Kids’ holiday food: Consider the big picture

The holidays are a special time to make memories and strengthen relationships while having lots of fun. Food is a common centerpiece for many traditions and celebrations. It’s part of your family culture — and the smells and tastes can bring back memories from years past. These are important anchors your child will develop over years to come. 

Helping your child listen to their body signals during these gatherings will set them up for a lifetime of success in not only choosing the foods they eat and how much, but also paying attention to how they feel and what comes up for them at the holiday table. Also, part of helping your child be happy at the dinner table will give you the time and space to enjoy a meal with the other adults there!

Prepping for the gathering 

If you know your child has a hard time sitting down to eat when their cousins are around, it may help to go into the gathering feeling rested. Depending on your kiddo’s age, allowing them to get some good zzzs in before heading into a more chaotic environment can help. 

Another common concern is that they won’t like Aunt Judy’s green beans. It can be really helpful to present familiar foods alongside the new ones. Allow your little one to explore and try new things while having the security of foods they know they enjoy on their plate as well. If they’re able to help you or other family members prepare food in the kitchen, this can be a lasting positive memory and even encourage them to try something new!

Try to let go of your own baggage around food

If you’ve ever struggled with your relationship with food or your body, do your best to take care of yourself during this time too. And if you need a little extra support, reach out to your provider to see if there’s someone they might be able to recommend you speaking with. 

We tend to place our own unhealthy thoughts about food on our kids. By challenging our beliefs about food, we can protect our kids from our own negative connotations.

In general, kids tend to be good at self-regulating — eating when they’re hungry and stopping when they’re full. By letting your kids have control over what they eat and how much, they learn to build their instincts and form good habits.

Manage outside comments

The holidays bring out the best in lots of us. For some, though, it can bring out a lot of food anxiety, which can show up as invasive, judgmental comments about what you and/or your children are eating. Not only are these offensive and unhelpful, but research has shown that negative talk about bodies/dieting actually increases the risk of children gaining excess weight in unhealthy ways and developing eating disorders. 

Responding directly to comments from family members is an important way to teach your children how to set healthy boundaries as well as how to shut down negative body/food talk. It’s okay to say for example, “We don’t police food and we are teaching our kids to listen to their bodies,” or “We don’t comment on what other people eat at our house, please refrain from doing so anymore today.” If you anticipate unhelpful commentary from a certain family member — on how your child looks or what they choose to eat — addressing these challenges before you arrive can help. A quick text can encourage supportive actions from family, and set the tone for what you expect. 

Focus on joy

As parents, we want the holidays to be a warm and special time to spend together and remember for a lifetime. Family gathering and meals create traditions, recipes, games, and laughter that our children will never forget — and may even pass on to the next generation. The contagious joy of celebrating and eating can be a positive outcome of this season to carry forward for the whole family.

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team

Sources

• Jill Castle. “How to Help Your Child Eat Well and Be a Good Guest at Holiday Meals.” U.S. News & World Report. November 25, 2019. https://health.usnews.com/wellness/for-parents/articles/holiday-meals-and-kids-helping-them-to-eat-well-and-be-a-good-guest. 
• Kaitlyn Kamleiter. “Avoiding picky eating during holiday meals.” Children’s Minnesota. November 25, 2019.
• https://www.childrensmn.org/2019/11/25/avoiding-picky-eating-holiday-meals/. 
• Sally Kuzemchak, M.S., R.D. “Don’t Micromanage What Your Kids Eat At Holiday Parties.” Real Mom Nutrition. December 5, 2019.
• https://www.realmomnutrition.com/holiday-parties/. 
• Sandra G. Hassink, MD, FAAP. “Avoiding Food Traps.” HealthyChildren. American Academy of Pediatrics. August 20, 2020. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/nutrition/Pages/Avoiding-Food-Traps.aspx. 

To raise body-confident kids in a world filled with harmful messaging about body type and image is certainly a challenge. Kids, like adults, are pressured to look a certain way from an early age in our culture. This leads many to be critical of themselves when they don’t, leading to a lack of overall confidence. 

