While pregnant, I spent so much time preparing for labor and for my newborn baby.  Everyone around me would ask how I was feeling and how they could help.  Once my baby was born, I was not prepared for the postpartum experience and how hard it could be. 

Postpartum realities

I was surprised by how much pain I was in. It hurt to walk more than a few minutes, and it hurt to go to the bathroom. Everyone stopped asking about me and focused only on the baby. While I expected to be emotional, I was not ready for the emotional rollercoaster I felt on top of the physical pain.

Community

Fortunately, I found solace in my other new mom friends. Hearing their experiences made me feel validated. Being able to text them, even in the middle of the night, with random questions was a relief. Knowing I wasn’t alone and that my feelings and pains were normal made me feel so much better.

Supporting players

The second time around, I was more prepared. I was actually more anxious about postpartum than I was about labor.  

When my mom asked me what she could buy for the baby, I asked her to buy me postpartum supplies instead, and she happily obliged. She bought be pads, disposable underwear, ice packs, nipple cream, etc. To top it off, she surprised me with new silk pajamas so I would feel comfortable and more like myself. That small gesture meant the world to me. When I felt gross because I hadn’t been able to shower for four days, my mom came over so I could have 20 minutes to myself. When I needed some fresh air, my husband packed up the kids and helped me out of the house to take a very slow walk around the block. My husband ran to the store when I needed more pads and pain medicine.

With my second baby, I knew how to ask for help and support. I knew that while the experience was difficult, it was also temporary. I learned that it’s important to lean on your village and ask for help because while everyone is excited about the baby, the mom needs support, too.

Read more postpartum stories!

My first postpartum experience was eye-opening in that I was not prepared AT ALL. I mean, I had all the things–pads, peri-bottles, Tylenol, undies, and bras. I read the books, and I thought I had it handled. But what I didn’t have was a decent understanding of how it would affect my relationship with my husband, my friends, my sleep, my mental health. It rocked my world. I had only heard of postpartum depression. But I got the surprise of a lifetime when I (after a long, long story) was seen by a psychologist who recognized symptoms of not only postpartum depression (PPD) but also postpartum anxiety (PPA) and postpartum obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). 

Living in self-doubt

In hindsight, I didn’t do a great job managing myself during the postpartum period. Sure, I loved on my sweet baby boy, exclusively breastfed him, did the laundry, and kept the house tidy. But rather than allowing myself to heal with rest, food, and water, I was wrecked with worry, fear and anxiety.

I couldn’t sleep because I was too busy googling ways I might accidentally hurt my baby. Or if something looked slightly wrong, like his chapped lips, I would spend HOURS researching the underlying issue. Because I knew it couldn’t be as simple as dry lips. I wouldn’t care about eating because I couldn’t let him out of my sight. I’d take long walks to get out of the house but would legitimately tremble in fear that we would get hit by a car. I lived in a constant state of worry and rarely, if ever, expressed it to anyone. I lost my sense of humor, my relationships suffered, and I felt like I was losing myself. Because, in reality, I was. 

Acknowledging the challenges, accepting support

I wish I wouldn’t have suffered so long in silence. I give my husband and sister so much credit for getting me through some of the worst days I have ever experienced. They pushed me to talk to my doctor. And let me know how I was behaving and the physical symptoms that I was experiencing due to constant anxiety and worry were not normal and, frankly, concerning. 

Looking back, I recognize that a lot of my PPD, PPA and OCD symptoms started during my pregnancy. If I could have done it differently, I wish I had brought it up with my provider sooner so that I didn’t miss out on so much joy during those first few weeks. Educating pregnant women early about risk factors and what to look out for is important. My hypothesis is that a lot of women suffer mental health issues during pregnancy, but due to a lack of awareness, it is rarely brought up or identified during that time. 

