Dear Ovia, How to deal with a controlling MIL who says horrible things to her son?

First of all, let me just say that I am so sorry you’re dealing with this. Pregnancy is challenging on so many levels (even if everyone is healthy), and having conflict within the most important part of your family must be super stressful. Let’s talk about your role in this. 

One of the biggest things that pregnancy and parenting changes is your primary relationship. Even though this question is about your mother-in-law, the solution can be found within your relationship with your husband. It’s his responsibility to set boundaries when it comes to his mother. This is obviously easier said than done, but at a bare minimum she should not be permitted to be hurtful to you or him in word or in action. And he has to lay that out for her.

She is going to need to hear what behavior is and is not OK when it comes to her relationship with him, with you, and with your growing family. And, unless you have an excellent relationship with her, she needs to hear this from him. I can imagine it’s going to be very difficult for him to set boundaries and consequences with her (especially if he hasn’t done this before), but I imagine this pattern is something that he wants to change as well. 

This shouldn’t be your burden! But it is your burden to get the conversation going with your husband and separate yourself from your mother-in-law as much as possible until that’s accomplished. 

If she is being verbally abusive and controlling, they may need more support than just talking as two adults. If therapy isn’t accessible to the two of them, is there a family member who is great with conflict resolution who could act as a mediator? A member of the community or a religious leader who could be present for this conversation? Now is the time to act on boundary setting for the wellness of your family.

Cycles of mistreatment can be broken, and hopefully your husband sees that there is some work that must be done — ideally as soon as possible.

Read more from this series

• How to get my partner involved in baby preparations?
• Will we still have time for each other?

Leasa Wright has been practicing yoga and meditation her entire life. She joins us today to speak a bit more about the benefits of prenatal yoga, how to get started, and why she’s so passionate about making time for a prenatal yoga practice. When she was pregnant with her first child, Leasa says, “I fell in love with empowering pregnant people. They need to feel strong and safe in their bodies.” She’s been teaching a prenatal yoga practice weekly ever since. 

While movement in general, and yoga specifically, can be beneficial at all times in your life, there’s something different about prenatal yoga. “Once I realized I was pregnant, I felt a sense of responsibility for that little being,” says Leasa. Plus, pregnancy can be hard on the body and it’s common to feel very sore if you’re not moving around every day. Prenatal yoga is a great way to integrate that movement, connect with your baby, and form a community. 

A couple safety notes before we dive in:

• Most people should wait until after the first trimester before starting a prenatal yoga practice.
• If you’ve never practiced yoga before, it’s a good idea to be a bit more cautious when starting out. Check in with your provider to make sure it’s a good fit for you. 
• To prevent injury, do all the modifications your instructor recommends and don’t push yourself. Especially if you haven’t practiced yoga before, it can be hard to know your limit, so go easy on yourself.

How is prenatal yoga different from a yoga practice for those who are not pregnant?

​​Prenatal yoga is a curated collection of customized asanas/yoga poses that cater to the shape of the pregnant body. A person’s center of gravity changes during pregnancy and they lose the ability to fold inward. This leaves a person with an unbalanced yoga practice if they continue to sit out postures in a traditional class. Prenatal yoga classes offer a balanced sequence of joint mobility exercises, seated postures, standing postures, hip openers, breathing, and relaxation exercises — leaving out the contraindicated postures, but still offering an overall, accessible, and whole body practice.

How can it benefit people during pregnancy (physically and emotionally)?

There are so many reasons to choose to participate in prenatal yoga. It offers the opportunity to connect with your baby and it gives you the chance to connect with other people who are making the same healthy lifestyle choices as you. It’s common to form friendships and build relationships in a class environment. And that community can help alleviate anxieties you may be having about becoming a parent. 

As far as physical benefits: prenatal yoga can improve your sleep, reduce stress and anxiety, and increase the strength, flexibility, and endurance of muscles needed for childbirth. Additionally, it can help to decrease lower back pain, nausea, headaches, and shortness of breath by lengthening the muscles around your rib cage. From your physical body to your emotional state, prenatal yoga can be a key ingredient to a healthy, happy pregnancy.

Where should we start?

For many, pregnancy is a time to make your health a top priority. Ensure you get plenty of sleep overnight, as a growing baby uses up a lot of energy. A well-balanced diet of nutrient-dense foods will also help to boost your energy. Finally, staying active is a key aspect of pregnancy self-care and can be extremely beneficial for managing certain symptoms associated with pregnancy.

