It does take more money to raise multiples than a singleton, so it’s a really good idea to try and save what you can, when you can. Over time you’ll find that there a lot of ways to get what you need for less.

Buy cheaper gear when possible

The price of baby gear can really add up. And while there are some things you really do have to spend money on, there are other things on which you don’t need to break the bank. Whenever you can, try to find hand-me-downs, used items for sale in your neighborhood, or even things that you can borrow for a while.

For example, early on, your babies will be small enough to bathe in the sink, so you don’t have to spend on bath products until they’re large enough to sit up in the bath. For baby clothes or diaper bags, try a thrift or consignment store. These stores have clothes that your little ones will find perfectly fashionable, but for cheaper than you otherwise might find them.

Hold off on certain purchases

Things like high chairs and toys probably won’t be necessary until your little ones are a few months old, so for the time being, direct your checkbook elsewhere. And you never know: by the time you’re ready to buy, you may have a good lead on a hand-me-down version.

Bulk, bulk, and more bulk

Obviously you don’t have to come home with 50 packs of 30 diapers (on second thought, maybe you do), but there are a lot of products that will cost less if you buy them in large amounts. Powdered baby formula is one of these products. Baby wipes, burp clothes, and – you guessed it – diapers are others.

Promotions, deals, and mom discounts, oh my!

Lots of websites offer ‘mom discounts,’ as well as deals for parents of multiples, in-store and online coupons, and special promotions. These savings really add up, so they’re worth some online sleuth time for sure!

Be ‘that person’ with gifts you don’t need

You’ll get a lot of gifts that you can use, but what about the occasional gift that you don’t need or that you already have? In these cases, it’s in your best interest to return the items when possible or to exchange them for items that you’re desperate for. Yes, you might have to explain to a relative where the baby wipe warmer went, but they’ll understand when you tell them the money went towards actual baby wipes.

Put away money whenever possible

Even the smallest bit of money stored away helps in the long run. The little things really add up, and you’ll want to have money saved for checkups, childcare, and other future costs.

If this seems overwhelming, rest assured that over time you’ll get the hang of things. And it will probably take trial and error to figure out what works for your family, cost-wise.

You’re a human, so you don’t have to worry about any worm-catching. But you will have to worry about childcare. And with multiples, the process of finding and securing childcare for your children could be a little more complicated and expensive than it would be if you had a single baby.

Consider the cost

Childcare can be expensive, so reducing the cost of childcare can make a big difference in your budget. Here are some ways that you can maybe lower the price tag of a daycare facility or nanny.

• Stagger work hours with a partner: If you or your partner’s work schedules are flexible enough, you could try having one partner go into work earlier than the other every day. This would leave one partner with the children for an hour in the morning, and one with them for an hour in the evening, which would cut out two hours that you would otherwise pay for.
• Ask close friends or family members for help: For some families this works as an alternative to daycare during working hours. You’ll still pay money for childcare, but the price would be much lower, and you would already have a relationship with the person caring for your little birdies.
• Pick and choose days of the week for childcare: If you have the opportunity, try to stay home with the kids a few days a week to cut the bill.

Option 1: A nanny

Nannies are great, as they can give your little ones more personal attention. You can also form a close relationship with them, which ultimately helps everybody. If you’re considering a nanny, start by looking on specific nanny sites or reaching out to other parenting resources. Interview any potential nanny to make sure they have experience with multiples, and check their references.

Will a nanny be cheaper than other options? This depends on several factors, the main one being where you live, as more populated areas tend to have higher expenses for nannies. However, you’ll definitely make sure that you get someone who’s experienced and familiar with multiples, and this could cost a little bit more than a parent with a single baby.

Option 2: A childcare facility

Bringing your multiples to a childcare facility might be a great choice for you. It puts more adults in charge of the kids, they’ll be around other children, which can reinforce lessons in communication and sharing, to name a few.

If you’re deciding on a childcare facility, consider the price and how far away the facility is from your house, as well as the facility’s licensure, the staff-to-children ratio, and how the facility itself looks.

