While social media can be an excellent tool for connecting and finding community, especially for members of marginalized groups, it can also lead to some troubling mental health outcomes for teens (and adults) of all ages. Here’s what you need to know about teens’ mental health in the age of social media. 

It’s not all bad

Despite the fear that often surfaces when you mention teenagers using social media to parents, it’s not all bad. Social media can be a fun and creative outlet for many teens. For many people, it can be a valuable way to stay connected to distant friends and family, or to find community when they’re feeling isolated. Talking as a family about the “why” behind the request to use social media is crucial. 

Unchecked social media use can lead to troubling outcomes 

When teenagers have access to and participate in social media that is not age-appropriate, affirming, and supportive of a healthy mindset, there can be serious negative consequences. 

Excessive social media use can lead to depression, disrupted sleep, and disengagement from everyday life. It can also expose kids to online bullying, peer pressure, and unrealistic impressions of other people’s lives. 

Many negative outcomes can be traced to how much time kids spend using social media. A 2019 study showed that U.S. teens who use social media for more than three hours per day are at a heightened risk for mental health issues. 

Managing social media is a skill

In our digital world it’s not realistic (or wise) to expect that our teens will never use social media. As parents, it’s our job to help them develop the skills they will need to consume and use social media in a healthy way and to self-regulate their usage when they become adults.  

For many kids, that might mean limiting time usage, avoiding platforms or groups that don’t make them feel good, and having set times of the day that are social media free. Enacting a no-screen rule when they have friends over or at meal time can be places to start. Other skills that will make a big difference to their overall mental health include the media literacy to understand when images have been edited, how companies manipulate social media to make consumers act in a certain way or make certain purchases, and how to monitor their own feelings and responses to images they see on social media. 

Age is just a number

It may be tempting to put off social media use to a specific age or grade. “Sure, when you’re 13 you can download it.” But children mature at different rates, and your child’s ability to follow family rules and stay grounded is unique. One of the toughest aspects of social media is how it turns a child’s gaze and self-evaluation to the external. The number of “likes” and followers suddenly measure self-worth. Teens need to have a strong sense of what they personally care about before being bombarded by other people’s opinions.

In addition to your child wanting social media, you may be feeling external pressure if their peers (or even younger friends) are already allowed social media use. You know your child best. Your family is allowed to have their own path and way of managing this subject.   

Social media is not a one time conversation 

Like most important topics, social media and mental health should not be a one-time conversation. Before your teen ever starts to use social media, talk about how it can impact their mental health and work together to set up the ground rules you think will work for your family. 

Setting up a regular time to check-in (like Sunday evenings or every other Thursday) and putting it on the family calendar can help normalize consistent reevaluation of how things are going a priority in your family. It will also create space to have conversations around things like staying safe online, treating people with kindness online, and what to do if they stumble upon disturbing or upsetting images. 

Taking a peak at our own habits can be illuminating. 

As we begin to explore how social media can impact our teenagers mental health, it can be valuable to look at how it impacts us too. Our kids do what we model, so be sure that you’re treating social media the way you want your kids to treat it and talking openly about how you balance your social media usage and your mental health. Social media use should not be forced on anyone, so if your child requests that they don’t want their photos posted on your account, that is something to respect and is a great boundary setting on their part! Your relationship to social media may change as your child starts their own engagement and reflection on your usage. That is okay!

One day in the not-too-distant future your teenager will be an adult. And as an adult it will be important for them to understand how social media usage can impact their mental health and to act accordingly. By teaching them what they need to know now and letting them practice these skills in the safe environment of your home, you’ll be giving them what they need to use social media wisely and take care of their own mental health in the long run. 

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team

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While every preteen and teen is different, there are some things that hold true for all of them when it comes to mental health. Read on to learn what you need to know to support your preteen or teenager’s mental health. 

Big feelings are normal 

Preteens and teenagers are people. And, just like all people, it’s normal for them to experience a range of emotions. Often these big feelings may seem exaggerated or outsized to the adults in their life but it’s important to remember that the feelings they are experiencing are valid even if you (or any other adult) doesn’t feel like the situation that is spurring those feelings is a big deal. 

