Cassandre is a marketing executive, mom of two, and a trained doula. We sat down to talk about discovering she had PCOS, opening the conversation around infertility, and helping other families through their family planning and birth experiences.  

Can you tell me a little bit about your family?

I come from a big family, on both my mom and dad’s sides. I’m one of five girls and grew up in a house in Brooklyn with about 20 family members — siblings, cousins, aunts, and uncles. I’ve always had a lot of kids around me (I don’t even know how many cousins I have)! 

I always knew I wanted kids. I used to say I wanted four — that was my magic number. My career was also important to me, but I knew I wanted a family. 

What role did your career play in your life? How did that influence your family plans?

Balancing family planning and my career was a challenge, but once I began dealing with infertility, starting a family became my top priority. I still worked — which probably made it harder because I was in a stressful job — but family planning was #1. The thought of not being able to have kids really scared me. 

Tell me a little more about your experience with infertility. 

I got married in my early 30s, and we waited four years to start having kids because we wanted to enjoy marriage and have fun. I recommend that to everyone, if you can!

Once we started, we tried for 6 or 7 months before my midwife recommended an infertility specialist. It took her a while to diagnose me with PCOS. I will never forget that day in the infertility specialist’s office when she told me, “You’re not going to be able to conceive naturally.” At that time, I didn’t know much about fertility treatments. I didn’t know anyone in my life who went through this because no one talked about it. I had no clue where to begin. 

No one in my family knew. Finally, my husband told me, “You have to tell your sisters.” So I finally told them and my parents. Eventually, I told everyone, in part because I wanted people to stop asking me when we were going to have kids. From that point on, whenever someone would ask me, “Hey, why don’t you have kids yet?” I would respond, “Because we’re having fertility problems.” That got them to stop asking. 

Starting IUI was emotional. I had to take shots every day. We had two cycles, the second one took, and we finally had our miracle baby!

Tell me about your pregnancy experience. 

Pregnancy was good, but it was emotional. If you go through infertility or miscarriage, when you finally do have a successful pregnancy, it’s hard to enjoy. I was so worried something would go wrong. I didn’t take any photos when I was pregnant for that reason. We moved recently and I found the one picture I took when I was pregnant. I was so happy to find it.

Once I had her, though, I said to myself, “Never again will I not share this story.” I tell everyone now. And I found the more I was honest with people about my experience with infertility and IUI, the more people reached out sharing they were dealing with the same issues. And it just continued. In my life so many people are dealing with infertility issues. All of a sudden, I became this unofficial, unlicensed infertility specialist! 

I wanted to know everything about PCOS and infertility — I dug all the way into the research, I bought books, I joined online communities — and I realized there is this whole world of people going through the same thing and no one is talking about it. Especially in the Black community. No one. 

Why do you think that is?

Black women seek medical treatment for infertility at much lower rates than their white counterparts. There is a stereotype that Black women are super fertile and have lots of kids. And culturally within the community, we do it to each other. You’ll hear Black folks say things like, “Oh she’s a fertile myrtle.” These stereotypes make it feel like we don’t have fertility problems, like we don’t do IUI. I had two friends who froze their eggs recently, and I was so proud of them. It’s an investment in their future, but there are barriers that need to be broken. 

I dealt with infertility in silence with no one. It was just me, my thoughts, and my little online communities. It was very isolating. I’m happy to see the conversation becoming more normalized now. 

Yes, it does feel like people are getting more comfortable having conversations about women’s health: periods, fertility, postpartum health, and menopause.

Yes. Education is a huge part of it, and so is listening to your body. Part of the reason I found out I had PCOS (even though it took my doctor forever to figure it out) is because I went through this period of 3-4 months where I was regularly exercising, eating well, and I lost no weight. I was breaking out (which I never do). I knew something was wrong. 

I got some regular bloodwork done at my doctor’s office. A few days later, she called me and told me that something was wrong with my hormone levels. She referred me to an endocrinologist (my fertility specialist), and that’s when we realized I had PCOS.