Any advice for slowing down when the stress of pregnancy is overwhelming?

Try mindfulness, yoga, meditation, and massage to bring your mind into a peaceful state so you can cope better with the busyness of daily life. Take yourself to a place where your mind and body can be still, allowing you to focus inward and breathe deeply.

Simple things like getting enough rest, eating well, exercising regularly, and seeking support from trusted friends and family can increase your resilience in stressful times. And check in with your partner. You and your partner can act as a support system for one another during this time.

What about creating space in your day?

If you can, try to schedule naps during your day to get more sleep and restore your energy. Take catnaps during the day, even if you just rest your eyes for 15 minutes with your feet up. Book yourself regular pamper sessions at home. A night in with a favorite facemask is a lovely way to treat yourself.

Set aside time for the hobbies and activities that were a part of you before you became pregnant. And try to keep in touch with the friends who add value to your life by scheduling an assortment of standing dates with your circle. 

Any tips for integrating a prenatal yoga practice into your routine? 

A simple first step is to make sure you have correct posture at work by learning some good stretches to practice at your desk during breaks. 

Sign up for an in-person workshop at a local studio who specializes in prenatal yoga. And don’t apologize for making yourself a priority. If it’s easier, try an online yoga class so you can practice from the comfort of your own home. 

If you’re having trouble getting started or staying consistent, ask a friend to be your accountability buddy to ensure you show up to practice. 

How can people make sure they’re staying safe in their practice?

Start by asking your doctor, midwife, or doula for local recommendations. Always attend your scheduled prenatal visits and talk to your provider if you have questions or concerns about your pregnancy. They are a great resource you should take advantage of during this time.

If you’re wondering if a yoga studio offers certified prenatal yoga classes, call and ask if they are certified in prenatal yoga by Yoga Alliance, the organization that sets standards for yoga teachers nationwide. Knowledge of the dos and don’ts of prenatal yoga is one of the most important reasons you should seek out a qualified prenatal class. 

You should always avoid internal twisting, belly compression, and heated yoga classes. Any balancing poses should be done with extreme caution, against a wall.

How can I safely continue my practice postpartum?

The best way to ensure you’re ready to resume practice is to get the approval of your healthcare team first. The standard guidelines recommend waiting 6-8 weeks after birth before continuing your practice. Sometimes that can be longer, depending on your birth experience – ask your provider. 

What’s your favorite part of your yoga practice?

Community. I taught my first prenatal yoga classes during my first pregnancy and have remained connected to those mamas to this very day. You can expect to form beautiful connections with others during prenatal yoga. The bond you create with other pregnant people is one that carries into postpartum and beyond. If there’s anything a community needs, it’s to be full of strong, empowered, and supportive mothers.

Yoga has brought me strength, mindfulness, breathwork, and awareness of my body, which has helped my physical and personal growth tremendously. I am so grateful for this practice and how it has manifested itself into my life’s work.

Read more

• Prenatal pilates
• Low-impact exercise during pregnancy

We meditated with Faith Hunter, learned about the importance of sleep with Angela Holliday-Bell, and participated in a healing, positive affirmation exercise with Leasa Wright. 

Here are the most important moments from the event, hosted by Denise Albert, in case you weren’t able to attend.

A short, guided meditation session with Faith Hunter

Breath work gives us the ability to center ourselves. Faith led us in a breathing exercise that you can do at home, here’s how:

• Take your right hand, close the index and middle finger towards your palm
• Take your right thumb and use it to close your right nostril 
• Breath in through your left nostril
• Close off your left nostril with your ring finder 
• Release your right nostril 
• Exhale through your right nostril
• Inhale through your right nostril
• Close it off
• Exhale through your left nostril
• Inhale through your left nostril
• Repeat

Stress management & self-care with Dinah Eke, Amanda McKay, and Brooke Davis 

Dinah, Amanda, and Brooke discussed the importance of taking small moments in the middle of the day to be mindful. Check in with yourself: How are you feeling? Are you drinking enough water? Are you getting a little movement? Are you getting outside? Take a little time for yourself.

When it comes to practical ways to destress, there are two options: address the stress head-on or escape it through distraction.

