And even after you are physically cleared, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll feel ready to have sex at 6 weeks. On the other hand, your sex drive might have come back sooner than you anticipated. Pay attention to how you’re feeling as you determine your timeline to readiness. Here are some things to consider about postpartum sex.

Before the 6-week mark

Generally, it’s recommended to wait to have vaginal intercourse until you’ve seen your provider, which is typically at the 6-week mark. It is important not to resume intercourse until your postpartum bleeding has stopped. Before this time, you are at an increased risk of a uterine infection. If you experienced a tear that required a repair, your provider will likely recommend that you wait a little longer as there is increased risk of infection as your body heals.

After you’re cleared 

One of the biggest concerns about resuming vaginal intercourse after delivery is discomfort or pain. It is common for women to feel nervous about the first time having sex after a vaginal birth. If discomfort is a concern, take it slow with plenty of foreplay and lubrication to increase comfort and pleasure. 

Signs that it might be too soon 

If you’re experiencing discharge or bleeding or vaginal or pernium pain, these are likely signs that you’re not quite ready for vaginal intercourse. 

Even if you are cleared physically, you might not be up for sex emotionally. There are so many ways to be intimate with your partner — simple things like spending quality time together or cuddling on the couch. It may take some time to start back up again, and that is perfectly normal. 

If you’re feeling ready but you’re not cleared 

If your sex drive starts making itself known before your provider recommends starting intercourse, you can check in with them about whether you’re good to go for oral sex and other forms of external stimulation. Chances are, they’ll tell you that as long as you keep it to the outside of your vagina (vulva) or your clitoris, you’ll be fine. Just make sure to keep any stitches or healing tissue clean, because the human mouth carries a lot of bacteria which could lead to an infection.

Once your doctor says you’re good to go

You still might not be in the mood. Which is totally normal and could be for any number of reasons, the first of which is hormonal. It could take months for your hormones to return to where they were before your pregnancy. They could take even longer to return to normal if you’re breastfeeding, since the hormonal changes that happen during breastfeeding can affect your sex drive. You might also be struggling with changes to your body, exhaustion, or other emotional contributors to lack of desire. Give yourself grace and time. 

When you do start having intercourse again, your breasts may leak milk. If you and your partner are fine with this, that’s great, as it’s a perfectly natural hormonal response. If you’re not, you can wear breast pads or have sex immediately after feeding Baby. This might be a good idea in any case, because after she has eaten, she may be less likely to interrupt you.

Even if you feel totally ready to have sex again, your vagina might be drier than you’re used to (even when you’re turned on). That’s another natural hormonal response to recent childbirth, and is something you can manage by using a lubricant.

Speaking of your vagina, it may not be in exactly the same shape as the last time you did this, and you may feel some pain the first time you have intercourse, whether you jump right back in as soon as your healthcare provider gives you the go-ahead or you decide to wait a while. It’ll slowly heal on its own, though, over time, and if you want to help with the recovery process, kegel exercises can help. Mild discomfort may occur when you first resume intercourse and often will improve on its own. If you still have pain three months out from your birth, it’s a good idea to talk to your provider about this. Pain at this stage is not expected and pelvic floor physical therapy can be very helpful. 

What about birth control?

Most forms of birth control are perfectly safe after pregnancy. However, if you’re breastfeeding, hormonal birth controls that use estrogen as well as progestin may decrease your milk supply. On the other hand, hormonal birth control that uses only progestin shouldn’t cause any problems. Your healthcare provider will be able to discuss which type of birth control is right for you, which may include progestin-only hormonal birth control, like the pill or implants, or non-hormonal birth control like condoms or copper IUDs.

If you make the decision to resume sex before you’ve started a birth control method, it’s important to use a condom to prevent pregnancy. It is not common to start ovulating again in the first six weeks after baby is born, but it is possible, so be sure you’re using some form of birth control.

If you think you might be ready to start thinking about a sibling, or even if you’re not, but think you might at some point, now is a great time to start tracking your cycle with Ovia Fertility!

Above all, it’s important to listen to your body. You’ll be able to feel it when you’re ready – and if you don’t feel ready, there’s no need to rush.

This content was reviewed by Dr. Lisa Hickman and Dr. Katie Propst. Dr. Hickman runs the Childbirth Pelvic Floor Disorders Clinic at The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center. Dr. Propst runs the Postpartum Care Clinic at Cleveland Clinic. 

