Infants

Certainly, we don’t have to tell you that very young babies need a lot from you — they eat often, require frequent diaper changes, and also love attention and being close to you. And they’ll certainly cry and let you know when they’re not feeling their happiest. But there’s a lot you can do to give your baby what they need, get in your daily quota of baby snuggles, and still get work done.

• Take advantage of nap time. When your little one is snoozing, thankfully, you’ll know that you can get in some uninterrupted work time. This is the time to check off those tasks that require deep focus or full attention. If you have a good sense of when your little one usually naps, you can plan ahead for these focused periods of work. 
• Keep your baby close. This might mean wearing your child in a carrier (which many babies love because they can be close to you, get in extra snuggle time, and even feel soothed by the motion of you moving around), which can give you some hands-free time to work. This might also mean working near your little one as they play on the floor near you or in a safe playpen. They’ll be happy to have you nearby, and you’ll know when they really need you. 
• Make focused time to connect. Your baby may be plenty happy just hanging out nearby, but they also really benefit from quality time when they have your full attention. So make sure to take a break here and there to fully focus on your little one. You might read them a book, play peek a boo, or cheer them on for tummy time — you’ll probably love the break from work as much as they will. 

Toddlers & preschool-aged kids

Slightly older kids need just as much from you, just in a different way. They might not technically need to eat as frequently or have diapers changed as often, but that third request for a string cheese or the potty accident you need to clean up might still make it feel like you can’t get a break from childcare long enough to get any work done. They also need just as much attention from you, and can let you know clearly how they feel about you splitting your focus. But hearing “Why do you have to work so much?” or “You never play with me!” may not be the cheerleading you need right now. Here’s what you can do to help keep them entertained, engaged, and feeling like they’re getting the attention they need from you — and so that you can feel confident finding balance. 

• Get on their level. You may not be able to do this all day, but if it’s possible for you to spend some time doing some work at your child’s level — maybe sitting on the floor with your laptop beside where they’re doing a puzzle, or alongside them at the table while they play with clay — they’ll feel happy and secure knowing that you’re so close. If you check in occasionally — to tell them how proud you are that they’re sticking with a challenging puzzle or to ask them if they’re making something new with their clay — they’ll also feel like you’re engaged in their play and they’re getting the attention they need. They may even be less likely to beg you to join them to play approximately one million times if you’re already right there.
• Help them find fun. Children at this age still don’t have the longest attention spans, and while they may, occasionally, stay really engaged in an activity that they’re excited about, it’s very common for them to want to bop from one set of toys to another. To help them embrace this curious energy, give them the freedom to choose what to explore (most little ones love choices!). This is not only exciting for them, but it also means you’re not constantly coming up with playtime activities. Try setting up little “stations” intended for different kinds of play that they can explore on their own while you work. Not that your living room suddenly needs to become a classroom, but if you think of a typical preschool space with an area for dolls, an area for art, an area for blocks, and so on, then you might get the idea. You can keep it simple by making a few different types of toys or play materials available to your little one — on a table, the floor, in small baskets, whatever is easy for you and accessible for them. Then your child can play a little with one, explore another, and, hopefully, let you get some work done. Over time, you may want to rotate out these toys on a regular basis so that your child feels like a toy is“new” even if they just haven’t played with it in a while.
• Focus on quality, not quantity. Kids at this age may be very vocal about wanting you to play with them and not work, which can be very tough to hear. Providing a little attention can help avoid “Why won’t you play with me?” questions. If possible, take a few moments throughout the day to step away from your work and really focus on engaging with them, free from other distractions. Worry less about how much time you can spend with your child and focus instead on really engaging with them when you do spend time together. Sit down where they’re playing and ask what they’re doing. Jump in and play along, but let them continue to take the lead. Find time every day to read a story together, and ask them questions about the characters, the plot, or the illustrations as you go. You could even cook a meal or take your dog for a walk together — those things you have to do anyway can be tons of fun for your child, and a special time you can both spend together consistently. 

Certainly, everyone’s job responsibilities are different, and everyone’s child has different ideas of what quality time looks like. No matter what, know that if you’re figuring out how to juggle your work and caregiving responsibilities, you’re not alone. You don’t have to aim for perfection, just whatever it takes to get through the day. You’re doing a great job.

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Care Team

Sources

• Corinn Cross. “Working and Learning from Home During the COVID-19 Outbreak.” American Academy of Pediatrics. American Academy of Pediatrics, June 16 2020. Retrieved Sept 30 2020. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/conditions/COVID-19/Pages/Working-and-Learning-from-Home-COVID-19.aspx.
• Damon Korb. “Age-Based Tips to Help Juggle Parenting & Working at Home During COVID-19.” American Academy of Pediatrics. American Academy of Pediatrics, June 16 2020. Retrieved Sept 30 2020. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/conditions/COVID-19/Pages/Tips-to-Juggle-Parenting-and-Working-at-Home-COVID-19.aspx.