While you can’t change the way all this messaging might pop up in your kid’s life, with some mindful messaging, you can help your child cultivate a positive self-image and embrace others in the process. 

Model healthy behavior and self-talk

Our children pick up on so much of what we say, do, and believe. That’s why one of the best things we can do is model healthy talk about our own bodies. But for many, this is easier said than done. 

The first step is to pay attention to how you’re feeling about your body. If you’ve been struggling with body image, take some small steps to address how you’re feeling. A small step might look like speaking with a mental health provider, talking to a trusted friend, or finding a weight inclusive physician. 

When you talk to your kids, do your best to focus on what your body can do rather than how it looks. For example, rather than making a negative comment about how you feel in a swimsuit, focus what you say to your kids on how excited we are to jump in the waves with them. 

Focusing on positive messaging helps our kids to appreciate and accept their own bodies and helps us rewire the ways we talk about and to ourselves. 

Talk about body diversity

While it might be tempting to avoid the subject of bodies altogether, this can make the topic feel taboo to kids and can leave them with unanswered questions. Instead, have conversations with your kids about how everyone’s bodies are different for many reasons beyond an individual’s control. Looking any way doesn’t increase or decrease one’s value as a person. Appearance isn’t linked with health and you cannot tell how much someone exercises or eats by the size of their body. Nor can you identify their contribution to this world by looking at their body. This is the age-old “never judge a book by its cover” concept. Teaching children to value people for who they are, not what they look like, is a gift they will benefit from throughout their entire lives.

Focus on health versus appearance

The conversations we have about what we eat and how we exercise should be geared around our health, wellbeing, and fun, not our body size. Move away from labeling foods as good and bad — and body sizes as healthy or unhealthy.

When you’re talking about exercise with your kids, try to frame exercise as a way to feel energized, strong, and healthy — not to achieve a certain look or body weight. Discuss how foods fuel our bodies to be strong and keep our minds sharp. For example, you might explain how vegetables give us strength and help us fight illness. Or that cookies can bring us joy and some short-term energy. Educating our kids about these topics can reduce anxiety and prevent food restrictions.

Never make critical comments about their body

You may worry that your child will get bullied for their body type or weight, and it’s natural to want to protect them. But sometimes our own fears lead us to say things that could cause our kids to be self-conscious and self-critical. Focus instead on conversation around emotional health. If you’re concerned, check in with your child about their body image, the pressure to be thin, or other body-related issues. Validating the very real feelings of inadequacy people in bigger bodies can feel is important. This type of conversation can also help you identify if your child is experiencing body dysmorphia, a different issue than body image. Body dysmorphia is a warped sense of one’s appearance. This can lead to an unhealthy relationship with food or even an eating disorder. 

Help develop a positive self-image and confidence

Encourage your child to see their strengths and beauties, both physical and non-physical. Comment on how their strong legs help them climb a tree or how their fingers play the piano beautifully. Talk about their internal qualities, too, such as their kindness or curiosity.

When we share specific and positive feedback with our kids, they’re more likely to see their unique value and beauty beyond their body’s appearance. They’ll learn that their worth isn’t based on how they look, what they eat, or how much they weigh. They’ll know they’re wonderful and loved no matter their appearance.

Sources

Ana Reisdorf. “How to Teach Your Child Body Positivity.” Mental Health America. Mental Health America, Inc. 2022. https://mhanational.org/blog/how-teach-your-child-body-positivity 

Kaitlyn Kamleiter. “Avoiding picky eating during holiday meals.” Children’s Minnesota. November 25, 2019. https://www.childrensmn.org/2019/11/25/avoiding-picky-eating-holiday-meals/.

Sumner Brooks, MPH, RDN. “How to Raise a Kid Who Is Satisfied With Their Body, According to a Registered Dietitian.” Good Housekeeping. Hearst Digital Media. December 9, 2021. https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/parenting/a38029229/positive-body-image-for-kids/

Cultural influence

It’s not news that U.S. society has long been thin-obsessed. The extreme societal pressure that many of us feel has an impact on our kids as well and can affect the way they feel about their bodies and their value. When kids feel less valuable because of the size of their body it impacts their confidence and overall emotional wellbeing. 