Dinah offered some advice about the way list-making helps her de-stress. Just writing down the thoughts that are leading to stress can makes it feel more manageable. And when you just need to escape the stress, Amanda recommends distracting yourself away by getting outside, listening to a podcast, or just laying down for a moment. 

And remember, it’s OK to bring other people into the conversation. Ask for help from family and friends. Ask for flexibility from your manager.

Self-care tips from Amanda McKay

• Schedule it
• Ask for help
• Remember you need and deserve a break
• It’s ok to set boundaries and say no 

Wellness check with Elaine Bishop

Signs that you are experiencing an amount of stress that could be damaging to your mental health:

• Overwhelming feelings of sadness 
• Difficulty enjoying things you used to enjoy
• Relationship changes: are you having more trouble reading other people’s social signals? Are you declining social invitations more than usual?
• Appetite changes: Are you experiencing significant increased or decreased appetite?
• Substance use: Are you turning to drink more often than before? Are you developing feelings of dependence?
• Thoughts of harming yourself 

If you are feeling any of these feelings, know that there is help. Try contacting the National Alliance on Mental Illness either by phone at: 1800-950-6264 or by email at: info@nami.org.

Tips from physician and sleep specialist, Dr. Holliday-Bell

Many people find quality sleep during pregnancy to be a bit evasive. The first step to getting better sleep is prioritizing better sleep. Dr. Holliday-Bell outlined a few specific tips:

• Decide on a bedtime and wake time
• Stick to a consistent schedule (weekends count too!)
• Create a relaxing, 30-60 min bedtime routine
• Keep your bedroom dark, quiet, and cool
• Master a relaxation technique (like deep breathing)

Breath work and affirmation practice with Leasa Wright 

We closed out Stressless Fest with a series of affirmations from Leasa Wright. To practice this at home, close your eyes and think of a happy memory or a happy place. Then repeat out loud to yourself:

• I live in my truth
• I boldly and freely express myself
• I follow my dreams
• I welcome goodness; I welcome love 

This may feel uncomfortable at first, but after a few rounds of these affirmations, the Stressless Fest attendees felt calmer, lighter, and more confident. We hope you will too! 

Sponsored by Airwick, Enfamil, and Beyond Yoga 

Read more

• Interested in prenatal yoga? Start here
• The power of affirmations

These self-care essentials, whatever they might look like for you, are more important than ever. So make sure that somehow, someway, you’re taking time each day to prioritize your own care.

1. Care for your body

Let’s start with the bare bones basics. As much as you can, continue old routines that keep you healthy and feeling good, or start new ones — like eating nourishing food, staying hydrated, and engaging in some form of movement. Even a walk around the block can make you feel energized and happier.

2. Care for your mind

Your mental health is just as important. So do what you can to manage your stress in healthy ways. Minimize the time you spend following the news if that’s causing you a lot of anxiety, by muting your news notifications or scheduling a specific time to read the news. Maybe give meditation a try. And reach out to a mental health specialist if you’re having a tough time and want professional support.

3. Get enough rest

Getting the sleep that you need is important for both your body and mind. But for parents — especially those with babies or very young children — sometimes this can feel impossible. While we can’t necessarily help your child sleep through the night, we can give you permission to prioritize your own rest. So take that nap (whenever you possibly can), leave the dirty dishes for the morning, keep your email response as short and sweet as possible, and maybe don’t binge watch that extra episode tonight.

4. Don’t sweat the small stuff

Right now, there’s a lot that seems small by comparison to the health crisis we are living through. In some ways, this can be freeing — that unfinished DIY home project or the giant pile of unfolded laundry that’s been sitting out may be annoying, but it’s not hurting anyone. Give yourself all the breaks.

5. Make time for fun and laughter

We need some levity to lift us up when things are bleak, whether it’s watching a favorite comedy, asking your toddler to tell you a joke, or sending a silly meme to your friend group. Laugh as much as you can. And if you can’t right now, know that you will feel like yourself again.

6. Seek out pleasure

Similarly, it’s important to engage in things that you know bring you pleasure. Maybe for you it’s lighting a candle while reading your favorite book, having a date night at home with your partner, rocking your sweet baby for a few extra minutes, making a really good soup. Despite all that’s going on, there is still some joy available to each of us right now, so soak it in when and where you can.