While all kinds of decisions weigh heavily on new parents, one of the biggest choices a parent faces is their choice of child care.  Prior to having my son two years ago, I worked full-time. Some coworkers teased me that once I delivered the baby, I would find myself torn between wanting to return to my career and wanting to stay at home with my son.

But my decision wasn’t difficult for me — I wanted a balance of both.  

Even though I was incredibly excited to take on the title of “mom” — to teach my son new things, experience new “firsts” and activities with him, and devote my time and energy to motherhood  — I really wasn’t ready to give up my job, since it defines a huge part of who I am. My career continually teaches me new things, adds to my skill set, and aligns with my interests and education; I definitely didn’t want to leave the workforce entirely.

But I was anxious about finding childcare that had an open slot and included teachers who would care for my infant with the same intent and precision I did (but with surely more knack than I would have as an inexperienced new mom). So I thought working part-time might be the solution.

I recognize that not everyone can even consider this choice for a wealth of reasons — financial, social, health, and a number of other personal and professional reasons. But I was fortunate that my son was healthy and that when my husband and I weighed childcare costs with the benefits that me working part-time would provide our family, it seemed like it would be a good choice for us.

My job existed as a full-time position, so I was apprehensive about asking my supervisor for a flexible schedule; I feared my request would be denied. But after explaining to my supervisor that I was fully committed to my job and I wanted to reduce my hours, I coordinated a part-time schedule. Two years later, my Monday through Friday consists of three 7-8 hour days spent at work and two days at home with my son.

At this point, I’ve developed a great partnership with my son’s care provider so that he’s receiving complimentary care to what I provide during my days at home. And I adjusted our at-home schedule to match with his child care provider’s to avoid too many disruptions for him throughout the week.

One of the simple perks of working part-time was that when I was still nursing, I could take a break from pumping breastmilk at work. For someone who found it difficult to pump, I appreciated being able to nurse my son when I was home with him and limit my pumping sessions at the office.

Ultimately, my biggest reward has been the tempo — I can concentrate my energy on my son when at home and dedicate my focus to work when in the office— but it doesn’t come naturally. Achieving a balance of being a part-time working mom and a part-time stay-at-home mom has involved effort and flexibility, but most importantly, time management skills.

On a daily basis, I face the challenge of squeezing full-time work into part-time hours. The core responsibilities of my job didn’t change even though I now spend fewer hours in the office, so I’m still responsible for completing all my tasks within about 21 hours a week. Despite this, I try to avoid cramming “catch up” work to-dos into the two weekdays that I’m home with my son. I’ve also tried to be cognizant not to fret over pumping or trying to squeeze in household calls when I’m working.

I also try not to squeeze more draining household to-dos into those few weekdays at home with him. It’s so easy to spend the morning before naptime grocery shopping, sorting the mail, researching multiple contractors for home repair estimates, paying bills and reconciling statements, and scrubbing the microwave (only to find that more food has exploded in it again at lunchtime). But I’d so much rather play outside and explore the neighborhood, attend library programs or playgroups, or just read my son’s favorite book that he’s tried to hand me multiple times. When home, I have to regularly remind myself that I’m happiest when I concentrate my attention on spending that quality time with my son.

I hoped splitting my time up in this way would give me the best of both worlds, but sometimes the arrangement has surprised me. There have been days — especially when I had a young infant who wasn’t sleeping — when I couldn’t wait to get in the car and head to work and escape the immensely taxing task of caring for a hungry and clingy baby for several hours. And there are days when I crave logging off my laptop to run out the office door at top speed to hold my son or to take him to the park.  

So it’s not exactly a clean split. Like most other parts of parenting, there’s always compromise and adjustment. Some days follow the plan, and others are frantic.

I try to adjust the seesaw that is my part-time stay-at-home mom and part-time working mom existence based on the obstacles and opportunities that appear on any given day. If I’m asked to work on a proposal team at work, I may adjust my schedule to spend longer hours in the office and coordinate additional childcare for my son. Or if my son is sick and my work deadlines are more flexible, I’ll take some leave to tend to him at home or catch up on emails during naptime.

None of it’s easy, and how I split my time won’t work for everyone. But for me and my family, managing and compartmentalizing my time in this way has allowed me to enjoy continuing on my career path as a working professional and embrace my new role as a mom.

About the author

Lynnea Culhane is a tech-focused writer and boy mom to a highly active toddler. When not writing software and cyber documents, she’s navigating the different stages of motherhood (and trying to remain an attentive pet mom to her furbabies), streaming British television shows, listening to alternative and classic rock, tackling her household to-do list, exploring local events, and watching action movies with her husband. Lynnea greatly appreciates skim lattes, English breakfast tea, and diet soda to boost her energy, and she daydreams about warm shore breezes.