Moral of the story: listen to your body!

And your body changes! I had a baby 12 years ago and had all kinds of challenges, and then at 44, I got pregnant with no problems. We weren’t trying. I was done having kids. It’s so important to trust your body. Work together with your doctors, but you know your body. 

Yes, and when you’re used to ignoring pain or discomfort, that becomes your norm. 

When you’re used to needing to minimize how you’re feeling, you don’t think anything of it when you’re actually feeling pain. 

I wonder about the role that weathering plays in this fertility space too and how holding generational pain within the body might impact fertility. 

I think it absolutely does. Among unmarried couples, Black women are five times more likely to be the head of household than Black men. When you have the responsibility of providing and caring for your family, the added pressure of infertility adds another layer of stress. And stress is absolutely a huge factor in infertility. 

We tried to conceive when I was at my previous company, and it just was not happening. The moment I left and joined another company, I became pregnant. The exact same thing happened to two of my other coworkers. Stress is a major factor. 

Do you think your experience influenced your decision to become a doula?

It was a big part of it, but what really convinced me was when my sister-in-law was pregnant. Her doula was very late to the birth, she literally almost missed it. So I ended up naturally working as her doula. When I left, I started looking into doula work. I didn’t have a doula with my first, but the more I dug into it I realized I could do it and it connected with my story. Especially being about to help people through infertility — it’s such a soft spot for me. I did a training specialized program for infertility work during the pandemic. 

Tell me about the differences in your birth team for your first versus your second pregnancy. 

I’ve always gone to midwives. Because I had a midwife, I had a great birth experience. Midwives labor with you — that’s the difference between a midwife and an OB. 

And for your second pregnancy, you gave birth far from your home, right?

Yes. I live on Long Island now. It’s diverse and great, but I did not feel comfortable giving birth here. I got great OB recommendations, but there are no midwives near me. So I commuted all the way to Brooklyn for my midwife. I just made it happen. I was not going to sacrifice that part of my care. 

How has having a second baby later in your reproductive years impacted your birth and parenting experience? 

Because I’m a doula and I’ve attended so many births, with my second I felt like a complete expert in terms of what I want and didn’t want. 

Basically, you could have delivered the baby yourself…

If I could have, I would have! I knew I wanted to be induced. I had some fear about my age, but while it was unexpected, I had less fear the second time around than I had with my oldest. With my oldest, I didn’t have any information. Information is so critical. 

Now, I’m leaning on my first pregnancy, my work as a doula, and even working at Ovia. Working at Ovia while having kids is truly a blessing. I can’t count the number of times I’ve emailed an Ovia Health Coach (shoutout to Lisa and Lilly!) with a question about breastfeeding or something else. They are just amazing and have helped me so much. 

But overall, the beauty of having a baby at this age is the confidence, the education, knowing I can disagree with my midwife, knowing all my opinions; it’s been so much easier. 

Do you have any advice for someone going through a first pregnancy or feeling nervous about pregnancy for any reason? 

I’m a strong advocate for midwives, but the most important thing is to trust your body. You have to get to the place of trusting yourself and trusting your body. I was so nervous when I was pregnant with my first that my body was going to fail me. But you have to remember that your body is built for this. There may be some complications, but listen to and trust your body.

This article is part of Ovia’s Black Birth Experience series.

Read more

• Identify your advocate
• Advocate for your health by bringing a support person with you to appointments

Unplanned but not unprepared

A C-section may be planned ahead of time if you’ve had one previously or develop certain pregnancy complications. But sometimes, people find out they will need one once labor is already underway. In those cases, things can move quickly, and the sense of urgency may feel overwhelming and scary. Having an understanding of what a C-section entails — before, during, and after — can help you feel more in control. 

Rest assured, your medical team is highly experienced in delivering babies this way. They know every step they have to take to keep you and your baby as safe as possible. While they may look very busy and hurried, you should also know that it is always within your rights to ask questions. You aren’t inconveniencing them. This is your body and your baby and you deserve to understand your provider’s decisions.

