it is important to start that conversation.
  • Help your teen recognize how their online activities make them feel. Talk through what they can try when they notice themselves feeling uncomfortable, worried, sad, or anxious when they’re online. Remind them they can always come to you (or another trusted adult) if they need help.

Conversation starters and parenting hacks for your 14-Year-Old

One hallmark of adolescence is spending more time away from home with peers – leaving you struggling to connect with your teen, especially when competing with their screens too. The result can be awkward conversations you both want to run from.

Don’t give up. If you feel disconnected, try asking these questions to get them to open up. Many parents say car rides can be a great time to catch up with busy teens — they don’t have to make eye contact with you, and they can’t get up and walk away if they become uncomfortable. Consider having a no-screen or limited-screen policy for passengers to keep your teen from turning to their phone to escape.

Questions to ask your 14-year-old:

  • Do kids at school talk about guns? 
  • Is there anything you would like to learn how to do?
  • Do you know anyone you would say has an ideal marriage or relationship?
  • What are the best and worst things about having a smartphone?
  • What do you like to watch on YouTube or TikTok?
  • Are there ways to connect with your friends in person more often to take the pressure off being online all the time?
  • Are you looking forward to being an adult?
  • Have you ever had to experience bullies at school or online? How do you usually respond?
  • What do you think it means to be a good person?

Ways to help them grow and develop:

  • Show an interest in your 14-year-old’s school life. Asking some of the questions listed above, even if they get annoyed with you, shows them that you care.
  • The physical changes of adolescence can be confusing and embarrassing, especially if your teen is gender diverse or gender questioning. Whether their puberty is early, late, or just feels wrong, a healthcare provider and counselors can guide you and your family.
  • Reassure your 14-year-old that it is normal for all genders to explore sex and sexuality through self-stimulation, also called masturbation. Some researchers advocate for teaching those with clitorises about pleasure (through self-stimulation) because if they can advocate for their own pleasure, they may be more likely to stand up for their safety in teen dating relationships.
  • Decide rules and consequences for certain behaviors in advance. If you have a two-parent or a blended family, parents should have their own discussion ahead of time to be on the same page.
  • Many teens get part-time jobs or volunteer as a way to gain independence and freedom, and even learn about financial responsibility (saving and spending money). If you can’t decide whether it is a good idea for your teen to get a job, encourage them to start with a summer job as a trial run.
  • Try taking the National Financial Educators Council (NFEC)’s Financial Capability Test (online, free, 30 questions) with your 14-year-old to see who scores higher on this measure of financial literacy.
  • Some clues your child may benefit from a doctor’s visit or check-in with their teachers include struggling in school, socially isolating themselves, or drastic behavior changes.
  • Choose your battles. Don’t be afraid to hear your teen’s perspective and change course. It’s okay to say you were wrong, and apologies can definitely go both ways!
  • Keep conversations with your teen positive by complimenting and praising your teen for well-thought-out decisions. Celebrate successes and point out their strengths and effort.

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team

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Your guide to age thirteen

Your guide to age fifteen

]]> Your guide to age thirteen https://www.oviahealth.com/guide/281836/your-guide-to-age-thirteen/ Fri, 07 Apr 2023 14:05:23 +0000 https://www.oviahealth.com/?post_type=article&p=281836 This guide is intended to provide some context into what you might expect for neuro-typical thirteen-year-old development. Milestones and development are different for everyone.

Age 13 gets a bad rap. The groans and moans you hear from parents of post-adolescents when you have a 13-year-old are enough to scare even the most confident parent or caregiver. Yet, while this age is far from easy, it is also one of the most rewarding times in adolescence. Read on for your guide to age thirteen.

It can be a difficult phase because 13-year-olds frequently act like your guidance isn’t welcome or needed. Seemingly overnight, everything you do embarrasses them. Your 13-year-old will request more space and privacy and even push you away. As the adult in the room, your job is to take a deep breath, stay calm, and not take this “teenager treatment” personally. Instead, use your adult social-emotional learning skills to empathize with your 13-year-old.

