Crying: What you need to know

Ways to stay sane with a colicky newborn

CMS Development — Wed, 17 Feb 2021 16:53:49 +0000

You’ve read about colic symptoms and treatments. You’ve talked with the doctor. It’s official: that crying isn’t going anywhere. Here are some tips for dealing with it.

Planning for a baby with colic

Dealing with colic in a baby can be a major trial for parents. It’s easy to feel powerless and stressed when your newborn won’t stop crying, no matter what.

Are you a bad parent? No. Does your newborn hate you? No. Are you not trying hard enough? Come on, stop it.

Baby isn’t mad at you. In fact, they don‘t know what blame, anger, or annoyance are yet. Sometimes, they just need to cry. So, what can you do for yourself during this trying time?

Plan ahead

Most colicky babies operate on their own schedule: they’ve got good and bad times of the day. If Baby is quiet in the morning, then plan to handle your out-of-the-house errands then. Also, try to have some fun with Baby in those quiet hours. You don’t want your whole day to be filled with just chores and crying.

Try everything

There are as many tips for treating colic as there are babies with colic. Nothing is a miracle cure, but that’s not a bad thing. This is a great opportunity to learn about Baby. What do they like? What makes the crying worse? Even when you find something that works, keep trying new things. Your newborn isn’t a puzzle that you need to find the answer to – they are a person, and this is a great chance to get to know them. Since every newborn seems to respond to colic differently, it can be hard to predict what will help, but here are a few ideas to get you started:

Motion: Whether the way Baby really wants to move involves long car rides or just the motion of a rocking chair, sometimes just keeping Baby in a state of constant motion for long enough can help them reach a state of calm. Baby swings can be good for this, but so can bouncing on yoga balls, pushing a stroller, or competitive downhill skiing – the last one might be a bit ambitious, but then, maybe Baby‘s a daredevil.
Closeness: Sometimes, what Baby needs is just to be closer to you, and while strapping this tiny, screaming person to your chest with a sling so they is pressed up against you wherever you go might not sound like the most appealing option, there’s a chance it could actually be a way to make the screaming stop. On the other hand, if Baby is missing the closeness of the womb, they might be happy just to be tightly, but properly, swaddled, until they feels secure.
Sound: One theory about babies with colic is that they could just be more sensitive to the world around them than other babies, which gives them more violent reactions to it. One of the parts of the world that could be disturbing Baby could be sound, but unfortunately, even if that’s it, it doesn’t narrow down what the problem could be. Baby could be craving quiet, but then, they could also be seeking sound, either the soothing sound of shushing or white noise, which can come from anything from an actual white noise machine to an improvised one like a vacuum or hairdryer.
Temperature: If Baby is a little more sensitive right now, they could easily be feeling a little hotter or cooler than you realize. Experimenting with a bit of layering could lead to an unexpected solution.
Food: Whether Baby is breastfed or formula-fed, there’s a chance that they could be responding to a food sensitivity: most commonly, milk protein or some kind of medication through breast milk. If Baby‘s flare-ups of colic seem like they might correspond with eating, it could be worth looking into switching them onto another type of formula or altering your diet to see if it helps. Some substances, especially, dairy products, can take a while to leave your breast milk, so if you try changing your diet to try to help with Baby‘s colic, give it a week before you decide whether or not it worked.
Reflux: Another underlying issue that could be adding to Baby‘s colic is reflux, which can cause pain for Baby while feeding, and can cause gas or heartburn. If reflux is part of the problem, the doctor may be able to prescribe medication, recommend gripe water as an herbal supplement, or recommend a different position for Baby to sleep in.

Get out

Having a crying newborn can make your house feel like a prison. If Baby is comfortable in their car seat, try taking a drive. The motion and sound of the car can sometimes soothe a child. Plus, you can roll down the windows and crank some tunes. Sing along! Feel the sun! Share those cries with the whole neighborhood! The point is, your crying newborn isn’t an anchor holding you down in one place – all babies cry, and sometimes they cry a lot.

Take a break

Hand Baby to someone else. Seriously. Take a bath, read a book, do whatever you need to unwind for a little while. If you can, find a relative, your partner, a friend, a babysitter or nanny, or whomever else you trust with your little one while you regain your sanity. Colic can bring out the worst in both babies and parents, and between you and Baby, you’re the one who’s able to walk away– it’s up to you to know when you need to take a step back, for your good and for Baby‘s.

Persevere

By 4 months, 80 to 90% of infants lose their colic symptoms. You can make it – remember, this stage of Baby’s life is temporary. Don’t miss out on those tender moments holding your young one because they were fussing. Grab some earplugs, cuddle that cutie, and remember that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.