In most cases, your partner or support person can be by your side for a cesarean birth. While they may have to wait outside as you’re getting situated in the operating room, as long as you’re awake for the procedure, they should be there right by the head of your bed with you.

Know that It’s completely normal to have some difficulty letting go of the birth you had envisioned. It may take time — like any grief process — to work through everything you feel afterwards. 

What will happen?

A C-section is a surgical procedure. This means that you’ll be moved into the operating room. It’s a very bright, sterile environment that can be intimidating and it’s often a little chilly in the operating room. You can ask for a warm blanket across your arms if that feels comforting. Because you’re having surgery, you will be given fluid and medication through your intravenous (IV) line. You’ll lay down on the operating table and your abdomen will be washed. Then, you’ll have a blood pressure cuff and a pulse oximeter (clip on your finger to measure your oxygen levels) placed for monitoring. If you don’t already have one, a nurse will likely insert a catheter to collect urine as well. 

Regional anesthesia vs. general anesthesia

In most cases, you’ll receive regional anesthesia — typically a spinal or epidural block — so you’ll remain awake during the procedure but you won’t feel any pain. This means you’ll still be able to experience the birth and be ready to greet your baby immediately after delivery. In rare situations or emergencies, general anesthesia may be required, which would mean you’d be in a sleep-like state for the delivery. Again, this is reserved for rare cases when there isn’t time to place the regional anesthesia and is only done when it’s in your and your baby’s best interests.

What will it feel like?

Before surgery, a curtain is drawn between your upper and lower body to help you stay relaxed. Your partner can sit behind this curtain at the head of your bed while you await your little one’s arrival. You’ll also have an anesthesia provider right there with you whose sole purpose is to make sure you are okay. They can answer your questions and help treat uncomfortable symptoms (like nausea) should they arise. Once your surgeon has made sure you’re completely numb, they’ll make a horizontal or vertical incision in your lower abdomen and then another in your uterus to deliver your baby. Next, they’ll cut the umbilical cord and remove the placenta. Then your medical team will stitch you back up. The entire process is usually done in about an hour. 

Will I really feel nothing?

The anesthesia will ensure there’s no pain at all. However, there may be other sensations. Some women report feeling tugging, pressure, or shortness of breath as their doctor presses on their uterus and eases the baby out. It’s also possible to experience light shaking or shivering, which can be a side effect of a spinal block and is no cause to worry. 

None of these sensations should hurt; however, they might feel strange or even frightening. Using a breath technique or relaxation practice can help you through it, as can leaning on your support person. Keep your doctor and anesthesiologist informed about how you feel so they can ensure you remain as comfortable as possible. 

What happens with my baby?

Just like with vaginal delivery, unless there is an immediate medical need, you’ll be able to see your baby right away. As long as you’re feeling well enough, after the umbilical cord is cut and your baby is dried gently, they can be placed on your bare chest for skin-to-skin contact. Depending on your hospital and how you’re feeling, you may even be able to try breastfeeding in the operating room or recovery area. If you’re not up for having baby on your chest, you can have your partner hold baby cheek to cheek with you to get that skin to skin contact and feel the soothing presence of your baby near to you.

How will I feel after?

After birth of any type, you’ll probably feel sore, elated, and exhausted. However, a C-section is a major surgery, so the healing timeline may be longer than with vaginal birth, and you will likely be in the hospital for an extra day or two. 

In the hours after birth, you will receive pain medication to help you remain comfortable as the anesthesia wears off. You can spend time skin to skin with baby, start to breastfeed, and check out all their little fingers and toes. You may also feel really sleepy so this might be a good time for your partner to do some bonding while you rest.

When can I eat?