Your child is working on shifting their self-identity to one of an independent teenager. Piled on to deep soul searching is the multitude of physical, hormonal and emotional changes 13-year-olds live through daily. It is hard as a parent of a teen to see them struggle or suffer with problems and challenges. So, take another breath, stay calm, and push pause on the urge to jump to their rescue. Part of parenting a teenager is learning how to support them through challenges without fixing things for them. You can give them guard rails to keep them safe, but they will only learn about failure and success through occasional scrapes and bumps up against your guard rails. Use this guide for your 13-year-old to help you teach your child how to make healthy and safe decisions independently.

The major developmental milestones for 13-year-olds

Age 13 language and communication milestones

Adolescents become skilled at code-switching or adapting their communication styles for various audiences. For example, most understand the importance of using more formal speech and polite manners in front of teachers, older relatives, or people with authority. In addition, in adolescence, non-verbal responses (aka the shoulder shrug) become important as the preferred language for peer-to-peer communication and belonging to friend groups.

By age 13, your adolescent will:

  • Be able to tell a personal narrative.
  • Use appropriate stress patterns and often “over the top” emotional language to communicate with peers (hello drama).
  • Use and even produce new slang terms frequently.
  • Use more descriptive language, including adverbs of magnitude (slightly, rather, unusually) and adverbs that describe likelihood (probably, certainly, definitely).
  • Most likely do a lot of their peer communication via text.

Age 13 social and emotional learning milestones

Thirteen-year-olds’ top priority is to belong with and fit in with their peers. As a result, they are more likely to only think of themselves. This developmental focus makes them more vulnerable to peer pressure. Social awareness and empathy are learned behaviors, so middle adolescence is when your teen cultivates these emotional survival skills.

You may observe them:

  • Demonstrating adolescent egocentrism — “everyone is looking at me” and “my experiences are supremely unique”.
  • Feeling concerned about their appearance and physical changes.
  • Seeking independence and adult approval simultaneously.
  • Forming and maintaining healthy, intimate (but not necessarily sexual) relationships.
  • Choosing their peer group as their safe haven in tough times, not their parents or caregivers.
  • Feeling the need to establish their sexual identity (middle adolescence 11-13 years old).

Age 13 cognitive skills

Every adolescent develops their cognitive skills at a different rate. Sometimes parents, teachers, and teens themselves wonder whether a learning disability could be the cause of academic struggles. Learning disabilities vary in how they impact your teen’s cognitive skills. Asking for help can be even more challenging for teens who are already struggling with issues of identity and self-worth.

Teens not diagnosed with a learning disability until adolescence have found other ways to cope or mask their difficulties.Unfortunately, this can make recognizing and diagnosing alearning disability that much harder.. Approximately two in five boys and girls with ADHD aren’t diagnosed until they reach junior high or high school. The National Center for Learning Disabilities offers a checklist for parents that might help you (and your teen) talk about their challenges in school.

By Age 13, your child may be:

  • Expanding their ability to think more philosophically about the future (i.e., how will climate change impact my ability to get a job in 20 years)
  • Questioning and analyzing more extensively.
  • Thinking systematically about all logical relationships within a problem.
  • Using more complex thinking for individualized decision-making.
  • Guessing about an outcome (making a hypothesis) before testing it out.

Age 13 physical development and motor skill milestones

Reassure your child about normal puberty changes without making them self-conscious. Small and frequent chats about puberty with or even just around them can help normalize this topic. Many 13-year-olds notice increasing strength during puberty, especially if they are involved in sports. On the other hand, some adolescents become less interested in sports or less active as they enter middle and high school and organized sports become more competitive. If your child falls into this camp, think about some fun ways you can encourage movement as a family.