Sources

• Elana Pearl Ben-Joseph, MD. “Recovering From Delivery.” KidsHealth. The Nemours Foundation. June 2018. https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/recovering-delivery.html
• Mayo Clinic Staff. “Sex after pregnancy: Set your own timeline.” Mayo Clinic. Mayo Clinic. August 21, 2020. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/labor-and-delivery/in-depth/sex-after-pregnancy/art-20045669. 

And even after you are physically cleared, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll feel ready to have sex at 6 weeks. On the other hand, your sex drive might have come back sooner than you anticipated. Pay attention to how you’re feeling as you determine your timeline to readiness. Here are some things to consider about postpartum sex.

Before the 6-week mark

Generally, it’s recommended to wait to have vaginal intercourse until you’ve seen your provider, which is typically at the 6-week mark. It is important not to resume intercourse until your postpartum bleeding has stopped. Before this time, you are at an increased risk of a uterine infection. If you experienced a tear that required a repair, your provider will likely recommend that you wait a little longer as there is increased risk of infection as your body heals.

After you’re cleared 

One of the biggest concerns about resuming vaginal intercourse after delivery is discomfort or pain. It is common for women to feel nervous about the first time having sex after a vaginal birth. If discomfort is a concern, take it slow with plenty of foreplay and lubrication to increase comfort and pleasure. 

Signs that it might be too soon 

If you’re experiencing discharge or bleeding or vaginal or pernium pain, these are likely signs that you’re not quite ready for vaginal intercourse. 

Even if you are cleared physically, you might not be up for sex emotionally. There are so many ways to be intimate with your partner — simple things like spending quality time together or cuddling on the couch. It may take some time to start back up again, and that is perfectly normal. 

If you’re feeling ready but you’re not cleared 

If your sex drive starts making itself known before your provider recommends starting intercourse, you can check in with them about whether you’re good to go for oral sex and other forms of external stimulation. Chances are, they’ll tell you that as long as you keep it to the outside of your vagina (vulva) or your clitoris, you’ll be fine. Just make sure to keep any stitches or healing tissue clean, because the human mouth carries a lot of bacteria which could lead to an infection.

Once your doctor says you’re good to go

You still might not be in the mood. Which is totally normal and could be for any number of reasons, the first of which is hormonal. It could take months for your hormones to return to where they were before your pregnancy. They could take even longer to return to normal if you’re breastfeeding, since the hormonal changes that happen during breastfeeding can affect your sex drive. You might also be struggling with changes to your body, exhaustion, or other emotional contributors to lack of desire. Give yourself grace and time. 

When you do start having intercourse again, your breasts may leak milk. If you and your partner are fine with this, that’s great, as it’s a perfectly natural hormonal response. If you’re not, you can wear breast pads or have sex immediately after feeding Baby. This might be a good idea in any case, because after she has eaten, she may be less likely to interrupt you.

Even if you feel totally ready to have sex again, your vagina might be drier than you’re used to (even when you’re turned on). That’s another natural hormonal response to recent childbirth, and is something you can manage by using a lubricant.

Speaking of your vagina, it may not be in exactly the same shape as the last time you did this, and you may feel some pain the first time you have intercourse, whether you jump right back in as soon as your healthcare provider gives you the go-ahead or you decide to wait a while. It’ll slowly heal on its own, though, over time, and if you want to help with the recovery process, kegel exercises can help. Mild discomfort may occur when you first resume intercourse and often will improve on its own. If you still have pain three months out from your birth, it’s a good idea to talk to your provider about this. Pain at this stage is not expected and pelvic floor physical therapy can be very helpful. 

What about birth control?

Most forms of birth control are perfectly safe after pregnancy. However, if you’re breastfeeding, hormonal birth controls that use estrogen as well as progestin may decrease your milk supply. On the other hand, hormonal birth control that uses only progestin shouldn’t cause any problems. Your healthcare provider will be able to discuss which type of birth control is right for you, which may include progestin-only hormonal birth control, like the pill or implants, or non-hormonal birth control like condoms or copper IUDs.

If you make the decision to resume sex before you’ve started a birth control method, it’s important to use a condom to prevent pregnancy. It is not common to start ovulating again in the first six weeks after baby is born, but it is possible, so be sure you’re using some form of birth control.

If you think you might be ready to start thinking about a sibling, or even if you’re not, but think you might at some point, now is a great time to start tracking your cycle with Ovia Fertility!

Above all, it’s important to listen to your body. You’ll be able to feel it when you’re ready – and if you don’t feel ready, there’s no need to rush.

This content was reviewed by Dr. Lisa Hickman and Dr. Katie Propst. Dr. Hickman runs the Childbirth Pelvic Floor Disorders Clinic at The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center. Dr. Propst runs the Postpartum Care Clinic at Cleveland Clinic. 

