Parenting styles - Ovia Health https://www.oviahealth.com/blog/parenting/parenting-styles-2/ Digital health personalized for every family journey Fri, 31 Oct 2025 17:28:53 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.8.3 Ways to Reduce Your Risk of Breast Cancer https://www.oviahealth.com/guide/289883/5-things-to-do-to-reduce-your-risk-of-breast-cancer/ Thu, 26 Oct 2023 21:21:28 +0000 https://www.oviahealth.com/?post_type=article&p=289883 Be physically active

Many studies have shown that physical inactivity is linked with increased breast cancer risk. According to the American Cancer Society, adults should get at least 150 to 300 minutes of moderate-intensity or 75 to 150 minutes of vigorous-intensity activity each week. A combination of these activities spread throughout the week would be ideal.

Avoid or limit alcohol

Alcohol increases risk of breast cancer. Even drinking small amounts of alcohol has been linked with an increase in risk. It is best not to drink alcohol at all. For women who do drink, they should have no more than 1 alcoholic drink a day. A drink is 12 ounces of beer, 5 ounces of wine, or 1.5 ounces of 80-proof distilled spirits (hard liquor).

Limit hormone therapy

Postmenopausal hormone therapy can increase the risk of breast cancer. The risk is highest for those taking combined estrogen and progestin formulations compared to those taking estrogen-only therapy. Additionally the length of time using hormone therapy increases the risk, however, the risk begins to decrease once stopping. . Recent studies also indicate a very small risk of breast cancer for those that are using the oral contraceptive pills or have recently stopped. 

Other factors

Factors such as having a baby and breastfeeding may both decrease the risk of breast cancer. 

Know and explore your options

If breast cancer runs in your family, talk to your doctor about considering genetic counseling and testing. Testing will show if you have an inherited gene mutation that increases your risk of breast cancer. If genetic test results show you a gene mutation, you can consider drugs that can lower your risk or surgery.

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team


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Different parenting styles? Start here https://www.oviahealth.com/guide/279812/different-parenting-styles-start-here/ Mon, 03 Apr 2023 15:58:01 +0000 https://www.oviahealth.com/?post_type=article&p=279812 It’s quite common to have contrasting approaches to parenting. After all, you and your partner have each been influenced by your own upbringings, as well as various cultural and community norms. But when your parenting styles clash, it can cause problems, both for your relationship and your child. And if you’re co-parenting with an ex partner, many of these tips will apply as well. 

Here’s a quick primer on four things you can do to reduce conflict and provide consistent messages to your child — even when you have varying points of view.  

Identify your parenting styles

There are many popular parenting styles and approaches. Recently, some of the most popular are:

  • Responsive Parenting (also called gentle parenting) focuses on tuning into a child’s needs and emotions. The focus is on creating a positive relationship between parent and child and helping your child learn to navigate their emotions.
  • Attachment Parenting focuses on responsiveness as well, and promotes the idea that early brain development is fostered by consistently offering your child ways to connect to you.
  • Authoritative focuses on teaching concepts like scaffolding, and high expectations for behavior.

Of course, there are many more styles out there, including some that involve harsh punishments or neglect. Where do you and your partner each fall? By understanding each person’s style, it can help you start a productive conversation about where each of you is coming from and how you might be able to meet in the middle. Because finding harmony, like most things, involves compromise.  

Collaborate on the approach

Regardless of which parenting style works for you, your children will blossom with consistency. Your partner (and/or family members involved in your child’s care) and you can collaborate on various strategies for common concerns like what to do for tantrums, bedtime battles, and big feelings. It’s tough for children to manage any hard situation when the response from each parent is wildly different. Children thrive on consistency, as it helps prevent them from feeling confused or insecure — or from trying to “divide and conquer” the two of you by using parental differences to their advantage. 