My path to healing

After learning about my PPD, PPA & OCD, my doctors and I made the decision to stick with my medication during my next pregnancies. This is not always recommended, but it worked for me. Before my diagnosis and before I went on medication, I was so mad at myself for not being able to handle the emotional changes. I was so disappointed that I had to have an emergency C-section due to the baby not progressing after hours of pushing. I also had to endure this mental health situation too. Why couldn’t I just have a normal birth with a normal recovery?

Admittedly, I was hesitant about medication. I thought I would end up being this emotionless, vapid woman. That couldn’t have been further from the truth. It turned out medication was absolutely the best thing for me AND my family. 

Handling it

My second (and third!) postpartum experiences couldn’t have been more different than the first. I experienced joy, excitement, laughter, and love. I knew I could handle what was thrown my way. Medication isn’t always a perfect tool. Sometimes, I can feel the negative thoughts and worries creep in. However, I can recognize them now and know better than succumbing to those thoughts. I know that it will pass. If not, I have family and doctors who know about my history and are there to help me. 

Things learned, things gained

A common expression or advice for new parents is: “Trust your gut.” But what do you do when that gut intuition of yours is telling you that your baby will stop living because you used the wrong laundry detergent? Or is something fundamentally wrong with that baby because his head suddenly looks too big? It’s a scary place to be when your gut leads you to a deep, dark tunnel with no sense of logic or rationalization. 

My advice is to trust others around you. Trust your partner to bring up the fact that maybe something isn’t right. Trust your family to help you recognize that your worries aren’t rational. Trust your friends when they encourage you to eat and sleep when they come over. Trust your providers when they give you tools to help identify mental health issues. And be honest with yourself when things seem dire. Being a parent is hard, undoubtedly hard. But you shouldn’t lose yourself completely. There is light and hope and joy. Sometimes, it just takes a little while to find it.

If you’re experiencing postpartum issues similar to those in this story, please contact your healthcare provider. They can help you get the support and care you need.

Read more postpartum stories!

Pamela DeGregorio Women’s Health Writer at Ovia Health

Alyson Roux worked for a decade in the arts and entertainment industry, when, spurred by her own health challenges, she chose to return to her science roots to help others live as healthily as possible, reconnect with nourishment, and grow to have a positive relationship with food. I spoke with the L.A.-based nutritionist about nutrition and self-care postpartum, how to ensure that you meet your nutritional needs when you’re busy caring for a new baby, and how to make a meal when you don’t even have time to shower.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how nutrition fits into self-care postpartum. Certainly, at least in theory, during the postpartum period new moms and birthing parents absolutely do need to focus on self-care, and yet, in practice, it’s so easy for that to not be a priority. You just had a baby! Your world is rocked! You’re not only caring for a brand new little human, but many folks are also going back to work very quickly, don’t have a support system around them, and may not be getting tons of sleep or be eating at all hours. What can you recommend for new parents who want to focus on nutrition but also need to keep it simple? 

What we call a gentle “rule of three’s” can really let people off the hook in terms of “Am I balancing my plate? Am I meeting my nutritional needs?” It means aiming for three meals a day. It seems so simple, but it can be so hard when your world is rocked. It’s not like, “Are you meeting your macronutrient distribution properly?” Let that go. Just make sure there’s a protein, a carb, and a fat at each meal. And don’t necessarily really have any vigilance over the ratio of those things. 

And, ideally, you get at least two of those groups at snacks, if not three. So, for example, I love Persian cucumbers because you don’t have to peel them. So if you’re gonna grab some Persian cucumbers, can you dip them in some hummus, just to get some protein and fat in there? 

So, for macronutrients, just gently thinking about three meals a day. Many of which can be premade, preordered, delivered – whatever works!

It’s also important for individuals to develop healthy behaviors for their own quality of life. If an individual is breastfeeding and their behaviors are therefore impacting another being, it becomes even more important to make sure that you’re getting the nutrients you need to keep your energy up. 

