Infants

Certainly, we don’t have to tell you that very young babies need a lot from you — they eat often, require frequent diaper changes, and also love attention and being close to you. And they’ll certainly cry and let you know when they’re not feeling their happiest. But there’s a lot you can do to give your baby what they need, get in your daily quota of baby snuggles, and still get work done.

• Take advantage of nap time. When your little one is snoozing, thankfully, you’ll know that you can get in some uninterrupted work time. This is the time to check off those tasks that require deep focus or full attention. If you have a good sense of when your little one usually naps, you can plan ahead for these focused periods of work. 
• Keep your baby close. This might mean wearing your child in a carrier (which many babies love because they can be close to you, get in extra snuggle time, and even feel soothed by the motion of you moving around), which can give you some hands-free time to work. This might also mean working near your little one as they play on the floor near you or in a safe playpen. They’ll be happy to have you nearby, and you’ll know when they really need you. 
• Make focused time to connect. Your baby may be plenty happy just hanging out nearby, but they also really benefit from quality time when they have your full attention. So make sure to take a break here and there to fully focus on your little one. You might read them a book, play peek a boo, or cheer them on for tummy time — you’ll probably love the break from work as much as they will. 

Toddlers & preschool-aged kids

Slightly older kids need just as much from you, just in a different way. They might not technically need to eat as frequently or have diapers changed as often, but that third request for a string cheese or the potty accident you need to clean up might still make it feel like you can’t get a break from childcare long enough to get any work done. They also need just as much attention from you, and can let you know clearly how they feel about you splitting your focus. But hearing “Why do you have to work so much?” or “You never play with me!” may not be the cheerleading you need right now. Here’s what you can do to help keep them entertained, engaged, and feeling like they’re getting the attention they need from you — and so that you can feel confident finding balance. 

• Get on their level. You may not be able to do this all day, but if it’s possible for you to spend some time doing some work at your child’s level — maybe sitting on the floor with your laptop beside where they’re doing a puzzle, or alongside them at the table while they play with clay — they’ll feel happy and secure knowing that you’re so close. If you check in occasionally — to tell them how proud you are that they’re sticking with a challenging puzzle or to ask them if they’re making something new with their clay — they’ll also feel like you’re engaged in their play and they’re getting the attention they need. They may even be less likely to beg you to join them to play approximately one million times if you’re already right there.
• Help them find fun. Children at this age still don’t have the longest attention spans, and while they may, occasionally, stay really engaged in an activity that they’re excited about, it’s very common for them to want to bop from one set of toys to another. To help them embrace this curious energy, give them the freedom to choose what to explore (most little ones love choices!). This is not only exciting for them, but it also means you’re not constantly coming up with playtime activities. Try setting up little “stations” intended for different kinds of play that they can explore on their own while you work. Not that your living room suddenly needs to become a classroom, but if you think of a typical preschool space with an area for dolls, an area for art, an area for blocks, and so on, then you might get the idea. You can keep it simple by making a few different types of toys or play materials available to your little one — on a table, the floor, in small baskets, whatever is easy for you and accessible for them. Then your child can play a little with one, explore another, and, hopefully, let you get some work done. Over time, you may want to rotate out these toys on a regular basis so that your child feels like a toy is“new” even if they just haven’t played with it in a while.
• Focus on quality, not quantity. Kids at this age may be very vocal about wanting you to play with them and not work, which can be very tough to hear. Providing a little attention can help avoid “Why won’t you play with me?” questions. If possible, take a few moments throughout the day to step away from your work and really focus on engaging with them, free from other distractions. Worry less about how much time you can spend with your child and focus instead on really engaging with them when you do spend time together. Sit down where they’re playing and ask what they’re doing. Jump in and play along, but let them continue to take the lead. Find time every day to read a story together, and ask them questions about the characters, the plot, or the illustrations as you go. You could even cook a meal or take your dog for a walk together — those things you have to do anyway can be tons of fun for your child, and a special time you can both spend together consistently. 

Certainly, everyone’s job responsibilities are different, and everyone’s child has different ideas of what quality time looks like. No matter what, know that if you’re figuring out how to juggle your work and caregiving responsibilities, you’re not alone. You don’t have to aim for perfection, just whatever it takes to get through the day. You’re doing a great job.

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Care Team

Sources

• Corinn Cross. “Working and Learning from Home During the COVID-19 Outbreak.” American Academy of Pediatrics. American Academy of Pediatrics, June 16 2020. Retrieved Sept 30 2020. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/conditions/COVID-19/Pages/Working-and-Learning-from-Home-COVID-19.aspx.
• Damon Korb. “Age-Based Tips to Help Juggle Parenting & Working at Home During COVID-19.” American Academy of Pediatrics. American Academy of Pediatrics, June 16 2020. Retrieved Sept 30 2020. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/conditions/COVID-19/Pages/Tips-to-Juggle-Parenting-and-Working-at-Home-COVID-19.aspx.

Snacks should be “mini-meals” — nutritious and filling. Your little one should have either a meal or a snack every two to three hours, and not “graze” on foods throughout the day. This has the added benefit of encouraging a regular eating schedule, and helping your child identify when they’re hungry and when they’re full (so they can learn to regulate their eating).