7. Stay connected to loved ones

We’re all missing our close friends and family members. Even if you can’t physically be with your loved ones, stay in touch in all the ways you can. Video chat with family members, plan a virtual hangout with friends after your kids are in bed, play online games together with extended family, watch a movie together virtually, send a card via snail mail, write an email, ask for a favorite recipe, share that great article you just read with your social media circles, send a funny meme to your family text chain — there are so many ways we can still stay close.

8. Spend quality time with the people you live with too

If you feel like you’ve spent way too much time with the family that you live with lately, this might sound like a lot, but while quantity time can be exhausting, quality time is restorative. You might feel like you spend a lot of the day being pulled in a million different directions, so make some time each day to focus your attention on just being present with your little one, just being present with your partner, even just being present with your pet. That quality time, even if it’s brief, provides much needed connection — and maybe even a moment of calm, or clarity.

9. Carve out some alone time

That being said, you also need some time by yourself. Whether you spend it showering in silence, watching that show everyone’s talking about, or making a meal without a toddler at your ankles, it’s incredibly important to recharge with some time spent solo too — especially since it can be so hard to come by these days.

If all else fails, start small. Right now, we’re all stretched thin, and even thinking about self-care might seem overwhelming. If you’d really love to take a long shower but finding time for that feels impossible, take a few minutes to wash your face. If you can’t make time to finish a yoga practice during the day because your kids take that as an invitation to treat your body like a jungle gym, do a few gentle stretches before bed. If you’d love to take a long walk outside but can’t, open a window. If you’re finding it hard to schedule a video call with several friends, text them to connect. These little moments can make a big difference and will give you a bit of the self-care you deserve. 

Read more

• Self-care during pregnancy: finding time to recharge
• Self-care for the introverted: Needing peace and quiet, space and time (alone) as a parent 

However, what a great birth plan can do is provide you with the tools and confidence to be able to navigate the unexpected. A birth plan can be the foundation for trust and open communication with your birth partner, healthcare provider, and birth team. Having this foundation can help ease anxiety about labor and help you feel more prepared.

How can writing a birth plan build trust?

By having conversations about topics like pain management options or breastfeeding choices, you can reassure yourself ahead of time that your provider understands you and your expectations. These chats help you to feel heard and supported — what we all need to trust. And we know that patients do better the more trust they have in their healthcare providers.

With large OB/GYN practices and hospital births, many of us can only hope that “our provider” is the one who delivers our baby — we’re lucky if we see the same person twice for prenatal visits. But you can use this reality to your advantage. Having multiple conversations with different providers about your birth plan at prenatal visits can help clarify your preferences and ensure that you (and your birth partner) practice clearly communicating.

Birth plans promote healing and offer protection

Pregnant people’s lived history of emotional struggles, personal battles, trauma, or life challenges come with them into the delivery room. Researchers observe that survivors of mental health disorders, fertility struggles, pregnancy losses, trauma, and violence can all experience increased stress levels during their pregnancy, complications during labor and delivery, breastfeeding challenges, and/or postpartum depression. Other pregnant people such as immigrants, members of the LGBTQ+ community, or women of color may experience discrimination and therefore be more vulnerable to challenges along their parenthood journey. These research observations do not promise that just because you are a survivor, you are destined for a complicated pregnancy, birth, or postpartum recovery — instead they indicate a vulnerability. Crafting a trauma-informed birth plan can help protect you against potential vulnerabilities and lower your risk for problems.

A trauma-informed birth plan is one that specifically acknowledges how your life experiences may impact your pregnancy, delivery and postpartum journey. For example, telling your healthcare provider that you want to limit the number of medical students or residents in your delivery room may help you feel more comfortable.

Why is a birth plan especially helpful if I’m a Black woman or birthing person?

Regardless of your race or ethnicity, your delivery or postpartum period may not go according to plan, but Black women, are at a higher risk for experiencing complications in childbirth or postpartum due to bias within and beyond the healthcare system. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control (CDC) believes as many as 60% of these complications are preventable. What can you do to have a safe and healthy birth?

A birth plan is one way for you to start reclaiming the kind of pregnancy, birth and postpartum experience that you deserve. Experts suggest acknowledging and talking specifically with your provider about how racism could effect your pregnancy, your delivery, and postpartum experience. Working together, you can create a plan that anticipates and plans for potential impacts of medical racism.