And so there are gentle ways to do this – what we refer to in the intuitive eating world as “gentle nutrition.” It’s essentially really similar to a standard Mediterranean style diet, where you eat plenty of whole grains, lean protein – that can be beans, nuts, poultry, seafood, and if it agrees with your beliefs, incorporating other meats with a frequency that is supportive for health – plenty of vegetables of every color that are appealing to you, fruit. And water, which is crucial! 

It can be so hard when you suddenly have someone you need to care for all the time, to get that adequate nutrition, but this sort of an approach to eating should give you those nutrients you need. 

I love the simplicity of these concepts – both the rule of three’s and the gentle nutrition approach to eating – and I wonder about other practical ways of approaching meals and eating that can be incorporated into those early postpartum days, when even just eating three meals can feel so challenging. You mentioned having food delivered. Obviously these days there are a lot of meal delivery kit subscription services and entirely premade meals that people can order. Arranging for a meal train – when friends and family organize meal deliveries to your home – is also an option. I know my husband and I were lucky enough to have family members occasionally bring us food after the birth of both of our children, and we also froze a ton of meals ourselves ahead of time – a lot of veggie soups, casseroles, pasta bakes with protein, that sort of thing. But once we got through that stockpile of frozen food, we were sometimes faced with the choice of, well, should I use what very little free time I have to shower, or should I skip that and prepare a fresh meal? Are there any other habits or shortcuts that can be helpful for new parents to ensure that they’re eating well? 

If you do have a social or family network, you can arrange for a meal train, which can be really helpful. If you don’t, we are very fortunate to live in a world where we can get almost anything delivered to our door. There are so many meal kit services that call for pretty easy assembly. And there are so many prepared meal delivery services too. When you think about the cost of the ingredients, I don’t know how some of these services are making money. So being able to get food delivered through a meal delivery service can be really helpful. I would encourage, especially in the first few weeks, if you’re not going to do a meal train or if you don’t have people that can help provide you with food, to just get at a minimum two meals a day through some kind of prepared food delivery service. And I’m not just talking about Postmates or another grocery delivery service! Actually, I mean, like, get six meals dropped off at your doorstep on Monday, and then get some more dropped off later that week. 

And make sure that you have foods on hand that are easily accessible. For breakfast, maybe yogurt with granola. Have lots of fruit around. Maybe beans dips. Get a rotisserie chicken and do a quick chicken salad. Use canned wild salmon. Have frozen meals that are really easy to heat up and are made of ingredients that you like. 

A lot of new parents can get into a frozen meal rut though, and that can be potentially remedied on a budget by making sure you get bags of baby greens and spices that you like – you can throw the baby greens and spices into the reheated frozen meal to freshen things up. Even Trader Joe’s now has precut vegetables that are not very expensive, so those can be easily thrown into a meal. 

It can also be really helpful to think about assembly versus cooking. So finding things that you can use to literally assemble a meal, where stuff is essentially premade and you just assemble it. Again, a rotisserie chicken is so great. Frozen brown rice that’s been already cooked is also available at many grocery stores. One of my favorite meals is rotisserie chicken, brown rice, some baby greens, and then I just do a scoop of sauerkraut on there, and it’s just so easy and yummy. 

A lot of these tips seem like they’re a great fit for people who are limited in time, as most new parents find themselves to be. But what about people for people who hear about a meal delivery service and feel that’s just too cost-prohibitive? Essentially, I wonder what would you recommend for people who feel not just limited by time, but also limited by cost?

Definitely cooking things in bulk and freezing them is a really helpful tool. Soups, stews, all of those things can freeze really well. If you’re buying certain grains in bulk – like rice, farro, or quinoa – just rinse them really well before using them, because it makes them more digestible. It’s also really important that you’re getting enough protein. So if buying a pre-made rotisserie chicken is out of the question, cooking a lot of chicken breasts or beans is great. 

Know that you can probably safely freeze that sort of thing for at least a month, sometimes up to three months. Just make sure you put the date on there and make sure it’s packaged in a way that makes it easy to reheat. And never put hot food in a plastic container! Let it cool in a glass or stainless steel or ceramic container. Especially during the perinatal period, trying to reduce any kind of exposure of something heated in a plastic container is good for health.