According to NEDA, “By age 6, girls especially start to express concerns about their own weight or shape. 40-60% of elementary school girls (ages 6-12) are concerned about their weight or about becoming too fat. This concern endures through life.”

There are several steps you can take as a parent to change the messages within your own home and help your child cope with the messages they’re getting outside of your control.

Model healthy behaviors and language

How we talk about bodies impacts what our kids think about theirs (and other peoples’) both now and in the future. It may take a lot of time and effort to retrain your own way of considering and speaking about bodies, but by shifting the way you think and talk about your own body to be more accepting, you are modeling healthy body image for your children. 

A helpful exercise for your entire family is to practice not commenting on bodies in general. Focus compliments on the qualities that draw you to someone. For example, “You are one of the funniest people I know” or “I love the time we spend together, you offer me such reassurance.” Even a simple, “You’re a beautiful person.” Teaching ourselves and our children not to speak about other people’s bodies can help us not judge or focus on someone’s outward appearance. In the end, you don’t choose your friends and loved ones because they’re physically attractive. You want to be around people because you feel good around them. None of that is based upon how they look or what size they are. 

It will be normal for questions about different-looking bodies to come up. Try to focus on fact, not judgment in these moments. For example, a very tall person walks by and your child is awe-struck. You can talk about the differences in your bodies and how that might impact your perspective on the world! Or if your child sees a larger person and comments, “They’re fat!” A common response to this is, “That’s rude.” But perhaps another more constructive response could be, “Yes, they are bigger than you are. What does that mean to you?” Fat doesn’t have to be a negative term. It can be a descriptor just as are “tall,” “loud,” “funny,” etc. 

Adjust your media sources

Expose your kids to books, art, and movies that celebrate a variety of body shapes, sizes, and abilities. Inclusive images and messages help children have a healthy, well-rounded view of their own bodies within a diverse world. When we step away from skinny-focused, white-centered, able-bodied media and recognize that all body types are valuable, kids see that too. Noticing and celebrating our differences can help people of all ages to strive for goals that are based on their personal values and not on their outward appearance.

Social media is well known as a source of unrealistic and pervasive messaging about ideal appearances. Filters and editing are hard for younger adolescents to fully understand. They generally believe what they see. It’s easy for these literally unreal images to quickly become a goal for young minds, and the link between use of social media and body dissatisfaction increases with the amount of time spent on various platforms. Any reduction or use of other more positive media or activity can help protect your child.

Refrain from critical remarks

Kids can internalize statements that make them feel self-conscious, for example, a comment about eating too many sweets or how they look in a dress. Negative messages can stick with kids for a long time and damage their self-esteem. Instead, pay attention to what they enjoy and keep it positive: “You run so fast, you must have very strong legs!” 

Learning about exercise and what our bodies can do

When teaching your children about exercise, celebrating the physical feats they can accomplish is a great way to help your child feel empowered and energized. Helping them to explore team sports, participating in races, playing at the playground, or pushing themselves to reach a new goal they set for themselves are all ways you can encourage your child to enjoy their body and celebrate what it can do. Exercise is never a punishment for eating.

Get personal

Kids love to hear about how we often struggle with the same things they do. Why? Because our own stories can help them feel less alone and know that what they feel is normal. You might share a story about how you struggled as a child to feel like you were pretty or fashionable enough. Maybe you have a physical difference that was challenging to grow to accept or love. Maybe you’re still working on recognizing your own self-worth outside of your physical appearance. Sharing your own insecurities to a certain extent can open up space for your child to share how they’re feeling with you. 

Helping your child see that you’re a human too and that you’re there for them in the tougher moments, allows you to connect with them on a deeper level. It also paves the way for them to open up more to you and see you as a resource.