Maintain a unified front

It’s important to back up your partner, as long as they’re being safe. If they do something you disagree with, talk to them in private later instead of arguing in front of your child. The latter can undermine their authority and can cause anxiety and misunderstanding for your child. We all get thrown into parenting situations that we fumble over, and it’s okay to go back to your child and apologize for a hurtful or inappropriate response. While we can’t have a do-over, we can spend time repairing and learning. 

Schedule weekly check-ins

New parenting decisions will always be surfacing, so it might be a good idea to have a regular time each week for re-evaluating the approach or coming up with new ones. As your child grows older, for example, you’ll need to hash out where you stand on things like smartphones, social media, or dating.  

Also, your child’s evolving personality may bring about new parenting conflicts. To avoid letting your differences stress your relationship, try to always see your partner as your ally. Even when they make parenting mistakes, you can choose to extend your forgiveness and support. After all, wouldn’t you like them to do the same? How you parent together is something visible to your child as they get older, and they benefit from knowing you value and spend time on the process.

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team


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Mental health in the age of social media  https://www.oviahealth.com/guide/272515/mental-health-in-the-age-of-social-media/ Mon, 03 Apr 2023 14:42:22 +0000 https://www.oviahealth.com/?post_type=article&p=272515 Today, teens have the opportunity to participate on an ever changing and growing list of social media platforms and are connected to their peers and the larger world in a way different from any past generation. 

While social media can be an excellent tool for connecting and finding community, especially for members of marginalized groups, it can also lead to some troubling mental health outcomes for teens (and adults) of all ages. Here’s what you need to know about teens’ mental health in the age of social media. 

It’s not all bad

Despite the fear that often surfaces when you mention teenagers using social media to parents, it’s not all bad. Social media can be a fun and creative outlet for many teens. For many people, it can be a valuable way to stay connected to distant friends and family, or to find community when they’re feeling isolated. Talking as a family about the “why” behind the request to use social media is crucial. 

Unchecked social media use can lead to troubling outcomes 

When teenagers have access to and participate in social media that is not age-appropriate, affirming, and supportive of a healthy mindset, there can be serious negative consequences. 

Excessive social media use can lead to depression, disrupted sleep, and disengagement from everyday life. It can also expose kids to online bullying, peer pressure, and unrealistic impressions of other people’s lives. 

Many negative outcomes can be traced to how much time kids spend using social media. A 2019 study showed that U.S. teens who use social media for more than three hours per day are at a heightened risk for mental health issues. 

Managing social media is a skill

In our digital world it’s not realistic (or wise) to expect that our teens will never use social media. As parents, it’s our job to help them develop the skills they will need to consume and use social media in a healthy way and to self-regulate their usage when they become adults.  

For many kids, that might mean limiting time usage, avoiding platforms or groups that don’t make them feel good, and having set times of the day that are social media free. Enacting a no-screen rule when they have friends over or at meal time can be places to start. Other skills that will make a big difference to their overall mental health include the media literacy to understand when images have been edited, how companies manipulate social media to make consumers act in a certain way or make certain purchases, and how to monitor their own feelings and responses to images they see on social media. 

Age is just a number

It may be tempting to put off social media use to a specific age or grade. “Sure, when you’re 13 you can download it.” But children mature at different rates, and your child’s ability to follow family rules and stay grounded is unique. One of the toughest aspects of social media is how it turns a child’s gaze and self-evaluation to the external. The number of “likes” and followers suddenly measure self-worth. Teens need to have a strong sense of what they personally care about before being bombarded by other people’s opinions.

In addition to your child wanting social media, you may be feeling external pressure if their peers (or even younger friends) are already allowed social media use. You know your child best. Your family is allowed to have their own path and way of managing this subject.   

Social media is not a one time conversation 

Like most important topics, social media and mental health should not be a one-time conversation. Before your teen ever starts to use social media, talk about how it can impact their mental health and work together to set up the ground rules you think will work for your family. 