Your child at age 13:

  • May be showing some of the later signs of puberty, such as penis growth, darkening of the scrotum, larger muscles, voice changes, oilier hair and skin, and the beginning of underarm, facial, and pubic hair.
  • Breast development, hair growth, and the start of periods (menarche) are common by this age.
  • May experience a growth spurt.
  • Will become increasingly skilled at sports, playing a musical instrument, or other hobbies requiring coordinated movement of big and small muscles.
  • May temporarily seem to lose some balance and coordination during growth spurts.

Vaccines for 13-year-olds

At 13, your child should receive vaccines to protect them from the following diseases:

  • Influenza (Flu) (every year)
  • COVID-19 vaccine and booster according to current CDC guidelines.

If your child has missed any vaccines thus far, now is a good time for them to catch up. Your healthcare provider can help review the schedule for catch-up vaccinations.

Healthy eating and activity for 13-year-olds

Your 13-year-old may be busier with school and activities but strive for shared meals together as much as possible. Eating together helps teens become more intentional with their eating and gives your family time to talk with each other.

  • Serve your child a well-balanced diet with protein, whole grains, fruits, and vegetables.
  • Limit 100% juice, sports drinks, and other sugary beverages to no more than 4–6 ounces (120–180 ml) a day.
  • If there are foods that you do not want your teens to eat, avoid bringing them into the home. That said, making certain things “off-limits” can have the opposite of the intended effect. Consider that all foods have value, and labels like “good,” “bad,” or “junk” can lead to unintended pressure around food.
  • Take their suggestions, when possible, regarding foods to prepare at home. Let them in on meal planning, shopping and meal prep!
  • Your 13-year-old should get at least 1 hour of physical activity every day. Not every child has to join a team or play a sport to be fit. Support your teen in finding the right physical activity that keeps them feeling happy and healthy.
  • Your child should get between 9-12 hours of sleep every night. Biological changes make teens want to stay up later, but early school start times can cut sleep short. Keep TVs and electronic devices out of your teen’s bedroom to safeguard their sleep.
  • Make sure your 13-year-old brushes their teeth twice daily, flosses once daily, and sees a dentist every six months for a cleaning and check-up.
  • Eating disorders are common in teens, regardless of their gender. Body changes caused by puberty, social media, bullying, and sports involvement are all reasons your teen could be at risk.

Keeping your 13-year-old safe

These safety suggestions are guardrails to keep your teen safe and healthy. Sometimes it comes down to not sweating the small stuff when parenting a teen. Instead, talk with your 13-year-old (and co-parent or other caregivers) about certain non-negotiable behaviors to ensure their (and others’) safety. That way, your teen’s less than ideal decisions or missteps are near-misses and not crash collisions.

  • Set a good example for your 13-year-old by always wearing a helmet when riding a bike, motorcycle, skiing, snowboarding, and in contact sports. Wear your seatbelt in motor vehicles. Talk to them about how wearing a helmet lowers their chances of a concussion. 
  • Protect your child from secondhand smoke. Talk to them about the dangers of smoking and vaping nicotine and marijuana. 
  • If you have a gun, keep it unloaded and lock the weapon and ammunition away separately. Regularly check the security of both. Guns are a leading cause of death for teens.
  • Stay alert for symptoms of depression, which can include irritability, sadness, loss of interest in activities, poor grades, and talk of suicide.
  • Look for signs of self-harm (cutting) – 15 to 20 percent of teens self-harm, and young people who self-harm are 3.4 times more likely to attempt suicide in the future.
  • Peer pressure can lead your teen to make risky decisions. Know who your child spends time with (see questions below).
  • Know where your teen is and whether an adult is present. Make plans with them for when they will call you, where you can find them, and what time you expect them home. Get creative for confirmation. “Text me a pic of you and Sara’s mom doing a high-five!”
  • Create a rule that your teen needs to be involved in at least one activity. Teens who have a part-time job, belong to a club, or volunteer are less likely to get in trouble, spend less time on the screen, and develop lifelong skills for success.
  • Review the facts about teen dating violence with your child. Approximately 1 in 3 teens in the U.S. is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal abuse from a dating partner.