It’s crucial for toddlers to eat a variety of nutritious foods (that don’t contain added salt or sugar) from all food groups, says the USDA, because eating patterns in the first 1,000 days shape lifelong eating habits. 

What foods should toddlers eat, according to the USDA guidelines?

• Fruits and vegetables in many colors and varieties (they should be a priority)
• Protein-rich foods like meat, fish, seafood, eggs, soy products, nut products, and seed products
• Whole grains 
• Dairy foods, like milk, yogurt and cheese

Opting for healthy homemade snacks that meet the USDA guidelines helps little ones choose and love healthy foods throughout the rest of their lives. Today, we’ll share 10 easy and healthy snacks that your little one will enjoy. 

1. Yogurt and fruit 

Ingredients

• Plain yogurt with no added sugar
• Chopped fruits such as peaches, raspberries, blueberries, strawberries kiwi, pears and mango. Be sure to bake, steam or otherwise soften harder fruits like apples 

Instructions

With fruit and plain yogurt, the possibilities are nearly endless! 

1. Keep it simple and add 1-2 fruits at a time to yogurt. 
2. Or, create a rainbow of fruits on top of baby’s yogurt with blueberries, strawberries, kiwi, and peaches (or any multicolored combination).
3. You could also place the fruit on the bottom of a container and then spoon in the yogurt for a homemade take on “fruit on the bottom” yogurt cups. 
4. Or, layer different colors of fruit and plain yogurt in a see-through cup for a colorful fruit and yogurt parfait! 
5. Try softening apples, peaches or pears in the microwave, sprinkling the fruit with cinnamon, and adding it to the yogurt.

2. Sugar-free banana, avocado, and apple muffins

Inspired by My Fussy Eater

Ingredients

• 1 cup whole wheat all-purpose flour
• 1 cup rolled oats
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 medium banana
• 1 medium avocado
• 1 cup applesauce
• 1/4 cup milk
• 1 egg

Instructions

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.
2. Combine the flour, oats, baking powder and baking soda in a large bowl.
3. Mash the banana and avocado in another bowl. Then, mix in the applesauce. Add the milk and egg, and mix well. 
4. Add the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients. Mix just enough to combine all the ingredients.  
5. Place cupcake/muffin tin liners into a muffin tin and pur the mixture into the liners.
6. Bake for 25 minutes. 
7. Let the muffins cool, remove the liners, and serve.
8. The muffins can be stored in the fridge for up to 5 days, or frozen and saved for later.

3. Butternut squash hummus with veggies 

Inspired by Yummy Toddler Food

Ingredients

• 2 cups chickpeas (or 2 cups white beans)
• 1 cup butternut squash, either pureed or roasted and cubed (or 1 cup pureed or roasted sweet potatoes)
• 3 tablespoons plain Greek yogurt with no added sugar (or 3 tablespoons tahini/sesame seed paste)
• Lemon juice from 1 lemon
• ½ – ¾ cup water

Instructions 

1. If the chickpeas are canned, drain and rinse them off to remove as much salt as you can. 
2. Combine all the ingredients together in a food processor. Add as much water as you need to make the hummus light and fluffy. 
3. Serve as a dip with cucumber slices or sticks, cooked bell pepper slices, thin raw bell pepper slices, cooked and sliced carrot sticks, chopped tomato pieces, green beans, or snap peas. 

*This hummus can be stored in the fridge for up to 5 days.

4. Roasted carrot “fries”

Inspired by Yummy Toddler Food

Ingredients

• 6-8 sliced medium carrots 
• Olive oil (approx. 1 tablespoon)

Instructions

1. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F.
2. Cut the ends off the carrots, peel them, and slice them into matchstick” shapes (about the width of a pencil)
3. Place the sliced carrots onto a large rimmed baking sheet. Toss the carrots in the olive oil. 
4. Spread out the carrots evenly on the baking sheet.
5. Bake for 20-24 minutes or until they’re soft and just starting to brown. 

*You can store the carrot fries in the fridge for 3-5 days, in an airtight container.

These carrot fries are great on their own, paired with the hummus above for dipping, or paired with sliced fruit. You can also serve them as a side dish during a meal.

5. Peach and zucchini smoothie bowl

Inspired by The Lean Green Bean

Ingredients

• 1 ½ cup frozen chopped zucchini
• 1 ½ cup sliced peaches (fresh or frozen)
• 1 cup plain yogurt with no sugar added
• 1/4 – 3/4 cup water 
• Sliced fruit for a topping (you could try strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, or mango)

Instructions

1. Combine all the ingredients except the topping fruit in a blender. Blend until smooth. (Add the water as needed, but keep a relatively thick texture.)
2. Pour into a small bowl. 
3. Top with the sliced fruit and serve right away. 

This recipe makes enough smoothie for you and your toddler to enjoy together. You can also freeze the leftover smoothie in popsicle molds for later. 