Setting up a regular time to check-in (like Sunday evenings or every other Thursday) and putting it on the family calendar can help normalize consistent reevaluation of how things are going a priority in your family. It will also create space to have conversations around things like staying safe online, treating people with kindness online, and what to do if they stumble upon disturbing or upsetting images. 

Taking a peak at our own habits can be illuminating. 

As we begin to explore how social media can impact our teenagers mental health, it can be valuable to look at how it impacts us too. Our kids do what we model, so be sure that you’re treating social media the way you want your kids to treat it and talking openly about how you balance your social media usage and your mental health. Social media use should not be forced on anyone, so if your child requests that they don’t want their photos posted on your account, that is something to respect and is a great boundary setting on their part! Your relationship to social media may change as your child starts their own engagement and reflection on your usage. That is okay!

One day in the not-too-distant future your teenager will be an adult. And as an adult it will be important for them to understand how social media usage can impact their mental health and to act accordingly. By teaching them what they need to know now and letting them practice these skills in the safe environment of your home, you’ll be giving them what they need to use social media wisely and take care of their own mental health in the long run. 

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team


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All about your preteen or teen’s mental health https://www.oviahealth.com/guide/272505/preteen-teen-mental-health/ Mon, 03 Apr 2023 14:39:46 +0000 https://www.oviahealth.com/?post_type=article&p=272505 When you have a preteen or a teenager it can be hard to know what’s normal and what’s not when it comes to their mental health. Is it normal for them to get as mad as they did when they were toddlers when things don’t go their way? Is all that moodiness typical or a sign of a bigger problem? How do you know that they’re really okay when they’re just saying they’re okay?

While every preteen and teen is different, there are some things that hold true for all of them when it comes to mental health. Read on to learn what you need to know to support your preteen or teenager’s mental health. 

Big feelings are normal 

Preteens and teenagers are people. And, just like all people, it’s normal for them to experience a range of emotions. Often these big feelings may seem exaggerated or outsized to the adults in their life but it’s important to remember that the feelings they are experiencing are valid even if you (or any other adult) doesn’t feel like the situation that is spurring those feelings is a big deal. 

Next time your teen is feeling angry, frustrated, embarrassed, or upset, do your best to listen to them express their feelings without offering any judgment about the situation that brought them on. Validate what they are feeling, even if it seems out of proportion to you. They need to know someone is on their team in tough moments.

Managing big feelings is a skill

While experiencing big feelings is an innate part of being a human, possessing the skills to manage those big feelings is not. Managing and expressing feelings is a skill that must be learned and most preteens and teens will need to practice managing their feelings many, many times, before they are able to do so with adult maturity. 

Talking explicitly about how to manage and express feelings, modeling the healthy expression of feelings, and providing lots of coaching and support can help your teen develop the skills they’ll need to function well as an adult. 

There’s nothing wrong with seeking therapy

Often, parents worry about whether things are normal but don’t seek out additional support because they’re not sure if their teen “really needs” therapy or not. The great thing about therapy though is that it can be helpful to nearly everyone! In past generations, therapy was often thought of as something that only people in crisis need or as a last-resort when parents didn’t know what else to do. Now, therapy is much more socially accepted as something that everyone and anyone can benefit from. If you’ve wondered if your teen could benefit from therapy, don’t hesitate to sign up and find out! If you’re unsure how to navigate finding mental health support, their primary care provider or school should have initial resources for you.

The basics of mental health are true for preteens and teenagers too

Most adults know the mental health basics; that things like eating well, staying hydrated, getting outside, moving your body, avoiding overusing social media, and seeking out meaningful connections can help you feel good and stay well. These basic things tend to hold true for preteens and teenagers as well. Let your kid see you taking good care of your mental health and explicitly call out when you are doing something to support your mental health so that they begin to learn what self-care really means and how to prioritize it. 