Healthy screentime for 13-year-olds

As kids age, they’re more likely to have (and increasingly use) their own tablets, laptops, or phones. It is not a fun job, but it is essential. Your 13-year-old needs your help making sure that screen time does not sacrifice sleep, physical activity, face to face interactions or other healthy behaviors. Easier said than done, but here are some starting points:

  • Model healthy behavior, such as designated screen free time at meals and before bed. Put down your phone (out of sight) when you engage in conversations with each other.
  • Have ongoing communication about digital citizenship and safety.
  • Research video and computer games before letting your teen get them. Common Sense Media is a great resource.
  • Teach your teen about safe internet and social media use.
  • Talk about the unintended and potentially lifelong consequences of sexting.
  • Review that pornography does not reflect safe, healthy, consensual sexual relationships but that it is normal for teens to be curious about sexual imagery.
  • Have your teen do their video gaming in common areas so you can keep an eye on what and how much they are playing. Again, keep screens out of bedrooms. Talk to your pediatric provider if you feel like your 13-year-old’s gaming is starting to get in the way of the other parts of life.
  • Provide a quiet place to do homework. Minimize distractions, such as TV and electronic devices

Conversation starters and parenting hacks for your 13-year-old

Even though your 13-year-old might not like it, parents or caregivers should be asking their kids about their lives every day. Pick some of these questions to help you figure out if they are experiencing anxiety, depression, or bullying. Be prepared for short conversations, especially when you bring up awkward or uncomfortable topics. Just remember, some conversation is better than none. What matters is that your 13-year-old knows that you are interested and want to connect.

Questions to ask your 13-year-old:

  • What are some of the first things that you remember from your childhood?
  • What’s the one thing adults don’t get about teenagers?
  • Is bullying a problem at your school?
  • Are drug and alcohol use a big thing at your school?
  • When you feel upset or stressed, how do you help yourself calm down?
  • What do you wish you were more motivated to do?
  • What are the big things everyone is talking about at school?
  • Who are your friends now? What kinds of things do you like doing with them?
  • Do you ever wish you weren’t alive at all?
  • I want you to be safe and feel safe during sex, always. What have you learned about consent in school?

When bringing up the bigger topics doesn’t seem to work, there are so many other ways to connect. You can try being physically present around them while they make a snack or on a walk. Dropping some small comments or questions while they are partially distracted can make it easier for them to open up, as it feels less pressured. Teens love to talk about their experiences and their friends, and no detail is too small. 

Ways to help them grow and develop:

  • Children who feel badly about themselves are more susceptible to peer pressure and make risky choices to try to fit in or impress their friends. Praise your teen’s accomplishments and provide support in areas where they struggle.
  • Building confidence may look different than you think. Confidence grows when teens can trust their emotions and how they feel to make decisions. Supporting their feelings and decisions now goes a long way to being resilient to pressure later on. 
  • Cultivate a family attitude of body positivity. Never make teasing comments about their weight or the appearance of theirs or others’ bodies. Instead, focus on health and wellness.
  • Explore some interactive games and learning tools with your 13-year-old to help build their financial literacy – life skills necessary to save, avoid debt, and even invest their money.
  • Hold firm in your expectations for behavior, household responsibilities, , sleep, and screen time.
  • Talk through your teen’s  decision-making, helping them learn from mistakes. Avoid judgment or shame, and get curious about how and why they made the choices they did.
  • Don’t be afraid to keep the conversation going when your child brings up a race-related topic. Ask them what they noticed and discuss it.
  • Keep close communication with teachers, other school employees, and parents of your child’s friends, even if they say they’d rather you didn’t. Showing you want to stay connected can take a lot of different forms!

Sources

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Your guide to age twelve

Your guide to age fourteen

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