6. Cheesy spinach egg rolls

Inspired by Parents Magazine

Ingredients

• 3 eggs
• 2 tablespoons shredded baby spinach
• 4 teaspoons shredded cheddar
• 2 teaspoons butter

Instructions

1. Whisk together 3 eggs in a bowl.
2. Add in the spinach and cheese, and whisk together.
3. Melt the butter in a 12-inch nonstick skillet, over medium-high heat.
4. Add the egg mix into the skillet and swirl to cover the bottom of the skillet. 
5. Cook until the egg is set (about 2-3 minutes). Occasionally shake the pan to prevent burning.
6. Cover a cutting board with parchment. Slide the egg onto the cutting board with a spatula, and roll it up in the parchment.
7. Let the rolled up egg “log” cool for 5 minutes (seam side down). Then slice it into round rolled-up pieces and serve.

7. Veggie, egg, and cheese mini muffins

Inspired by Yummy Toddler Food

Ingredients

• 1 cup veggies (either shredded zucchini squeezed to dry, shredded yellow squash squeezed to dry, grated carrots, grated sweet potato or finely chopped broccoli)
• ½ cup shredded mozzarella 
• 1 tablespoon grated Parmesan
• ¼ cup whole wheat flour
• 2 lightly beaten eggs

Instructions

1. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F.
2. Grease a mini muffin tin with nonstick spray. 
3. Pour all the ingredients in a bowl and mix well until fully combined. 
4. Fill 12 cups of the mini muffin tin right to the brim.
5. Bake for 14-16 minutes or until the tops feel firm and the edges are just starting to brown.
6. Let cool, then serve.
7. Store in the fridge in an airtight container for up to 5 days, or freeze in a freezer bag (with as much air removed as possible) for up to 3 months.

8. Cucumber chicken salad bites

Ingredients

• 1 cup roasted shredded chicken
• ¾ cup plain yogurt with no sugar added
• A drop or two of lemon juice
• Finely chopped cucumber (approx. ¼ cup)
• Whole-wheat bread

Instructions

1. Combine the chicken and yogurt together to make chicken salad. Add a few drops of lemon juice.
2. Chop the cucumber into small pieces and combine with the chicken salad.
3. Spoon the cucumber chicken salad onto small rectangles of whole wheat bread and serve.

9. Berry smoothie bowl

Inspired by Yummy Toddler Food

Ingredients

• 1 cup cow’s milk or almond milk
• 1 cup frozen blueberries or mixed berries
• 1 sliced banana 
• ½ cup plain yogurt with no sugar added
• 1 tablespoon pre-soaked chia seeds
• Sliced banana for a topping 

Instructions

1. Blend half of the sliced banana, all the frozen berries, the milk, the yogurt, and the chia seeds together until very smooth.
2. Pour into bowls and top with the rest of the sliced banana. 

This recipe makes enough smoothie for you to enjoy with your little one. Freeze any leftovers in popsicle molds. 

10. Yummy fruit and veggie salsa

Inspired by Yummy Toddler Food

Ingredients 

• 1/2 medium mango 
• 1/2 small kiwi
• 2-3 medium strawberries 
• ½ of a small cucumber 
• 2-3 diced yellow tomatoes
• 1 1/2 teaspoon fresh lime juice

Instructions

1. Cut the fruits and vegetables into small pieces: Peel and dice the mango and kiwi, and dice the strawberries, cucumber, and tomatoes.
2. Combine all the fruits and veggies together in a bowl, then add the lime juice. 
3. Let the salsa sit for 5 minutes. 
4. Baby can eat the salsa with a spoon or with small slices of whole-wheat pitas/tortillas. (Make sure the pitas/tortillas don’t contain added sugar, and don’t contain too much added salt). 

This recipe makes enough salsa for you and your toddler to enjoy together. The original recipe is halved because this snack is best served fresh!

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team

Content provided by Ready, Set, Food!. Ready, Set, Food! is a complete guided system that gently introduces your baby to the top 9 most common childhood food allergens, including peanut, egg, and milk. 

Starting solids is an exciting milestone for you and your baby. They’re about to embark on discovering new tastes and textures. But how do you know when your baby is ready to start solids?

Although many babies are ready around 6 months of age, every baby is different. Not all babies are ready for solids at a certain age or weight. Instead, pay attention to your little one’s developmental signs to clue you in that they may be ready for solids.

Here are the top six telltale signs that your baby is ready to explore solid foods.

1. Baby can sit upright without your help.

This means that if you place Baby on the floor in a seated position, they can stay upright (with decent posture) for at least 10-15 seconds, ideally longer. This trunk and head strength is crucial for learning to eat solids safely. Imagine trying to eat while wiggling and wobbling everywhere. And if your head slumps forward, it’s tough to chew and swallow safely. For success and safety – this is #1.

2. Baby can grasp objects.

Whether they’re grasping a rattle, reaching for your glasses, or even grabbing your spoon, when baby’s able to grasp objects, that’s a sign that they’re developmentally ready for solids. They don’t need to have a certain type of grasp (like the pincer grasp) mastered. All that matters is that they’re using some type of grasp.

3. Baby opens their mouth wide.

We’ve mentioned grasping, but how about bringing that object to their own mouth? If Baby is lifting a toy, spoon or other object to their mouth, that’s a really helpful skill as they learn to feed themselves.