And if you’re going to be eating simply – like grains, proteins, baby carrots – whatever your simple system becomes, make sure that you find condiments that you love that you’re using. That is so key. It can really make a huge difference in being able to have a pleasurable eating experience. 

Depending on the person, using nutrient-dense foods like nut butters can be great too. For a while, the advice was to not have peanuts while pregnant, which we found out was actually maybe causing more health problems! And having inexpensive nutrient-dense protein sources – beans, nuts, canned salmon, yogurt, oats – is also absolutely fair game. 

Even new parents with limited time and operating on a budget can get the nutrients they need and find pleasure in eating – and, really, everyone deserves that. 

 

An interview withTaylor Bjorgum

Taylor is a stay-at-home mom and lives in Minnesota with her husband, four kids, and a golden doodle. We talked to her about body image, what it means to be a plus size mom, and how other parents can reimagine the way they think and talk about their bodies.

Do you have any advice for someone preparing for postpartum or in the postpartum stage? What helps on the hard body image days?

Give yourself grace. Postpartum is wonderful, it’s unknown, it’s beautiful, and it’s really hard! No amount of creams or serums will make those stretch marks disappear. Loving yourself at every stage isn’t easy, somedays you won’t, and that’s okay. It’s nearly impossible, but try not to compare your journey with someone else’s. 

And do you have any strategies for what to do when those thoughts of comparison do creep up on you?

Usually comparison happens on social media, so I’ll take a step back and try to figure out why I’m feeling this way. We have to remember that majority of people only post or share the highlights, and we see very small glimpses into their lives. Someone might look like they have the perfect picture life, but you never really know what they’re going through. We’ve all had moments where we’ve faked that everything is okay when it definitely was not.

So I just try to remember that no one’s journey is the same. And if you find yourself comparing, stop following those people. Find people who you relate to, that bring you joy. When you’re struggling with comparison and having bad body image days, take a moment to be kind to yourself. You’re doing the best you can.

I try to remind myself all of the things I’m capable of doing and all the things my body is capable of doing. I sacrificed my body for 10 months, technically 40 months (4 babies) to grow little humans. That’s not easy, and pregnancy is not easy. This might sound cheesy but nourish your body with food, practice self-care, and tell yourself daily affirmations until you believe that your body is good at every stage. 

What does health at every size mean to you?

HAES to me is measuring one’s health beyond the scale. Your weight and outer appearance cannot determine your health. HAES to me is being able to go to the doctor for a broken arm or depression medication and actually being taken seriously. It means I’m not going to be misdiagnosed, ignored, or given weight loss advice when I didn’t ask for any.

What words are you saying no to?

There are so many I steer clear from: flattering, dieting, healthy/unhealthy, good/bad food, treats, rewards, earning food, or the saying “I feel fat.”

What do you think is missing from the conversation about plus-size pregnancy?

There is very limited representation in the plus size pregnancy world. “B” bellies and “apron” bellies are hardly ever shown. Some women don’t show until way later or they don’t show at all. I was so embarrassed by my apron belly for so long and had no one to relate to. Being plus size and pregnant isn’t a bad thing. 

There is a ton of misleading information about plus size pregnancies. You can have a textbook perfect pregnancy and delivery as a plus size person. Just because you’re fat does not mean you have to or will have a C-section. It also doesn’t mean you’ll have a big baby. 

How did the birth of your children change your feelings about your body?

Before my first child was born I was already plus/mid size. My expectations about my appearance weren’t realistic. I didn’t see or know anyone else who was plus size and pregnant. I expected to have the cute round belly bump and pregnancy bliss. Instead, I had an apron belly and was swollen majority of the time. I don’t have any pregnancy photos because I was so embarrassed about my appearance and I will always regret that. 