Parents matter a lot

It’s important for your teenager to know that they can count on you no matter what. Tell your teen how much you love them exactly as they are and make sure your actions back up the words you say. At a time when teens are exploring their independence and often spending a lot of time with their peers, it’s easy to believe that they don’t need or care about you. In reality, that could not be further from the truth — teenagers need their parents’ guidance, support, and love even if they swear they don’t!

When our kids are little we spend a lot of time managing their basic needs. We provide healthy meals and snacks, make sure they take their baths, and offer clean clothes for them to wear each day. As preteens and teenagers they start to take over many of these basic tasks but, despite being tall and independent in many ways, they still really need their parents. 

Supporting your child’s mental health as they enter and progress through the teenage years is one of the most important things you can do as a parent. Doing so is a big task, and one that can often feel really lonely. You may find you need your own support while going through this process. In fact, some research shows a benefit for teen mental health when parents are enrolled in therapy — a total win-win! 

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team


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Helping your teen express frustration, sadness, anger  https://www.oviahealth.com/guide/272502/help-teen-express-frustration/ Mon, 03 Apr 2023 14:38:00 +0000 https://www.oviahealth.com/?post_type=article&p=272502 No one likes feeling sad, angry, or frustrated. When you’re a parent though, seeing your kid struggle with these emotions can be even harder than experiencing them yourself. While there is no way to protect our kids from negative feelings, we can help them learn to manage and express them, something that will benefit them both right away and in the long term. Here’s how to help your teen identify productive ways to express frustration and other big feelings. 

Set a good example

“As parents and caregivers, our ability to express, name, and manage our own tough emotions is an important way children and teens learn. The good news is that it’s normal and important to show that you’re human and experience all kinds of emotions. It’s okay to show up at home as your authentic self.

But there is a big difference for kids when a parent expresses anger, for example, by shutting down, raging or shutting them out instead of just talking about it. “I’ve had such a tough day while you were at school. A situation at work made me so angry, and it’s not your fault at all. I’m having some big feelings to manage today.” Your child doesn’t need to be a confidant or understand your big problems, but they can see that all emotions are okay to have — and that the tough ones don’t last forever,” says Ovia Health Coach, Lilly Schott. 

Spend a little time reflecting on how you manage your emotions and consider whether you’re setting an example you want your kids to follow. If you feel like you have a hard time with this, there are many avenues to work on change. Many parenting experts and coaches have resources, while seeking therapy can also help you develop the coping skills you hope to pass down to your own kids. 

Share concrete ideas

It’s easy to tell our teens to calm down. Telling someone to calm down without teaching them how isn’t very effective though, and often has the opposite impact in the moment. When you’re talking with your kids about managing big emotions, offer them some concrete options to try. Things like deep breathing, listening to music they like, walking away, punching a pillow, journaling or moving their bodies can be very helpful in managing emotions. 

Talk about it when they’re in a good mood

While it can be tempting to try to help your child “calm down” when they’re feeling angry or frustrated, it’s really tough for activated brains to learn new skills. Instead of trying to teach an anger or frustration-management tool when they’re already upset, introduce it when they’re feeling calm and happy. Practice it with them before you call on them to give it a try when they really are upset. 

Point out when they’re doing a good job

When your teen is experiencing a tough emotion and coping well, it can be powerful to point out for them what a good job they are doing. You might say something like, “I know it really upset you to find out your friend spread a rumor about you. I know you’re feeling really angry and I’m proud that you decided to talk to me about it and go for a run before you call or text your friend.” 

Be the rock

When our kids are upset or dealing with a tricky situation, we often want to jump to a “fix.” Many times, our job isn’t to fix anything or even to offer a solution. Sitting with your child and listening deeply, and acknowledging that their emotions are real and valid is powerful. A simple statement like “I believe you,” can go far. Allowing older children and teens to problem solve is crucial for their independence even if you want to jump in with a million ways to make it better. 

While we all know that it’s important for kids to learn how to manage difficult emotions, seeing our kids experience frustration, sadness, and anger can be really hard. Next time you see or get the sense that your kiddo is experiencing something difficult, take a deep breath and know that how you help them process their emotions now has the power to give them the emotional intelligence that will benefit them for their entire life. 