At this point you’ll be able to slowly start to eat some ice chips and drink some fluids. Once you’re feeling well enough, you’ll be encouraged to drink plenty of fluids and eat your first meal. Usually the day of your C-section or the morning after (depending on what time of day your surgery was), you’ll get up to walk around with the help of your nurse. You’ll gradually get better at this and will be encouraged to get up several times a day, which will help prevent constipation and reduce the risk of blood clots in your lower extremities.

In the days following the birth, your care team will keep a close eye on your incision to watch for bleeding or any signs of infection. During this time, you’ll most likely experience cramping in your uterus and vaginal bleeding as you would after a vaginal birth.

The first weeks

Over the first few weeks of recovery, it’s important to rest as much as possible and avoid lifting anything heavier than your baby. So get ready for plenty of snuggling and cuddling as you heal. Expect that movement may be uncomfortable and deep bending is off the table until usually four to six weeks after delivery. It is still important to continue doing several short walks a day, which over time you’ll be able to slowly increase in length. The physical limitations can be extremely challenging and frustrating as a new parent, so lean on your support system wherever possible. Full recovery typically takes about six weeks, so it may make sense to consider how you would handle this recovery period now, just in case. 

You’ve got this

(And we’ve got you.) Ovia’s goal is to help you have your healthiest pregnancy and most empowered birth experience. Part of that is feeling ready to make decisions with your healthcare provider that prioritize your and your baby’s safety and wellbeing. This information is meant to help you feel prepared and reassure you that birth can still be beautiful, even when it doesn’t go exactly as planned. 

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team

Read more

• C-section incision area
• Mental health postpartum

Sources

• “Births – Method of Delivery.” National Center for Health Statistics. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. March 2, 2021. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/delivery.html
• “C-section.” Mayo Clinic. Mayo Clinic. June 12, 2020. https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/c-section/about/pac-20393655
• “Pain Management for C-Sections.” Yale Medicine. Yale Medicine. https://www.yalemedicine.org/conditions/anesthesia-for-c-section
• “Cesarean Birth FAQs.” Acog.org. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. 2021. https://www.acog.org/womens-health/faqs/cesarean-birth

So you’re pregnant. Awesome! You’ve probably been busy picking out names, toys, cribs, and everything else you’ll need for Baby. While preparing for after their arrival is important, it’s just as important to prepare for the birth itself, and the best way to do that is with your birth plan.

What can be included?

Anything goes! Birth plans can be bulleted lists or longer descriptions with photos and pictures – it’s totally up to you. Most birth plans are short, and it’s helpful to list your preferences and hopes for your labor, birth and early postpartum care (for you and baby). Your provider and you can go over this document prenatally, but it’s also designed for the healthcare workers who will be helping to care for you on the big day without ever having met you before.

Specifically, you can include:

• How you want to go about each stage of labor: Walking through the steps of labor and outlining your hopes for everyone involved in the birth will help ease your nerves about the big day and aid in a happy, healthy birth.
• How you’d prefer to handle pain: Every labor is different, and the only thing you can expect is the unexpected, but it’s still important to weigh the many options for pain treatment available at your facility.
• The type of environment you want: Baby’s first view of the world is all up to you and your partner, so consider how you want to set up the room where your baby makes their big debut.
• Who you want there: To create the most comfortable environment possible, you should be specific about who will help you to the finish line.
• Plan A and Plan B: It’s helpful to explore your preferences in unexpected scenarios, like an unplanned cesarean or NICU admission.
• Baby’s treatment after birth:  If you’re not sure what’s standard after giving birth, check out this article on typical testing and medications for newborns. Your feeding plan is also helpful to communicate.
• Postpartum care for you: From pain management to plans for going home, it’s okay to mark down some preferences about your own care after giving birth.

Birth plans are a flexible and ever-changing document. It’s helpful to bring yours to your provider prenatally and get their take on what’s available where you plan to give birth or to make sure some things you’re hoping for are 100% standard already. Remember that you’re always free to change your plans or preferences in the moment, as there are usually twists and turns on this journey to Baby!