I really started celebrating my body and rejecting diet culture when my son was 1.5 years old. (He’s currently 3.5). So, when I was pregnant for the last time recently (final baby is 7 months old), that was the pregnancy that changed everything for me. I really felt beautiful even when my body was changing. I embraced my pregnant body one final time. My biggest regret was waiting until that pregnancy to shift my thinking. I regret not taking pictures, and I regret not doing things because I was so embarrassed about my appearance. I wish I would have celebrated each time and embraced my body instead of hating it.

Does your rejection of diet culture impact the way you’re raising your children? If so, how?

Yes, greatly! I do not talk about diets, unhealthy/healthy foods, treats, etc. My kids try lots of things unprompted. They listen to their bodies when they’re hungry they’ll eat, if they’re not they won’t eat. They don’t have to earn treats or clean plates. My kids haven’t shown any signs of restricting or bingeing. I have seen articles that say girls on average will start their first diet by age eight and I’ll do everything in my power to prevent my daughter and kids from being that statistic.

I will speak for majority of millennials here — we grew up with diet culture impacting our lives from a very early age. Most of my friends and myself grew up with eating disorders and/or disordered eating. I missed out on so much growing up due to diet culture and body image. At my smallest, I was treating my body extremely poorly. I would burn over 2,000 calories a day and barely eat 1,000. I would workout until I puked. Diet culture ruined my childhood, and I don’t want that for my children. It’s hard to find others in my age group who weren’t negatively affected by diet culture.

What makes you feel beautiful and/or powerful?

My body is not perfect, or society’s definition of perfect, but it was my children’s home before they entered the world. To me that makes me feel beautiful. I honestly feel the most beautiful by being my authentic self — whether that’s no makeup and lounge wear or getting a little dressed up with makeup and hair done. 

My first born was actually stillborn, so his birth story and surviving that time in my life makes me feel very powerful. I gave birth to my daughter a month after my stillborn son’s first birthday. That day was tough but I did it, and while grieving him.

I feel powerful when I say no to getting weighed at the doctor when it’s not necessary. I feel powerful when I’m wearing something that is out of my comfort zone (like a swimsuit in public with no cover up).

What would you say to someone struggling to find their stretch marks, cellulite, or body beautiful or worthy?

There are going to be tough body image days, especially when your body doesn’t feel like your own. But you created life! Your body stretched and changed to grow another human. You aren’t the same person you were before your kid(s) and that’s okay! Our bodies are meant to change. It took almost ten months to grow a baby, we shouldn’t expect it to “snap back” like nothing happened. You are amazing, and your body is incredible just the way it is.

Right now, just about all things reproduction are a very real source of terror for me.

I’m six months postpartum and have no intention of getting pregnant again, but I can’t find a birth control option I’m happy with. Currently, I’m using the often unreliable Lactational Amenorrhea Method, so ovulation and menstruation could return at any moment; I know I’m running out of time to make a decision. 

I’ve been considering a different birth control since the birth of my first child – though I stopped when my husband and I decided to have another. None of the options out there feels like a good fit for me. But the idea of more kids doesn’t sound hot either.

I love my children, but with a military husband and a work from home schedule, I don’t think I have the bandwidth for a third child. And for the last few years, I’ve been intentionally limiting my professional success – like by not pursuing graduate school – because reaching for more ambitious opportunities might clash with my mothering responsibilities. Unfortunately, history is littered with tales of women – especially Black women like me – forgoing professional potential for parenthood. I know I have immeasurable promise, but I feel too preoccupied with child-rearing to access my potential. 

Birth control is one of many innovations that are viewed as “a great equalizer” between the sexes. It has done amazing things for women in pursuit of reproductive agency since birth control is a wonderful way for many women to prevent unwanted pregnancies. And yet. We live in a technological age filled with constant innovation, but we haven’t yet developed birth control free of side effects?

Everyone’s body is different, and there’s no one size fits all method of birth control – it’s such a personal choice. I’m always looking for an option that works as well for me as the fertility awareness method did, which I used before having children. I loved being in tune with my body, using cervical cues and discharge to avoid sex during fertile windows, and sharing the responsibility of preventing pregnancy with my husband. But until I get a regular period again, that’s not an option.