InHerSight, a platform that uses data to help women find and improve companies where they can achieve their goals.

Did you remember to put the milk in the fridge? How are you supposed to get through hundreds and hundreds of emails? Did you forget to switch the laundry? Is the baby sleeping enough? Too much?

Returning to work after having a baby can be stressful, exhausting, and anxiety-inducing. One minute, you’re holding your newborn, and the next, you’re sitting in an open office trying to tackle a dozen overdue projects, listening to your coworkers rant about all of the work you missed.

The days, weeks, and months following birth bring a dozen different emotions, which people may experience in various ranges and frequencies. Because your body is undergoing hormonal changes, it’s normal to feel a little sad or overwhelmed after having a baby, but how do you know if it’s just the “baby blues” or if it’s something more serious?

The early days of the baby blues

For first-time parents whose lives have been upturned, the early days can feel more overwhelming, exhausting, and emotional than expected. The “baby blues” can affect you in the days following birth all the way up to the first few weeks of postpartum.

Postpartum, part of the perinatal stage (the period after one gives birth), is considered an adjustment period, and you are bound to experience a wide range of physical symptoms — perineum soreness, afterbirth pains, post c-section soreness, vaginal discharge or vaginal bleeding, breast pain, swelling. You may experience mental changes as well, which could include symptoms of the “baby blues,” like:

• Sudden mood swings
• Loss of appetite
• Irritability
• Restlessness
• Sadness
• Weepiness
• Loneliness
• Anxiety

It can be frustrating dealing with these symptoms, especially when the world around you is telling you to enjoy those early newborn days, but know that this is normal.

“The ‘baby blues’ are considered normal and do not generally require more than understanding, patience, sleep, and self care,” says Amanda Tinkelman, M.D., psychiatrist at Brooklyn Minds who specializes in perinatal psychiatry.

Only if these symptoms persist after two or three weeks should you be concerned. If that happens, you may need to speak with a mental health professional who can help you determine if the problem is more serious.

Perinatal mood and anxiety disorders

The perinatal period generally occurs from the time of conception to the end of the first year of the baby’s life. Many experience a variety of symptoms during this time, due to stress, fatigue, and hormone fluctuations, and it can be hard to know if you’re simply dealing with exhaustion and “baby blues” or if you’re suffering from a perinatal mood disorder.

Tinkelman explains that if you have been experiencing “baby blues” for more than two weeks, you have an inability to enjoy things, and/or if you have any thoughts of harming yourself or the baby, then you may be experiencing a more serious mental health condition. 

Here are some of the most common perinatal mood and anxiety disorders that can occur during the perinatal period:

Postpartum anxiety disorder

Worry is a natural aspect of parenthood, but constant worry can be a sign of an anxiety disorder. If you’re experiencing dread or fear that something’s going to happen to your baby; or sleep disruption (without being woken up by those newborn cries); or fatigue, sweating, heart palpitations, shakiness, nausea, or hyperventilation, you could be experiencing postpartum anxiety.

Postpartum obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD)

If you suffer from OCD, pregnancy and postpartum can trigger your symptoms. Postpartum OCD, specifically, can involve many obsessive thoughts, like imagining your baby being harmed or injured. This can lead people to obsessively check on the baby during the night or avoid the baby for fear of something happening.

Postpartum panic disorder

This is a more specific disorder, as part of postpartum anxiety disorder, that shares similar symptoms. However, the major difference is that those experiencing postpartum panic disorder may have symptoms of severely anxious thoughts and/or panic attacks. If your thoughts or anxieties prevent you from functioning, you may be experiencing postpartum panic disorder.

Postpartum depression

The most commonly talked about perinatal disorder, postpartum depression can affect you mentally and physically, and it can cause many symptoms, including but not limited to: memory problems, sleep problems, feelings of guilt or worthlessness, loss of interest in everyday activities, feeling disconnected from your baby, having no energy, persistent crying, eating too much or too little, withdrawal from family or friends, having thoughts of injuring yourself, etc.

Postpartum psychosis

This is a very severe disorder that can carry symptoms that resemble symptoms of manic depressive disorder or a bipolar disorder. You may experience erratic, unusual behavior, disorientation, suicidal thoughts, delusional beliefs, auditory hallucinations, or violent thoughts.

If the “baby blues” won’t go away or if you think you’re experiencing one of the perinatal mood disorders listed above, then it’s important to seek help. Postpartum psychosis, though rare, is a life-threatening disorder that requires immediate medical attention.