For example, talking about your increased risk for preeclampsia (a potentially dangerous high blood pressure condition of pregnancy and postpartum) and learning about the symptoms of preeclampsia could save your life. Writing in your birth plan that your blood pressure will be checked more frequently during pregnancy and in the weeks following delivery can help you feel less anxiety, build trust in your provider, and keep you safe.

You can be more comfortable in labor with your birth plan

We also know that when we are in pain or a state of panic, it is hard to think clearly. It becomes even more difficult to understand complicated health information, such as giving informed consent to start an epidural. Having thoughtfully learned about and talked over your pain management options long before any contractions kick in reassures you that your wishes will be taken into consideration. You are therefore able to feel less anxious and more at ease.

Research has shown that the medical system undertreats Black women’s pain. Talking about your fear that your labor pain may not be taken seriously during prenatal visits with your healthcare provider will help them be conscious of this concern, help to build trust between you, and may help lower your stress level.

We also know that when we are anxious, worried, or scared we feel more pain. The confidence and peace of mind a birth plan can bring will help you cope better with discomfort. A relaxed mind helps your muscles relax, breaking the fear-tension-pain cycle and helping labor progress naturally.

Use your birth plan to cultivate confidence

Being able to advocate for yourself builds your inner confidence. From the foundation of mutual trust with your healthcare team, your birth plan forms the scaffolding for confidence in your own ability to have a good birth. Your birth plan is something you can return to whenever you feel anxious about the uncertainty or unknowns of your birth. Although your birth plan doesn’t have all the answers, you can take comfort in knowing you have considered your options and have mapped out the plan that’s best for you.

Read more

• Birth plans: delivery environment, pain management, and more
• 6 reasons why you should write a birth plan

Your lovely locks

Hair looks fuller and grows faster during pregnancy because of the nutrients in prenatal vitamins and the hormonal changes in your body. Some women also say that their hair gains shine and curls or a straighter texture. With so many changes to your hair, you may need to change your hair care routine, but there are a couple things to keep in mind:

• Always read product labels to make sure they are safe to continue using when you are pregnant, especially chemical-heavy products like hairsprays and bleaching products.
• Follow directions to at-home hair treatments carefully. You don’t want to expose yourself for any longer than necessary to the chemicals used in the products.

Facial and body hair

Many pregnant women notice that their body and facial hair grows faster and thicker than it did before they were pregnant. Luckily, there are plenty of ways to remove unwanted body hair – just make sure the method you choose is pregnancy-safe!

• Sugaring, body waxing, tweezing, threading, and epilating may be more painful than before you were pregnant, but they are otherwise safe to continue doing while you are pregnant.
• Shaving is safe throughout pregnancy, but your growing bump may change your ability to see the areas you are shaving, so another hair removal technique may be worth pursuing for the remainder of your pregnancy.
• Bleach and chemical depilatories are not recommended during pregnancy because of the chemical content within them. So keep them in the cabinet until after you deliver.

Fingernails and toenails

Your fingernails and toenails grow faster and change their texture during pregnancy, so you have an excuse to go to the spa for regular nail care.

Maintaining your manicure and pedicure throughout your pregnancy won’t expose you to chemical levels that are harmful for your fetus, but before you redo your gels or acrylics, keep in mind that you should reduce unnecessary chemical exposures while you are pregnant.

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team

Read more

• Skin changes when pregnant
• Pampering yourself with baby on the way

Sources

• “Hair changes.” March of Dimes. March of Dimes, 6/9/2015. Web.
• Chua-Gocheco, Angela, MD, Pina Bozzo, and Adrienne Einarson, RN. “Safety of Hair Products during Pregnancy.” US National Library of Medicine. National Institutes of Health, Oct. 2008. Web.
• “Skin Conditions During Pregnancy: FAQ169.” ACOG. American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, 6/14/2015. Web.
• “Pregnancy: Staying healthy and safe.” Office on Women’s Health. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 9/27/2010. Web.

What is acupuncture?

Based around the Chinese medicine concept of “qi,” acupuncture involves inserting many small needles into specific points across the body that are situated on energy pathways, known as meridians. Those who practice acupuncture believe that this therapy can help relieve the discomfort associated with pregnancy by restoring the correct flow of “vital energy” across the body.

“Acupressure” is similar to acupuncture in that it involves applying pressure to certain points across the body, but acupressure uses a firm massage rather than needles, so some may be more comfortable with this method.

How can acupuncture help?