Sources

• Elana Pearl Ben-Joseph, MD. “Recovering From Delivery.” KidsHealth. The Nemours Foundation. June 2018. https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/recovering-delivery.html
• Mayo Clinic Staff. “Sex after pregnancy: Set your own timeline.” Mayo Clinic. Mayo Clinic. August 21, 2020. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/labor-and-delivery/in-depth/sex-after-pregnancy/art-20045669. 

Libido, defined

Libido is a term that refers to a person’s general interest in sex. Sometimes also called sex drive, someone’s libido is a broad measure of how often they want to engage in sexual activity over a long period of time. 

High libido vs. low libido

You know this: Libido is often amended with words like ‘high’ or ‘low.’

Someone who feels an internal pull to have sex multiple times a day, for example, might claim to have a high libido. Meanwhile, a person who only feels moved to masturbate every few months might claim a low libido. 

Despite the fact that it’s common to qualify libido in this way, there actually isn’t a qualitative scale. Libido does not have a specific metric attached to it, the way other bodily functions like cholesterol and blood pressure do. 

This means that there isn’t a way to specifically gauge a normal libido or an abnormal libido. (More on the concept of a normal libido below). 

What is a normal libido?

Whether you desire sex frequently or infrequently, you might sometimes wonder: is my libido normal? The answer is yes. The amount that you desire sex is normal. 

In truth, because there is no qualitative way to measure libido, there is actually no way to set a general norm. That said, everyone has a personal norm. And while desire ebbs and flows, most people have a general sense of how often they want sex. 

If this is the first time you’ve thought about your libido, you might ask yourself the following questions: 

• In my dream world, how often would I have sex? 
• How often do I masturbate? Does the answer change during different seasons of the year, or at different points in my menstrual cycle? 
• How often do I think about or fantasize about solo, partnered or multi-partnered sex?

So…what is a healthy libido? 

Another great question!

Good news: The only time your libido could be considered unhealthy, is when your desire (or lack of desire) for sex is actively interfering with your quality life. 

Someone who craves sex so frequently that they are shirking on their guardian or work responsibilities, for example, might have an unhealthy libido, or an unhealthy relationship with sex. Likewise, a person who is distraught about how infrequently they want to have sex or crave sexual activity, might have an unhealthy relationship with their libido. 

If you see yourself in either of those examples, your best bet is to work with a sex-positive mental health provider or sex therapist. These experts will have the skills to help you reframe your relationship with your libido and navigate your desires (or lack thereof). 

The 3 main factors that influence your libido

Your libido is like your car dashboard — it cues you in on what’s going on with the rest of your vehicle. When something is up with your body, you get the libidinal equivalent to a blinking “check engine” light. 

Here are three general factors that have the greatest impact on your interest in sex. 

1. What you do

Do you exercise? If so, for how long, how often, and at what intensities? Exercise has the ability to either increase or decrease your sex drive. Research shows that, generally speaking, people who have some movement practice desire sex more those who are more sedentary. 

However, there’s also a connection between an increase in exercise, and decrease in libido. Researchers have concluded that a lower libido is one of the signs of overtraining syndrome. 

Also relevant: If you exercise regularly, are you giving your body what it needs to recover afterwards? Things like meditating, body work, sleeping, and walking all have the power to support recovery, which in turn supports a healthy libido. 

2. What you eat and drink 

This probably won’t come as a surprise, but what you eat is going to influence your libido. Eating nutrient-dense food can boost your libido. 

Likewise, you need to be eating enough. When you under-eat, you’re sending the message to your body that there are limited resources. In turn, your body heads right into survival mode. And when your body is worried about surviving on its own, you aren’t going to crave sex — something that could, in theory, bring another being into this world. 

Your alcohol and drug intake can also impact your libido. Generally speaking, both have an inverse effect on your overall interest in sex. While many people report feeling hornier after a drink or two, excessive drinking has been shown to interfere with genital arousal response. 

Also important to note here are the prescription medications you take. Many antidepressants and blood pressure medications, in particular, are known to lower your libido — but other medications can have this effect, too. 

Before making any changes to your medications, talk to your healthcare provider. They may be able to prescribe another medication that doesn’t impact your libido, or pair it with another medication that counterbalances the effects. 

3. How you feel 

Your overall mental health, relationship health, relationship with work, and spiritual wellbeing can impact your libido, too. As can chronic medical conditions and hormone changes. 