Read more

• Labor and delivery options: finding the perfect one
• Building a birth plan

However, what a great birth plan can do is provide you with the tools and confidence to be able to navigate the unexpected. A birth plan can be the foundation for trust and open communication with your birth partner, healthcare provider, and birth team. Having this foundation can help ease anxiety about labor and help you feel more prepared.

How can writing a birth plan build trust?

By having conversations about topics like pain management options or breastfeeding choices, you can reassure yourself ahead of time that your provider understands you and your expectations. These chats help you to feel heard and supported — what we all need to trust. And we know that patients do better the more trust they have in their healthcare providers.

With large OB/GYN practices and hospital births, many of us can only hope that “our provider” is the one who delivers our baby — we’re lucky if we see the same person twice for prenatal visits. But you can use this reality to your advantage. Having multiple conversations with different providers about your birth plan at prenatal visits can help clarify your preferences and ensure that you (and your birth partner) practice clearly communicating.

Birth plans promote healing and offer protection

Pregnant people’s lived history of emotional struggles, personal battles, trauma, or life challenges come with them into the delivery room. Researchers observe that survivors of mental health disorders, fertility struggles, pregnancy losses, trauma, and violence can all experience increased stress levels during their pregnancy, complications during labor and delivery, breastfeeding challenges, and/or postpartum depression. Other pregnant people such as immigrants, members of the LGBTQ+ community, or women of color may experience discrimination and therefore be more vulnerable to challenges along their parenthood journey. These research observations do not promise that just because you are a survivor, you are destined for a complicated pregnancy, birth, or postpartum recovery — instead they indicate a vulnerability. Crafting a trauma-informed birth plan can help protect you against potential vulnerabilities and lower your risk for problems.

A trauma-informed birth plan is one that specifically acknowledges how your life experiences may impact your pregnancy, delivery and postpartum journey. For example, telling your healthcare provider that you want to limit the number of medical students or residents in your delivery room may help you feel more comfortable.

Why is a birth plan especially helpful if I’m a Black woman or birthing person?

Regardless of your race or ethnicity, your delivery or postpartum period may not go according to plan, but Black women, are at a higher risk for experiencing complications in childbirth or postpartum due to bias within and beyond the healthcare system. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control (CDC) believes as many as 60% of these complications are preventable. What can you do to have a safe and healthy birth?

A birth plan is one way for you to start reclaiming the kind of pregnancy, birth and postpartum experience that you deserve. Experts suggest acknowledging and talking specifically with your provider about how racism could effect your pregnancy, your delivery, and postpartum experience. Working together, you can create a plan that anticipates and plans for potential impacts of medical racism.

For example, talking about your increased risk for preeclampsia (a potentially dangerous high blood pressure condition of pregnancy and postpartum) and learning about the symptoms of preeclampsia could save your life. Writing in your birth plan that your blood pressure will be checked more frequently during pregnancy and in the weeks following delivery can help you feel less anxiety, build trust in your provider, and keep you safe.

You can be more comfortable in labor with your birth plan

We also know that when we are in pain or a state of panic, it is hard to think clearly. It becomes even more difficult to understand complicated health information, such as giving informed consent to start an epidural. Having thoughtfully learned about and talked over your pain management options long before any contractions kick in reassures you that your wishes will be taken into consideration. You are therefore able to feel less anxious and more at ease.

Research has shown that the medical system undertreats Black women’s pain. Talking about your fear that your labor pain may not be taken seriously during prenatal visits with your healthcare provider will help them be conscious of this concern, help to build trust between you, and may help lower your stress level.

We also know that when we are anxious, worried, or scared we feel more pain. The confidence and peace of mind a birth plan can bring will help you cope better with discomfort. A relaxed mind helps your muscles relax, breaking the fear-tension-pain cycle and helping labor progress naturally.

Use your birth plan to cultivate confidence

Being able to advocate for yourself builds your inner confidence. From the foundation of mutual trust with your healthcare team, your birth plan forms the scaffolding for confidence in your own ability to have a good birth. Your birth plan is something you can return to whenever you feel anxious about the uncertainty or unknowns of your birth. Although your birth plan doesn’t have all the answers, you can take comfort in knowing you have considered your options and have mapped out the plan that’s best for you.