Returning to work while experiencing a perinatal mood or anxiety disorders

When you’re a new parent, work is likely the last thing on your mind, but parental leave only lasts for so long. Returning to work can be anxiety-inducing. What will you wear? What will your coworkers say? Will you make it through a full day? How will you pump? What if you start crying out of nowhere?

It will take time to adjust to your new normal, so expect some discomfort and some nerves in this transition back to work. Since your “normal” has changed, it’s important to sit down with your manager to discuss your return. Set clear expectations. Make sure you agree on a timeline. Make sure you discuss work breaks. See if you can work from home once a week or half days on occasion, or leave an hour early.

Being a parent isn’t easy, especially in the months following birth, so take proper care of yourself and pay attention to your mental health. If you’re feeling extremely anxious or if you’re experiencing panic attacks at work, you should speak with a mental health professional.

“Baby blues” happen to most postpartum people, and “even with ‘baby blues,’ one can generally still feel happiness or joy,” Tinkelman says. Only if those symptoms continue or if you experience more serious symptoms should you be concerned.

Why is it the case that having a child exponentially increases the number of gifts you have to buy at the end of the year? Baby is the greatest gift of all, so it’s totally worth it, but it can be tough to come up with present ideas for all of the wonderful people they has brought into your life. If you’re looking for gift ideas for your favorite childcare worker, look no further.

Food

Everybody has a favorite treat. Chances are, your babysitter, nanny, or daycare instructor will melt over a gift of fudge, cookies, candy, or even a fancy fruit. Tack a little note from Baby on there, and you’re golden! This might also be a good opportunity to show them that you pay attention to their food preferences and allergies. If you want to go a little bigger with your gift, you could even take them out to a nice dinner or give them a gift card to their favorite restaurant.

Activities

Your childcare helper loves spending time with Baby of course, but they probably have a couple other favorite activities. You could encourage them to have a fun, relaxing day off with a gift card to a spa, a voucher for movie tickets, tickets to a show or concert, or passes to a park or museum.

Childcare accessories

Very few caretakers feel whole in the morning without a little bit of caffeine. For the childcare worker in your life, consider gifting a coffee mug, travel cup, or Starbucks gift card. Yes, it always comes back to the gift cards. If they have the keys to your home, you could give them a special #1 Babysitter keychain, leave a few of their favorite snacks or meals in your pantry, or some nice candles to light after a long day chasing your little one around. In fact, maybe pick up a few candles for yourself.

Personal touches

At the end of the day, the best gift is the one that shows how well you’ve come to know each other! Personal gifts that are tailored to their taste are always a good bet, and if you’re having trouble coming up with a personalized gift, you can always fall back on the biggest thing you have in common – Baby! You can collaborate with Baby to make them a special piece of art, give them a tote bag to stash some toys in, or frame a picture of your precious little one. Of course, in a pinch, bath salts and lotion are always a pretty safe bet. It’s the thought that counts, and look at you – you’re already thinking about it!

Every parent who returns to work after the birth of their first child goes through an adjustment period – your life is simply much different now – and no matter how much time you spent knowing that Baby was on the way, it’s still going to take some time for you and your coworkers to get used to this change. For single parents, this is magnified by the added responsibility of not having a partner to share this new responsibility with. Single parents may also end up going back to work earlier than parents in two-parent households and may have less of a choice about when they go back.

Plan ahead

One of the main differences between parenting solo and having a co-pilot is that while you may have everything set up to run smoothly under clear skies, you’ve got less backup to rely on when things get stormy. This can be a problem for any single parent, but the better you prepare for such turbulence ahead of time, the more easily you’ll be able to handle it when it arrives.

For example, single parents – like all parents – occasionally face the question of just what to do when their children get sick, but they may have a smaller pool of sick days or days with paid leave to draw from than two parents, who can take turns missing work, and may also have a harder time losing out on a day’s worth of work if they don’t have paid leave. In the U.S., in the case of serious illness, parents can often take unpaid leave under the 1993 Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA). But the FMLA won’t do much to help a single parent whose little one just has a little stomach bug or a persistent case of the sniffles. 

Even very healthy children get sick from time to time, so you’ll want to plan ahead of time just how you’ll handle these sort of surprises. If you have friends or family in the area who might be able to occasionally cover for you and care for Baby during work hours, it helps to have a conversation with them about this sort of an arrangement ahead of time before the sniffles strike. If you feel comfortable doing so, it can also be helpful to have a conversation with your boss or supervisor about what you can or should do if something unexpected like this comes up. But since single parents are not protected under U.S. federal anti-discrimination laws, it’s not a bad idea to be a little wary of those conversations if you’re not totally confident about how your employer will respond.