And all other options simply seem to come up short for me.

I don’t want to use spermicidal creams and liquids because they irritate my skin. 

I don’t want to take pills that have a history of impacting my emotional stability when I already suffer from intermittent depression. And breastfeeding makes me stay away from hormonal options since some – like those containing estrogen – have the potential to decrease milk production, and that’s a chance I’m not willing to take.

I don’t want to get an IUD because I know people who’ve experienced complications that are extremely rare but are also extremely scary. As a woman whose life has been filled with “rare” occurrences, I’m skeptical of the probability of nearly everything; it’s easy to say only one in 1,000 women have issues, until you’re that “one.”

I’m also afraid of another pregnancy because my last two came with health complications – a potentially life-threatening complication called retained placenta, that aforementioned “rare” occurrence – that if left untreated could have cost me my life. 

Everyone’s body is different, and there’s no one size fits all method of birth control – it’s such a personal choice.

Clearly, the stakes are high for my physical and mental health. 

And more than being frustrated, I’m infuriated that we still live in an era of such reproductive inequity. The unequal responsibility of pregnancy prevention falls almost exclusively on women, and society expects women to carry the emotional and often physical burdens of an anti-parent society. 

Real reproductive freedom for me also wouldn’t involve being terrified that if we unexpectedly have another baby, I could end up losing my life; the maternal mortality crisis in America is real and is an especially severe threat for Black women, who are three to four times more likely to die because of pregnancy-related complications. This is potentially a life or death choice for me. 

So a few times a week I talk with friends about their preferred birth control. I read those birth control info pamphlets everyone else throws in the trash. And I google the most effective birth control methods so frequently that my browser autopopulates my searches. But even after an in-depth conversation with my OB/GYN shortly after giving birth, the struggle to find birth control that’s a good fit for me is still driving me nuts. 

I’ve weighed the pros and cons. The truth is, I already know what I want. I want none of them. But I’m a sexually active mother of two in a society where women’s emotional labor is high and student loan interest is higher. And, of course, there’s the small potential that pregnancy could still happen no matter what I try. 

As I await egalitarian reproduction, I’ll continue researching and stressing. But I’m moving as slowly as possible to choose a new birth control. In the back of my mind, I know that if I stall long enough, my period will return. And when that happens, I can go back to the fertility awareness method to stay in control of my reproductive choices in the way I’d prefer. It’s risky. But it’s a chance I’m willing to take.

About the author:
Rochaun Meadows-Fernandez is a writer who specializes in sociology, health, and parenting. Her work has appeared in Healthline, Yes! Magazine, HuffPost, Allure, and many other publications. Follow her on Facebook, Twitter or check out her website.

As one of the first in her friend group to have a baby, Tamiya remembers moments from the early weeks with her son and the appreciation she felt for a friend who came over, took the baby, and told her to take a long shower. She learned about doulas shortly after, but didn’t think to train as one herself until three years later at a community meeting where community members requested doula services from the health department and advocated for the ways doulas can impact outcomes. She knew at that moment that she wanted to be a doula. She completed her training the following summer. 

Tamiya had always felt called to help others navigate pregnancy and the tender, early months of parenthood. By the time she got her formal training, she’d supported so many through these stages that the doula certification felt more like confirmation of the role she was already playing, than an entirely new one. 

Can you tell me a little bit about your background and why you decided to train as a doula?

In college I studied Family Science, with a focus on maternal and child health. I also got pregnant with my 7-year-old son, Kaiden, during my senior year of college, so everything I was passionate about learning, I was also experiencing.

It wasn’t until after I had my son, when all the visitors had come and gone and I found myself alone not knowing what to do with him or how to care for myself, that I started to think about how to help other mothers in similar situations. That’s when I found out about doulas. And so, in summer of 2018 I trained with DTI as a birth and postpartum doula.