Option 3: Family daycare

Family daycare is kind of like a mix between a nanny and a child care facility. Family daycares are run by those who have children of their own, usually out of their own house. Normally the person in charge will serve snacks and meals and provide toys and games for the children to use. Family daycare often costs less than a childcare center, which makes it a good option for many parents.

If you’re considering bringing the multiples to a family daycare, make sure that the potential provider has experience with multiples, is fully licensed, and meets any other personal requirements that you have.

Should you keep the kids together?

As the children get older, you might start thinking about separating them in class or other activities, to help them develop a sense of independence, but you don’t have to worry about that right now, or even for a couple of years. What’s most important is that you find something that’s a good fit for you and your family, in terms of convenience, affordability, and comfort.

If you’re still undecided on the best option, consider reaching out to other parents of multiples to find out how they tackle the childcare subject. In time you’ll find the solution that works best for you and your family.

The relationships your children will have with one another is one of the most awesome things about having multiples. But it’s also important that each baby is aware of his or her own identity, and that they each have a strong sense of self-reliance.

What are some common misconceptions about multiples’ dynamics?

People are fascinated by twins and multiples. And you can expect yours to get a lot of attention through childhood – and beyond! But this can also be problematic because lots of people have assumptions about multiples that aren’t always correct. Here are some examples of the things that people might think.

• False: Multiples develop at the same rate, and it’s bad if one is ahead of the other(s). The reality is that all children develop at their own rate, and multiples can develop at different rates from each other, just like any other set of siblings.
• False: Multiples hate being apart, and are only ‘whole’ when they’re together. Whether they are separate or together, all multiples are unique individuals who need time apart to explore their own interests and grow.
• False: Multiples are each other’s best friends and it’s essential that they get along at all times. Many siblings might be each other’s best friends but this isn’t guaranteed, and they’re allowed to argue or compete as much as any other siblings. Why should multiples be expected to work out their problems better than other kids their age? Relationships also change and develop as children get older, so the way they act with each other today could have nothing to do with how they relate to each other as adults.

What’s the caregiver’s role?

Multiples can have very close bonds. This can make it easy to assume that some of the common myths about multiples are true. But it’s really important for parents to encourage their children to develop separate interests and friends, instead of reinforcing the beliefs above.

Here are some things to take into consideration when you decide how to interact with your multiples, and how to guide them in interacting with each other.

• Respect and encourage their individual interests: One of your multiples might want to play basketball, while another might prefer to play an instrument. You want to make sure that you’re letting them do separate things with their free time, if they want to, and even encouraging their separate interests. This way they can figure out what they like, and spend more time doing it!
• Have consistent periods of one-on-one time with each child: Just like siblings who are five years apart, your multiples want attention and validation from you and their other caregivers. Establishing alone time with each one reinforces that you see them as separate individuals.
• Don’t compare them to one another: In the future, it will be easy to wonder if one child has more friends, or to worry when one does worse in a class. But it’s unfair to hold them to the same standards as each other, and this could actually end up making them competitive with each other. As they continue to develop and mature, take the time to appreciate their differences, not to worry about them for not meeting the same milestones at the same time.
• Don’t assume they are two halves of a whole: This applies more to twins than to multiples, but some parents find it all-too-easy to assume that twins complete each other – for example, if one is quiet, one is loud; if one is mischievous, the other behaves. Try your best to understand that dynamics like these aren’t fixed, and that treating them as if they are can leave young multiples feeling boxed-in by these kinds of characterizations.
• Be careful about how you refer to them: Right now, they love having each other close. But in the upcoming years, some multiples start to resent being referred to as a single unit – ‘the twins,’ or ‘the triplets,’ so try to be sensitive to how they might perceive these kinds of group identifications.
• Try to be diplomatic and understanding during fights: Constant fighting among siblings will test any parent’s patience, but there’s a lot of pressure on multiples to be close, best friends, ‘partners in crime,’ or just generally alike. Sometimes disputes are necessary and actually helpful. So whether it’s one against one, two against one, or even two against two, try not to get frustrated and just offer them all your support.