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team 

Sources

• Ana Reisdorf. “How to Teach Your Child Body Positivity.” Mental Health America. Mental Health America, Inc. 2022. https://mhanational.org/blog/how-teach-your-child-body-positivity. 
• D’Arcy Lyness, PhD. “Encouraging a Healthy Body Image.” KidsHealth. Nemours. June 2018. https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/body-image.html.
• Erica Lamberg. “6 Lessons in Body Positivity to Teach Your Child by Age 5.” Parents. Dotdash Meredith. January 12, 2021. https://www.parents.com/kids/problems/body-issues/lessons-in-body-positivity-to-teach-your-child-by-age-5/.
• Ragan Chastain. “Raising Body Positive Kids in a Body Negative World.” Dances with Fat. September 24, 2016. https://danceswithfat.org/2016/09/24/raising-body-positive-kids-in-a-body-negative-world/.
• Sumner Brooks, MPH, RDN. “How to Raise a Kid Who Is Satisfied With Their Body, According to a Registered Dietitian.” Good Housekeeping. Hearst Digital Media. December 9, 2021. https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/parenting/a38029229/positive-body-image-for-kids/.
• “Body image and eating disorders.” National Eating Disorder Organization. National Eating Disorder Organization. https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/body-image-eating-disorders. 

Be mindful of your own thoughts and beliefs

Being aware of your own mindset around food is the first step to ensure you don’t pass down negative associations to your kids. Notice how you think or talk about certain foods, whether it’s desserts, bread, or vegetables. Stay curious about your food beliefs and be mindful of what you say in front of your children.

If you’re noticing you have a lot of negative associations with foods, or you feel compelled to diet or restrict food regularly, it may be beneficial for you to seek help in healing your own relationship with food. The work you do to heal your own relationship with food will have positive rippling effects on everyone in your life, especially your kids. 

Intuitive Eating can be a great place to start when exploring how you relate to the foods you do and don’t eat. It is a way of eating that helps you to identify which foods make you feel your best and which don’t agree with you, or leave you wanting for more.

If you’re struggling with your own body image, consider finding a therapist who specializes in body image or a community you can learn from. And there are some pretty amazing leaders on social media having these conversations about positive food associations, too.

Talk about what food does for the body

Rather than categorizing a particular food as “bad” or “good,” describe what the food offers the body. Make it fun and educational, rather than about restriction. For example, you could say, “Chicken has protein and helps build the cells that make up your body.” or “Cookies give you short-term energy.” When kids learn how food fuels their bodies, they can start making their own healthy choices. 

Aim for family meals

According to research, eating meals together as a family is associated with less disordered eating and better self-esteem for children and adolescents. It also helps generate healthy habits and enjoyment around eating. Plus, this time gives your children a safe and comfortable space to playfully try something new on their plate.

Avoid pushing certain foods

Forcing kids to eat particular foods can dull the internal cues they have about what they like, what their body needs, and when they’re full. Mealtime battles often backfire anyway, leading them to resist the vegetables or protein on their plates. 

Pressuring kids to eat certain foods can even lead to a negative association with mealtime, with them feeling anxious about even sitting down to eat. Instead, serve well-rounded meals but allow them to have some voice and decision. Giving them choices about what they eat helps build long-term habits where they feel confident and in control of their nutrition.

Notice changes in your child’s eating

If your child’s eating habits change noticeably, it could be a sign of a deeper problem, such as depression, anxiety, or even an eating disorder (no matter their body type). Consider talking with your child or getting help from a trusted therapist or pediatrician. 

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team

Sources

• Jennifer Anderson MSPH RDN. “Kids Eat in Color.” Kids Eat in Color. 2022. https://kidseatincolor.com/links/ 
• Kaitlyn Kamleiter. “Avoiding picky eating during holiday meals.” Children’s Minnesota. November 25, 2019. https://www.childrensmn.org/2019/11/25/avoiding-picky-eating-holiday-meals/.
• Sumner Brooks, MPH, RDN. “How to Raise a Kid Who Is Satisfied With Their Body, According to a Registered Dietitian.” Good Housekeeping. Hearst Digital Media. December 9, 2021. https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/parenting/a38029229/positive-body-image-for-kids/