Can you tell me a little more about what birth doulas and postpartum doulas do?

The Greek term for doula is “servant, or a woman who serves.” At first this definition rubbed me the wrong way. It sounded like doing meaningless work for another person, but as I dove deeper into the doula world, I realized it was the complete opposite. Doulas provide emotional and physical support, offer education, and advocate for the birthing person. A birth doula usually helps create birth plans, teach comfort measures, and discuss labor and delivery. Postpartum doulas provide after birth support for the birthing person by discussing the birth experience (especially if it was traumatic), helping with the transition into parenthood, and providing breastfeeding guidance, newborn care, and community resources. 

What do you think people misunderstand about doula work?

People often confuse doulas with midwives, and although the philosophies surrounding birth are very similar, doulas do not provide medical advice or support. But doulas and midwives do work very well together – their philosophies around birth (especially labor and delivery) are aligned. The hospital environment on the other hand wasn’t always welcoming to doulas, but I’ve definitely seen this change over the last few years as doula care has become more universal. There isn’t the same power struggle in hospitals that there used to be between hospital staff and doulas. 

I also think people have a perception that doula work is more fun than work, and it’s far from that. Holding space for others is a huge task to take on, and can be a really heavy load to carry. Lastly, with so many positive statistics surrounding doula care, there is added pressure on us, as if we are the ones deciding a birthing person’s experience.  

Who could benefit from working with a birth doula? When should they start looking for one?

Any and every birthing person, but I especially think women of color regardless of education or socioeconomic status, benefit from having a doula. With the horrifying statistics surrounding Black mothers and babies, on top of a history of people of color being dismissed in medical and healthcare settings, having a doula can really change the trajectory of one’s birth experience. And while it isn’t the responsibility of the doula to correct this, doulas have been known to save people of color’s lives. 

You can start looking for a doula as soon as you start to plan for a baby. Support may not start that early, but finding a doula can take some time and the more time you have, the better the chance you’ll have a strong connection with your doula. 

Who could benefit from working with a postpartum doula? If they hire a birth doula, should it be the same person?

Every birthing person could benefit from a postpartum doula. To have support through such a huge transition is so beneficial. A postpartum doula can identify signs and symptoms and encourage people to seek support. Postpartum doulas can help if families have older children. They can also simply hold space so the birthing person doesn’t feel alone. 

How should someone go about finding a doula that’s a good fit? Do you have any questions you’d recommend Ovia members ask?

Before getting to the point of thinking about what questions to ask your prospective doula, I would advise you to consider what you hope to gain from having a doula with you. This will help guide the questions you ask. Some people are birthing alone and are looking for support, some people are afraid of being mistreated and want an advocate, some people want to know how to manage pain. Once you figure out what you are looking for in a doula the questions to ask them will come naturally. 

There are multiple ways to find a doula. Some doula organizations have directories, some hospitals and OB offices have doulas who they can recommend. There are websites like DoulaMatch and facebook groups. I have even seen doula speed dating events!

Doulas are not one-size-fits all, so the earlier you start looking, the better chance you’ll have to build a relationship and connection with them. 

What do you do to help spark a connection with the client?

I try to include everyone who wants to be a part of the birth. A lot of misconceptions come from people thinking that the doula is replacing the partner. So including the partner in the process is essential. I give them the techniques to use (for example how to hip squeeze during a contraction) and I can give the family the language to speak for themselves. I’m not there to take over anyone’s role, but to support the family in the way that they choose to be supported. I also share my own experiences to show them that I’ve been where they are. 

How do doulas get support themselves? This is intense work – is there anything the Ovia community can do to support doulas?

This is very intense work, its emotional labor. Some doulas form collectives where debriefing from births is a standard practice. Others have individual mentors or talk with their own therapists as well. Doulas are pretty good at gaging the number of births we can take on and giving ourselves breaks to rest and rejuvenate.

Read more

• What you should know about doulas 
• Where can Black families go for breastfeeding support?