The best things about multiples’ dynamics

None of this information should scare you about parenting your multiples. Your babies will share a connection that is unrivaled in any other part of their lives. They will share countless moments of laughter, amusement, and understanding, as well as incredible fun with and enjoyment of each other. They will be important parts of each other’s lives, and their relationship with each other will help define the rest of the relationships they form over the course of their lives. So really, it’s impossible to list all the good things about your multiples’ future dynamics.

There are many widespread beliefs about multiples that actually aren’t true. And it turns out many people don’t quite have an accurate picture of what their dynamics are really like. But don’t worry – regardless of all the confusion out there, if there’s one thing you can be sure of, it’s that you’ll do an amazing job raising them.  

Postpartum depression and bonding

Before we get into bonding with multiples, it’s important to mention the relationship between postpartum depression and bonding problems between a mother and baby. Nearly 1 in 7 mothers in the US develop postpartum depression. And having multiples actually increases a woman’s risk for the condition, as mothers expecting more than one baby are actually more likely to experience postpartum depression. The condition can affect attachment between mothers and babies. It’s best for new mothers to remain aware of the risk factors and symptoms of this condition, so that they can start treating the condition right away if it starts to develop.

Many new mothers feel anxiety, loneliness, or sadness after they’ve given birth, and it’s not uncommon to need time to develop a bond with your babies. Most women who experience these things don’t have postpartum depression. But if you think that postpartum depression could be a factor, make sure to talk to your healthcare provider about this so that you can start treating the condition and forming healthy attachments with your multiples.

What is bonding, and why does it matter?

A strong bond between you and your multiples helps them learn to trust you, and helps them feel secure. Attachments happen differently for each baby and for many people, they don’t happen right away.

Forming a strong bond with the babies doesn’t mean that you are always with them, or that you drop whatever you are doing and respond to them immediately. It means that you learn how each one communicates, that you let them know you heard their cries even if you can’t help right away, and that both you and your partner spend some time alone with each baby nearly every day.

Is bonding with multiples different?

Bonding with your multiples isn’t that different from bonding with a single baby, but parents of multiples might have a slightly different experience with bonding since there are more children to divide their attention between, ans starting at the same time! Fully forming your attachments with your multiples might take you and your partner a little extra time and effort.

How can two parents bond with their multiples simultaneously?

The answer to this depends on the family in question – some methods might not work best for some families, and vice versa. But in general, there are some things that you and your partner can do to split bonding time with each baby.

• Split up tasks: If you’re usually the one who changes diapers, burps, and feeds the babies, start delegating some of those jobs to your partner. It’s hard not to feel close to a baby who’s gazing deep into your eyes during a bottle feeding!
• Schedule one-on-one time: It’s all too easy to get caught up in the daily routine of multiples, without remembering that they need alone time with you and your partner. So make it a habit to really find time to be alone with each baby.
• Stagger bedtimes: Some parents choose to stagger their babies’ bedtimes for this very reason, sending one baby to sleep a half hour after the first (and so on), so that one or both parents get some time alone with each multiple before it’s time for them to sleep.

What if one parent feels less close than the other does to the babies?

Many parents report that one partner has more success bonding right away than another, or that they’re worried about whether or not they’ll bond “right.” But the good news is that people bond with their children at different speeds and in different ways. And in time things do fall into place.

The solution to this problem is time. More time with the babies, that is. Maybe try letting the more involved-feeling partner take a ‘break,’ so they can relax while the other partner gets some time alone with the babies.

What if a parent feels more connected to one child and not the others?

It’s impossible to make things perfectly equal, so don’t hold yourselves to any unrealistic standards. Things are bound to be a little imbalanced. Just make sure that each parent has regular one-on-one time with the each of the babies. Soon you’ll get to know the babies and their needs as individuals.