So if your libido is higher or lower than usual, take a moment to ask yourself the following questions:

• How am I feeling about my current partner(s)? 
• Have I been spending time with people that fill up my cup? 
• Do I feel spiritually fulfilled? 
• How have my stress levels been? 
• What have my pain levels been like? 

The Takeaway 

Libido is the word we use to measure interest in sex. There is no universal normal amount to be interested in sex. But there is your personal normal. And monitoring fluctuations in your person normal can help you make life and health choices that best suit your sex drive (and overall wellbeing). 

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team

Let’s dive into the most common reasons people’s libidos lull.  

What’s the short answer?

The truth is that anything that impacts us as individuals has the capacity to impact our libido. 

So, if you are doing anything that has the ability to alter your mental, emotional, physical, or spiritual wellbeing, it has the ability to boost or lower your libido, too. 

The most common libido modulators include:

• Medications
• Sleep and sleep hygiene 
• Hormone health
• Overall health
• Stress levels
• Relationship happiness (or lack thereof)
• Food, drink, alcohol, and drug intake 
• Previous sexual experiences 

Let’s break it down.

1. Hormonal health

Estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone are the main hormone modulators of sex drive. When any of those shift, you may notice a lull or spike in your libido. 

To be clear: A shift in these hormones isn’t necessarily a problem. These hormones naturally ebb and flow — and are impacted by your menstrual cycle. Pregnancy, breastfeeding, and menopause also lead to shifts in these hormones. In other words, it’s totally normal to have a high sex drive and a low sex drive time of the month. It’s also normal for certain phases of life (like breastfeeding, pregnancy, and menopause) to impact your sex drive.  

But here’s where it gets tricky: the entire endocrine system is connected. So if any of your other hormones fluctuate, it can cause your estrogen, progesterone, and/or testosterone levels to shift. And when that happens? Yep, you guessed it, libidinal changes. 

Common things that cause hormone fluctuations that indirectly impact your libido include: 

• Chronic stress
• Thyroid, adrenal, or pituitary gland disease or disorder
• Diabetes 
• Exposure to toxins
• Nutrition 

What you can do

If your libido has been different than usual, talk to your healthcare provider. They’ll be able to help you identify if libidinal changes are common amongst people with your health conditions. They’ll also be able to run the necessary tests to determine any irregular hormone levels.

2. Stress levels

Hands down, the thing that has the largest impact on libido is your stress level. For the majority of people, there is an inverse relationship between their stress and sex drive — the higher their stress level, the lower their libido. But that’s not always the case! Some people crave sex when they are more stressed, due to the stress-relieving perks of orgasm and physical intimacy. 

As it goes, survival stress is even more a modulator compared to routine stress. Survival stress is the kind of stress that tells you that you are in danger of nor surviving. (Financial stress typically falls into this camp). 

What you can do

Start taking inventory of your stress level. You probably already have a good sense of how stressed you are, but take time to get specific about where that stress is coming from. Is it family stress? Financial stress? Relationship stress? Other? The answer here will help you identify where you need to devote your stress-relieving efforts. 

Unfortunately, most of these issues don’t have an easy fix and troubleshooting often requires consistency and intention. Still, implementing stress-relieving tactics like meditating, moving, sleeping, journaling, and laughing can all help improve overall wellbeing, and therefore the wellbeing of your libido. 

 3. Lifestyle choices 

Anything you put in your body or put your body through is going to have some impact on your libido. And no, we’re not just talking about aphrodisiacs. 

The short of it is that food that nourishes your body is going to have a nourishing effect on your libido. Food that makes you feel good in your body is more likely to have a positive impact on your libido than foods that make you feel blah. Your libido will also take a hit if alcohol and drugs make a regular appearance in your routine. Unsurprisingly, toxins have a toxic impact on your libido, too. 

Finally, how often you exercise, the intensity of that exercise, and your exercise recovery protocols all matter. There is more nuance here than in other lifestyle factors, but as a general rule the more robust your exercise routine is, the more robust your libido will be. 

What you can do

The good news is that you can address all these issues. If, for example, your alcohol intake is the problem. You’d probably benefit from cutting back on booze, either with the help of your close-knit support system or an organized outline like AA. If, however, you’re looking to boost your fitness routine, you might consider investing in a fitness app or finding a friend to commit to a regular exercise routine with you. 

To help you figure out what your next step should be, ask yourself the following questions:

• What is the lifestyle factor that I most need to shift? 
• What is one kind of small change I can commit to right now? 
• What kind of support do I need to invest in or seek out in order to make the change? . 
• Is there a way to incorporate my partner into this process? 

Reviewed by the Ovia Health Clinical Team