Read more

• Birth plans: delivery environment, pain management, and more
• 6 reasons why you should write a birth plan

Leaving the hospital

When leaving the hospital, you’ll want to make sure that Baby is dressed comfortably, so while cute matters for those keepsake photos of you leaving the hospital, it’s most important to make sure that they are dressed properly for the temperature. Babies should only wear one layer under their car seat straps, so be prepared with a way to keep Baby snug and warm if it’s chilly out. 

You should also be sure you’re confident in any specific information your healthcare provider gave you about Baby. If you want written instructions, it’s always okay to ask for those. It’s tough to remember it all in these moments! Most birthing parents are not able to transport themselves home alone, so make sure your partner or other support is there to help you on this exciting day.

Baby‘s room

It probably goes without saying, but you’ll want to make sure that Baby has a cozy place to sleep. This can be a crib, bassinet or other safe and separate surface. This sleep space may be in your room to start, as having your baby in your room is recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics. A changing table, a space to keep their clothes, a nursery light, and a rocker or glider are all great parts of a nursery, too.

Car seat

Because you won’t be able to carry Baby around in your womb forever, you’ll need a car seat for them to ride in. Car seats for newborns should always be rear-facing and always situated in the back seat, the safest place for the Baby. When installing a car seat, it’s important to follow the manufacturer’s instructions to make sure the seat is installed properly. You can search for a Child Passenger Safety Technician (CPST) near you to help you with the perfect installation.

Baby-proofing

Before you bring Baby home, you’ll want to make sure that your home is as baby-safe as possible. It may feel early to take care of these items before Baby is mobile, but it never hurts to get a head start. This may mean buying covers for your power outlets, cushioning any sharp corners, and finding a safe way to manage the behavior of any large, curious or excitable excitable pets. Don’t forget some general safety for the home, like smoke and carbon monoxide detectors.

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team

Read more

• Car seat safety
• Lanugo: baby’s monkey hair

Sources

• “New car seat research shows rear-facing longer is better.” ConsumerReports.org. Consumer Reports, 6/9/2015. Web.

Snacks, both small and substantial

A lot of people bring snacks when going to the hospital for other reasons, thinking that the food offerings might be subpar during their stay. But what about during labor? Especially if it’s long? Not all people feel well enough to eat during labor, but if you can, you may be glad to have some munchies on hand to power you through. Nausea is common during labor, so you may want to pack something that will be easy to keep down — just in case. Yogurt, simple soups, granola bars or protein shakes are all popular choices. After delivery, if you’re getting sick of hospital food or give birth in the middle of the night, you might want to have a favorite meal on hand or some good takeout options in mind.

Eye mask and ear plugs

These goodies can help you shut out the world and sleep, rest, or just zone out during labor and then later on during your hospital stay. When laboring, you might need a break to just chill and recharge or recenter and focus, and afterwards, you may be trying to sleep in a space full of lights and noisy interruptions. These can help you get the rest you need.

Music

Not for everybody, but sometimes labor can be made a little easier with some tunes. Maybe you decide to make a labor playlist of songs that will help you cope or sounds that will take you far and away. You can bring headphones or a small speaker — whatever you think will work for you. The same goes for other forms of entertainment. Magazines, your favorite show on demand — bring what you like, but keep in mind that heavy reading and viewing might not really be something you can handle during this rather intense time.

Hair ties, head wraps, or headbands

This is the time for an easy do, so unless you have short hair, you’ll want to bring a few things to get your hair out of your way. Hair also tends to get really tangled in the midst of labor and birth, so keeping it out of the way is key. The bright side? This very special occasion can be a fine excuse to get a new head wrap or headband.