4. Baby has the needed hand-eye-mouth coordination. 

This involves several of the signs we’ve already listed above. Baby needs the coordination and skills to look at the food, grab the food or a spoon, pick up the food or spoon, open their mouth, place the food inside, clamp down on the food, and swallow. 

This is especially important if you want to start baby-led weaning, where Baby feeds themself.

5. Baby’s tongue reflex has changed.

Babies are born with a “tongue-thrusting” reflex that helps them push food out of their mouth. But once babies are ready for solids, they outgrow this “tongue-thrusting” reflex. At that point, instead of pushing food out of their mouth, their tongue learns to move food to the back of their mouth, and they are able to swallow. This coordination takes time, which is why the first month of solids often involves lots of trying and not a lot of eating.

6. Baby is interested in your family’s food.

Is your baby eyeing you closely as you munch on your dinner? Are they intently looking at solid foods? Then, they’re probably eager to try solid foods of their own. The same goes if they reach for and try to grasp at the food you’re holding — or try to swipe your fork or spoon. They might also imitate the chewing motions or lip-smacking that they see you make at the table. Keep in mind that this sign alone is not enough to start solids. Some babies may take an interest in your food from very early on, and some foods are not safe or appropriate to share!

When starting solid foods, you can typically use the family meal once a day. Breastmilk and/or formula is still Baby’s primary source of nutrition during the first year. Serving allergens early and often once you start solids may have a protective effect against later food allergies. If your baby or family has a history of food allergies, then talk to your pediatric provider about what steps to take.

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team

These recent guidelines offer recommendations that include 0 to 2 year olds for the first time ever, including a key recommendation that parents should “introduce infants to allergenic foods.” Let’s break down these important new food allergy guidelines.

USDA guidelines on early introduction: 5 key takeaways for parents

1. Introduce Infants to Potentially Allergenic Foods

The new Dietary Guidelines recommend that parents introduce infants to allergenic foods like peanuts, egg, cow milk products, tree nuts, wheat, crustacean shellfish, fish, and soy. They note that, for example, introducing peanuts “reduces the risk that an infant will develop a food allergy to peanuts.” Parents should introduce these allergenic foods in baby’s first year of life along with other complementary foods.

2. There is no evidence that suggests parents should delay peanut introduction

It is important to introduce these foods early, in your baby’s first year of life.

3. Parents should introduce peanut-containing foods at 4-6 months for high risk infants

Babies at high risk for food allergies are those with severe eczema and/or egg allergy. For these babies, introducing peanuts at 4-6 months can “reduce the risk of developing peanut allergy.” Parents should consult with their healthcare provider before introducing peanuts to determine the safest way to introduce them.

4. Nuts and chunks of peanut butter can pose a choking risk

Parents should find appropriate forms of allergenic foods to introduce to their baby as nuts and peanut butter can be a choking hazard. Learn more about how to safely introduce peanuts from the NIAID Guidelines here.

5. Diversify your baby’s meals after six months

In addition to allergenic foods, it is strongly recommended to introduce a variety of foods across all food groups to help with your baby’s growth and development.

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team

Content provided by Ready, Set, Food!. Ready, Set, Food! is a complete guided system that gently introduces your baby to the top 9 most common childhood food allergens, including peanut, egg, and milk. 

Understanding gender and orientation

The first step to being a good teacher to your child when it comes to explaining gender and orientation is making sure you are a star student. That means reading up on the latest terminology and trends, challenges and celebrations of people in the full range of diversity. Visiting LGBTQ+ organizations’ websites is a great way to start, as is joining some LGBTQ+ or ally parenting groups on social media and reading the conversation threads. Taking time to digest the relevant news and background is an important way to prepare to then impart that knowledge to your child.

Keep it casual

Conversations about gender or orientation with your child do not need to be serious or warrant standalone formal family meetings. Incorporate those learning moments into everyday life in real-time. This will both help contextualize the discussion and embed the topic into mundane moments – because gender and orientation are very much a normal part of our everyday lives!

For instance, if your toddler says, “You can’t do that! That’s for boys!” This is the perfect teaching moment to let them know that there is no such thing as activities, toys, clothes, behaviors that are inherently for girls or boys. You can give some examples of people you know who buck those stereotypes. Or else seek out media, TV shows, movies, books, or games that offer a different perspective. Watch or read with them and take time to discuss. 

It comes down to using plain language to describe what are really some basic concepts. Gender is who we know ourselves to be. It exists on a spectrum and can even change. Orientation is who we love, whether romantically or sexually or not, and it’s based on our gender. It’s that simple. Kids get it.

Teach affirmatively 

Rather than pointing out what your child is saying or doing incorrectly, or talking about the hardships that people face when they don’t fit into the status quo, lean into more affirmative postures when you talk about gender or orientation. 

Actively communicate with them about how there are different types of people in the world, people who represent all the colors and shades of the rainbow and everyone in between. Explain across a broad spectrum when it comes to how people act or look or dress, as well as who they love. Listen to their questions and observations and affirm them, while adding to what they say to deepen their understanding of identity, and of gender and orientation.