Find your people

Other parents you work with – whether they’re single parents or not – are probably going to understand the challenges you’re facing better than anyone else you work with, even if you didn’t start off knowing these coworkers all that well. Particularly if you do shift work, adding parents that you work with – who might better understand just why you’re asking – to your list of people to call if you need to adjust your schedule unexpectedly can be practical and important. If nothing else, though, there’s strength in numbers and there’s reassurance in sympathy, and finding some allies among your coworkers is an important part of adjusting to your new reality at work.

When job seeking

Whether it’s because you need a job with better flexibility now that you’re a parent or because you just want a change, job hunting as a single parent can be a nerve-wracking situation. In the U.S., potential employers are not legally allowed to ask you about your marital status or whether you have children.

But many parents feel uncomfortable withholding key information about themselves, and early disclosure of potential scheduling conflicts could help build goodwill with your potential employer. Additionally, letting an employer know about Baby right away may be the best way to explain a gap in employment on your resume.

On the other hand, if you feel uncomfortable sharing that information, there is a reason protections are in place to keep you from being asked – it’s your family life and your privacy. In any case, if you are going to talk about Baby, there’s no reason to mention them in your cover letter or application. That kind of heart-to-heart can wait until you’re in your interview, face to face, when you can get a better sense of your interviewer and how to best approach the subject.

Infants

Certainly, we don’t have to tell you that very young babies need a lot from you — they eat often, require frequent diaper changes, and also love attention and being close to you. And they’ll certainly cry and let you know when they’re not feeling their happiest. But there’s a lot you can do to give your baby what they need, get in your daily quota of baby snuggles, and still get work done.

• Take advantage of nap time. When your little one is snoozing, thankfully, you’ll know that you can get in some uninterrupted work time. This is the time to check off those tasks that require deep focus or full attention. If you have a good sense of when your little one usually naps, you can plan ahead for these focused periods of work. 
• Keep your baby close. This might mean wearing your child in a carrier (which many babies love because they can be close to you, get in extra snuggle time, and even feel soothed by the motion of you moving around), which can give you some hands-free time to work. This might also mean working near your little one as they play on the floor near you or in a safe playpen. They’ll be happy to have you nearby, and you’ll know when they really need you. 
• Make focused time to connect. Your baby may be plenty happy just hanging out nearby, but they also really benefit from quality time when they have your full attention. So make sure to take a break here and there to fully focus on your little one. You might read them a book, play peek a boo, or cheer them on for tummy time — you’ll probably love the break from work as much as they will. 

Toddlers & preschool aged kids

Slightly older kids need just as much from you, just in a different way. They might not technically need to eat as frequently or have diapers changed as often, but that third request for a string cheese or the potty accident you need to clean up might still make it feel like you can’t get a break from childcare long enough to get any work done. They also need just as much attention from you and can let you know clearly how they feel about you splitting your focus. But hearing “Why do you have to work so much?” or “You never play with me!” may not be the cheerleading you need right now. Here’s what you can do to help keep them entertained, engaged, and feeling like they’re getting the attention they need from you — and so that you can feel confident finding balance. 

• Get on their level. You may not be able to do this all day, but if it’s possible for you to spend some time doing some work at your child’s level — maybe sitting on the floor with your laptop beside where they’re doing a puzzle, or alongside them at the table while they play with clay — they’ll feel happy and secure knowing that you’re so close. If you check-in occasionally — to tell them how proud you are that they’re sticking with a challenging puzzle or to ask them if they’re making something new with their clay — they’ll also feel like you’re engaged in their play and they’re getting the attention they need. They may even be less likely to beg you to join them to play approximately one million times if you’re already right there.
• Help them find fun. Children at this age still don’t have the longest attention spans, and while they may, occasionally, stay really engaged in an activity that they’re excited about, it’s very common for them to want to bop from one set of toys to another. To help them embrace this curious energy, give them the freedom to choose what to explore (most little ones love choices!). This is not only exciting for them, it means you’re not coming up with a constant stream of play time activities. Try setting up little “stations” intended for different kinds of play that they can explore on their own while you work. Not that your living room suddenly needs to become a classroom, but if you think of a typical preschool space with an area for dolls, an area for art, an area for blocks, and so on, then you might get the idea. You can keep it simple by making a few different types of toys or play materials available to your little one — on a table, the floor, in small baskets, whatever is easy for you and accessible for them. Then your child can play a little with one, explore another, and, hopefully, let you get some work done. Over time, you may want to rotate out these toys on a regular basis so that your child feels like a toy is“new” even if they just haven’t played with it in a while.
• Focus on quality, not quantity. Kids at this age may be very vocal about wanting you to play with them and not work, which can be very tough to hear. Sometimes, by giving them  a little of the attention they need, you might end off a few “Why won’t you play with me?” questions. If it’s possible, take a few times throughout the day to step away from your work and really focus on engaging with them, free of other distractions. Worry less about how much time you can spend with your child and focus instead on really engaging with them when you do spend time together. Sit down where they’re playing and ask what they’re doing. Jump in and play along, but let them continue to take the lead. Find time every day to read a story together, and ask them questions about the characters, the plot, or the illustrations as you go. You could even cook a meal or take your dog for a walk together — those things you have to do anyway can be tons of fun for your child and special time you can both spend together consistently. 