Having been around for thousands of years, the intersection of pregnancy and acupuncture is nothing new, and there are thousands of women who believe they have benefitted from acupuncture during pregnancy, in a number of different ways, though the most common maladies managed through acupuncture include morning sickness, back pain, fatigue, migraines, and heartburn. Many believe acupuncture and acupressure may also relieve some of the pain of labor contractions.

Are there any risks?

For a procedure that involves so many sharp needles, acupuncture is considered quite safe. So long as your acupuncture therapist is experienced in dealing with pregnant women, and is nationally-certified, acupuncture carries very little risk, though there is some risk of soreness or bruising around the needle site, and a slight risk of infection. It’s a good idea to check in with your healthcare provider before starting acupuncture during pregnancy. There are some pressure points that may cause contractions, so you should make sure that your therapist knows you are pregnant before you begin the treatment.

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team

Read more

• Relaxing breathing techniques for pregnancy: the coolest mom on the block
• Emotional wellbeing during pregnancy

Sources

• J Park, Y Sohn, A R White, H Lee. “The safety of acupuncture during pregnancy: a systematic review.” Acupuncture in Medicine. doi:10.1136/acupmed-2013-010480. Web. 2/19/2014.

Mindfulness

The goal of this is pretty simple, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Find a quiet spot to sit or lay down. This might mean somewhere you’re all alone or, if you can’t swing that, something you practice with headphones on while on a busy train. Then make note of what’s on your mind. What are you thinking? Where does your train of thought lead you? How does your mind wander? Try to observe your thoughts without judgment – don’t consider them good or bad, but just as thoughts that exist. Indeed, a lot of people try this and might feel like they aren’t successful right away – but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try it out for yourself. The idea here is to quietly observe and consider your thoughts without judgment, which can lead to some interesting insights, calm, and peace. Indeed, it’s about the process and the practice of trying to always return back to your thoughts in this way – not about clearing your head entirely. 

Focus on breath

Close your eyes, breathe, and focus on your breath. Notice the physical sensations in your body as you breathe in, breathe out, and repeat. And when your mind starts to wander (which it likely will), try to return to your focus to your breath. This, too, probably sounds simple but isn’t necessarily easy (again, the mind may wander), but getting started with this type of meditation can be fairly basic even if it isn’t easy, so let the breath ground you like a tide going in and out, in and out, a steady and repetitive thing to focus on.

Mantra

In this sort of a practice, you should focus on a mantra – a word or a phrase – for a period of time. Many people choose to say the word or phrase aloud, and others choose to focus on the word or phrase without speaking it aloud. For a mantra, you should choose something that feels meaningful to you in the moment – something like “peace” or “relax,” “Om” (a sacred Sanskrit letter, syllable, and sound in many spiritual traditions), “let it go” or “move forward,” or an affirmation like “I am strong,” “I am beautiful,” or “I am enough.” When your mind wanders to other thoughts, just try to bring yourself back to the mantra, which should help you feel steady and grounded.

Loving kindness

Everyone could use a little more loving kindness, especially when particularly stressed. This practice focuses first on breathing, and then, when one is ready, on opening oneself up to giving and receiving loving kindness. But just what does that even mean? It means imagining that you are receiving loving kindness from out in the world, then thinking about people – specific individuals or groups of people more broadly – who you would like to send these positive feelings out to, and imagining and feeling that you are doing just that. This practice cultivates feelings of (not surprisingly) loving kindness, support, acceptance, and connection. 

Body scan

Doing what is called a body scan can be a wonderful way to feel calmer and less stressed by the end of even just a single session. This style of meditation involves sitting or lying somewhere quiet and then scanning your body for stress and tension, trying to become aware of it, and then focusing on trying to release it. You can move body part by body part, head to toe. The goal here is to move down through your body in great detail – so top of head, face, neck, shoulders, and so on down the body. Take note of if you seem to be holding tension in any one place, and try to release it before moving on. Some people will even try to tense and then release each part as they scan. Breathe as you go – maybe even try to breathe out the tension – and by the end, you may be surprised by how much tension you’ve released.

Movement

Many people are interested in meditation, but extremely uninterested in sitting still to do so. If you think this describes you, fear not. Meditation that incorporates movement is still meditation – even if you’ve only ever imagined the practice as being something you would have to do cross-legged and stock still. You could focus on your breath as you stretch or do yoga, run as you repeat a mantra in your mind, or even push your kiddo in a stroller while you practice loving kindness. Just as there are a lot of different kinds of meditation, there are a lot of different ways you can incorporate even just movement into a practice.