Give them room to explore

Kids like to explore and they like to pretend. It’s how they begin to make sense of this chaotic and confusing world, and importantly, it’s how they begin to discover who they are and understand what their place in this world might be. 

Give your child the freedom, space, and support to explore. They might want to wear a tutu one day and a construction hat the next. Or both at the same time! They might say they are a girl one day and a boy the next. They might say they want to marry a girl or a boy. There is no need to attribute any of your own biases onto their innocent reflections and feelings. Simply let them be and love them fully.  

Some of these conversations may feel uncomfortable for us, but kids are actually well-equipped, maybe even better equipped, than adults, to comprehend the world’s natural diversity and to embrace different types of people. Perhaps the most important thing we can do is let them teach us!

Read more

• Birth certifications and second parent adoption
• Celebrate Pride all year long with these inclusive LGBTQ children’s books 

“What are you having?” “Boy or a girl?” “Do you know the gender?” As soon as a parent reveals that they’re expecting — whether physically via a bump or by sharing the news — they are flooded with questions about their child’s gender. Friends and family will use their answer to determine what color onesies they should buy (blue or pink), the toys they’ll gift (trucks or Barbies), and the color dye they’ll use for the gender reveal party cake. And that’s all before the child is even born! After birth, children quickly internalize gender expectations around what girls and boys look like and wear, as well as how they should act. 

Some parents, in an attempt to avoid limiting their children’s growth and interests, are leaning into gender creative parenting. Read on to learn what gender creative parenting is, exactly, and how it can benefit kids. 

What is gender creative parenting? 

 Also known as gender neutral parenting, gender creative parenting is the broad term used for parents who are actively working to avoid imposing gender-expectations on their children. The leading thesis behind gender-neutral parenting is that a child’s genitals do not dictate what activities they do, how they act or what they wear.

Some parents practice gender creative parenting by buying a variety of clothing and toys for their kids, allowing the child to decide what they wear and what they gravitate toward. 

Other parents do their best to remove gender stereotypes from their home altogether. The parents in this latter group might name their children gender-ambiguous names like Sky or Jordan, use they/them pronouns for their child, and choose to label their child’s gender as “X” on the birth certificate, something currently allowed in six states. These parents wait for their child to tell them what gender, if any, they identify with. 

What’s the point of gender creative parenting?  

Despite what nay-sayers and gender-essentialists may believe, parents do not raise their kids gender-neutrally as a political statement. They do it to give their children the opportunity to become as expansive as possible, without the limitations of gender-bias. 

After the publication of a 2017 study published in the Journal of Adolescent Health, which suggests a relationship between rigidly enforced gender stereotypes and physical and mental health risks in young adults, some parents have chosen a gender-neutral parenting route to promise the overall wellbeing and health of their child. 

How to implement gender creative parenting

As a parent, your work on gender creative parenting begins before your children are born, and continues as they grow up. 

1. Do your research. 

Gender creative parenting requires that the parents understand what gender is, as well as the ways in which gender-based biases can negatively impact the growth of all children. A good place to learn this information is with classic Gender 101 studies texts like Gender Trouble by Judith Butler and Gender: Your Guide by Lee Airton. A must-read account of gender creative parenting is Raising Them by Dr. Kyl Myers.

2. Explore your own gender and gender biases. 

If you’re interested in gender creative parenting because you’ve already explored your own gender and unpacked your internalized gender biases, skip this step! Otherwise, prior to becoming a parent, it can be helpful to question your own gender as well as consider the ways in which gender-based assumptions have impacted you. 

To do that you might: 

• Follow people from across the gender spectrum on social media. 
• Listen to podcasts on gender and sexuality like Gender Reveal, En(ba)by, Bad in Bed. 
• Read gender memoirs like Sissy by Jacob Tobia, Redefining Realness by Janet Mock, and Amateur by Thomas Page McBee.

3. Outline your parenting approach

Again, there is no single way to raise a gender creative child. Whether you’re parenting alone, with another individual, or with a community of co-parents, it’s important to agree on what raising a gender-neutral child will mean to you and your family. 

Before the child is born, you want to be able to answer questions like: 

• Do we want to find out the sex of the child before they are born? Who, if anyone, will have access to that information? 
• What are we going to name our child? Will we choose a name that is not traditionally used for one gender category? 
• What pronouns will we be using for the child? 
• Will we explain gender stereotypes and expectations to our child? How? At what age? 
• How will we push-back against the gendered messages they receive outside of the home? 
• How will we respond to other people who try to impose gender stereotypes on our child?
• How will we combat the rigid gender expectations of society? Of school? Of extracurricular activities?

If you’re unable to come to a conclusion on your own, consider hiring a therapist who specializes in working with non-traditional families or the LGBTQ+ community. 

4. Think about the language you want to use 

Often in parenting we use gendered language, especially when praising or cheering on your child. In traditional parenting, praising and punishing your child are two of the main times gendered language comes up. For example: “You’re such a strong girl!” and , or “What a smart little boy you are!”. 

Especially if you were raised in an environment that used gendered language, it’s easy to fall back into these gendered phrases, unless you have an alternative top-of-mind. Making a list with the qualities you want to help nurture in your child can be helpful. 