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team


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Combatting your kid’s negative self-talk  https://www.oviahealth.com/guide/272496/combat-your-kids-negative-self-talk/ Mon, 03 Apr 2023 14:37:01 +0000 https://www.oviahealth.com/?post_type=article&p=272496 Whether we realize it or not, most of us have an internal dialogue. This dialogue, sometimes called “self-talk” is both shaped by, and shapes, the way we experience the world. Think about the last time you had to do something you’re not very good at; did you find yourself thinking something like, “This is tricky but I’ll take it slow and do my best,” or something more like, “I’m never going to be good at this, I’m so dumb!” It’s no surprise that if you had a thought more like the first, you probably ended up finishing the task feeling better about yourself than if you had a thought more like the second. 

Just like adults, teens and tweens have self-talk that can be either positive or negative. While it’s normal to have negative thoughts from time to time, lots of negative self-talk can hurt kids’ confidence, make them less willing to try new things, and lead to feelings of inadequacy and disappointment. Read on to learn how to combat your kid’s negative self-talk and help them feel strong and confident. 

Be aware of how you talk about yourself

How many of us have casually said things in front of our kids like “I’m no good at cooking” or, “I just don’t look good in the color red!’” While these statements can seem innocent enough our kids are listening to everything we say about ourselves as they learn to think about themselves. Next time you make a mistake or find yourself feeling bad about something, be mindful of how you express your feelings about yourself. 

Talk to your kids about combatting negative self-talk

Many kids don’t know what self-talk is, let alone know that it’s something they can control. Talk with your kids about self-talk and how important it can be to talk positively to yourself. Sometimes a prompt as simple as, “What would you say to your best friend about that,” can help them recognize negative self-talk in the moment. 

Don’t brush aside their negative thoughts or feelings

As parents, we often want to fix our kids’ negative feelings as quickly as possible. That can sometimes make us want to tell them that their negative thoughts are untrue. Ovia Health Coach, Lilly Schott, elaborates, “We hate to see our kids in pain or dealing with self-doubt. But endless positivity from parents ignores a teen’s very real feelings, and doesn’t teach them how to cope independently.” 

Next time your kid shares something negative, get curious about their feelings instead of refuting them. For example, your tween reports that everyone at school is smarter than them. Instead of immediately replying, “No they’re not! You’re a genius!” try, “That sounds really hard. What does smart mean to you?” Building emotional skills starts with learning to trust that both you and your kids can handle processing their toughest feelings without a quick fix. Remember that those feelings of inadequacy and worry are real for your teen — even if they are literally the smartest kid around!

Encourage them to practice positive self-talk

All kids have the ability to learn positive self-talk. Encourage them to practice positive phrases and to share positive beliefs about themselves. Modeling this behavior can help them understand how to turn a negative belief about themselves into a positive one. That might sound like saying, “I felt frustrated when I forgot dinner was in the oven and it burned. I know that everyone makes mistakes though and that I’ll get it right next time,” instead of, “Oh no, I ruined dinner again! I’m no good at cooking!” 

Although daily positive affirmations may not feel natural at first, they are another excellent way to promote healthy internal dialogue. You can help your tween get going (and show your love) by putting a few starter phrases on their bathroom mirror. Encourage them to use your words and their own as they start their day. While no kid (or adult!) is positive all of the time, we can help our kids train their brains to manage negative feelings and self-talk. With a little practice, you’ll be a pro at helping combat your kid’s negative self-talk and building their self-confidence! 

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team


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Finding childcare for older kids https://www.oviahealth.com/guide/270585/finding-childcare-for-older-kids/ Mon, 16 Jan 2023 16:19:06 +0000 https://www.oviahealth.com/?post_type=article&p=270585 Kristen Winiarski

As your kiddo grows up and they become more and more independent, you may be unsure of what kind of supervision they need. Elementary schoolers may seem independent, but they can’t be left by themselves, so finding the proper care is a tough balance.