Forming a healthy attachment with your multiples can take more time and energy than forming an attachment with a single baby. It can be stressful in the beginning, too. But what’s most important is that you set realistic expectations of how much you can do, while acknowledging that at this young age, your babies are relying on you to be heard and understood.

Sources

• “What is postpartum depression & anxiety?” American Psychological Association. American Psychological Association. 2017. Web.
• “Bonding With Your Baby.” KidsHealth. The Nemours Foundation. June 2015. Web. 

Now you know that your heart has more than enough room to fit all your babies. But while you get more comfortable letting them share the space in your heart, you might find yourself starting to wonder about how much else they can share. What’s better to get one of, and what should you buy in bulk?

Cribs

Many parents put their multiples in the same crib during their early months, when they’re too small to move around. However, the official recommendation from the American Academy of Pediatrics advises against crib-sharing. The AAP recommends that parents buy one crib per baby to keep them as safe as can be.

A room

For the most part, parents of multiples report that twins, triplets, and even quadruplets quickly learn to sleep through a sibling’s cries. One baby’s crying might wake the others up, but your multiples are also likely soothed by each other’s presence, so separating them might actually stress them out more. For the time being, don’t worry about keeping them in the same room.

Clothes

You’re going to need a lot of clothes for your babies. While it’s fine to mix and match between them, make sure that you have an adequate number of outfits so that you’re never empty-handed. And once they start developing a sense of ownership with their things, you will probably want to let each child have a couple of articles of clothing that are just their own to help reinforce their individualism.

Toys & gifts

Like with their clothing, it’s fine for your multiples to share their toys (especially the fun ones!). This being said, it’s not as fun if three different babies keep getting one toy to share between them. Try to alternate between group and individual toys and gifts so that the multiples aren’t consistently expected to share everything they receive.

Photographs

It’s easy to get pictures of all your children together – they’re just sooooo cute next to each other! But make sure to take pictures of them on their own too so that they can look back and see their own adventures as babies or toddlers.

Your attention

A beautiful thing about multiples is that they can rely on each other for distraction and comfort. But that doesn’t mean they don’t want your attention – quite the opposite! Your babies will love being around you and will need consistent one-on-one time with you, so make sure to find ways to fit in some time alone with each of them.

As time goes on you’ll figure out how to split things between your kids. And as they get older, they’ll be able to give you more elaborate feedback on what they’re willing to share and what they prefer to keep to themselves. A rule of thumb: when considering ways to best accommodate the multiples, keep your mind as open as your heart is!

Sources

• “SIDS and Other Sleep-Related Infant Deaths: Expansion of Recommendations for a Safe Infant Sleeping Environment.” AAP News & Journals. The American Academy of Pediatrics. October 2011. Web.
  

With great cuteness comes great responsibility. Along with more chubby cheeks and more tiny baby feet to hold, you now have more mouths to feed and more stomachs to fill. Whether you’re committed to exclusively breastfeeding or plan to combination feed, there are some things it can be helpful to know about breastfeeding multiples.

Health benefits

Breastfeeding has positive health benefits for babies. Because more than 60% of multiples are born pre-term, it’s helpful to know that breastmilk has additional benefits for preterm babies. It is easier to digest than formula, and reduces the risk of GI complications and diarrhea. Early exposure to formula may also increase the risk of dairy allergy later in life. The antibodies in breastmilk also reduce the risk of ear infections, urinary tract infections and respiratory illnesses. For more on general breastfeeding benefits, click here!

Multi-tasking

While it might seem like a given as a parent of multiples, learning to multi-task by feeding both babies at the same time can have some advantages. This is called tandem feeding, and it may help to keep them on the same schedule and save you time. Although many moms find this easier once they get the hang of latching, it’s totally okay to work on this from birth. 

 If you’re expecting more than 2 babies, alternate which babies get fed first from feed to feed, and experiment with what keeps your other babies cozy while they wait.