5. Form a community

As the saying goes, it takes a village, and that stands for parents using all kinds of parenting philosophies. So, if possible, try to find a group of other gender creative parents to be in community with, either online or in person. 

To find an in-person group, try Googling “gender-neutral parents near me” or “gender creative l playgroups near me”. Another option is to hit up MeetUp.com or to ask the leader of your local parenting groups. To find an online support group, put out a call on social media, or to introduce yourself in the comments of social platforms run by other gender creative parents like @RaisingZoomer. 

This content series was created in partnership with Family Equality, an organization advancing legal and lived equality for LGBTQ+ families and for those who wish to form them. Learn more at https://www.familyequality.org/. 

Being a good parent can take many forms. It means wiping away the tears and applying the band-aids after the slips and falls. It also means supporting your child on their journey to self-discovery. For some, this will include supporting them as they explore their gender or sexual identity or expression. 

Whether you have a child that identifies as LGBTQ+ or you want to be prepared for the possibility that they may identify as LGBTQ+ when they’re older, there are steps you can take so that they can feel free to be themselves and confident that you have their back. We know that just one accepting adult in an LGBTQ+ child’s life can reduce the likelihood of suicide by 40%, according to a study from the Trevor Project, an LGBTQ+ anti-bullying organization. 

It’s important to address this issue even if your child hasn’t said they are LGBTQ+. They may not feel safe coming out unless you first create an affirming environment and invite them in.

According to PFLAG, the first and largest organization for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ+) people, their parents and families, and allies, parents can create an LGBTQ+ affirming atmosphere for their, or any, kids, in a few, easy ways. 

Familiarize yourself with the issues

The road to supporting your child no matter who they are or might become starts with you. Like the airline safety instructions to secure your own mask before helping your child with theirs, you should first learn about the LGBTQ+ community to ensure you are approaching any conversations with them from a place of knowledge. Take the time to learn the correct terminology and the issues that LGBTQ+ communities face. The PFLAG glossary is a great place to start.

Start conversations and listen

Johns Hopkins Medicine recommends approaching your child with a “healthy curiosity” to foster dialogue and a two-way information flow. Kids may not always be forthcoming with information about their personal lives, and maintaining a good connection with them from the time they are little will help make them feel comfortable sharing more sensitive details when they’re older.

Parents should aim to approach their children with love as the guiding force, leaving preconceived notions at the door. PFLAG says parents should “listen with intent,” which means giving your child, “ample opportunity to open up and share their thoughts and feelings.” Pose open-ended and gentle questions that aim to help them communicate without any judgement attached.

Avoid making assumptions

Lambda Legal, an LGBTQ+ advocacy organization that does a lot of work with families and children, suggests that being a strong ally and supportive adult to your child starts by not making assumptions. Don’t assume someone identifies a certain way because of how they look or act or even things they may have said. Your child, or any child who might be LGBTQ+, should tell you who they are and how they identify. That should be your guiding light and not anything else. 

Speak up against discrimination  

You can also set a good example for your child regardless of how they identify and be a strong ally by speaking up and out if or when you witness anti-LGBTQ+ discrimination or harassment. Don’t just let someone get bullied without intervening in some way, while ensuring your own safety. Not only are you helping someone in need, you are also showing your own child that you are willing to stand up for LGBTQ+ people. Showing rather than telling is a powerful way to convey that you are inclusive and that your child can be their true self. You are also helping to raise a child who will follow in your stead and not be afraid to stand up for others who might be targets for discrimination. All of that work starts with showing up for your child as your authentic self. 

Engage with LGBTQ+ communities 

You can learn more about LGBTQ+ identities and experiences and jumpstart your allyship for your child by immersing yourself in an LGBTQ+ group or event. Attend a Pride March, whether in-person or virtual. Pop into a PFLAG meeting for parents or allies. Join a group at a local LGBTQ+ center or university to learn more from people who are living out and proud. Even if this option feels out of your comfort zone, know that you can always attend to listen and learn. 

Supporting your child, whether they identify as LGBTQ+ or may one day, doesn’t have to be difficult. In fact, creating an affirming home for your child, no matter who they are, can bring you both many moments of joy and open opportunities for closer connection.

This content series was created in partnership with Family Equality, an organization advancing legal and lived equality for LGBTQ+ families and for those who wish to form them. Learn more at https://www.familyequality.org/. 

It’s important to take a little time each day to slow down and focus on connecting with your little one. Here are some easy ways to do just that. Most all of these ideas can fit right into your normal day — and if some of them feel outside of your comfort zone, know that they’ll start to feel easier if you do them once or twice. No matter how you choose to connect, the important part is engaging with your little one in a way that’s positive, patient, and supportive. You might just find that connecting in this way is as good for you as it is for your them.

1. Engage in some open-ended play

Ask your little one, “What would you like to play?” and go from there. Be a helper and play along, but let them take the lead.

2. Ask them for help, and then actually let them contribute

Give your child some food prep they can handle — tearing up greens or stirring ingredients together. Or let them use the dustpan and brush on their own, even if they miss a few spots. Bigger kids can take on bigger tasks. Kids of all ages need practice to learn how to do household tasks and will develop confidence as they do so — they’ll be proud to see that they’re really helping.