Certainly, everyone’s job responsibilities are different and everyone’s child has different ideas of what quality time looks like. No matter what, know that if you’re figuring out how to juggle your work and caregiving responsibilities, you’re not alone. Lots of parents are doing the same right now, and it’s hard. You don’t have to aim for perfection, just whatever it takes to get through the day. You’re doing a great job.

Sources

• Corinn Cross. “Working and Learning from Home During the COVID-19 Outbreak.” American Academy of Pediatrics. American Academy of Pediatrics, June 16 2020. Retrieved Sept 30 2020. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/conditions/COVID-19/Pages/Working-and-Learning-from-Home-COVID-19.aspx.
• Damon Korb. “Age-Based Tips to Help Juggle Parenting & Working at Home During COVID-19.” American Academy of Pediatrics. American Academy of Pediatrics, June 16 2020. Retrieved Sept 30 2020. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/conditions/COVID-19/Pages/Tips-to-Juggle-Parenting-and-Working-at-Home-COVID-19.aspx.

You’re a human, so you don’t have to worry about any worm-catching. But you will have to worry about childcare. And with multiples, the process of finding and securing childcare for your children could be a little more complicated and expensive than it would be if you had a single baby.

Consider the cost

Childcare can be expensive, so reducing the cost of childcare can make a big difference in your budget. Here are some ways that you can maybe lower the price tag of a daycare facility or nanny.

• Stagger work hours with a partner: If you or your partner’s work schedules are flexible enough, you could try having one partner go into work earlier than the other every day. This would leave one partner with the children for an hour in the morning, and one with them for an hour in the evening, which would cut out two hours that you would otherwise pay for.
• Ask close friends or family members for help: For some families this works as an alternative to daycare during working hours. You’ll still pay money for childcare, but the price would be much lower, and you would already have a relationship with the person caring for your little birdies.
• Pick and choose days of the week for childcare: If you have the opportunity, try to stay home with the kids a few days a week to cut the bill.

Option 1: A nanny

Nannies are great, as they can give your little ones more personal attention. You can also form a close relationship with them, which ultimately helps everybody. If you’re considering a nanny, start by looking on specific nanny sites or reaching out to other parenting resources. Interview any potential nanny to make sure they have experience with multiples, and check their references.

Will a nanny be cheaper than other options? This depends on several factors, the main one being where you live, as more populated areas tend to have higher expenses for nannies. However, you’ll definitely make sure that you get someone who’s experienced and familiar with multiples, and this could cost a little bit more than a parent with a single baby.

Option 2: A childcare facility

Bringing your multiples to a childcare facility might be a great choice for you. It puts more adults in charge of the kids, they’ll be around other children, which can reinforce lessons in communication and sharing, to name a few.

If you’re deciding on a childcare facility, consider the price and how far away the facility is from your house, as well as the facility’s licensure, the staff-to-children ratio, and how the facility itself looks.

Option 3: Family daycare

Family daycare is kind of like a mix between a nanny and a child care facility. Family daycares are run by those who have children of their own, usually out of their own house. Normally the person in charge will serve snacks and meals and provide toys and games for the children to use. Family daycare often costs less than a childcare center, which makes it a good option for many parents.

If you’re considering bringing the multiples to a family daycare, make sure that the potential provider has experience with multiples, is fully licensed, and meets any other personal requirements that you have.

Should you keep the kids together?

As the children get older, you might start thinking about separating them in class or other activities, to help them develop a sense of independence, but you don’t have to worry about that right now, or even for a couple of years. What’s most important is that you find something that’s a good fit for you and your family, in terms of convenience, affordability, and comfort.

If you’re still undecided on the best option, consider reaching out to other parents of multiples to find out how they tackle the childcare subject. In time you’ll find the solution that works best for you and your family.

Rochaun Meadows-Fernandez Contributing writer

As a Black woman in a rural, mostly white, and red state, I worry about racism regularly. These fears were particularly present during the years I spent working in a traditional office workplace. 

After graduating from college, I regularly applied to multiple open positions at a time. But I wasn’t able to even get a call back until I started applying for temp work. Even then, I was tasked with only menial work like scanning documents. It was frustrating, and it was hard not to question the involvement of racial and gender bias. 

And my fears extended well past what I was tasked with into how I presented myself. Was it ok to wear my natural hairstyles and afro in the workplace? And even if there were no formal suggestions that my hair was “unprofessional,” did I run the risk of being perceived as a “distraction” as my coworkers spent much of the day staring, asking questions about, and at worst touching my hair?