Positions

Okay, so let’s say your little ones have the hang of things, and are fine feeding at the same time. How exactly are you supposed to position both babies to make this possible? You have a couple of options.

• You can position the babies head to head, with their bodies  turned towards you. This is often called the “football” position.
• You can mix things up and cradle one in your arm in front of you, and position one on your side with their legs facing the back of your chair in football.
• You can also cradle both babies at the same time, and overlap them so that their legs form an ‘X’ in your lap.
• An advanced move is feeding them both while lying down on your side. It requires pillow support and may not be feasible depending on your breast shape/size.

Some of these positions can feel awkward and strange early on. If you don’t like them, you can keep experimenting until you find a position that feels right to you, but these are definitely time-tested methods for feeding two babies at the same time.

Breast pumps

When you’re feeding more than one baby very frequently, it can feel tough to find a time to pump.  But, investing in a pump can give you additional feeding options. Pumping helps stimulate milk production if you need to increase supply, and allows you to let other people help you out at feeding time. If you want to learn more about how to find a pump, take a look here.

“Help! Breastfeeding multiples is driving me up a wall!”

Eventually, this thought might start running through your mind as you’re trying to get breastfeeding multiples down. If it does, don’t panic! There are so many different options that can help you meet your feeding goals. Meeting with a lactation professional, or even getting support for a group designed for parents of multiples can be such a win to help you navigate and feel more secure.You earn gold star for even considering breastfeeding your multiples – it isn’t an easy task. But remember that many other women are in the same boat, and eventually, you’ll figure out what works best for you and your family. There is no one right way to feed your babies, and you deserve support.

Read more

• 5 breastfeeding positions you should try
• Surprise! It’s multiples

Sources

• Flidel-Rimon O, Shinwell ES. Breast feeding twins and high multiples. Arch Dis Child Fetal Neonatal Ed. 2006 Sep;91(5):F377-80. doi: 10.1136/adc.2005.082305. PMID: 16923939; PMCID: PMC2672857.
• Your High Risk Baby and Expressing Milk, Stanford Medicine. Web https://www.stanfordchildrens.org/en/topic/default?id=your-high-risk-baby-and-expressing-milk-90-P02360
• Prematurity Profile, March of Dimes, 2022. Web https://www.marchofdimes.org/peristats/assets/s3/reports/prematurity/PrematurityProfile-UnitedStates.pdf

There are pluses and minuses to each side, and the right decision is the one that works best for your family.

Matching clothes: the pros

There are a couple of solid reasons to match your multiples in solids. Or stripes. Or blue. Or anything else really.

• It will likely save you money: If you see an outfit for your babies that you like or that’s on sale, it might make sense to buy a couple pairs.
• It will definitely save you time: Putting them in the same outfit saves you precious, precious time.
• It might make it easier to recognize the babies: This applies more to the future when your multiples can run around on their own, but even with all their cuteness, babies can be a little nondescript. At the very least, this could help other caregivers recognize them better, even if you need no additional help.

Matching clothes: the cons

A common concern that people have about dressing their multiples alike is that doing so will somehow compromise their children’s unique identities. Another concern is that the children hate it (and some do!). But at this age, should you decide to dress them the same, your little ones are so young that they won’t even notice. By around 3 years of age, they’ll start to enjoy picking out clothes, and then you’ll have to reassess.

The main con to dressing your multiples in matching clothes right now is much simpler: it will be harder to tell them apart! Unless you have a foolproof way of determining who’s who, proceed with caution when dressing your multiples alike, because any parent can be fooled by identical onesies!

While the babies are so young, matching their clothes might save you a lot of time and effort that could otherwise be put towards diaper changing, feeding, or quality ‘you-time’. Then again, you might dread the day that you forget who’s who for a second. In a couple years your multiples might protest, but for now, what works for you is definitely the best choice.

Sources

• “Gender Identity Development in Children.” HealthyChildren. American Academy of Pediatrics, Nov 21 2015. Web.