3. Draw, color, or paint together

No matter your child’s age, it’s great to get creative together. Ask your little one questions about what they drew to start a conversation. Talk to them about what you created. Then ask where you should both hang up your artwork.

4. Read — and talk about the story as you go

Ask your child questions about the story, what they see in the pictures, and what they’re thinking. What a funny bear! Do you see any other animals in the forest? What season do you think it is? How would you feel if you were that bear? Do funny voices if you’re game. At the end, ask them about their favorite part. If your child is older, take turns reading longer books together.

5. Let them play stylist

If your child doesn’t usually choose their own outfit, ask them to choose what they’d like to wear, top to bottom. You can even ask your kiddo to help choose your outfit for the day or style your hair for some extra excitement.

6. Tell them a story about when you were little

Chances are, there will be some fun questions that follow.

7. Have them tell you a story

If your little one is old enough to do so, you’re in for a real treat. Write it down, record it for posterity, or just enjoy the moment.

8. Enjoy music together

Dance to your child’s favorite song. Or create some silly choreography. Play them your favorite album and tell them why you love it. Or play instruments together, even if your drum set is wooden spoons on pots.

9. Make a normal activity extra fun with some pretend play mixed in

A great example of this is playing barber shop or beauty salon, both of which fall into the “two birds, one stone” camp of activities. If your little one hasn’t wanted to sit still to have their nails trimmed or their hair brushed or styled, throw in some pretend play, and it can suddenly be exciting. Even if pretend play is new to you or you occasionally drop out of character, your child will likely be delighted to have you play along. You can even paint your little one’s nails or do an extra special hairstyle if you’re feeling ambitious.

10. Share gratitude

It can be hard for a very young child to answer the question “What are you grateful for?” but that doesn’t mean you can’t explore this idea with them. At dinner or bedtime, ask your little one what their favorite part of the day was, what was something fun that they did, or what made them laugh — often it will be something they did with you — and then you can share too.

11. Maybe go all out, once in a while

Even though this sort of play doesn’t necessarily fall into the “easy” category for everyone, it can be a fun, exciting way to connect every once in a while. Turn your couch into a ship and pretend to be pirates. Help your teen make some very elaborately decorated cupcakes. Pull out recycling materials to help your toddler construct a cardboard box rocket ship. The next time your little one wants to use an oversized box to make a princess castle, this sort of play might come a little easier. But remember that it’s less important what you play and more important how you spend time together — lead with love and you can’t go wrong.

Read more:

• 6 easy, meaningful ways to celebrate your mom if you’re apart
• 9 self-care essentials for today, and every day

1. Move your bodies

For both mental and physical health, almost nothing beats moving our bodies. Exercise is a powerful tool: it improves mood, decreases tension, and helps you sleep better. (Just don’t do especially active exercise right before bedtime or nap time, since it can take a little while to wind down.)

Everyone’s abilities and access to the right kind of space will look a little different. Ride bikes together, hike a trail while wearing your baby in a carrier, or have a living room dance party. Maybe you do some physical therapy beside your kiddos while they try some YouTube yoga, or your whole family works in some gentle stretches before bedtime. Whatever feels right for your family.

2. Find a mellow or focused activity you can do together

Build block towers, start a challenging puzzle, paint (or color, or do whatever else is crafty and calm based on your kiddo’s age), turn the lights low and make shadow puppets, read together, take turns making up stories, take a nature walk or a neighborhood stroll and do a visual scavenger hunt, talk about your favorite part of the day — whatever feels like the right pace for you and your little one.

3. Meditate and breathe together

Find some quiet time for a different sort of focus. There are a lot of free meditation apps and guided meditations online — plenty that are kid-friendly and fairly short — if you want to try meditating as a family. You can also teach your little one to breathe deeply, a calming strategy that they can then use later on their own when they’re feeling upset, frustrated, or mad. Here are three easy exercises to do together that teach kids how to find calm through breathing:

• Lay on your backs with a favorite stuffed animal on each of your tummies (they’ll have to let you borrow one!), then breathe deeply, watching the stuffed animals rise and fall as you breathe.
• Stand or sit upright with each of your hands placed on your heads, and then imagine you’re blowing up like a balloon as you inhale, sending your hands up overhead, and deflating as you exhale, with your hands returning to your heads.
• Hold a hand out in front of each of your faces and pretend that your fingers are birthday candles. With five deep, long breaths, blow them out one by one.

4. Take them along to learn about something you love

Although we often let our children’s interests be the focus of planned activities, try sharing something you really love. This can range from a simple trip to a bakery to more elaborate outings to museums or skiing. Challenge yourself to make your own interests a priority, and share your love for (insert here). It may lift your mood, which in turn lifts the mood of the whole group. 

5. Weekly theme nights

Once they’re able to pitch in, have a rotating game or movie theme night. From week to week, each family member gets to pick the menu and the game or movie. Being the host of the evening gives kids some much-needed autonomy and can be a great way to share interests!