Health and beauty shortcuts

Even if you are already a beauty minimalist, you’ll find that during your hospital stay simplicity is essential. You might skip drying your hair to feed Baby or even feel too uncomfortable to walk to the bathroom to wash your face or brush your teeth. Packing some health and beauty items that make taking care of yourself a little easier is a big help. Products like dry shampoo (which may soon be your new best friend as a parent anyway), face wipes, or little water-free toothbrushes can be great options.

Going-home outfit options

Have you already packed the super cute outfit Baby will be wearing home after your hospital stay? Then you’re ahead of the game. But since you just can’t be certain of what size they will be when they arrive, it can actually be helpful to pack a few options in various sizes. And what about you? Pack some comfy options — shoes for swollen feet included — that you’ll feel good in, and keep in mind that you won’t lose that bump immediately after giving birth. Your body will still be a somewhat pregnant-looking shape and size (think 4 or 5 months along) when you go home. It’s also helpful to think ahead in terms of outerwear, especially if you live somewhere cold or are delivering during a season in which the weather changes quickly. Is there a chance that you’ll need coats, hats, or snuggly blankets for going home? If so, plan accordingly, even if it’s mild when you head to the hospital.

Something that will bring you comfort

Maybe it’s a favorite blanket or a picture to use as a focal point. Maybe it’s a massage ball or an overstuffed pillow. Having items you think will provide you with physical or emotional comfort can go a long way when you’re laboring and during your postpartum hospital stay. You might even want to bring in something special, like a new baby book, to start recording baby’s firsts before you head home. One exception? Don’t bring something so valuable you’d be devastated if it were lost or damaged.

Any daily toiletries, medications, or healthcare items

If you’ve been a busy bee and packed your bag well in advance, you may have already packed toiletries like travel shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and such, but it’s important to remember the things you can’t really pack ahead of time. This might include regular medications, your everyday face lotion, hairbrush, eyeglasses and other items that might be stored elsewhere — like in your medicine cabinet or on your nightstand — in the days and weeks leading up to labor. It can be helpful to make a list of these sorts of necessities in advance so that when you do go into labor, you or a loved one can gather these items quickly and easily so you’re not caught without them.

Breastfeeding

If you are planning on breastfeeding, you may want to bring coconut oil or nipple cream to soothe what may soon be tender nipples and two comfortable nursing bras. Keep in mind that you’ll want something soft, supportive, and roomy, as your breasts may swell and become engorged once your milk comes in. If you plan to exclusively pump, bring all of your equipment as well. If you’ve collected colostrum, transport it in a cooler lined with ice packs.

Plan ahead for tech!

This is a friendly reminder to pack all your chargers for all the tech and devices you bring! A portable power bank is excellent in a pinch when your charge is running low. If you don’t have a smartphone or digital camera with ample storage, you might run out of space if you take loads of pictures or record videos. Freeing up storage before heading to the hospital is a good idea. Also, bring a few extra SD cards for those devices that need them, and make sure you have your passwords and cloud access ready. Also, hospital WiFi can sometimes be spotty, so if you have a personal hotspot on your phone or a hotspot device, make sure you have it set up on your phone or tucked in your bag.

But do you run the risk of overpacking?

Do you know that old rule about how to avoid overpacking? The one that says once packed, you should look over your bag and remove a few items. Here, you might do that by unpacking anything that the hospital or birthing center will provide you with during your stay. Some of what will likely be on hand include a hospital gown, postpartum underwear, pads, peri bottles, witch hazel wipes for you, diapers, wipes, cream, nail files, and bath soap for Baby. Your location may even provide you with an exercise ball to labor on or a special blanket or hat for baby. Certainly, many parents do want to bring some of their own items for a bit of comfort and normalcy. For example, you may want to change out of your hospital gown and into a favorite nightgown and bathrobe from home after delivery. But if you’d be just as happy using the items provided, you should check with your hospital or birthing center in advance to learn exactly what they’ll have on hand for you. Pro tip? If you have to share a room or bathroom postpartum, you’ll definitely want flip-flops or shower shoes.