It takes a lot of multitasking and divided attention to raise multiples. You might be concerned about whether or not you’ll be able to nurture each baby’s individual personality. If so, you’re not alone – this is a common worry among parents of multiples.

When is enough (attention) enough?

It’s almost impossible to achieve a completely equal balance of attention between your children. But that doesn’t say anything about whether or not you’re a “good” parent. Plus, an equal balance of attention probably isn’t necessary.

To use yet another gardening metaphor, identical plants don’t need the exact same amount of supplies and attention, do they? A good gardener just gives each one what it needs. So don’t worry about splitting your time with each baby into perfectly even amounts. Try to spend your energy learning what each one wants, and then doing your best to meet their preferences and needs. It won’t be simple at first, but over time you’ll get the hang of it and start to understand each baby’s needs.

Despite the fact that they most likely will not want equal amounts of attention at all the same times, you’ll still want to nurture a bond with each baby. To do this, you’ll need to spend some time with each of them, one at a time, and away from the others. Dividing them up with your partner, or enlisting the babysitting help of a friend or family member will give you the chance to get some quality alone time with each baby. This will be a great way of encouraging each child’s unique personality to show.

How much should parents interfere?

Ah, the age-old question: should parents get in-between siblings during a conflict? Should they defend the less defensive, or talk for the less talkative? There’s no universal answer to this question. But a good rule of thumb is that when it comes to sibling conflict or strife, intervene later, as opposed to sooner, because the children should have a fair chance to resolve things on their own – they’re going to be doing it for the rest of their lives after all, and could use the practice.

Will personality differences affect the babies’ relationships with each other?

This is pretty much guaranteed, but it’s not a bad thing! They’ll bounce off each other and learn, grow, and share together due to varying degrees of difference in their personalities.

Parents and personality

You probably don’t need us to tell you that your children already have their own personalities! They probably started distinguishing themselves from one another back when they were in the womb, often in the form of one kicking more often than the other(s). And they’ll continue to do so regardless of your encouragement.

Why is this important to remember? Because it’s easy to forget that a big portion of personality is ingrained, and isn’t something you can change or have to worry about affecting. This isn’t to say you won’t have a lot of influence on them in a host of ways. But everybody is born with certain traits, your little ones included.

Look at the long-term

You might still find yourself worried about helping your little ones blossom. It’s easier said than done, right? If this is the case, try taking a step back and looking at how much attention you’ve given them over the course of a month, and not just a day. Most days, things will be uneven. But you’ll find that over a month’s time, things tend to balance themselves out.

Unlike many new parents, you have the special privilege of getting to know more than one baby at a time. And your children are going to have their own distinct personalities, regardless of your influence. Let them do the sprouting while you develop your green thumb.

As the parent, you’ve got your own ways of distinguishing them from one another. But these might not be so easily explained to people who don’t know them as well as you do – which is everyone else, basically. Here are some things you can do to make it easier for people to tell your multiples apart.

Dress them differently

For every cute ‘peas in a pod’ matching multiples set you buy, there will be a confused grandparent who just can’t seem to remember which baby is which. These matching outfits are no doubt adorable on your babies, but whenever possible, it will probably be easier for people to quickly tell the multiples apart by matching a name to a color or pattern.

Use rhyme or alliteration

Here’s a chance to flex your creative muscles. Try to think of a quick and simple phrase or rhyme that people can recite to themselves to remember who’s who. The trick is to make it accurate and catchy, or at least easy to remember! Here are some examples that parents say works for them:

• “Grace is in green, Drew is in blue”
• “Rebecca has a freckle”
• “Annie’s wearing an anklet”

As multiples get older, they can grow to resent being identified by physical or other visual clues. You can probably imagine that a 16-year-old twin named Molly might resent being identified by her mole, for example. So you’ll want to be sensitive to that. But for now, they’re young enough for it to be okay.

At daycare or in school

As your multiples make their way through the daycare and school system, they’re going to encounter a lot of teachers who have a hard time telling them apart. It’s inevitable that teachers are going to struggle a little bit, but there are some things you can do to at least make things go a little more smoothly in a day care/school setting.