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team

Read more

• 7 misconceptions about meditation, debunked
• Seven strategies for getting started with a meditation practice

Sources

• Alice Boyes.“5 Meditation Tips for Beginners.” Psychology Today. Sussex Publishers, LLC, March 18 2013. Retrieved February 5 2019. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-practice/201303/5-meditation-tips-beginners.
• “Meditation for beginners.” Headspace. Headspace Inc. Retrieved February 5 2019. https://www.headspace.com/meditation/
• “Meditation: In Depth.” National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health. U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, January 02 2019. Retrieved February 5 2019. https://nccih.nih.gov/health/meditation/overview.htm.

1. Focus on your breath

Close your eyes, breathe, focus on your breath, and when your mind starts to wander (which it likely will), try to return to that focus on your breath. Getting started with meditation can really be as easy as breathing deeply, and breathing deeply, and breathing deeply again. 

2. Set a timer 

This is a great strategy for people who are intimidated by getting started or who are having trouble finding the time. Set a timer on your phone (and make sure it will end with something like a soft chime versus that cringe-inducing stereotypical alarm sound), and focus on just trying to do the thing for that set length of time— five minutes, ten minutes, twenty minutes, whatever works for you. Chances are even if you find the first few minutes uncomfortable, you’ll be able to work through that discomfort and then ease into the rest of your time. 

3. Find your happy place

For many people, even the idea of just focusing on breath can be intimidating, with thoughts of bills to pay or dinner to make flooding what they imagine should be an otherwise serene headspace. Sometimes what is meant to be peaceful can feel stressful, but one meditation you can do that’s really pretty positive? Imagining your happy place. Thinking of a place that makes you feel calm and happy (either a real or imagined place) in great detail – including what it looks like, sounds like, smells like, feels like – and breathing as you do so can help to bring you calm and focus. 

4. Connect it to movement

Maybe the idea of sitting still makes your skin crawl. If that feels really tough for you, maybe you’d rather do some sort of a moving meditation, such as breathing deeply as you do yoga, running as you repeat a mantra, or taking a walk on your lunch break while you listen to a guided meditation. 

5. Focus on your body

Doing what is called a body scan can be a wonderful way to feel calmer by the end of just a single session. This style of meditation involves sitting or lying somewhere quiet and scanning your body for stress and tension. You can go body part by body part, moving head to toe, taking note of where you seem to be holding tension, and then focusing on trying to release it before moving to the next body part. Some people will even try to tense and then release each part as they scan. Breathe as you go – maybe even try to breathe out the tension – and by the end, you may be surprised how much tension you’ve released. 

6. Get some guidance

If you feel like you want a bit more guidance to get started, it could be really meaningful to take a class and let an expert talk you through a meditation session. If you want to do this from the comfort of your home, you can even find guided meditations on a number of apps or YouTube. It may take you a few tries to find something that feels like the right fit, but when you do, you’ll have someone to guide you through the practice. You don’t have to go it alone.

7. Find a time and build a ritual

Especially helpful for folks who are feeling much too busy, this can help connect a meditation practice to other normal parts of your day – like finding a moment for meditation when in the shower or while brushing your teeth, while riding the train or while sitting in your car before stepping into work, while on your lunch break or in bed at the end of the day. Building the practice into your other routines and rituals can make meditation a regular part of your life. 

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team

Read more

• Mindfulness to mantra: different kinds of meditation
• 7 misconceptions about meditation, debunked

Sources

• Alice Boyes.“5 Meditation Tips for Beginners.” Psychology Today. Sussex Publishers, LLC, March 18 2013. Retrieved February 5 2019. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-practice/201303/5-meditation-tips-beginners.
• “Meditation: In Depth.” National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health. U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, January 02 2019. Retrieved February 5 2019. https://nccih.nih.gov/health/meditation/overview.htm.
• Lea Waters. “The Relationship between Child Stress, Child Mindfulness and Parent Mindfulness.” Psychology. 7(1): 40-51. January 2016. Retrieved February 5 2019. https://www.scirp.org/journal/PaperInformation.aspx?PaperID=62741
• “Meditation for beginners.” Headspace. Headspace Inc. Retrieved February 5 2019. https://www.headspace.com/meditation/

Nourish yourself

Breastfeeding provides your little one with all they need to grow healthy and strong. And your body works hard to make that milk. The exact number of calories you need to breastfeed depends on a number of factors (like your body size, how much and how often your baby nurses, and your activity level), but we know it takes a lot of energy to breastfeed — breastfeeding likely uses more energy than your brain or any other body system! Listening to your body’s cues and eating nourishing food that satisfies you when you’re hungry is most meaningful to help you get all the energy you need. 