You might need childcare for a few hours after school until you get home from work or during the occasional night out. Here’s a variety of options to consider when searching for childcare.

Childcare options for older kids

Grandparent or relative

If you have family nearby, ask them if they can spend time with your child for a few hours until you return from work. Your kiddo will love spending quality time with family time and won’t feel like they’re a little kid who needs to be watched at all times. 

Find a local babysitter

Since your kiddo is getting older, it might be nice for them to spend time with someone closer to their age who they look up to. Maybe there’s a high school student or neighborhood teen who you know and trust to spend time with your kiddo after school. Plus, high school generally gets out earlier than elementary school, so high schoolers may have some time after school to babysit. 

After-school programming

Check out after-school programs in your area to see if there’s something your kiddo would enjoy. After-school sports are a great way for your kiddo to blow off some steam, and participating in band or art class can help get their creative juices flowing. 

Alternative ideas

Coordinate with other families

Ask around to see if other families have the same issue with childcare as you. You may be able to combine efforts with other families to find a solution. There are different options here, such as hiring one person to watch the group of kids if they have availability or rotating afternoons between parents. 

Work remotely 

Kids in elementary school are pretty self-sufficient, so they should be able to entertain themselves while you finish up your work for the day. If your job is flexible, you may be able to spend half the day in the office and then work from home in the afternoons.

Work alternative shifts

If your boss is receptive to alternative schedules, you may be able to discuss adjusting your schedule, so you can be at home with your kids. Your new schedule could involve having a break during the hours after your kids get home.

As your child gets older, you may have to be more creative when it comes to finding the right childcare solution. It all comes down to what works best for you, your child, and your family to make sure your children are properly cared for.


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How much should you help your kiddo with homework?

Teaching your child manners

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Traveling with children https://www.oviahealth.com/guide/270523/traveling-with-children/ Thu, 12 Jan 2023 20:21:45 +0000 https://www.oviahealth.com/?post_type=article&p=270523 Kristen Winiarski

Traveling with kids sounds stressful, but with the proper preparation, it doesn’t have to be! There are ways to alleviate travel anxiety and enjoy your getaways. It all starts with planning ahead, anticipating challenges, and not sweating the small stuff. Let’s get into it. 

Get them involved in planning

Who doesn’t love planning a fun vacation? Including your kids in planning will help them feel included and get them excited about this new adventure! Plus, they may offer new ideas you hadn’t even thought of and it’ll give them something to talk about while en route. 

Anticipate triggers

There are some triggers that are almost certain to cause a meltdown: boredom, hunger, tiredness, and uncomfortable temperature. To avoid these problems, have your child pick an activity to stave off boredom, pack snacks and water, plan for rest time, and find ways to cool down. Essentially anticipate their triggers before they happen so you can be prepared. 

Don’t plan too much

Kids tend to live in the moment and want to enjoy as much of one activity as they can. Instead of rushing to fit in as many experiences as possible into the day, try to give them a bit more time if they’re really enjoying something. Taking time to slow down can also help make it an even more relaxing vacation for you.

Let them choose between activities

Offer your kids specific options to choose from when it comes to activities. Giving them free rein or asking vague questions can be confusing. Instead, narrow down their options. Once they choose something, they’ll feel ownership over the activity and be more excited to participate.  

Consider motion sickness

This was a much bigger issue when my kids were under five. I myself had severe motion sickness throughout my childhood, and even now I experience it sometimes (no, we don’t all grow out of it!). If your kids tend to get car or plane sick, there are some things you can do to help. 

First, talk to your healthcare provider about dramamine. Dramamine can help curb nausea but may make your kiddo a bit drowsy. Second, don’t let them read in the car since it can make that rocky feeling way worse. Instead, find an interesting audiobook or have them look out the window. Third, though it may seem a bit counterintuitive, make sure that they eat before you leave. Traveling on an empty stomach can make motion sickness worse.