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team

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• 6 easy, meaningful ways to celebrate your mom if you’re apart
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After birth, it’s very common to feel weepy, anxious, and/or easily frustrated. When these feelings are mild, they are most likely what we call the “baby blues” and dissipate after a couple weeks. This is an emotional time and if it’s causing you to feel a little overwhelmed by or detached from your baby, know that this feeling won’t necessarily have any bearing on the closeness you will feel over time. For many new parents, it takes time for feelings of attachment and deep connection to form.

While experiencing complicated, ranging emotions in the days and weeks following birth is expected, prolonged or severe feelings of sadness, extreme worry, or hopelessness are not and could be signs of postpartum depression. If you think you might be experiencing postpartum depression, anxiety, OCD, or PTSD, you should seek out professional support. It is also possible for your partner to develop postpartum depression.

Why am I not bonding with my baby?

Like pregnancy and delivery, bonding looks different for every family. There’s no standard schedule for bonding, and for many families it takes time. Some parents form an immediate attachment to a newborn; others develop a building sense of attachment over time. Here are a few reasons why you may feel more attached to your newborn over time:

• You had a difficult pregnancy and/or delivery. If your birth did not go as planned, if you experienced pregnancy complications, or if you felt unsupported by your provider, it may take time to recuperate and feel like yourself again.
• You had a traumatic birth experience: If your birth experience was physically and/or emotionally traumatic, the time you may need to recover and begin bonding with baby could be longer than you had anticipated. Taking time to heal and care for yourself is essential.
• You were exhausted: After giving birth, you might have felt so relieved and exhausted that you didn’t have room to feel much else.
• You have complicated feelings about becoming a parent. Becoming a parent can be overwhelming even when your birth experience is a positive one. It is normal to experience some doubt, worry, or fear as you take on this new role. If these feelings are severe and/or prolonged, you should seek out help from your provider. Being a new parent will bring out new sides of you, but it shouldn’t come at the cost of not feeling like yourself.
• You did not physically carry your baby through pregnancy, or feed your baby afterward. Feelings of attachment are sometimes more elusive for fathers or non-birthing parents.
• You’re finding caring for your baby difficult. Your sleep schedule has likely been affected, and if your baby is collicky or very fussy, it can be particularly challenging to adjust. Taking care of a newborn is not easy. If you’re struggling, reach out to your support system for help and if you’re concerned your baby is collicky or unwell, consult a pediatrician for resources.
• You’re dealing with the baby blues, postpartum anxiety, or other perinatal mood disorders. Between 50-75% of new moms experience some symptoms of the baby blues and 15% experience PPD. If you are experiencing symptoms of PPD, reach out to your healthcare provider or call the hotline at Postpartum Support International for resources. You can also visit the PSI Directory for help finding a provider who specializes in perinatal mood disorders like depression, anxiety, OCD and bipolar disorder. More resources here.

Not developing an immediate bond with your newborn does not make you any less of a parent. As time passes and you spend more time getting to know your little one, and finding a routine, a stronger sense of attachment can form. If you would like to be proactive about bonding, here are a few things you can try:

Skin-to-skin contact. Many hospitals and birthing centers initiate skin-to-skin contact immediately following birth by placing your baby’s tummy on your chest. You can continue to do this at home. Beyond supporting bonding, skin-to-skin contact has many physiologic benefits, including soothing and lowering baby’s stress levels and helping to regulate their temperature, heart rate, breathing and blood sugar. If you have a partner, they can practice skin-to-skin contact as well. And, if you’re breastfeeding, skin-to-skin contact can boost your milk supply by increasing your prolactin levels as well as help you learn baby’s feeding cues.

Utilize feeding times. Use the moments when you’re breastfeeding and/or bottle feeding to spend special, intimate time together. Holding your baby close, looking into their eyes, and/or holding their hand while you feed are all great ways to establish trust and attachment.

Play with and talk to your baby. Babies love to be talked to and entertained. Give them your attention while allowing them to study your face to build their trust in you and strengthen your attachment to them.

There are a number of reasons why attachment may not be immediate. Give yourself time to bond and take your relationship with your baby one step at a time. When it comes to parenthood, it’s definitely a marathon, not a sprint.

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team

Sources

• “Postpartum Depression: FAQs.” American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG). ACOG. November 2019. https://www.acog.org/womens-health/faqs/postpartum-depression.
• “Postpartum Depression.” Cleveland Clinic. Cleveland Clinic. January 1, 2018.  https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9312-postpartum-depression.
• “Skin-to-Skin Contact for You & Baby.” Cleveland Clinic. Cleveland Clinic. January 1, 2018. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/15276-skin-to-skin-contact-for-you–baby.
• Crenshaw, Jeannette T. “Healthy Birth Practice #6: Keep Mother and Baby Together- It’s Best for Mother, Baby, and Breastfeeding.” The Journal of perinatal education vol. 23,4 (2014): 211-7. doi:10.1891/1058-1243.23.4.211.
• “Skin-to-Skin Contact.” Baby Friendly Initiative. UNICEF. October 23, 2019. www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/baby-friendly-resources/implementing-standards-resources/skin-to-skin-contact/.