Sources

Mayo Clinic Staff. “Colic Symptoms.” Mayo Clinic. Mayo Clinic, May 14 2014. Web.
“Colic Relief Tips for Parents.” Healthy Children. American Academy of Pediatrics, November 21 2015. Web.

Spoiling your newborn

CMS Development — Mon, 08 Feb 2021 14:22:25 +0000

Despite the advice you may have heard from grandmothers, friends, family, and other random people you meet on the street, recent studies have shown that it is impossible to spoil a newborn.

Can you spoil a baby?

Go ahead, give Baby all the love and care they wants and needs. Keeping Baby close to you actually aids their brain development and teaches them that you will be there when they needs you, solidifying the bond between parent and child.

A newborn’s brain is not developed enough to understand manipulation, so when Baby cries, it is not to try to control you. Rather, they cries to communicate the basic needs to be held and fed, and your response to these needs is an important part of Baby’s development. In fact, babies that are secure in infancy develop a strong sense of self that helps them self-soothe later in life.

After 6 months, however, babies start to learn enough about cause and effect that some of their cries are about getting what they want, instead of a physical reaction to a need, and they start to anticipate your response to certain actions. At this age, or after, some parents start to differentiate between their babies’ wants and needs, and to respond to needs, but not all wants, as a way to discourage some behaviors. Holding Baby as they falls asleep is a common example of this – your baby doesn’t need to only fall asleep in your arms, but if that’s how they feels most comfortable, and they knows that fussing will get them their way, it can be problematic.

Sources

Kyla Boyse. “Child Development News.” Michigan Medicine, University of Michigan. University of Michigan. June 2007. Web.
Melodi Faris, Elizabeth McCarroll. “Crying Babies.” Texas Child Care. Fall 2010. Web.
Kate Garry. “Psychologist Darcia Narvaez Studies Parenting Practices.” University of Notre Dame College of Arts and Letters. University of Notre Dame, September 17 2010. Web.
Michael Price. “DNA isn’t the whole story.” American Psychological Association. American Psychological Association, October 2009. Web.
“Am I spoiling my baby?” Center for Early Education and Development. University of Minnesota, 2009. Web.

Helping your child learn about object permanence

CMS Development — Mon, 30 Jul 2018 11:54:21 +0000

Understanding that a physical object still exists even when it’s no longer visible might seem obvious to us, but when it comes to babies, object permanence doesn’t usually sink in until 4 to 7 months after birth.

How to answer: ‘What is object permanence?’

When Baby sees you take a toy away, they probably doesn’t realize that you’ll eventually bring the toy back: to Baby, that toy is gone. This can lead to confusion and crying spells. And that’s why many parents choose actively teach their babies about object permanence, instead of just waiting for them to figure it out on their own (though they eventually will) with these engaging activities.

Peek-a-boo!

An early childhood classic, peek-a-boo involves little more than Baby and your familiar face. Once you’ve got their attention, make your face disappear by covering up with both hands and then, voila! Bring it back with a big smile. Many babies and parents love this game for it is whimsy, but it also serves as a beginner’s lesson in object permanence.

Where’d it go?

Try sitting Baby right in front of their favorite toy or household object. Then, cover this object with a light cloth, but leave a small piece of the object sticking out. This will give Baby some assurance that their favorite object is still partially there. Give them a few minutes to try pulling the cloth off the hidden object without assistance. If they has trouble working out how to free their favorite object, though, you can offer a helping hand – Baby will still learn a lot.

Now you see me, now you hear me:

Once Baby seems comfortable with disappearing objects and faces, it’s time to take your object permanence demonstrations to the next level. Start talking to Baby while they is safe in their crib, and then slowly step out of the room. Remove yourself from Baby’s line of sight, and keep talking. They may become fussy at first, but the comforting sound of your voice will help them grasp that even if you’re not right there, you’re still close enough to come back in and scoop them up in both arms.

What is separation anxiety?

CMS Development — Mon, 30 Jul 2018 11:45:46 +0000

Let’s pretend Baby’s 9-month birthday is coming up, and you want to throw a par-TAY. You’ve hired a sitter for a few hours so that you can hit the stores and take care of some important birthday-Baby business before it’s time for cake and the Stage 3 baby food equivalent. But just as you’re preparing to head out the door, Baby begins to bawl. “That’s weird,” you think. “I’ve gone to the store before. Why the sudden tears?” Last minute meltdowns like these are quite common, and they tend to happen during an upsetting but often-inevitable stage of early childhood: separation anxiety.

Separation anxiety and your baby

Here’s the answer to common questions parents have when it seems like their baby has separation anxiety.

When does it happen? And why?