Hydrate

Again, your body’s working hard while breastfeeding, and staying hydrated is important to stay healthy. Much like with eating, you should take your body’s cues and drink when thirsty. This is more important than taking in a specific amount of water or liquids each day. But because it can be easy to overlook some of your own needs when you’re busy with a new baby. You might “forget” to drink when thirsty because you’re busy caring for your baby, and, say, sit down to nurse or pump, but not grab a glass of water first. It’s helpful to try and plan for this and take care of your own needs just as much as you take care of your baby’s. You might want to always sit down with a large glass of water when you nurse or pump, or have your partner or loved one bring you a drink every time you do, or even fill up a big water bottle at the start of the day. A set routine, or a special drinks station can really help!

Rest

One golden rule of parenthood, especially in the early days: take a nap, or at least rest, whenever you can. Every new parent knows that those early days can be brutal, especially when it comes to sleep. As much as needing more sleep is normal in those days, you need and deserve to feel rested. So do all you can to squeeze in rest however you can. You might decide to nap when your baby naps if that’s realistic for you (always a good idea if you can swing it), have your partner give your baby a bottle overnight if that’s an option, or just squeeze in a quick afternoon snooze here and there. Even if it means the dishes pile up or you have to order takeout once in a while, really, take a nap or rest when you can. One thing that we promise will help? Taking a break from screens (yes, even this one). Even if you can’t fall asleep, your body and brain will both get a good recharge if you put your feet up, tuck away your devices, and rest your eyes, even for just a few minutes. 

Get help if you need it

Being a new parent, and even just breastfeeding, can be challenging and stressful. It’s normal to need support when you have a brand new baby — and onward throughout your parenting journey. This might mean seeking out a mental health therapist if you’re having a tough time or just want support during what’s a major life change. This might also mean asking for extra help from loved ones as needed — like asking your partner to take on all the diaper changes since you’ve got breastfeeding covered or for them to give your baby a bottle while you take a nap. It might also mean reaching out to a lactation consultant if you’re struggling with breastfeeding or just have questions. Even if you haven’t been comfortable asking for help before, this is the time to reach out and get all the help you need — you don’t need to go it alone. 

Take some time for yourself

If you have a positive experience breastfeeding, it can be a gift to enjoy some warm and wonderful, quality bonding time when nursing your baby. But because breastfeeding can take a lot out of you, physically and mentally, it’s important to take some time for yourself to recharge. Even small moments here and there can make a big difference. This might mean having some alone time away from your little one or even using nursing sessions as a time to show yourself a little extra love, like by listening to a favorite podcast or album, reading, or having a snack. Some moms and babies even do a relaxing bath together! Whatever works best for you and helps you feel good, you deserve that.  

Treat yourself

If you’ve made it through breastfeeding challenges, or even if everything has gone smoothly, it can be rewarding to treat yourself to something to celebrate. Maybe it’s a fun water bottle to help you stay hydrated, or maybe it’s a cute breastfeeding-friendly top. Whatever it is, it can feel wonderful to honor your successes and celebrate your journey! 

Read more

• Nourishing foods to support breastfeeding
• Why it’s normal to have complicated feelings about breastfeeding

Sources

• Kelly Bonyata. “Do breastfeeding mothers need extra calories or fluids?” KellyMom. KellyMom.com, March 10 2019. Retrieved July 23 2020. https://kellymom.com/nutrition/mothers-diet/mom-calories-fluids/.
• Breastfeeding Your Baby. American College of Obstericians and Gynecologists. American College of Obstericians and Gynecologists. Retrieved July 23 2020. https://www.acog.org/patient-resources/faqs/labor-delivery-and-postpartum-care/breastfeeding-your-baby.
• “Maternal Diet.” Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, February 10 2020. Retrieved July 23 2020. https://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/breastfeeding-special-circumstances/diet-and-micronutrients/maternal-diet.html.