Even when intentions weren’t malicious, I couldn’t help but feel out of place as the only Black person in white spaces. To make matters worse, it seemed impossible for me to get hired for anything beyond clerical work – and I didn’t go into tens of thousands of dollars of student loan debt to be locked into just paperwork.  

Pregnancy just heightened my anxieties, and childcare became another major worry. 

I wasn’t sure who I could find, let alone trust, to watch my Black son. Research has no shortage of documentation chronicling the ways little Black children have their childhoods stolen by anti-black bias and racism – even in preschools, a place that we imagine should be safe and nurturing for all children. 

I needed a way to avoid the emotional impact of constant microaggressions, protect my son from indoctrination into a racist society, and push past the glass ceiling. And, of course, another significant factor was our status as a military family. To avoid being alone with my kids when my husband travels for work, I often take my kids to visit my family out of state. This made contract-based childcare impractical. 

After my son was born, I worked part-time in a clerical position that was okay with me bringing him to work with me. But as he got more mobile, this arrangement was no longer feasible. Babies and clerical work don’t always mix – neither phone calls nor the wires were baby-friendly – and my boss told me that the arrangement couldn’t continue and I’d need to find childcare –  but that was something we still couldn’t afford.  

If I was going to find the perfect career, I’d have to create it myself.

My family was struggling, my marriage was strained, it was all a lot. And though no circumstance was perfect, working from home seemed like the best option. I thought flex work might be a good fit, and I had the education and credentials, but rural America simply has limited flex work options. 

If I was going to find the perfect career, I’d have to create it myself. I decided writing would be my way out. My husband gave me the space to give it a try, though it would be months before I made my first dollar.  But when I did, I knew it was possible to help my family, even if it was only a little. 

I learned to work around my son’s sleep schedule. The fruits were low, but the freedom was priceless. I couldn’t believe that I could replace small portions of my income and still have the chance to take walks with my son during traditional work hours. 

Each month, I was able to contribute slightly more to our family’s income. First, I made enough to cover my car payment. Then, I learned to find gigs that could allow me to contribute to the grocery bill and later the utility bills. I didn’t feel like a burden anymore and eventually, I exceeded the income of my prior part-time job. 

Things got harder when we found out I was pregnant with our second child. I wouldn’t have paid parental leave, but had I not worked from home, I have no idea how I would have dealt with my severe nausea, debilitating depression, and month-long work trip my husband took during my first trimester. Working from home saved me when I needed to take a break from it all and leave the state for a week to preserve my mental health. And it was there for me when I needed to recover from retained placenta during my second pregnancy. Years later, those health scares are the foundation of my current career as someone who primarily writes about health disparities.

Working from home isn’t perfect. It’s hard to be fully present for my children and my work simultaneously. I may be tired, but my newfound sense of control and limited exposure to racial bias, gender stereotypes, and inflexible schedules make it all worth it. 

About the author:
Rochaun Meadows-Fernandez is a writer who specializes in sociology, health, and parenting. Her work has appeared in Healthline, Yes! Magazine, HuffPost, Allure, and many other publications. Follow her on Facebook, Twitter or check out her website.

Lay the groundwork

It sounds obvious, but it’s a good idea to speak with your employer about your pumping needs before you head back to work. This will help ensure that there is a designated lactation room or a temporary lactation space that you can use to pump. You may also prefer to pump in your own space if you have a private office. US law does discuss your rights as a pumping employee, but there are exceptions for certain types of employers and small businesses. It can help to review what laws may cover you in the US or your state of residence. More on that here, under “Nursing Employees.”

If you work for a smaller company where there is not a formally designated lactation space, you should talk to your employer about options for finding or creating a private space (that’s not a bathroom) that can work for you. You’ll also want to know if the space is located near where you normally work or if it’s some distance away, if it has an electrical outlet or not, if there is a fridge where you can store your milk, and if there is a sink where you can clean your equipment.

Some of these pumping niceties (though many moms might call them pumping necessities) are not necessarily legally required of lactation rooms. You’ll want to know all of the specifics of what is available to you before you return so that you can be prepared for what to expect and what you’ll need to bring with you. 

Set a schedule — and expectations

You’ll want to set your pumping schedule before you return to work. Moms returning very soon after having a baby will probably need to pump more often — as often as a baby would eat at home, so every 2-3 hours — while moms returning later on when their babies are eating less frequently might only need to pump during a regular break or lunch time. A lot of this will depend on your supply, how much Baby is eating, and if you are feeding them breast milk exclusively or supplementing with formula. 