Bring books, puzzles, and a tablet (if you have one)  

While traveling or on vacation, there will be some downtime (we hope!). But kids with lots of energy may not enjoy downtime as much as adults. Be sure to bring a few of their favorite books and puzzles to keep them busy and engaged. 

If you’re traveling by plane, you may want to pack a notebook and some crayons for something to do at the airport. A tablet or sticker book can also be helpful. 

Let them document the trip

Grab an old cell phone or digital camera and let your child document the trip their way. You may be surprised at the moments they capture when they’re behind the camera. 

Don’t forget bedtime stuff

Kids need routine — and traveling by definition shakes up their routine. Think about the parts of their wind down and bedtime routine that you can continue to do away from home. For example, it might help to pack a special stuffed animal, pillow, or music box. Having these comforts of home will make it easier for your child to fall asleep when they’re somewhere new.

Even though traveling with kids can be stressful, it can also be a lot of fun. You’ll get to create special moments together that you’ll always remember, making the trip well worth it!

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Time-out techniques for older children https://www.oviahealth.com/guide/270520/timeout-techniques-for-older-children/ Thu, 12 Jan 2023 20:00:19 +0000 https://www.oviahealth.com/?post_type=article&p=270520 Finding the discipline techniques that work for you and your child can be challenging. When children hit toddlerhood, time-outs are one choice for setting boundaries around behavior. Once they get older, parents may shift to other techniques, but time-outs may still be helpful.

Both adults and children can benefit from removing themselves from certain situations. It’s helpful to have a few minutes to breathe and recenter, and that’s what a time-out is designed to do. Plus, when done correctly, it’s a skill your kiddo will use for the rest of their life.

Some space gives kids the chance to calm down, learn that there are consequences to their actions, and reflect on what happened to put them in time-out. Here are some guidelines and techniques for handling time-outs.

Why a time-out? 

Time-outs can be used for a number of reasons, including breaking up fights, moving away from a dangerous activity, or to calm down your child. They are also a great way to help your older child learn from their mistakes because it gives them the time and space to reflect. 

Do’s and Don’ts

When using a time-out, it’s important that you set clear expectations about what behavior is expected. It’s also important to make sure that the time-out is not too long or too short, as this can make it less effective. Generally, a time-out should last between one and fifteen minutes, depending on your child’s age. Make sure the environment is calm, quiet, and safe. Some children naturally retreat to a certain space, like their bedroom, or you can designate a safe space. Some parents put calming lights, books about feelings, or stuffed animals to hug/squish in this area. 

There is some debate about whether time-outs should be done solo or with the support of a parent. More recent thinking and expertise say that kids, especially younger ones, often need help understanding what happened before a time-out and even their own emotions. Many kids can benefit from parent support during this time. We never want kids to feel like they have to be alone to deal with their feelings or that they’re bad kids for having big feelings or making a mistake. 

Learning a valuable lesson

Older children may be able to talk through why a time-out happened after it is over, although this skill isn’t common until well into the school years. Younger children have much shorter memories and may just become upset again if they have to relive the entire experience. If it’s appropriate, at the end of the time-out, talk to your child about why they were in time-out. This helps to reinforce the lesson and will help them come to their own understanding about why they were in time-out. If they know they need to discuss this with you after each time-out, they’ll hopefully be encouraged to take their reflection time seriously. 

Take the proper time to explain why they were put in time-out, and don’t be vague. Being specific can help them understand what behavior was not acceptable. After the time-out, your kiddo may be feeling a bit sensitive. Try to let go of any remaining negative feelings you have and start fresh. A big hug or reminder of how proud you are of them never hurts.

Overall, you may find that time-outs are effective for older children. By setting clear expectations, using appropriate time limits, and discussing the behavior afterward, you can help your child learn important lessons about proper boundaries. Giving your kiddo the space and help to calm down is the ultimate goal of a time-out.