Making sure teachers or daycare providers know which of your multiples is which is, of course, especially important if one of them has an allergy, or needs to take a medication, especially when they’re still too young to advocate for themselves. In these cases, color coding and regular reminders become even more important.

• Daily introductions: When you drop them off each morning, bring your multiples up to the teacher or supervisor and point out who’s who.
• Encourage questions: Sometimes people feel rude asking for names, so remind adults and kids that it’s totally appropriate for them to ask the multiples their name.

It can be hard for people to tell young siblings apart. And it’s only natural for others to mix up your multiples when they’re this age. Try not to get too frustrated when you explain for the hundredth time who’s who – not everyone knows them like you do!

Fears about being a good parent

Will you show each of them that you love them enough? How will you divide your attention between them? Are you even ready to handle all of this? These kinds of concerns are all too real, and all too common. We’d love to tell you that one day you stop wondering any of this, but most parents of multiples agree that the fears don’t necessarily go away; they just fade over time, as you realize that no parent is perfect.

Solution: Acknowledge these fears, but don’t allow them to overwhelm you. And remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes. A lot of mistakes.

Difficulty enforcing sleep patterns

Regardless of whether or not they decide to sleep train, experts advise parents of multiples to keep their children together at night, rather than apart, and to change their night feedings so that they’re feeding less often at night (more on this below). Make sure that you have a fixed nighttime routine for the babies so that they know when bedtime is on its way, and try to put the babies to bed when they’re drowsy but not too close to sleep – this can help them learn to fall asleep on their own.

Solution: There are a lot of factors that decide if or when parents eventually sleep train their babies. With multiples, sleep training can save you hours of sleep, and it might be worth sticking with it even if things seem impossible at first. So the solution really varies from family to family, but overall if you decide to sleep train there are lots of helpful tips out there to do it successfully.

Feeling overwhelmed with it all

There will be (many) times when you just want throw in the bib. But instead of blaming yourself or calling yourself a bad parent, take a second to think about the reality of the situation: you’re running on little sleep, transitioning through a major life overhaul, exposed to constant stimulation and have much more responsibility. Anyone would be overwhelmed, and you know what? Everyone is! It’s okay, and more importantly, things will get easier.

Solution: Don’t attribute this feeling to your sense of self-worth as a parent. All parents feel overwhelmed at times. Use this as a way to see how you could make things a little easier for yourself, or at least spend a little more time relaxing.

Finding the right gear

With all the information out there about the best strollers, toys, high chairs, and baby bottles (to name a few) to buy, it’s no wonder that parents of multiples often feel confused about what items are the best to purchase for their babies. And always buying new items can really rack up a bill.

Solution: Do your research, ask around, and check online forums for real reviews of products. In general, you’ll save a ton of money borrowing items or buying discounted stuff. And then there’s the multiples discount that many stores offer, so see if your store has one!

Dividing responsibilities between partners

If you’re parenting with a partner, the two of you might have settled into a groove right now in terms of who handles what chores or responsibilities. Or maybe one of you carries a slightly heavier burden of parenting duties. If this works for both of you, then that’s great! But it’s likely that the scales could eventually tip, leaving one parent to feel overburdened. In fact, many parents of multiples report struggling to figure out how they can split their tasks without overloading the other.

Solution: This depends on the dynamic you might have with a partner, but ultimately many parents decide to split night feedings and also to trade off daytime chores so that each parent has time to be by themselves. At the end of the day, how or whether you and your partner divide any work between you is a totally personal decision and depends mainly on the kind of people you are. But if you do find yourself feeling overburdened, this might really help.

The biggest thing to remember is that you’re not alone in any of your struggles! Parents have tackled these problems before, and they’ll tackle them again. Stroller-shopping, rotating night feeding shifts, wondering if you’re giving them enough attention – it’s all a normal part of raising a child. Or two. Or three.