And remember, if heading to the hospital catches you off guard, don’t stress — you can, in reality, pack lighter than you think — since you don’t really need much when you’re there. In truth, if you have some clothes to go home in, toiletries and health care items, your phone and charger, and some clothes and a car seat for baby, then you’ve got your basics covered. These extra items above aren’t necessities, but they can be nice. So, pack that eye mask and those nursing bras if you’re able!

Read more

• Packing a hospital bag
• Getting ready for delivery

Matt Osgood Contributing writer

My wife blames me for forcing her into an early labor with our second child.

First, I must state the obvious: There is a vast difference between the first pregnancy and the second. From what I can recollect of her first pregnancy, much of it involved me getting drunk on the couch while my wife cried during Gilmore Girls and Parenthood binges on Netflix. She may remember it differently, to be fair. But we had a built-in excuse to skip out on plans and hang out at home. During her second pregnancy, we had a one-year-old, which made those nine-months infinitely less relaxing. 

My wife was fortunate to have two easy pregnancies, with generous assists given to the acting ability of Lauren Graham and the love of a wonderful husband (okay, probably more so the former).

Exactly one week before my wife was due with baby numero dos, she was already at work while my daughter and I were having breakfast. My first-born was 19-months-old at the time, so our mealtime conversation was likely a riveting dialogue about either growth hacker marketing or a recap of Doc McStuffins. Then came a beeping from the basement, one of those protracted beep-beep-beep (short pause) beep-beep-beep’s. Our carbon monoxide levels were way too high in the basement and the detectors were loudly telling us so. (Seriously, make sure you have these in your house.)

So I loaded our daughter and our dog into the car and backed into our neighbor’s driveway across the street. I called the fire department, who squeezed what seemed like the entire company onto our small street and almost definitely frightened the elderly couple in whose driveway I was parked. And I sent my wife an email titled “9-1-1” — a subject line that would come back to haunt me — to tell her our plan.

We had to wait out the fire department, but fortunately our friend down the street was home and told me she could watch our daughter while I dealt with the fire department and, subsequently, the oil company. Feeling like a rather crappy dad and husband who had let carbon monoxide permeate our home, I felt vindication when the fire chief told me the detectors — which (note: Author proudly brushing my shoulder off) I had just checked recently — likely saved our lives. 

We eventually got back into the house by mid-afternoon. My wife came home from work. We ate chicken parmesan and put our daughter to bed. Sure the windows were all open — as neuroticism forced me to keep them cracked for at least a week afterward — but despite the excitement of the day, we were already back in a routine. And then. 

“I’m in labor,” she told me, calmly, as if she were telling me we were low on milk. “It started earlier today.”

And on the way to the hospital she proceeded to blame the 9-1-1 email for forcing her into an early labor. 

“9-1-1 means emergency,” she said. 

“If anything constitutes an emergency, it’s poisonous gas filling our home while I’m having Honey Nut Cheerios with our daughter,” was likely my reply. 

That was — and still is — my thinking. Apparently, she thinks I should have called her at work. Emails are for grocery lists and casual updates, she says. You can’t win, you know? 

But one win that day? (Well, almost that day.) Just after midnight, our son was born.

“9-1-1 means emergency,” she said.

As a husband, you get used to taking losses in a marriage. Moms are — and I mean this with sincerity and marvel — mostly right when it comes to knowledge of how to handle most any situation correctly. But I’ll always stand by the idea that I handled this right. 

I made sure the carbon monoxide detectors were working. I made sure our daughter was safe. I’m even (supposedly) the reason we got to meet our little buddy a week earlier than we thought we would. And if poisonous gas consuming our home is not a reason to write a 9-1-1 email then, sheesh, I don’t know what is.

About the author

Matt Osgood is a freelance journalist based out of Haverhill, MA, where he lives with his wife, their two kids, and dog. While life as a dad certainly provides him with the best material, he writes mostly about sports and booze, both of which provide much needed therapy.

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