Sources 

“Discipling older children.” Healthy Children, AAP Nov. 21, 2015 https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/communication-discipline/Pages/Disciplining-Older-Children.aspx

“Are Time-outs harmful to children?” Childmind Institute, Oct. 30, 2023 https://childmind.org/article/are-time-outs-harmful-kids/

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Managing stress as a parent  https://www.oviahealth.com/guide/270441/managing-stress-as-a-parent/ Mon, 09 Jan 2023 16:49:43 +0000 https://www.oviahealth.com/?post_type=article&p=270441 Written by: Kristen Winiarski

Everyone deals with stress from time to time but when you have kids, stress levels can reach a whole new level. The intense emotions that come with birthing them, caring for them as infants, and raising them as children not only feed your feelings of love but your feelings of frustration too, which can lead to stress and burnout. 

Most parents have to cope with burnout at one point or another and you definitely aren’t alone if you’ve been feeling more stressed out than usual. Thankfully, there are some great strategies that you can use to help manage stress for your own mental health so you can focus on being present for your child.

Know your triggers

A great place to start is to figure out what your triggers are in the first place. Maybe skipping a meal makes you especially irritable, or a poor night’s sleep makes things feel worse than they really are. Figuring out the root of your stress can help you anticipate it and address it. 

Talk about it

When I get overwhelmed, I tell my kids how I’m feeling. I share that I’m a bit cranky and need to eat before I can come play or that I need to sit down for a few minutes before taking them outside. Kids are smarter and more compassionate than we give them credit for and helping them understand my needs helps all of us.

Step away

Sometimes when my kids are difficult, I need to take a minute away. When my son is throwing a tantrum, I’ll step outside and take a break. Calming myself down helps me prepare to come back in and help him calm down. 

Take deep breaths or meditate

So often we forget to just breathe. Taking a few minutes to focus on deep breathing, stretching, or incorporating a meditation practice into your daily life can help you reset your mind and body.

Take breaks

When you’re taking care of kids, it can feel like you’re “on” all of the time. My kids are great, and I have a lot of fun with them, but being in this state is exhausting. It’s important to take breaks and have time for yourself. Planning and then taking physical and mental breaks will help clear your head and give you the necessary downtime you deserve. 

Focus on the fun

Sometimes when the day starts to take a turn for the worse, we’ll make a mental list of all the things that went wrong. Maybe the kids were grumpy, wouldn’t listen, or were fighting a lot. If you notice yourself doing this, take a little break to wipe the slate clean, think of something good that happened and focus on that (even if it’s something really simple, like a hug with your child).

Participate in a hobby

Parenting can often cause us to put aside our hobbies and replace them with household chores, caregiving, and (seemingly) endless transportation to school, friends’ homes, and extracurricular activities. If you’ve been putting the things you love on the back burner, here’s your reminder to find your way back to hobbies that are just for you.

Exercise

This point can be tricky when you don’t get enough sleep, but I’ve found that making time for working out helps me feel better. The endorphins from movement and the commitment to doing something just for me puts me in a better mood. Working out in the morning helps keep my cortisol levels in check. Plus, even if the rest of the day goes sideways, I feel better knowing this was one thing I was able to check off my list.

Ask for help

Many parents have trouble asking for help because they think they should be able to handle everything themselves. Juggling everything is unsustainable for anyone and there’s no shame in getting the help you need from time to time. Before burning out, ask friends and family to ease some of the load you’re taking on. 

Talk it out

Having someone to vent to who understands what you feel is invaluable. No one will understand how frustrating it is quite like another parent. Having your feelings validated will help you realize that you’re not alone in feeling the way you feel. 

Talk to your healthcare provider or a family therapist if you need additional support. Remember that you aren’t in this alone.  

Every parent gets overwhelmed from time to time. Taking time for yourself and talking to others about what you need will go a long way in helping to manage your stress.

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