Many babies start to exhibit signs of separation anxiety around the time between 10 and 18 months. By this point, Baby will have begun to grasp the concept of object permanence – that is, the idea that something can still exist when it’s not present. So when you, their number one nurturer, are about to leave for work or some errands, the implication for Baby is clear: my protector is going away, and there’s no telling when they’ll be back. This realization can turn on the waterworks faster than cutting a raw onion.

How can I make separations easier for Baby?

Babies eventually grow out of separation anxiety, but in the meantime, the most effective and obvious step you can take is to minimizing the time when you’re apart as much as possible – for example, by taking Baby with you on errands when you can. If this isn’t an option, leaving them with a sitter Baby already knows and enjoys, like a friend or a family member, can put them in a calmer state of mind.

What if Baby’s anxiety gets worse?

Remember, Baby is developing at their own speed. It might take as little as a few weeks for them to kick separation anxiety, but it could take longer. If Baby seems to be growing more anxious about your leaving, consider how you leave. Drawing out each goodbye with a lingering bear hug and a slow Hollywood walk out the door will only emphasize your impending absence. Instead, try going with a quick kiss and a casual “Catch you later, snuggle bug.” Another way to soothe Baby’s nerves is to apply an interval training approach to separations. Start by leaving Baby with someone familiar for brief periods of time – say, 30 minutes – and then gradually work your way up to leaving them with a sitter for upwards of an hour.

The bottom line

Sooner or later, Baby will start to understand that you are, in fact, coming back and there is nothing to worry about. However, those first few weeks or months of separation anxiety can be tough for both parents and babies, so it’s important to stay strong.

How much should I let my baby cry?

CMS Development — Mon, 23 Oct 2017 16:19:44 +0000

Some schools of thought, including those of many parents, assert that letting a child cry is an important part of their learning and development.

Letting your baby cry it out

However, it’s an issue with many different degrees of point of view, and the answer to how long to let a baby cry can vary based both on the age of the baby, their individual personality, and the needs of your family as a whole. It’s true that crying is normal and will not hurt Baby, but babies generally cry to communicate needs, so ignoring a cry can mean ignoring a need for food, a diaper change, burping, or just comfort, and in extreme cases, babies left crying for long periods of time can suffer from issues with insecurity and neglect. Newborns do not cry to get attention, and paying attention to Baby‘s cries is an important step towards learning their needs and desires so you can avoid reaching the point where they are crying, to begin with.

Why is Baby crying?

When Baby starts to cry, the first thing to do to try to comfort them is to address their obvious physical needs. Make sure their diaper is clean and they are properly fed and burped, and then, if that doesn’t help, consider whether they might be too hot or too cold, tired and ready to be soothed into a nap, bored and ready to play, or overstimulated and ready to go somewhere less interesting so they don’t feel so overwhelmed. If you still have trouble figuring out why Baby is crying, or how to help, it could be that you and Baby just don’t have the language to communicate what the problem is yet, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t a few other things you can try to soothe or distract them into a hopefully quieter, happier state of mind. Potential solutions then include white noise or music, rocking or walking with them, skin to skin contact, swaddling, and even driving in a car. If Baby is crying constantly, check with the doctor to make sure nothing is physically wrong. Crying could also be a sign of an underlying health issue, like a milk allergy, formula intolerance, constipation, or acid reflux.

Self-soothing

Newborns need to have their cries answered right away, but by 5 or 6 months, as they’re starting to get more mobile, and to experiment with the beginnings of language and communication, many babies are ready to start learning self-soothe. Many parents begin to pause before responding, or allow children to cry during bedtime without running to their sides around this age to teach children to sleep on their own. Even using this method, many suggest that babies should not be allowed to cry for more than 10 minutes without your attention.

The bottom line

It’s your decision how to choose to handle Baby’s crying, but remember that they don’t cry for the sake of crying – they need your help!

Sources

Harriet Hiscock, et al. “Improving infant sleep and maternal mental health: a cluster randomised trial.” Archives of Diseases in Childhood. 92(11): 952-958. Web. November 2007.
Mayo Clinic Staff. “Crying baby: What to do when your newborn cries.” Mayo Clinic. Mayo Clinic, September 16 2015. Web.
W. Middlemiss, D.A. Granger, W.A. Goldberg, L. Nathans. “Asynchrony of mother-infant hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis activity following extinction of infant crying responses induced during the transition to sleep.” Early Human Development. 88(4): 227-32. Web. September 23 2011.
“Infant Sleep Training Is Effective and Safe, Study Finds.” American Academy of Pediatrics. American Academy of Pediatrics, September 10 2012. Web.
“Responding To Your Baby’s Cries.” Healthy Children. American Academy of Pediatrics, November 21 2015. Web.
“The Effects of Excessive Crying.” AskDrSears. AskDrSears.com, 2016. Web.