Next time your teen is feeling angry, frustrated, embarrassed, or upset, do your best to listen to them express their feelings without offering any judgment about the situation that brought them on. Validate what they are feeling, even if it seems out of proportion to you. They need to know someone is on their team in tough moments.

Managing big feelings is a skill

While experiencing big feelings is an innate part of being a human, possessing the skills to manage those big feelings is not. Managing and expressing feelings is a skill that must be learned and most preteens and teens will need to practice managing their feelings many, many times, before they are able to do so with adult maturity. 

Talking explicitly about how to manage and express feelings, modeling the healthy expression of feelings, and providing lots of coaching and support can help your teen develop the skills they’ll need to function well as an adult. 

There’s nothing wrong with seeking therapy

Often, parents worry about whether things are normal but don’t seek out additional support because they’re not sure if their teen “really needs” therapy or not. The great thing about therapy though is that it can be helpful to nearly everyone! In past generations, therapy was often thought of as something that only people in crisis need or as a last-resort when parents didn’t know what else to do. Now, therapy is much more socially accepted as something that everyone and anyone can benefit from. If you’ve wondered if your teen could benefit from therapy, don’t hesitate to sign up and find out! If you’re unsure how to navigate finding mental health support, their primary care provider or school should have initial resources for you.

The basics of mental health are true for preteens and teenagers too

Most adults know the mental health basics; that things like eating well, staying hydrated, getting outside, moving your body, avoiding overusing social media, and seeking out meaningful connections can help you feel good and stay well. These basic things tend to hold true for preteens and teenagers as well. Let your kid see you taking good care of your mental health and explicitly call out when you are doing something to support your mental health so that they begin to learn what self-care really means and how to prioritize it. 

Parents matter a lot

It’s important for your teenager to know that they can count on you no matter what. Tell your teen how much you love them exactly as they are and make sure your actions back up the words you say. At a time when teens are exploring their independence and often spending a lot of time with their peers, it’s easy to believe that they don’t need or care about you. In reality, that could not be further from the truth — teenagers need their parents’ guidance, support, and love even if they swear they don’t!

When our kids are little we spend a lot of time managing their basic needs. We provide healthy meals and snacks, make sure they take their baths, and offer clean clothes for them to wear each day. As preteens and teenagers they start to take over many of these basic tasks but, despite being tall and independent in many ways, they still really need their parents. 

Supporting your child’s mental health as they enter and progress through the teenage years is one of the most important things you can do as a parent. Doing so is a big task, and one that can often feel really lonely. You may find you need your own support while going through this process. In fact, some research shows a benefit for teen mental health when parents are enrolled in therapy — a total win-win! 

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team

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Set a good example

“As parents and caregivers, our ability to express, name, and manage our own tough emotions is an important way children and teens learn. The good news is that it’s normal and important to show that you’re human and experience all kinds of emotions. It’s okay to show up at home as your authentic self.

But there is a big difference for kids when a parent expresses anger, for example, by shutting down, raging or shutting them out instead of just talking about it. “I’ve had such a tough day while you were at school. A situation at work made me so angry, and it’s not your fault at all. I’m having some big feelings to manage today.” Your child doesn’t need to be a confidant or understand your big problems, but they can see that all emotions are okay to have — and that the tough ones don’t last forever,” says Ovia Health Coach, Lilly Schott. 

Spend a little time reflecting on how you manage your emotions and consider whether you’re setting an example you want your kids to follow. If you feel like you have a hard time with this, there are many avenues to work on change. Many parenting experts and coaches have resources, while seeking therapy can also help you develop the coping skills you hope to pass down to your own kids. 

Share concrete ideas

It’s easy to tell our teens to calm down. Telling someone to calm down without teaching them how isn’t very effective though, and often has the opposite impact in the moment. When you’re talking with your kids about managing big emotions, offer them some concrete options to try. Things like deep breathing, listening to music they like, walking away, punching a pillow, journaling or moving their bodies can be very helpful in managing emotions. 