Many breastfeeding moms also make a point to nurse directly before and directly after work so that they will never go too long between nursing or pumping sessions and can both keep up their milk supply and avoid breast engorgement. The pumping schedule you set will, of course, depend on your day-to-day schedule and responsibilities. Your employer is generally required  to provide reasonable break times for you to pump, taking into account any time it might take for you to travel to and from the lactation space.

Once you know when you’ll plan to pump at work, make sure anyone who might normally come looking for you during that time knows you won’t be available — the last thing you need while pumping is an unexpected interruption. For some people this means building pumping time into their formal work schedule or adding it to a calendar, and for others it might just mean a verbal confirmation with a boss and coworkers so that they know you won’t be available. Essentially, you’ll just want to ensure that expectations for pumping are clear between you and your employer. Then if your pumping schedule needs to change over time — if your work schedule changes or if it makes sense to pump less frequently — you can always revisit the conversation. 

Get comfortable with the equipment

This might go without saying, but you should make certain that you’re comfortable with your breast pump and any additional pumping accessories before heading back to work. It’s often a challenge to find time to pump in the very early days of breastfeeding when your little one nurses so often, but before you return to work, find a quiet time between feedings or when Baby is asleep to familiarize yourself with your pump, to practice pumping and storing breast milk, and to clean the pumping equipment. You should do this at least a few times before returning just so you know how your pump works. 

Speaking of equipment, you’ll need somewhere to keep your milk cool while you’re at work and commuting home. If you don’t have a safe fridge to use, think about whether you’ll want a cooler bag with ice packs, or a breastmilk chiller. There are many great options if you don’t have access to, or don’t want to use, a work fridge.

Stock up when you can 

Some other helpful prep that you can do — as you practice pumping before your big return — is to store up that expressed breast milk as you go. You can store breast milk in a standard freezer, and it might help to know you only need enough milk for your first day back at work. You’ll pump during your workday to replace what baby drinks, so a huge frozen stash might not be required.

If you want to set a pumping schedule, give yourself about 4 weeks prior to resuming work to store what you’ll need little by little. Even 1-2 ounces to the freezer each day adds up to more than what you will need, and shouldn’t negatively impact a healthy growing baby. 

Dress for success

Many new moms quickly get comfortable with wearing leaked milk and baby spit up as a cool new look, but work is one of the places where you’d probably like to avoid such messy accessories. Dressing for work when you’re pumping isn’t as simple as dressing appropriately for your work environment — it’s also about easy access to that milk. 

If you have a lot of choice in what you can wear, you might choose garments that allow you ease of access. Button-down shirts, cardigans, wrap dresses, wrap-around blouses, or dedicated nursing tops and dresses can be great for this if these are options in your line of work.

If your clothing at work is less flexible, as long as you are pumping somewhere private, you can make it work. And when it comes to the sort of accessories that you do want to be wearing to work, breast pads are a must. You may not leak between nursing sessions, but pumping is a different experience – one where it helps to be prepared. Even packing an extra shirt can be a great choice, just in case of any accidents or rogue leaking. Keeping a damp towel or wipes on hand can also help with clothing cleanup. 

Really, when it comes to clothing choices, the best choice is whatever helps you feel comfortable and confident when managing pumping alongside all of your other day-to-day responsibilities. Keep in mind that a nursing cover also works for pumping discretion, and it’s easy to tuck in your pumping bag.

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team

Read more

• Breast milk storage basics
• Breast pump cleaning guidelines

Sources

• “Fact Sheet #73: Break Time for Nursing Mothers under the FLSA.” United States Department of Labor Wage and Hour Division. U.S. Department of Labor, August 2013. Retrieved August 11 2017. https://www.dol.gov/whd/nursingmothers/faqbtnm.htmhttps://www.dol.gov/whd/regs/compliance/whdfs73.htm
• “Frequently Asked Questions – Break Time for Nursing Mothers.” United States Department of Labor Wage and Hour Division. U.S. Department of Labor. Retrieved August 11 2017. https://www.dol.gov/whd/nursingmothers/faqbtnm.htm
• Mayo Clinic Staff. “Breast milk storage: Do’s and don’ts.” April 7 2015. Retrieved August 11 2017. Mayo Clinic. Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research. http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/infant-and-toddler-health/in-depth/breast-milk-storage/art-20046350?pg=1
• “Proper handling and storage of human milk.” Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, July 24 2017. Retrieved August 11 2017. https://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/recommendations/handling_breastmilk.htm
• “Storing breast milk.” Cleveland Clinic. Cleveland Clinic, March 25 2015. Retrieved August 11 2017. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/storing-breast-milk
• “What are the LLLI guidelines for storing my pumped milk?” La Leche League International. La Leche League International, July 8 2014. Retrieved August 11 2017. http://www.lalecheleague.org/faq/milkstorage.html