Talk about it when they’re in a good mood

While it can be tempting to try to help your child “calm down” when they’re feeling angry or frustrated, it’s really tough for activated brains to learn new skills. Instead of trying to teach an anger or frustration-management tool when they’re already upset, introduce it when they’re feeling calm and happy. Practice it with them before you call on them to give it a try when they really are upset. 

Point out when they’re doing a good job

When your teen is experiencing a tough emotion and coping well, it can be powerful to point out for them what a good job they are doing. You might say something like, “I know it really upset you to find out your friend spread a rumor about you. I know you’re feeling really angry and I’m proud that you decided to talk to me about it and go for a run before you call or text your friend.” 

Be the rock

When our kids are upset or dealing with a tricky situation, we often want to jump to a “fix.” Many times, our job isn’t to fix anything or even to offer a solution. Sitting with your child and listening deeply, and acknowledging that their emotions are real and valid is powerful. A simple statement like “I believe you,” can go far. Allowing older children and teens to problem solve is crucial for their independence even if you want to jump in with a million ways to make it better. 

While we all know that it’s important for kids to learn how to manage difficult emotions, seeing our kids experience frustration, sadness, and anger can be really hard. Next time you see or get the sense that your kiddo is experiencing something difficult, take a deep breath and know that how you help them process their emotions now has the power to give them the emotional intelligence that will benefit them for their entire life. 

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team

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Just like adults, teens and tweens have self-talk that can be either positive or negative. While it’s normal to have negative thoughts from time to time, lots of negative self-talk can hurt kids’ confidence, make them less willing to try new things, and lead to feelings of inadequacy and disappointment. Read on to learn how to combat your kid’s negative self-talk and help them feel strong and confident. 

Be aware of how you talk about yourself

How many of us have casually said things in front of our kids like “I’m no good at cooking” or, “I just don’t look good in the color red!’” While these statements can seem innocent enough our kids are listening to everything we say about ourselves as they learn to think about themselves. Next time you make a mistake or find yourself feeling bad about something, be mindful of how you express your feelings about yourself. 

Talk to your kids about combatting negative self-talk

Many kids don’t know what self-talk is, let alone know that it’s something they can control. Talk with your kids about self-talk and how important it can be to talk positively to yourself. Sometimes a prompt as simple as, “What would you say to your best friend about that,” can help them recognize negative self-talk in the moment. 

Don’t brush aside their negative thoughts or feelings

As parents, we often want to fix our kids’ negative feelings as quickly as possible. That can sometimes make us want to tell them that their negative thoughts are untrue. Ovia Health Coach, Lilly Schott, elaborates, “We hate to see our kids in pain or dealing with self-doubt. But endless positivity from parents ignores a teen’s very real feelings, and doesn’t teach them how to cope independently.” 

Next time your kid shares something negative, get curious about their feelings instead of refuting them. For example, your tween reports that everyone at school is smarter than them. Instead of immediately replying, “No they’re not! You’re a genius!” try, “That sounds really hard. What does smart mean to you?” Building emotional skills starts with learning to trust that both you and your kids can handle processing their toughest feelings without a quick fix. Remember that those feelings of inadequacy and worry are real for your teen — even if they are literally the smartest kid around!

Encourage them to practice positive self-talk

All kids have the ability to learn positive self-talk. Encourage them to practice positive phrases and to share positive beliefs about themselves. Modeling this behavior can help them understand how to turn a negative belief about themselves into a positive one. That might sound like saying, “I felt frustrated when I forgot dinner was in the oven and it burned. I know that everyone makes mistakes though and that I’ll get it right next time,” instead of, “Oh no, I ruined dinner again! I’m no good at cooking!” 

Although daily positive affirmations may not feel natural at first, they are another excellent way to promote healthy internal dialogue. You can help your tween get going (and show your love) by putting a few starter phrases on their bathroom mirror. Encourage them to use your words and their own as they start their day. While no kid (or adult!) is positive all of the time, we can help our kids train their brains to manage negative feelings and self-talk. With a little practice, you’ll be a pro at helping combat your kid’s negative self-talk and building their self-confidence! 

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team

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